


This Way Became My Journey

by NewHampshireGirl



Series: Journey Series [1]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Family, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-28
Updated: 2018-03-08
Packaged: 2018-03-15 15:58:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 101,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3453227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NewHampshireGirl/pseuds/NewHampshireGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Against her better judgement, Kathryn Janeway has taken her children with her on the trip to the Badlands to track Chakotay and the Maquis rebels. But when the ship is thrown into the Delta Quadrant, Janeway is forced to join with the Maquis in order to survive the treacherous, unknown part of the galaxy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Caretaker

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All characters, vessels, technology, etc, belong to Paramount, except Lieutenant Sarah Barrett, Michael Janeway, Ava Janeway, Bryan Dawson, and Garbriel Dawson, they are my creations.
> 
> Some of you might recognize this work, since it is also posted over on FanFic. I wanted another place to keep my completed work just in case. Part one of a series.

Lowering her body with a heavy sigh, Captain Kathryn Janeway propped her feet up on the coffee table in the living room of her posh San Francisco apartment. It was quiet now, since her dog Molly had been sent to the kennel. She found that she missed that auburn ball of fur more than anything at that moment.

It had been a long day, securing everything before her next assignment. Between packing up some personal belongings and transporting back and forth to New Zealand, Kathryn found she was drained. This was her first deep space assignment in nearly two years. She had forgotten how much work went into the preparation for such an assignment not to mention the strings she had to pull to get a few extra things she believed she needed on this mission. Asking the Admiralty for a few _favors_ was never an easy thing.

There was a knock on the door. For a moment she didn't respond, used to the chime of a starship. "Come in," she called out.

The large glass doors swung upon and she watched as Gabriel Dawson, a friend from her Academy days stepped down the marble steps towards her. "I thought you would be halfway to Deep Space Nine right now. Seeing you after you got that commission, I swore you were going to move in on _Voyager_ immediately."

Kathryn laughed and gestured around her apartment. "I had a few things to clean up here first. Besides, I don't think Starfleet was quite ready for me to sit in that Captain's chair just yet."

Gabriel sat down on the sofa with her. "They're making the right decision. If anyone can track down the Maquis, it's Kathryn Janeway."

She chuckled. "Thanks for your vote in confidence in me; I'll note it in my log." Her face grew serious. "What brings you down here?"

"Just checking up on you," Gabriel said, his look matching hers. "This is your first deep space assignment since… the massacre at Ohniaka III."

The lighthearted mood that she had enjoyed was soon squelched at his mentioning of Ohniaka III. Images of the science station that had once been there flashed through her mind; images of its destruction as it was seen on the news vids, images of a long lost love.

Kathryn turned her blue eyes away from Gabriel. She tried not to think of his brother, Bryan Dawson, who had been a scientist at the outpost when it was attacked by the Borg. Thinking of Bryan brought such a strong urge to scream and cry that she very often found her self trying not to think about him. He had, after all, been her husband of four years when he had been killed along with all his colleagues. "I was holding up just fine until you said that."

"I'm sorry Kathryn," Gabriel said. "But you were my friend long before you were my sister in law. Can I help it if I still worry about you?"

She looked at him with sad eyes. Yes, it was true, he had been her friend; he had been the one to introduce Bryan and Kathryn a year or so after her father had died. Bryan had been a life savior, showing her that there was life after the loss of a loved one, but his death, at the hands of a ruthless enemy, had left a bitter taste in her mouth for so long. "I appreciate your checking up on me, but really I'm fine," Kathryn said, going to the food replicator to get a cup of coffee.

"Are you really? I spoke to your mother, she told me you had a hard time parting with the children," Gabriel replied, his eyes studying the back of her uniform. He saw her shoulders stiffen at the mentioning of her children. "I figured there would be some separation anxiety on their part, but yours Kathryn?"

She bit her lip before taking a sip of coffee. "It's my first time away from Ava for more than a week."

Gabriel pondered what she said for a moment. Kathryn had been devastated when his brother was killed. She had taken their son, Michael, on some trek across Earth, stopping in places like Paris, New York, the Bahamas. And then suddenly she cut the leave time that Starfleet had granted her short, dropped Michael off to her mother, and returned to the _Billings._ Unbeknownst to any of them at the time she had found out she was pregnant with Ava. Whether she was in denial or not, she refused to tell anyone, she had kept working, hard, to the point where it ended her up at Starfleet Medical with pregnancy complications. All her assignments after the baby's birth had been local, only assignments that stretched the span of a week. Being given command of her own ship, that had been something she had wanted for a long time, and he knew she had eagerly taken the _Voyager_ commission. "Ava will adjust. Children are resilient, Kathryn, much more than adults."

Kathryn looked at him. "I know. I'm afraid of her adjusting a little too much," the new Captain whispered. "Being given a command like this means I won't be going on short little missions; _Voyager_ is a deep space vessel. How much am I going to get to see of her now that I have a highly advanced, deep space vessel in my command?"

"I thought you had talked to Admiral Patterson?" Gabriel questioned. "Didn't he approve of accommodations for the kids on the ship himself?"

"Yes, he single-handedly went to bat for me," Kathryn replied. "The Council wasn't too keen on my request, the building of the new rooms set back the launch date three weeks. But what else am I supposed to do? I'm a single parent with a job that takes me away far too often. I want to be able to see my children."

"You could get a post at Command," Gabriel said. "You'd make a great instructor at the Academy."

She smiled wistfully. "You know me Gabe; I'm not an office girl."

He returned the smile. "I know, I had to try, and I also know that Bryan didn't want you to give up your career to become a house wife. Why do you think he let you keep your name?"

"The name stayed because the clerk in Bloomington didn't know what she was doing," Kathryn replied her eyes narrowing a bit. "Instead of putting Janeway-Dawson as my new name, she put Dawson-Janeway as Bryan's." The memory played out in her mind. She had been so mad. And they had always meant to go back and fix it after they were married, however, Michael had been born, Wolf 359 had happened, and her assignment to the _Billings._ They never found the time to go back. _We never found the time for a lot of things, Bryan,_ Kathryn thought sadly.

"How did New Zealand go?" Gabriel was asking her, trying to get her mind off of her late husband.

"It went," she said with a chuckle. "Tom Paris is as cocky and arrogant as his service record indicates. But, he's the only one in Starfleet who can help us track the Maquis."

"You're taking a big risk on him," Gabriel said. "He's a convicted traitor of the Federation."

"I've been told I'm taking a lot of risks on this assignment," Kathryn retorted.

"Lieutenant Barrett?"

"Yes, how did you know?"

"I was her council at her hearing, remember?" Gabriel said. He shook his head, remembering the burnt out, broken young woman who he had defended in a court martial for dereliction of duty. "Starfleet came down too hard on her, trying her like that. What she needed was the rehab not the brig time."

Kathryn set her cup down on the coffee table. "You got her that rehab time, Gabe. You opened the door for someone like me to take a risk on her. Besides, my father worked with hers. He was a good officer. I think Jason Barrett's daughter deserves a second chance, don't you?"

"You know I do, but she's only been out, what six months?"

"Yes, your point?"

"She could relapse."

Kathryn scoffed. "Not on my shift."

 _Good damn it Kathryn, why are you so stubborn!_ The Captain's personal computer was beeping, indicating an incoming message. She rose from the sofa and went to turn the console on. It was resting on a small end table towards the back of the living room. From his seat he could see an image of Gretchen Janeway appear, she looked hassled, in the background a baby was crying, it was Ava.

"Mom?" Kathryn asked concerned. She could hear her baby screaming in the background and it was breaking her heart that she couldn't be there to comfort the child.

"Katie," Gretchen breathed. "I think you need to meet me at the transporter station. Ava's got an ear infection."

"A what?"

"An ear infection. I can't get her to calm down, she's been screaming for you for hours, and no matter how much pain reliever I give her, it doesn't help. She needs to see her doctor, Katie," Gretchen replied. "We could be there in ten minutes, as long as you meet us at the station. I can't very well traipse through San Francisco with a screaming baby, now can I?"

Kathryn closed her eyes. She was due to leave in two hours for Deep Space Nine. There was no way she was going to get an appointment with the children's doctor now. Making a split second decision, that she was sure she would regret at some point later down the road, she told her mother to pack bags for the kids; they were coming with her on _Voyager_.

* * *

"Welcome aboard _Voyager,_ Lieutenant Barrett."

Sarah Barrett noticed a middle aged man in command reds standing at the base of the transporter pad. Reaching back into her mind to place him from all the personnel files that she had shuffled through the past few days, she offered him her hand. "Commander Cavit, it's nice to meet you sir." _God, I hope I'm right about who this is,_ she thought as the man took her hand and shook it.

"Likewise, Lieutenant," Cavit said to her, in a professional tone. He released her hand and gestured for her to follow. "Captain Janeway sends her regrets, but will not be able to meet with you until later. She is…busy tending to other things."

The tone of his voice suggested that he wasn't happy about what these _other things_ were. "That's alright, sir. I can meet with her at her earliest convenience. Actually, Starfleet Command wanted me to meet with you as well, regarding our observer."

"Oh yes, him," Cavit scoffed, pressing a button to open the turbo lift's doors. The two officers stepped inside and she waited for him to say something more, but he didn't. He looked mutely ahead while the lift ascended. An awkward silence passed between them.

She decided to break the ice. "I know what the feelings are regarding Mister Paris. Starfleet command just wanted me to make sure that everyone on this ship is willing to put those feelings aside to get the job done."

Cavit glared at her. "Miss Barrett, I can assure you that this crew is not going to let their feelings for a convicted felon get in the way of their duties."

She cocked an eyebrow. "Are you?"

"Computer halt turbo lift," Cavit ordered. The lift came to a halt and he turned to fully face her. "I'm aware of your history Lieutenant. You have some nerve questioning me when it comes to duty."

Sarah knew when she had pushed too many buttons. "I'm sorry sir. You're right. If this crew is any reflection of Captain Janeway, she would insist that her crew treats Mister Paris with respect, there fore not allowing him to interfere with their duties."

He set his jaw and ordered the computer to resume. The lift started to move again and they rode the rest of the way to the deck where her office was stationed in tense silence. When they got to the office she noticed that he had been carrying a couple of PADDs in his hand. She was surprised when he handed them to her. "These are additions to the crew roster. I suggest that you look them over briefly and then report to the Bridge. We'll be leaving in a couple of hours."

Sarah scanned the PADDs and realized that the new additions to the roster were children, the Captain's children. "Kids? Starfleet is letting kids on this mission?" This wasn't a Galaxy class starship; there were no accommodations for children. Why would Starfleet ever let kids on this ship?

"Apparently Captain Janeway has a few supporters at Command. Apparently Admiral Patterson approved of it himself," Cavit replied. "Believe me, Counselor, I'm not any more thrilled than you are about this, but it's not my place to question Captain Janeway… on her parenting skills."

"I'm not questioning it either, but as far as I'm aware, Kathryn Janeway has never taken her kids on any mission with her," Sarah said, recalling information from the Captain's personnel file. "Why the sudden change of heart, sir?"

Cavit's reply was curt. "I don't know."

Sarah's eyes fell on the reports again, reading bits and pieces. The children's lives hadn't been easy to say the least, shuffled between their mother's apartment in San Francisco and their grandmother's home in Indiana. Before that even, the oldest, a boy, had lived with his father on some science station. Maybe Kathryn Janeway was tried of the shuffling or maybe it was just another commanding officer using their influence to get their family on board their ship. Sarah's father had done the same, when he was the Captain of the _Alaska._ Who said being of higher rank didn't have their perks?

She had hated every minute of living on that ship. Being told that Janeway's children would be making the trip brought back old memories of lying around crew quarters bored out of her mind as a child. "I don't suppose more kids are coming on board, sir? After all, someone else must want their children with them besides the Captain."

"Your displeasure of the situation will be duly noted in my log, Lieutenant," Cavit replied, ignoring her sarcastic tone, and turning about. "I'll see you on the Bridge."

Sarah disappeared inside of her office, dropping her travel bag. It landed on the floor with a _thud._ She dropped the PADDs Cavit had given her onto the glass desk and went to look out the window. Taking a deep calming breath she was glad that it had been Cavit to inform her of the children and not Janeway. She was certain the Captain would not have taken kindly to her…reactions. Maybe there was some circumstance that Kathryn Janeway was forced to take the children with her. Their grandmother was sick and she had no last minute child care, they were dropping the children off along the way to stay with family; she had let her temper get the best of her without knowing all the facts.

And besides this was only a three week trip. If they were staying on the ship the whole time the children could be sent back to their grandmother when they returned to Earth. _Better to find out the whole story before jumping to conclusions Barrett,_ she chided her self. If she was lucky she'd get that whole story when she met with the Captain later.

Which reminded her, she had to catch up on Tom Paris'. Reaching for her bag, she pulled the zipper open. Inside where a few uniforms and what seemed like hundreds of thousands of PADDs, it however, did not take her long to find the one she was looking for. She had placed his on top.

Settling down onto the sofa, she scrolled through the report. Their _observer_ certainly was an interesting read. His history was not that different from her own; child of an Admiral, attended the Academy and had been involved in a controversial incident. Here the history veered differently from her course. He had been ushered out of Starfleet, due to his cover up and joined the Maquis. She wondered briefly if she hadn't been so forth coming with her drug addiction if they would have ushered her out of Starfleet as well.

Tossing the PADD down she left that thought for another day and another time. She had to report to the Bridge and prove to Cavit and who ever else doubted her abilities, that she was capable. It was time to start all over again.

* * *

"Master Thomas, we weren't expecting you."

"Don't worry Nadia," Thomas Eugene Paris commented as he stepped into his parents' home for the first time in years. "I wasn't expecting me either. Is my father home?"

The hall was just as he remembered it; his mother hadn't changed it in years. An oil painting of the Paris' family still hung on the wall; his father dressed in a crisp, Starfleet uniform, his mother an elegant dress of red. Tom was eight at the time the portrait was made; he was wearing a dress suit, standing behind his sitting mother, a hand draped over her shoulder. His sisters were seated on the floor in front. Tom had spent countless hours staring at that portrait as a child, wondering how the painter had captured a happy family when really it was a suffocating atmosphere, at least for Tom. He could never live up to his father's expectations.

Nadia, their housekeeper for years, looked anxious. "No, no, he's at Command. He won't be home until late."

Tom shoved his hands into his pockets. He hadn't come to see his father anyways, he'd come to see his mother. After being cashiered out of Starfleet he'd cut ties with his mother and his sisters. He'd been ashamed of what he'd done but too proud to admit he was ashamed. "I actually came to see my mother. Is she here?"

"Oh yes, Miss Erin is home," Nadia replied, closing the front doors and ushering Tom into the drawing room, his mother's favorite place to entertain. "I'll go get her."

He was left alone the large drawing room, standing amongst his mother's treasured antique furniture. As a child he hadn't been allowed in this room because of all the valuables; his parents thought his rough and tumble ways would surely break something. Which, now that he thought about, would probably have come true if he'd been allowed in here. Now that he was in the room he realized it wasn't such an extraordinary room after all. In the mind of a nine year old, because it was off limits it was, but really it was a space filled with useless, delicate, old furniture and art.

Tom crossed his arms over his chest and his fingers impacted with the combadge that had been issued to him prior to catching his transport to Deep Space Nine. He wasn't used to wearing a Starfleet uniform, hell he never thought he'd been in one again. Captain Kathryn Janeway had insisted on the uniform and badge, yet she wouldn't let him fly the ship. Tom had to admit that Janeway was attractive in a sort of authoritative way.

"Thomas, what are you doing here? If your father knew you'd stopped by," Erin Paris said as she entered the room.

Tom turned to smile half-heartedly at his mother. "I won't be here long Mom."

"What are you doing in that uniform? Did they let you back into Starfleet?" Erin inquired, straightening his collar.

"I'm doing the Federation a favor. They need me to track down the Maquis."

"Oh, them," Erin huffed. "Haven't they caused you enough trouble?"

"Mom, I got myself into trouble."

"If your father hadn't pushed you in the first place—"

"Mom," Tom interrupted, "I didn't come here to listen to you blame Dad for my mistakes. I came here to tell you that once I get back from this mission I'm taking the first transport out of the Federation. There are plenty of independent traders out there that could use good pilots."

Erin looked horrified. "What about the rest of your sentence?"

"Captain Janeway promised she'd help me at my parole hearing at the end of the month. If I find Chakotay, I get the hell out of that prison," Tom snapped.

"Thomas, you can't be serious about this, leaving Earth, permanently?" Erin gasped.

"I am."

"But...that's ridiculous."

Tom felt drained and he'd only been there for fifteen minutes. "You know something, Mom, I don't know why I came," he breathed, turning about and leaving the room. He had a transport to catch. Swinging the front door open with a dramatic pull he turned slightly to face her. "Tell Dad I said hello and good-bye; I'll be in touch." And with that he slammed the door in her face and hurried down the driveway, making his way for the transport station. He didn't even look back once.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter introduces Kathyrn's children. Also, some dialogue has been taken directly from the show and I do not own that, that belongs to the writers :) Enjoy!

Kathryn watched anxiously as the doctor looked over his patient. His expression had not changed since she had walked in here and she was beginning to wonder if he was ever going to speak to her.

Julian Bashir straightened his form and moved about the biobed, reaching for a hypospray.

"Well?" Kathryn asked, impatiently. "Is it an ear infection?"

Bashir looked up at her and smiled warmly. "Nope, it's not an ear infection." Well that was a relief, she thought. Perhaps now the children could return with her mother back to Earth and she could forget that this had all happened and how many strings she had to pull to get the approval to bring them on the mission to the Badlands. "It's a double ear infection."

It took her a moment to take in his words. "A what?" she asked, blinking wildly.

"A double ear infection, it means she has it in both her ears," Bashir said, taking her hesitation as meaning she didn't understand what it was. He pressed the hypospray to little Ava Janeway's neck. The child was lying on her back, watching the Doctor intently, but not with nervous eyes, with curiosity. She was clutching tightly to a pink blanket that had been a gift from her father's sister for her first birthday. Kathryn hadn't been able to pry the blanket out of the baby's hands since she they had arrived in San Francisco and she had taken it everywhere since they began on this trek to the deep space station.

"It's quite common in young human children. They eventually grow out of it," Bashir was telling Kathryn, placing the hypospray on a nearby tray.

Kathryn looked dismayed. "Grow out of it?"

"Children who get ear infections usually are prone to getting them," he replied.

"Wonderful," Kathryn muttered.

Bashir patted the child on the shoulder and told her mother, "I've given her a pain reliever as well as medication for the infection. She's going to need two more treatments in the next couple of days. Your medical staff should have it on board your ship. She might be a bit fussy until it completely clears up."

Fussy wasn't the word that Kathryn was thinking of. Ornery, inconsolable, those were the words that Kathryn was thinking of. Ava had screamed pretty much the entire time she was awake on the trip to Deep Space Nine. The CMO on their transport had said she was teething and had told Kathryn to let the child suck on a piece of ice. When that yielded no results, Kathryn had turned to the CMO on Deep Space Nine. Needless to say the man had nothing to say that she wanted to hear. "She's okay for space travel though?"

"Oh yes," he nodded his head. "She should be just fine. Of course, if it is her first time being out in space for long periods of time there are other issues that you might run into. It could take her time to get her…sea legs."

Kathryn rubbed her temples with the tips of her fingers. _I should just leave them with my mother._ But she couldn't do that, and she knew that she was using the ear infection as an excuse to get the children on board with her. Her mother had told her as much on their journey to Deep Space Nine. Kathryn just wasn't ready to be separated from them for so long. "I don't suppose you know of any good baby-sitters who'd like to travel to the Badlands?"

Bashir looked confused. "Pardon?"

She waved a hand about, dismissing him. "Never mind, I'll make do. Somehow I always do, Doctor," Kathryn replied, picking Ava up off the biobed. As she turned to go she thanked him for his time and made her way through the crowds to where her mother had promised to meet her with Michael. Gretchen had insisted on going with them as far as Deep Space Nine and since she was the wife of an Admiral, Starfleet didn't mind offering her transport. Even though Kathryn never told her mother, she was glad that the woman had come this far with them, but now it was time to part ways.

Her mother had been supportive of her the past year and a half, trying her best to weather the storm with her daughter, but the time had come for Kathryn to start moving forward on her own. There had always been someone there to support her since Bryan's death. Gabriel, her sister Phoebe, or her mother, but if she was going to get her career moving again, she needed to get her personal life moving again, without the help of loved ones.

She was aware of people's opinions of raising children on starships and she was certain that she was going to meet aversion to the idea from her own crew, but they didn't understand the intense desire to keep them close, to not let them go.

Gretchen and Michael were waiting near by _Voyager's_ docking port. The boy was playing with some toy starships that Gabriel had given him and seemed oblivious to all the people coming and going on the station. He was in his own little world, much like Kathryn had been at a younger age.

"So," Gretchen said, stepping forward. "What did the Doctor say?"

"She has a double ear infection," Kathryn reported. "But I'm told that my sickbay has the proper medicine for her."

"Are you sure you want to do this Katie?" Gretchen asked. "What are you going to do without childcare on that ship of yours?" Kathryn did have a baby-sitter, Emily Lenox, who watched the children from time to time when the Captain was in meetings at Starfleet Command, however the girl wasn't a long term solution. Gretchen had been the children's long term care since they were born. She had spent the entire trip out to Deep Space Nine trying to get her daughter to remember that. She sighed, "Really, I don't mind taking the children back to Indiana with me. I'm perfectly capable of giving Ava her medicine; I am after all the mother of two children."

Kathryn chewed on her lower lip for a moment. Then, "We'll be alright, Mom," she said.

Gretchen Janeway eyed her oldest daughter for a second. She knew this was hard on her daughter, her first deep space assignment since Bryan's death and Ava's birth. However, it wasn't healthy to cling to the children so tightly, maybe it wouldn't affect them now, but it would affect them in the near future, as they got older. But what would it hurt to let them go on this one mission with their mother, even if their grandmother highly disproved of children on starships. Sighing, she reached out and touched Kathryn's face for a moment. "You're just like your father you know that? Stubborn."

"I know," Kathryn answered, then with a deep breath she looked at five year old Michael. "Ready?"

The little boy's response was to eagerly pick up his small, starship covered travel bag. "Ready!" He hugged his grandmother good-bye and then slipped his free hand into his mother's.

Gretchen took in a deep breath to steal her self for the good-bye and gently hugged her daughter. "Just take care of your self Katie, and those babies."

Pulling away from her mother, Kathryn gave her a small nod, and together she stepped up to the docking port. As the doors slid open, she glanced back once at Gretchen, who gave them all a tiny wave and grin. "See you in a few weeks," Kathryn told her mother.

Gretchen nodded her head, and repeated, "See you in a few weeks."

* * *

Tom Paris watched as the attractive Betazoid pilot maneuvered her fingers over the computer console. He longed to take control of the tiny shuttle, even if it was just a short range shuttle. Up ahead he could see the claw like structure of Deep Space Nine. Standing up, he tugged on the uniform that Starfleet insisted he wear on this god forsaken mission and approached the pilot.

"Stadi," he said, coming up behind her. "You're changing my mind about Betazoids." He had always found their species, intriguing, to say the least, but this woman was nothing like the Betazoids he had known previously.

She didn't take her eyes off her work. "Good."

"Oh that wasn't a compliment," he said. "Until today, I always thought your people as warm and sensual."

"I can be warm and sensual," she replied, there was a slight smirk on her face.

"Just not to me?" He asked.

"Do you always fly at women at warp speed Mister Paris?" Stadi questioned, cocking an eyebrow.

"Only when they're in visual range," Tom flirted. It was a one way street though, she wasn't buying it. She seemed more interested in her work than in him.

As they came closer to the space station, Tom could see a ship docked there. "That's our ship," Stadi said, proudly. "That's _Voyager_." She steered the shuttle towards the vessel, going slowly around the warp nacelles, and then flying it out over the hull so Tom could get a good look at it. "Intrepid Class, sustainable cruising speed of warp 9.975; fifteen decks, crew compliments of a 141; bio-neural circuitry."

"Bio-neural?" he questioned, he had never heard of such a thing before. But then again it had been a while since he had been in the 'know' about such things in Starfleet. His father never told him anything anymore, in fact the man barely communicated with him at all.

Tom stood, moving around her chair, and leaned against the console, trying to get a better look at Starfleet's newest design. It was impressive, small but powerful. Stadi was still talking about the circuitry, something about it being more efficient and using gel packs, but he wasn't listening. His eyes were transfixed on a ship that Captain Janeway was never going to let him fly.

This thought saddened him, because he knew he was the best pilot that she could possibly have on that ship. He could almost picture the ship weaving in and out of the plasma storms in the Badlands. He had seriously doubted Janeway when she said that her ship could maneuver through them. But now, seeing it, he figured that ship could fly through anything, especially at the speed it could reach. _Incredible_ , he thought.

The shuttle was soon docked and Stadi informed him that he had about an hour or so before he had to report in. He tried to get her to accompany him for a drink on the station, but she refused, telling him that she had some work to do on the ship before they left.

"Your loss," he told her grabbing his travel duffel and slinging it over his shoulder. With the bag firmly in place, Tom made his way out of the shuttle and onto the station. It was good to be out and about again, even if his freedom did have certain strings attached to it. It was better than being at that penal colony in New Zealand doing mindless jobs for the Federation. And if all went well, Janeway would give him a good review and perhaps he could get out on good behavior. There was no where to go from here but up, he concluded. _And out of the Federation forever,_ he thought recalling his conversation with his mother before he'd left Earth.

Tom looked about the busy station. He had an hour to explore and do what he wished pretty much. The only place he really wanted to check out was the bar owned by a Ferengi civilian, by the name of Quark. A fellow prisoner at the colony had talked about it.

It was something to do anyways before he had to report to _Voyager._

Stepping inside the bar he took in the sights, ordered a drink, dropped the duffel bag and proceeded to watch as a young Asian man was about to become a victim of Ferengi 'sales.' After several seconds of watching the young man fumble over his words, and the bar tender start to rant and rave that he was going to report the young man to his commanding officer, Tom decided to play the Good Samaritan and intervene.

With his mug firmly placed in his hand, he stepped up to the bar. "Dazzling aren't they," he said, reaching into the tray of stones that the Ferengi was trying to sell. He picked one up in his fingers and looked at it more closely. "As bright as a Kolodan diamond."

Quark slapped the stone out of Tom's hand. "Brighter."

"Hard to believe that you can find them on any planet in the system."

"That's an exaggeration."

Tom finished his drink in one swallow, informing the young man, who had called himself Harry Kim, that he could find the gemstones on a nearby colony, selling for little money. "How much are you selling these for?" he inquired of the Ferengi bar owner.

"We were just about to negotiate the price," the Ferengi replied.

Harry closed the tray in front of him and got up to leave with Tom when he said he was going. "Thanks," he told the new acquaintance, as Tom picked his travel bag up off the floor.

Tom slung the bag over his shoulder and smiled. "Didn't they tell you about Ferengi at the Academy?"

The two shared a few more good hearted laughs on their way to _Voyager's_ docking port. Tom was pleased to find that there was one person in Starfleet that didn't know about him or his past; but he was sure that it wouldn't take long for someone to tell this young ensign on his first mission what he had done.

Once on board the vessel, Tom was surprised to find that such a small vessel had such nice corridors, not as spacious as a Galaxy class, but it was roomy enough that people could pass without bumping shoulders. The two made their way to sickbay so Tom could check in to see if his medical records had arrived.

"Can I help you?" the Doctor asked as Harry and Tom stepped inside sickbay.

"Tom Paris reporting on board."

The Doctor turned his attention to the hypo spray in his hand. "Oh yes, the observer."

"That's me," Paris said, maybe a bit too defensively, but he didn't care. The CMO obviously didn't think highly of him.

The Doctor glared at him briefly before going to administrate the newly modified hypo spray to his patient. The nurse was standing at the head of the surgical biobed, looking over some data on a PADD. She was a Vulcan and seemed highly uninterested in what was going on expect the patient lying on the biobed.

"As a matter of fact I seem to be observing some kind of problem right now, Doctor," Paris snapped, seeing the look on the Doctor's face. He had expected some hostile feelings from the crew of _Voyager,_ he was after all a convicted felon, however, it didn't negate the fact that it still irked him that he was being treated with such disrespect.

The Doctor only glanced at him once while giving his patient the medicine. "I was a surgeon at the hospital on Caldik Prime when you were stationed there. We never actually met." Here he dropped any mention of the past and continued on his work and PADD in his hand. "Your medical records have arrived from your last posting, Mister Paris. Everything seems to be in order. The Captain asked if you were on board, you should check in with her." He finished stepping right into Paris' face.

The two men glared at each other for a moment before Harry, silent until now, spoke up. "Uh, I haven't paid my respects to the Captain either." He didn't know what Tom had done in the past to garner such feelings of tension, but he was going to do what it took to deviate it a bit. _Where was the ship's counselor when you really needed her?_ Harry thought, eyes searching the face of his new friend.

The Doctor turned his attention to the young man. "Well Mister Kim, that would be a good thing for a new operations officer to do," he replied, before disappearing into his office.

Paris and Kim exchanged glances before they left the sickbay. As they walked, Harry Kim asked his new friend a question, "What was that all about?"

"It's a long story Harry and I'm tired of telling it," Paris snapped. "Besides, I'm sure someone here will tell you before long." The two men stepped into a turbo lift. "Come on," Paris whispered. "The Captain's waiting for us."

* * *

With a tug on her uniform to make sure it was presentable, Sarah Barrett reached out and activated the door chime of Kathryn Janeway's ready room. Nervously she waited to be admitted; this was their first meeting face to face. Rumor had it that Janeway had been presenting at her sentencing hearing, but Sarah had been going through severe withdrawal from the drugs that she couldn't even recall parts of the whole trial.

When the door slid open she was half expecting to see the children running around wildly, however, it was quiet, and the Captain was seated on her sofa reading over a PADD. Sarah felt slightly embarrassed that she thought Janeway wouldn't have taken care of her children first before getting to work, after all Cavit had mentioned that she had been busy taking care of other things when Sarah had beamed on board.

"You requested to see me ma'am," Sarah said, stepping into the room.

Kathryn looked up from what she was doing to see her new counselor standing there. She had only seen the young woman once in person, when she had gone to offer Gabriel her support at the sentencing hearing. The Lieutenant had changed since that hearing almost a year ago. Where there had been a broken and defeated young officer sitting in a defendant's chair, now stood a young woman who had regained some of her confidence. "I did," she replied, placing the PADD on the coffee table. "Commander Cavit tells me that you're already testing the waters, young lady."

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but I had to know where he stood on Mister Paris and our mission," Sarah told her, flinching slightly.

"You're not in trouble," Kathryn told her, standing up. "In fact, I like officer's who…test the waters. It's one of the reasons I chose you, Sarah. You were unorthodox in your days on the _Explorer._ Commander Fletcher thought very highly of you."

"Permission to speak freely, ma'am," Sarah requested, her eyes locking with the Captain's.

"Permission granted," Kathryn said.

"I know your relation to Captain Dawson, ma'am," the young woman said. "I'm sure that you took me on because you felt sorry for me and perhaps had some coaxing by Captain Dawson himself, but I'm not some washed up officer. I can do this job for you ma'am."

Kathryn cocked an eyebrow. "Well, you do like testing the waters, don't you?" The Captain crossed her arms over her chest for a moment. "And to clear the air, Sarah, I didn't choose you because of Gabriel coaxing me, in fact, he thought I was taking a big risk on you, only out of rehab six months, but your service record indicates you're worth taking the risk. If you perform like you did on the _Explorer_ then I'd say you can do this job for me."

She gestured for the young woman to sit down. Sarah reluctantly did so, her posture still stiff.

"Do you want to know one of the _real_ reasons I chose you Sarah?" Kathryn questioned her. The young woman nodded her head. "I chose you because of your study of the Borg. You spent months psychologically analyzing them, even going as far as to 'abduct' a drone, serving it from the Collective to see what happened to it. There were many in Starfleet that thought this a cruel course of action to take, seeing how no one knew what would happen once a drone was removed from the hive deliberately. Your work is well known throughout the Federation, even if it was a little unorthodox."

"I wouldn't compare the Maquis to the Borg ma'am. They are both entirely different entities," Sarah replied. "I'm not sure if my skills or experience with studying the Borg are going to help you."

Kathryn sat down on the sofa with her. "Maybe, maybe not. The Borg are considered terrorists for what they do; some consider the Maquis terrorists. Your thesis at the Academy was about terrorist cells on Cardassia Prime. You know how groups like this operate, you know how to get inside their mind, and that's what I need right now."

Sarah raised an eyebrow. "Would you like me to abduct a Maquis ma'am? For further study?"

The humor was not lost on the Captain. "No, that won't be necessary," she replied with a faint smile. "What's necessary is that my crew understands how these people think. They're different from us, Sarah; they don't have regulations like we do. They're unpredictable. I'm going to need all the help I can get.

"That's why you asked Tom Paris to come on board, isn't it, Captain?" Sarah inquired.

Kathryn nodded her head. "What about Tom Paris? What are your thoughts on him?"

"He'll help you Captain, if he feels he can get something out of it," Sarah replied, coldly. "I've been reading over his file, he's got the skills to be a great Starfleet officer, he just lacks the attitude of what it takes to be a good officer."

"I tend to agree with you," Kathryn let out a heavy sigh and stood up, Sarah followed suit. "The last of the crew has reported in. We're just waiting for the approval from Ops for departure. I'd like you to study any profiles we have on Commander Chakotay's crew. I want to know what kind of people I'm bringing on board my ship."

"Captain, speaking of bringing people on ship, can I ask you something?"

"Go ahead."

"Why are your children here?"

Kathryn stared at her for a moment. Cavit had also informed her, when they had spoken about the young woman questioning where his duty lay, that she had also shown a displeasure in the children being brought on board. The Captain had been expecting this to come up. "I'm aware that you and other officers aren't happy with the situation, to be honest with you, neither am I at times. However, Lieutenant, my personal business is mine and mine alone. If I chose to bring my children on this trip, then I chose to bring my children on this trip, understood?"

Sarah nodded her head as the door chimed again.

"Come in," the Captain called out.

The door to the port entrance of the ready room swished open. Sarah watched as two young men strode into the room, knowing that it was Harry Kim and Tom Paris from the pictures in their personnel files. Tom stood a little ways behind Harry, his hands crossed in front of him. He looked as cocky and arrogant as his picture.

"Gentlemen," Kathryn greeted. "Welcome aboard _Voyager_." She gestured towards Sarah. "This is Lieutenant Barrett, ship's counselor. If you have any personal issues I suggest that you speak to her."

Harry looked exceedingly nervous, eying the Captain and Counselor. "Thank you sir," he finally addressed Kathryn.

"Mister Kim," the Captain addressed the young Asian man, "at ease before you sprain something." Tom repressed a chuckle as Harry tried to relax. "Ensign," Kathryn continued, stepping up to him, "despite Starfleet protocol I don't like being addressed as sir."

"I'm sorry…ma'am," Kim said, pausing briefly.

Kathryn nodded her head. "Ma'am is acceptable in a crunch, but I prefer Captain." She looked at Paris, then Barrett, and then back to Kim. "We're getting ready to leave. Let me show you to the bridge." Stepping around the young men, Sarah following behind her, Kathryn led the group out onto the Bridge. "Did you have any problems getting here Mister Paris?"

With one little peek back at Kim, Paris replied, "Not at all, _Captain_."

Harry Kim looked around the bridge like an awestruck child for a moment until he saw that the Captain was trying to introduce them to someone.

"My first officer, Lieutenant Commander Cavit," Kathryn was saying, gesturing to the graying man standing to the right of the group. "Ensign Kim, Mister Paris," she finished, nodding to each man when she said their name.

Cavit reached out and took Kim's hand and shook it. "Welcome aboard," he said warmly to the young ensign. There was however, no warm welcome for Paris. Cavit eyed him with a hostile look and only took his hand when Paris offered it to him. He didn't bother to say anything to the man though, and averted his eyes during the whole hand sake.

This had been the reaction that Sarah Barrett had been expecting from the Commander, and he knew it as well, because the moment he broke the hand shake and stepped away from Paris, his eyes flickered to her stern looking face briefly. Crossing her arms over her chest she watched as the man went to make small talk with Stadi, the helmsmen. The Captain was showing Harry to his station and Paris was standing near her, observing the silent battle going on between First Officer and Counselor. Glancing at the latter, he realized she was a pretty little thing, with a fierce look in her sapphire eyes. Her dark brown hair, which was almost black in the light, was pulled back into a tight French twist, showing off her perfect facial structure. In another place or time, Tom may have seriously thought about asking her on a date.

The First Officer was looking over his shoulder at Janeway, and doing his best to avoid Barrett's glare. Tom found it highly amusing how two small women had made two different Starfleet officers nervous; first Janeway practically had Harry quaking in his boots, and now Barrett was making Cavit do everything in his power to avoid her piercing eyes.

With a small nod of her head, Janeway had told Cavit what to do. "Lieutenant Stadi, lay in our course and clear our departure with operations," Cavit said, descending the steps towards the Conn station. He was happy to see that Lieutenant Barrett went to take her own seat, crossing her ankles and placing the palms of her hands on the bench.

"Course entered. Ops has cleared us," Stadi reported.

"Ready thrusters," Cavit ordered Kim.

"Thrusters ready," Kim responded.

"Initiate launching sequence," Cavit commanded. Kathryn sat down in her command chair. She leaned back in her chair, feeling a familiar exhilaration that she always did while starting out on a mission. It had been a long time since she had felt this way, a real long time.

"Sequence under way," Stadi's voice answered.

"Engage," Kathryn ordered.

The ship pulled away from Deep Space Nine, gracefully floating away from the structure like a butterfly, and flew off into space, in route to find the missing Maquis ship and their missing crewman, Tuvok.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's more, enjoy!

_Voyager's_ conference room wasn't as grand as some of the other ones he had seen in his day, but Tom Paris reasoned it was functional. Sarah Barrett herself had requested that he join the senior staff for a briefing. She hadn't said what admiral would be briefing them, but she had mentioned something about a conference call. She had made it a point to walk in with him; she wanted the officers who opposed of him to know she wouldn't stand for it.

"What is _he_ doing here?" Commander Cavit asked hotly.

Sarah raised her chin slightly as she took her seat. "I asked him to be here, Commander. He is after all here to help us find the Maquis."

Derek Evans, the Chief Engineer, leaned back in his chair with a scowl on his face. "We're perfectly capable of finding the Maquis in our own," he grumbled.

Tom noticed Sarah's response was a hard glare at that man, which made him divert his eyes. _She's two for two,_ he thought whimsically as he took his seat next to her. He was happy for the support, he needed all of it that he could get. Glancing across the table he met the eyes of Harry Kim. He was certain at some point during this three week mission that even young, ambitious Harry would see him for what he really was, a screw up and no body wanted to be friends with a screw up.

Kathryn Janeway walked briskly into the room and called the meeting to order. "We'll be receiving an update from Headquarters any minute. Has there been any sign of the Maquis?"

"None yet," Kim replied. "Short and long range sensors are picking up nothing; we appear to be the only ship in this sector of space."

"I haven't detected any other warp trails in the vicinity," Stadi said. "We're still following the trails of the Gul Evek's ship and the _Val Jean._ "

Janeway curtly nodded her head. "Keep all sensors scanning for that ship." The comline beeped then and she pressed a button on a panel near her chair. "Janeway."

" _We're receiving a transmission from Admiral Hanson, Captain."_

"Patch him through."

" _Aye Captain."_

Tom turned his chair about, not looking forward to this message. Hanson had been one of the admirals adamant that he be ushered out of Starfleet permanently. The good Admiral was probably not happy that Janeway had asked to use him on this mission. The Admiral's face soon filled the viewscreen. He looked older and more haggard than Tom had last seen him.

"Captain Janeway," Hanson began, "I wish I had some good news to bring you. Unfortunately we still haven't heard from Mister Tuvok. Headquarters believes that the ship was lost in the Badlands. It's your mission now to bring in the wreckagec for further analysis."

"What exactly are we looking for?" Janeway questioned.

"Leave that for us to determine, Captain, Hanson out."

The screen went black and Janeway quickly ushered the senior staff back to work, except Sarah. Tom caught a glance of her lingering behind to speak with the Captain before the doors shut and he went about his business.

Janeway stood at the head of the table, palms leaning against the surface. "Your opinion on that message."

"I'm not sure how they could determine that the _Liberty_ had been destroyed when there has been no sign of wreckage. As for what we're looking for, I'm not sure. There's been speculation that a Federation ship was responsible for shooting the _Val Jean_ down, but it's just speculation," Sarah answered. "If it was, then Headquarters has a bigger problem that the Maquis on their hands."

The Captain shook her head. "A ship just doesn't disappear without a trace like this."

Sarah stiffened slightly. "Captain, the Badlands aren't your average trip through space. Plasma storms could completely destroy a ship without leaving a trace. There have been lots of ships that have disappeared without a trace."

Janeway grinned sadly. "At least in those cases traces of _something_ had been found. We're grasping at straws here."

"Isn't that part of our job, ma'am?"

"I suppose it is, Counselor," Janeway said, with a wave of her hand. "Thank you, you're dismissed."

Sarah left the room to find Tom standing outside waiting for her. "Thanks, for sticking up for me."

"I'm just doing my job," she said, getting into a turbo lift.

Tom followed her. "I know what people think of me, it can't be easy doing your job."

"Deck two," Sarah ordered the lift. She looked patiently at Tom.

"That's where I'm going too."

Sarah didn't think it was coincidence. "Perhaps you don't know a lot about me Mister Paris, but I'm not a fan favorite around here either. My job was going to be rough from the start whether or not you were here."

"You wound me, Counselor," Tom said. "Here I thought it was because you liked me."

The lift doors opened. Sarah led the way out, glancing over her shoulder at Paris. His grey-blue eyes were fixed upon her face in a look that she had seen far too often from men, but there was something different about his look, she just couldn't put her finger on it. "Tell me something, Paris, were you born this arrogant or did you learn it over time."

Tom quirked a grin. "That's not arrogance, sweetheart, it's charm."

"Sorry, I get them confused all the time," Sarah said, typing in the access code to her office.

"Don't worry about it; join me for lunch?"

"I have a date...with a few personnel reports," Sarah said, slipping into her office. The door slid shut and she closed her eyes and sighed. She shouldn't like him, he really was cocky, arrogant and self-centered, but she couldn't help it. For whatever reason Sarah liked Tom Paris but there was no way she was ever going to admit it to him, that would only make him even more cocky, and the ship didn't need that.

* * *

The mess hall seemed to be the place if you wanted a lot of social interactions. There were at least twenty people in the room when Tom Paris had entered, one of them being Harry Kim sitting with the First Officer and the Doctor. There was no doubt in his mind that the officers were telling young Harry all about what he had done previously to land him jail. He found that it made his blood boil, because Harry had been the only one to be civil to him, with the exception of Janeway, and that pretty counselor, Sarah Barrett. Paris tried to ignore the angry feelings as he went to one of the replicators.

"Tomato soup," he ordered the computer, his eyes glancing over his shoulder at the group. The CMO and Cavit were facing him and both saw him looking their way. For a brief moment their eyes met in glares, but Tom turned back to the computer when it started to babble at him.

" _There are fourteen varieties of tomato soup available from this replicator_ ," the computer responded, beginning to list off all of them. Paris rolled his eyes. All he wanted was a bowl of tomato soup and the blasted computer had to go into a full blown out menu.

"You need to be specific," a small voice said.

He glanced down to see a small boy standing next to him. He was unaware that there were children on board the ship and the sight of a five year old shocked him. The kid was of average height for his age, with short dark hair and dazzling blue eyes. Paris couldn't help but feel he had seen the boy's face somewhere before.

"Plain," Paris instructed the computer. It stopped its listing.

Before the computer could reply, the boy said, "You're going to have to be more specific than that."

" _Hot or chilled?_ " the computer asked. Sure enough the kid had been right.

Paris found that he did not like it when the boy was right. He scowled at the replicator. "Hot, plain, tomato soup!" It materialized before him and as he took the tray in his hands, he saw the Doctor and First Officer get up to leave. But as he tried to move, he found that the boy was still standing there looking at him. "Can I help you with something?" he asked, stiffly.

"Mama says you're from jail," the child quipped.

"That's right," Paris said with a huff. "Who's your mother kid?"

"Captain Janeway," the boy replied.

Paris raised his eyebrows. No one wonder the kid had looked familiar to him; he was a spitting image of Janeway. Paris had not even been aware that the Captain had a child on board. _Guess I should have paid more attention to the gossip that wasn't about Sarah Barrett_ , he thought, as he tried to move away to go have a seat with Harry, but the kid just would not move. "Is there something else?" he asked, exasperated.

"You worked for the Maquis," Michael stated.

"Yeah, not for long though."

"Mama says you got caught, that's why you were in jail," the boy said.

_Is there anything that Janeway has not told her kid about?_ Paris thought suddenly, with a little bit of anger. Apparently nothing was going to be sacred on this trip; even a child knew about his past. "Yeah, I worked for the Maquis," he said, bitterly. "And got caught; now can I go eat my soup?"

"Sure, but you're not going to like it," the kid countered. "The replicator's food is awful."

"Then why are you down here?" Paris couldn't help but snap.

"Ava wanted chocolate milk."

"You couldn't have gotten that in your quarters?" Paris questioned, wondering who Ava was. Did the Captain have more children that he wasn't aware of?

"Well…" the boy began to say as Cavit stepped up.

"Michael you've wasted enough of Mister Paris' time," he said. "Move along now; your mother made it clear that you're to stay in your quarters, unless you're with her."

The child scampered away. Cavit just gave Paris a stern look before he too left the mess hall. Tom was finally able to go and have a seat with Harry. He set his tray down across from the young ensign who was looking at him sternly. He immediately knew what had transpired. It was only a matter of time before someone told the young Harry what Tom had done. "There you see, I told you it wouldn't take long," he said, sitting down.

"Is it true?" Harry asked.

"Was the accident my fault? Yes. Pilot error, but it took me a while to admit it." He took a bite of his soup and found that Michael Janeway had been right; it was awful. He pushed the tray away from him. "Ugh, fourteen varieties and they can't even get plain tomato soup right."

Harry ignored him. "They said you falsified reports."

"That's right."

"Why?"

"What's the difference?" Tom asked. "I lied."

Harry frowned at him. "But then you came forward and admitted it was your fault."

Tom straightened slightly. "I'll tell you the truth Harry. All I had to do was keep my mouth shut and I was home free. But I couldn't," he looked at Harry mockingly. "The ghost of those three dead officers came to me in the middle of the night and taught me the true meaning of Christmas."

Harry rolled his eyes at the sarcastic remark.

Tom looked down at the table for a moment, thinking of what to say next. "So I confessed. Worst mistake I ever made, but not my last. After they cashiered me out of Starfleet I went out looking for a fight and found the Maquis. And on my first assignment I was caught."

"It must have been especially tough for you being the son of an admiral," Harry replied.

Tom looked angry. "Frankly I think it was tougher on my father than it was on me." He picked his tray up and began to leave, looking down at Harry. "Look I know those guys told you to stay away from me, and you know what? You ought to listen to them. I'm not exactly a good luck charm." He started to walk away again but Harry turned around to look at him with a slight smile on his face.

"I don't need anyone to chose my friends for me," he informed Tom.

" _Janeway to Paris_ ," the Captain's voice came over the comm.

"Go ahead," Paris said.

" _Report to the bridge. We're approaching the Badlands_."

* * *

When Kim and Paris entered the bridge, Janeway was the one to inform them that they had approximated the Maquis' course. The two young men exchanged glances before Harry went to his station to take over. Janeway went around the tactical station and down the steps to sit in her seat; Cavit was instructing Stadi to adjust their course to the new coordinates.

Sarah Barrett was seated next to Janeway's chair, a PADD in her hand. Her deep blue eyes were running over the report, but Tom knew she was watching him. He had called her service record up after meeting her in the ready room. She was a lot like him in certain senses, the child of an Admiral, spent some time in prison for dereliction of duty and drug rehab afterwards. Janeway had probably asked her to come on board for her expertise in terrorists, not for her counseling skills. Although, he didn't doubt she knew what she was doing, since she had been one of the first people in Starfleet to issue a report on the psychological mind of the Borg Collective. If she could break down the Borg, she could break down a simple human.

"The Cardassians claim that they forced the Maquis ship into a plasma storm where it was destroyed," Janeway was informing Paris, who was following behind her to the command station. Her voice brought him out of his intense thoughts on Barrett. "But our probes haven't picked up any debris."

"The plasma storm might not leave any debris," Paris offered.

Janeway looked at him thoughtfully from her chair. "We'd still be able to pick a residence trace from the warp core." She faintly heard a warning beep going off at the ops station.

"Captain," Kim said, studying his controls. "I'm reading a coherent tetryon beam scanning us."

Janeway looked up at him. "Origin Mister Kim?"

Kim shook his head, typing at his controls. "I'm not sure, there's also a displacement wave moving towards us."

"On screen," Janeway ordered, turning to look at the view screen. The Badlands came into view, but with an energy wave spanning the pink clouds, quickly approaching her ship. She felt a lump forming in her throat.

"That's no plasma storm," Barrett bluntly stated, anxiety laced in her voice.

"Analysis," Janeway ordered Kim, feeling her own anxiety growing.

"Some kind of polarized magnetic variation," Kim answered her.

"We might be able to disperse it with a graviton particle field," Cavit suggested from his position behind Stadi.

"Do it," Janeway ordered him. He moved away from the conn and quickly moved to tactical. "Red alert," Janeway said, standing up, Paris behind her. The lights on the bridge dimmed as the alarm sounded, flooding the cabin in a red glow. "Move us away from it Lieutenant," she ordered Stadi.

Stadi quickly complied. "New heading four one mark one zero eight," the Betazoid announced.

The ship lurched to its new course trying to outrun the displacement wave.

"Initiating graviton field," Cavit announced from tactical.

Janeway watched on the screen as the graviton field was dispersed into the displacement wave. A warning blare from Ops told her what she needed to know before Kim announced that the field had no effect. The wave was still moving towards them. "Full impulse," she told Stadi. However faster they seemed to go, the wave seemed to match. She felt her heart quicken. The wave had the potential to tear her ship apart, killing her crew along with herself and her children. _I should have listened to my mother! My children are going to die because of my selfishness!_

"The wave will intercept us in twelve seconds," Kim announced. It sounded like a death sentence to Janeway's ears.

"Can we go to warp," she asked, anxiously.

"Not until we clear the plasma field, Captain," Stadi replied, nervously looking up at the view screen at the fast approaching displacement wave.

"Five seconds!"

"Brace for impact!" Janeway ordered turning about to find her chair as a bright light engulfed the bridge. She was just getting there when there was a flash of white light and the ship was thrown about violently. She grabbed a hold of whatever she could but it was no use. The power of the wave hitting the ship forced her hands to lose their grip on the arms of her chair that she was clinging too and she was slammed onto the deck, where for a few brief seconds everything went black.

When she came too she managed to crawl up on her knees. There was smoke in the cabin, mangled pieces of pipes hanging down from the ceiling, and sparks emitting from broken power lines and conduits. The lights were low. Glancing about she noticed her First Officer lying on his back near the conn station. Janeway pushed her self up onto her knees and crawled towards the injured Cavit. He had been trying to get back to his chair as well when the wave hit. Hair in her face, she placed a hand to Cavit's neck to find a pulse but there was none. Taking the dead officer's hand in her own she closed her eyes briefly and said a silent prayer.

"Report!" she yelled over her shoulder to a hopefully unharmed Harry Kim.

Kim had been thrown from his station but was not hurt. He quickly rushed over to his beeping controls. "Hull breach, deck fourteen. comm lines to Engineering are down. I'm trying to reestablish," Kim announced.

Janeway got to her feet and went to the nearest station, moving Paris out of the way by gently touching his arm. "Repair crews seal off hull breach on deck fourteen," she ordered, accessing the computer to hopefully locate her children. _Oh please, don't let them be hurt,_ she prayed to herself. She heard an "Aye captain," come over the comm. line but she was not sure who it was. Her mind was in a state of flux; she had to find the children.

"Casualty reports coming in," tactical said. "Sickbay is not responding."

"Bridge to sickbay," Janeway called. There was no answer. "Doctor, can you hear me?" she asked, glancing to her left. She noticed Paris at her feet, leaning over an injured Stadi. The young woman's dark eyes were frozen open in pain and horror; blood covered her face and uniform. "Paris how's Stadi?" she asked, fearing the answer.

"She's dead," Paris answered, softly making eye contact with the Captain. The older woman looked away from him. He moved about on the floor trying to gain his bearings. That's when he saw Barrett, laying on back at the foot of her chair. She had a gash running down the length of her face and from where he was situated it appeared that she was not breathing. He crawled towards her and checked for a pulse. It was fairly strong and she was breathing. He guessed that the blow to the head had knocked her out and she had a concussion.

Pulling out his tricorder he hoped that he could get some form of readings on her even if the instrument he was holding in his hand wasn't a medical tricorder. The tiny device managed to give him her vitals but other than that, he wasn't sure the extent of her injuries.

Barrett groaned and her eyes opened slightly to look at him. "Paris?" she whispered.

"Hold on," he told her, putting the tricorder away. "You have a nasty cut on your head, maybe even a concussion and it looks like you took a pretty good tumble out of your seat there. You should lay here until we can get you to sickbay."

"Help me up," she instructed him.

"Counselor, you really shouldn't move until a crew can take you to sickbay."

She reached out and grabbed a hold of his upper arm and used it to force her self up into a sitting position. "Damn it, Paris, I'm fine! Now help me up! That's an order!"

He hated how she had pulled the rank on him to get what she wanted but did as he was told, stating, "I don't think your in much a position to be ordering me around, but have it your way." She made it to her feet, but not without a few wobbles before she could gain her own bearings. Immediately she went to help the others. _Like a true Starfleet officer_ , Paris observed going to stand besides Janeway who was furiously running her fingers over the conn.

"Is the main computer up?" Janeway was yelling at tactical. She had a frayed tone to her voice and Paris immediately thought of the little boy in the mess hall. The woman was trying to find her kids. He came to stand besides her and began using the controls, while Rollins replied that the main computer was off line.

_Of course, it would be too easy to ask the computer where the kids were_ , Tom thought as he accessed the internal sensors. It would be easy enough to refine them to search for two human children, since they were the only youths on the ship; it was just going to take a little bit longer than asking the computer.

Janeway was growing increasingly more frustrated. All she wanted to do at that moment was locate her children but everyone yelling different reports at her kept her from doing what she desired. It was making her mind go in what felt like five thousand directions. She wasn't sure what problem she should focus on first; there were just so many of them she didn't know where to start.

"Captain, there's something out there," Kim announced.

She rolled her eyes. "I need a better description than that Mister Kim."

"I don't know… I'm reading," he paused, "I'm not sure what I'm reading."

Janeway felt helpless, confused. The wave should have ripped the ship apart in the Badlands but somehow it was here, all in one piece, mostly. It was something that she was going to have to figure out later. Right now, they had more pressing matters. She opened her mouth to say something to Kim when Paris whispered, "The kids are okay, they're in your quarters, and life signs are strong."

She looked at him gratefully and silently acknowledged him. "Can you get the view screen operational?" she asked Kim.

"I'm trying," Kim responded. Suddenly the static on the view screen disappeared to show a massive array with several arms in the middle of space. It was dispersing a pulse of energy every few seconds that shot out into the distance of space. Janeway or anyone on the bridge for that matter had not seen anything like it ever and it was mesmerizing. _What is going on?_ Janeway thought. _There were no reports of a space station anywhere near the Badlands._ She heard another beeping noise from the operations station.

"Captain if these sensors are working. We're over 70,000 light years from where we were. We're on the other side of the galaxy," Kim announced.

Paris glanced at Janeway whose eyes were locked on the array. _This is not what I had bargained for,_ he thought.

"Captain, the Maquis ship is out there, but I'm not reading any life signs," Kim reported.

Janeway stepped around a crew taking Stadi's body off of the bridge. "What about on that…that array?" she questioned stepping up to Kim's station. She glanced over her shoulder at the alien array. A few minutes ago they had been in the Badlands and now her new operations officer was telling her that her ship had been hurled across the galaxy, over seventy thousand light years from home. This isn't how she had envisioned the mission to retrieve the Maquis to go. Then again, she reasoned, nothing every seemed to go right when you were a Starfleet officer. It was just a part of the job.

"Our sensors can't penetrate it," Kim's voice cut through her thoughts.

"Any idea what those pulses are coming from it Mister Kim?"

"Massive burst of radon energy. They seemed to be directed towards a nearby G-type star system."

"Try hailing the array," Janeway said, making her way up to the command station. There was a comm. signal as she did so.

" _Engineering to bridge. We have severe damage. The Chief's dead. Possibility of a warp core breach._ "

Janeway took a deep breath before turning about. "Secure all engineering systems! I'm on my way." As she passed by Kim he looked at her gravely.

"No response from the array," he told her.

"Ensign, get down to sickbay. See what's going on," Janeway ordered Kim, she looked over at tactical. "Sarah the bridge is yours," she said disappearing into the turbo lift.

Paris turned about to see Kim get into another turbo lift. He sprinted towards the lift, calling, "Harry, wait for me." He grabbed a hold of Sarah's arm, who had been helping Rollins. "Come on Counselor, time to get fixed up, and I won't take no for an answer. You're not going to be able to pull rank on me this time."

"But," Sarah sputtered, "Captain Janeway left me in charge of the bridge."

"And you're not fit to command right now."

His grip was too tight for her to attempt to break free. As he yanked her into the turbo lift she managed to yell out, "Mister Rollins you have the bridge!" She was just going to have to go unwillingly with Paris, throbbing head and all.


	4. Chapter 4

"Computer, activate the Emergency Medical Hologram," Harry Kim said as he threw some debris aside in sickbay.

When Harry and Tom, who had pulled Sarah Barrett all the way, entered the room they found a console near the surgical biobed on fire. The bodies of the CMO and the nurse were near by the console. While Harry had put out the fire, Tom had concluded that the CMO and nurse had been near the console when it blew, killing them instantly. _So we're over seventy thousand light years from home, without a doctor and a nurse. This isn't what I had in mind for my first mission,_ Harry thought as the hologram materialized in front of him.

"Please state the nature of the medical emergency," a hard voice said.

Tom was helping wounded crewmen onto biobeds and glanced over his shoulder to see the hologram appear. It was a balding man with dark eyes. _They could have picked a more attractive projection,_ he thought as the hologram began to sputter off orders in a hostile tone. _His bedside manner could be improved upon too._

"Where is the physician assigned to this ship?" the hologram asked, shoving a crewman down onto a biobed.

"He's dead," Harry replied.

The hologram seemed impervious to this fact and went to examine the patient on the surgical biobed, reassuring them that he was perfectly capable of doing the job. He asked Harry for a drug that the young man had never heard of before.

"Trianoline?"

The hologram sighed, disgusted and went to retrieve the hypospray himself.

"We lost our nurse too," Tom informed him.

"How soon are replacements expected?" the Doctor asked, pressing the hypospray to the fleshy part of the neck, underneath the temple, to his patient on the surgical biobed.

Harry was the one to answer him. "That could be a problem; we're pretty far from replacements right now." The hologram was suddenly handing him the used hypospray as he moved onto the next patient, who happened to be Sarah Barrett. Harry glanced at the instrument in his hand, not sure what to do.

The Doctor gave him an instruction, asking for a tricorder. Harry absentmindedly handed the hologram his own device and went to stand on the other side of the biobed with Sarah on it. The hologram wasn't so pleased that he had been handed the wrong instrument. "Medical tricorder," he snapped, pressing the one that Harry handed him back into the young man's hand.

Harry placed the device back into his belt and went to grab the one that Tom was holding out to him. He brought it back to the EMH, who proceeded to pull out the hand scanner and run it over Sarah's body. The young woman watched him do so, her blue eyes following the scanner.

"A replacement must be requested as soon as possible," the hologram told no one in particular. "I am programmed only as a short term emergency supplement to the medical team."

"Well," Tom said, as he moved about the room between patients. "We maybe stuck with you for a while Doc."

The hologram moved away from the biobed and went to stand in front of Tom. "There's no need to worry. I am capable of treating any injury or disease." He turned about and faced Harry, at the side of the ship's counselor's bed. "No concussion, you'll be fine. Clean her up."

Tom and Harry exchanged glances before the former pilot went to grab a dermal regenerator. He ran the instrument over the gash on Sarah's head a few times and watched as the cut closed. He had taken a biochemistry class at the Academy and knew how to operate simple medical devices, such as the one in his hand. When the cut was healed, he offered Sarah a hand to help pull her up in a sitting position.

Briefly she touched her finger tips to the area where the cut had been. "Thanks," she told him, softly.

As he started to reply she disappeared before his eyes. Startled he looked about as more patients in the cabin began to disappear in a white whirl of light like Sarah. Soon he was gone too; the only one left in the room was the EMH, who was more angry than confused.

"This is the emergency medical holographic doctor speaking," he said, tapping his combadge. "I gave no one permission to be transported out of Sickbay." There was no response. "Hello? Sickbay to Bridge?" He let out a disgusted sigh. "I believe someone has failed to terminate my program, please respond."

Again there was no response, and he wondered how long he was going to have to wait for one.

* * *

Michael Janeway successfully pushed the cushions of the couch off of him. Peering around he could see that the quarters he shared with his mother and sister was a disaster. Furniture was toppled over, a vase was broken and the lights were flickering on and off. He could hear Ava screaming from her nursery, the violent ride that the ship had just taken had obviously woken her up.

Scrambling to his feet, Michael ran inside the room. His fourteen month old sister was standing up and clutching the sides of the crib for dear life. He noticed that the lights were flickering in this room as well and he could smell smoke from a burnt out console near by. He went to check to see if Ava was hurt. She wasn't, but she was terrified.

As was he, but he was the older brother, it was time for him to be brave.

He was too small to lower the side of the crib and pull Ava out so he went out into the living room. Swallowing hard, for he knew that he had to get Ava out of the crib on his own, he looked up for something to use to elevate him self. Dragging a discarded dining chair into the bedroom he lined it up against the crib. Ava was still wailing inside, but now was sitting on her bottom. Red faced she looked up at her brother as tears made tiny paths down her cheeks. "Don't worry Ava, I'm gonna get you out. Then we'll go find Mama."

As the boy managed to get the side of the crib down Ava disappeared in a whirl of white light. Startled he stepped back from the crib. "Ava?" Michael asked, before he too was whisked way by a foreign transporter beam.

When he rematerialized they were on a farm, like Indiana. Ava was sitting in the grass next to him, still crying and looking about cautiously. She immediately grasped onto his pant leg, afraid. A woman with curly hair was making her way across the porch and Michael felt like running in the other direction, even though she was enticing them with lemonade and sugar cookies. He was pretty sure that his mother wouldn't like him accepting food from people he didn't know.

Ava kept on crying, this time "Mama," being apparent in her wails. Michael tried picking her up, so they could go find their mother, but she was too big for him to carry and he soon toppled over into the grass, Ava squished beneath him. This only made her cry more.

_Mama, please come get us,_ Michael thought, tears welling in his eyes. _I don't like it here!_

* * *

Kathryn Janeway pushed a corn stalk out of her way and tried to take in her surroundings. She had just been in engineering with Lieutenant Joe Carey, stabilizing the warp core when she had been transported here. She pulled out her tricorder and began scanning. She felt like she was back home in Indiana, but the tricorder was telling her that she had only transported from _Voyager_ a hundred kilometers. They were on the array.

In the distance she could see a farmhouse with a large wrap around porch. As she made her way closer to it, the small group of baffled crewmen that she was with met up with more crewmen; Tom Paris, Sarah Barrett, and Harry Kim among them. Paris and Kim had their tricorders out, scanning just like Kathryn was. The Counselor looked a little more apprehensive about it all. Perhaps it was because she had studied terrorist groups that abducted their enemies in ways similar to this. Whatever the reason they had been brought on board the array, Barrett was certain that it wasn't going to be good.

A woman was making her way across the farm porch with a tray in her hand. "Come up here! Come on, now! I have a pitcher of lemonade and some sugar cookies!" she exclaimed, setting the tray down on a small end table.

"Captain?" Paris questioned, arching his eyebrows and looking around.

She smiled slightly. "Don't believe your eyes Mister Paris. We've only transported one hundred kilometers. We're inside the array." She glanced around her. If she didn't know any better she would have guessed that she was somewhere in the Midwestern states of America. However, her readings on her tricorder were not lying; they definitely had not traveled very far. She heard Kim proclaim that there was no organic matter to speak of, save for themselves, and that they were in some type of holographic projection.

"Interesting," Barrett said. "It's as if they have chosen a place that we're familiar with to make us comfortable. Maybe this is how they initiate first contact."

"Well if that was the case all they had to do was hail us," Paris snapped sarcastically from her side. "Or better yet, why not have visited us in our own galaxy."

"It was a mere observation Paris, no need to jump down my throat," Barrett retorted.

"I wouldn't mind that," came the witty reply.

Barrett rolled her eyes and Kim and Janeway did their best to ignore the bickering.

Janeway's mind was easily taken off of the hormonal Tom Paris when she heard an all too familiar wail and jerked her head about to the house. On the lawn in front of the house were her children, Michael looking about confused and Ava wailing away. For a child that was not feeling well, there was certainly nothing wrong with her lungs, Janeway realized, sprinting across the yard. She placed her tricorder back into her belt and was soon kneeling in the grass at Michael's feet. The posture made her at eye level with her son and she gathered the boy into her arms. She had not seen the children since the displacement wave had hit the ship and she was relieved to see them unharmed, even though Paris had told her that they were fine on the Bridge.

Ava, still whimpering, wiggled her way in between her mother's arms and her brother. Janeway gently wrapped an arm around her, and as she pulled herself to her feet, lifted the baby off of the grass. Michael clutched tightly to her hand.

"Oh the poor dears," the woman on the porch said, looking at the children. "You all must be tired. Come have a cold drink."

Janeway held onto Ava firmly. "No, thank you," she said politely, following the woman. "My name is Kathryn Janeway; I'm captain of the Federation starship _Voyager_."

Either the woman had not heard her, was ignoring her, or just was not interested in what she had to say. Instead she smiled at little Ava. "Now make yourselves right at home. The neighbors will be here any minute," she said.

"Neighbors? What neighbors? I'm not picking up any life signs," Kim sputtered.

"That's because you're looking for a being that isn't there," Barrett told him, her eyes absentmindedly flicking about, cast towards the ground. "At least not in a sense that we're used too; we should be looking for a non-corporeal life form. That displacement wave should have torn us apart, but what if it was a non-corporeal being snatching us out of thin air so to speak?."

Janeway found that it was an interesting concept. It would explain the lack of finding organic life on the array besides her crew. But before she could instruct her officers to do the proper scans and searches, there was a flurry of activity.

The woman was excitedly making her way across the porch, waving her arms about in a friendly greeting. Suddenly she cried out, "Oh! Why here they are!"

Janeway, Barrett, Paris, Kim and the others with them all turned to see a group of people making their way through a gate. An elderly man was carrying a banjo; another woman was carrying a basket of food it appeared. They mingled into the crowd of Voyager crew members, greeting them with "howdys" and "good to see yous". The elderly man stepped up to Kim with a smile.

"Well, good to see you," the man said, taking Kim by the hand and shaking it. "Welcome." He moved away from Kim to allow a pretty young woman in a plaid dress step up to Kim. She gently touched him on the arm.

"We're real glad you stopped by," she said, smiling slyly at him.

Michael scrunched his nose up. "Mama what is going on?"

Janeway tightened her grip on Ava's waist and shook her head. "I don't know, Michael." She was just as confused as her son was. Why the array had chosen to transport them over here instead of hailing them, she wasn't certain. And if it was a non-corporeal being like Barrett had suggested, then what could it possible want with them? Use their technology for energy supplies? Just exploring the galaxy? The possibilities seemed to be endless.

The first woman they had seen was back on the porch announcing loudly, "Now we can get started! You're all invited to the Welcoming Bee!"

The old man made his way through the crowd of Starfleet personal and sat down on the stairs. "Let's have some music!" he cried and he started to strum away on his banjo. The farm people began to cheer and dance around, clapping their hands. Janeway and her crew could only look around bewildered.

* * *

Tom Paris made his way through the crowd of people towards Captain Janeway. She was standing in the middle of the "party" with Ava clinging tightly to her uniform and Harry Kim standing to her left. The "neighbors" were doing everything that they could to get the crew engaged in the party, asking them to dance, asking them for food, but the crew didn't want any part of it. They didn't know if these holographic projections could be trusted.

"The crew is scattered about this farm, Captain," Paris announced stepping up to join Janeway and Kim. "But they're all accounted for."

It made Janeway feel slightly better, but only slightly. "Move around. Scan the area. See if you can find anything that might be a holographic generator. " Janeway ordered Paris. The young man nodded his head and went off in one direction, Harry Kim behind him.

"The crew seems to be in good spirits, considering the circumstances," Sarah Barrett said, stepping up to Janeway as the two young men left. Her hair was mussed, dark strands falling out of her twist, but the cut down her face was gone. Janeway assumed that she must have been taken to sickbay after she had left the bridge. "No one is seriously injured, they can go for a while without seeing a doctor."

Janeway nodded her head. "Understood. Hopefully the Array won't keep us here long."

"Captain, I took the liberty to talk with some of our…hosts," Barrett told her.

Janeway raised an eyebrow in interest. "And what did you find?"

"Not much, but one thing did strike me as odd. When one of them asked me if I wanted something to drink, I declined. They insisted that it would make me feel more comfortable while I waited," Barrett answered her.

This peaked the Captain's interest even more. "Wait? What are we supposed to be waiting for?"

Barrett shook her head, loose strands of coffee hair blowing in the breeze. "I'm not sure. They wouldn't tell me. They just insisted that I have a glass of lemonade and relax. I have to admit, I don't think it would make me feel any better. The more I speak to them, the more worried I get."

"It has me worried too," Janeway replied. She noticed that Michael had wandered off a bit, enticed by a dog that looked a lot like the Janeways' Irish setter, Molly.

"Michael," she snapped. "Stay with me." The boy snapped to attention and ran over as the woman who "owned" the farmhouse came down the steps with a plate of corn on the cob. "Don't go wandering off like that. We don't know what's going on," she hissed and was surprised when the boy looked generally sorry.

"Oh we don't mean you any harm," the woman said, placing the plate of corn in her face. "The children can play if they like. Would you like some corn?"

Janeway shook her head. "Can you tell me why where here?" she asked.

"Oh we don't mean you any harm," the woman repeated. "I'm sorry if we put you out. Why don't you just put your feet up and get comfortable while you wait."

Janeway and Barrett exchanged glances. The Captain could feel why the young woman was anxious, after hearing the hologram speak like that. "Wait?" she inquired, hoping that maybe the hologram would give her some answers. "Wait for what?"

The woman ignored her last question and went about her way, apologizing for putting them out, and offering everyone corn. Janeway felt increasingly more frustrated by the minute. It was one thing to be whisked away from her ship, but another thing entirely to be whisked away across the galaxy and not get any answer out of the people that had taken them captive.

Ava tugged her uniform. Janeway had completely forgotten that she was holding onto the child in her frustration. "Mama," she cried, holding a tiny hand up to her right ear. Kathryn surmised that it was hurting again and it must have been almost time for Ava's treatment.

She ran a hand through Ava's auburn curls and smiled down at her. "Don't worry; everything's going to be alright."

" _Paris to Janeway_."

She tapped her combadge. "Janeway here." There was no response. "Paris?" she questioned, letting go of Michael's hand, and getting her tricorder out. She moved the device about to locate his signal. When she finally managed to pick it up she went to place Ava into Barrett's arms, so she could go find Paris, when the little girl screamed out, legs kicking wildly. Kathryn Janeway was not going anywhere, not if Ava Janeway had any say about it. Looking rather embarrassed, she bit the inside of her cheek.

"I can take a couple of officers to find them, ma'am," Barrett offered. Janeway nodded her head.

Barrett nodded towards a group of crewmen standing near by, and she took off with the officers down a path that wound its way around the house and down towards a barn. When she entered the barn's open doors she found that their hosts were all standing around, holding pitchforks at Paris and Kim. They parted to let her and the others come all the way into the barn. Paris was on the ground with blood trickling own the side of his mouth. He stood up and pushed his way past the girl to join his crew mates.

The woman who had greeted them first looked at Barrett. The friendly demeanor she had showed several moments before while offering Janeway's crew corn was suddenly gone replaced with a very unhappy hologram. "Very well, since no one seems to care for any corn we'll have to proceed a head of schedule."

Barrett got the feeling that whatever they had been waiting for was about to happen. It wasn't a good feeling at all. She wondered what these holograms, if that was what they were, could possibly want with her and the crew.

She went over every culture that she had studied in her time with Starfleet, if any of them held the secrets to what these 'beings' wanted with them now. We're they similar to the Borg? Were they going to assimilate them in some way? She found it odd that the Borg seemed so simple to her now, a collective of beings that were just striving for perfection. These people, if that was what you could call them, had ulterior motives, and to Sarah Barrett that tended to be scarier than being assimilated.

The barn suddenly faded away to reveal a long corridor, illuminated in blue lights. There were humanoid life forms suspended in mid air with a needle in their stomachs, connecting them to the array. Sarah felt a pit forming in her own stomach as her eyes fell upon the dark skinned, Vulcan security officer, Tuvok, who had been spying on the Maquis when the ship had disappeared. He was the whole reason that _Voyager_ was sent out to the Badlands, he had not reported in for a few days and Janeway had gotten worried that something had happened to him. Sarah recognized him from the personnel file that she had read on the journey from Deep Space Nine.

Sarah stepped forward a little, the rest of the Starfleet crew taking her lead.

Kim's dark eyes nervously looked upon a half Klingon woman and a human male with a tattoo over one eye. He felt his legs getting shaky; whatever was going to happen next was not going to be good.

They barely had time to register what was going on when the farmers disappeared and the entire crew was transported to be suspended as well.

Sarah found herself wedged between Harry Kim and a young crewman, whose name she could not remember because of her swirling emotions of fear and panic.

Kathryn Janeway suddenly found her self suspended in mid air. She tried to look about to see if she could find Ava and Michael, but all she could see was Tom Paris to her left and a wall to her right. She watched as a metal rod reached down from the ceiling and pressed against her abdomen, penetrating the skin and deeply embedding itself within her. She arched her back and cried out in pain before she fell into unconsciousness.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! Enjoy!

There was a bright light in her face and it was causing her head to throb. Slowly Sarah Barrett opened her eyes to take in her surroundings; the drab ceiling in sickbay greeted her. Sitting up slightly she saw that she was back on the ship, in the very same position she remembered being in before she had been taken to the array. She wondered how long they had been over there.

Sitting up, she felt a wave of nausea come over her. Groaning a little she thought _I feel like I have a hang over_. She caught movement out of the corner of her eye.

Tom Paris was nervously glancing around the cabin. Harry Kim was not where Tom had last seen him on _Voyager_ ; in sickbay. Every last member of the crew he could recall being there at the time of their abduction was there, except Harry. A pit the size of a boulder began to form in his stomach. Could Harry have died over there on that array? It was entirely possible that whatever the aliens had done to them had ended up killing some of the crew. Tom prayed that his negative line of thinking was proven wrong, but how else could he explain why everyone was put back in the place that they were last seen and Harry Kim had not? Tom dreaded that he had lost his only friend on this trip before he really got to know him.

" _Senior officers report to the bridge,_ " the Captain's voice came over the comm. line, cutting through his thoughts.

Tom noticed Sarah jump down from her biobed looking like she was about to throw up everywhere. _Come to think of it_ , he thought, _I feel the same way_.

"Excuse me, could someone explain what has transpired," the EMH was demanding to know from Paris. "People don't disappear for three days without something happening."

"Three days?" Sarah gasped. "We were gone for three days?"

"Yes, and you're all in perfect health, at least from the people I scanned here," the Doctor replied.

Paris moved about the room anxiously. "Computer, locate Ensign Kim," he said, ignoring the Doctor completely.

" _Ensign Kim is not onboard_."

Paris and Barrett exchanged worried glances before quickly leaving sickbay behind them. Paris tapped his combadge. "Paris to Janeway. Kim didn't come back. He must still be over there."

The two entered a turbo lift and Sarah ordered it to take them to the bridge. Tom fidgeted with his hands the whole way. She bit her lip for a moment, knowing that this was probably a time where she put the explorer, researcher away, and took out the counselor. Harry had been the only one as far as she was aware that had not judged Tom by his past actions. "Tom, we'll find him," she whispered as the lift came to a stop.

He glanced at her as the doors hissed open and a soft look came over his eyes. Stepping out of the turbo lift they could see that Janeway was communicating with the Maquis. Tom felt his blood go cold at the sight of Commander Chakotay. It was no secret what the former Starfleet officer and Maquis leader thought of him, at the present time Chakotay couldn't see Paris on the viewscreen.

"Commander," Janeway could be heard saying as Barrett and Paris made their way down to the command station, "you and I have the same problem. I think it makes sense to try and solve it together, don't you?"

_Solve it together?_ Paris thought with a flurry of panic. Chakotay would throttle him before joining Janeway, especially when he learned that Paris was hired to help find him.

Chakotay looked at the Vulcan sitting next to him. The Vulcan nodded his head as if to say that it was a good idea. He looked back at Janeway. "Three of us will transport to your ship." The transmission ended and she was looking at the Maquis ship again.

"They're powering down their engines and dropping their shields," Rollins announced as Paris and Barrett came to stand behind Janeway. She glanced over her shoulder at the former Starfleet pilot and her ship's counselor as the sound of a transporter etched its way into her mind. She turned and watched as three men materialized before here, wearing different forms of civilian clothing. They had their weapons cocked and ready to use in case of ambush. The Maquis weren't known for their trustworthiness.

"Watch out Captain, they're armed," she heard someone say. She put her hand up and turned to Rollins.

"Put down your weapons," she assured him. She turned to Chakotay and his men. "You won't need those here," she told him, gently. The three Maquis hastily lowered their weapons. Janeway stepped forward looking at the Vulcan. "It's good to have you back Mister Tuvok."

Chakotay and the other man looked at him confused. "I must inform you, that I was assigned to infiltrate your crew sir. I am Captain Janeway's chief of security." The other man made a move to strike at him, but Chakotay threw his arm out and stopped him.

"Were you going to deliver us into their waiting hands, Vulcan?" Chakotay asked, bitterly.

"My mission was to accumulate information on Maquis activities. And then deliver you into their 'waiting hands' that is correct," Tuvok answered.

It was then that Chakotay noticed Paris standing near the tactical station. "I see that you had help," he spat. Janeway and Tuvok turned to see that he was referring to Paris.

Paris stepped forward. "It's good to see you too Chakotay," he greeted, coldly.

Chakotay's eyes filled with rage, a rage that was raw and terrifying. "At least the Vulcan was doing his duty as a Starfleet officer. But you, you betrayed us for what? Freedom from prison? Latinum?" He shouted his voice getting hotter. "What was your price this time?" Chakotay yelled, moving towards Paris. Barrett grabbed a hold of Tom's arm, gently pulling him away. For a brief second their eyes met and there wasn't hostility from her swimming in her sapphire orbs.

Janeway stepped between the two men. "You are speaking to a member of my crew," she snapped. "I expect you to treat him with the same respect as you would have me treat a member of yours." She glared at him for a few seconds, a look that her children and former members of her crew knew all too well. Chakotay eventually backed down and turned away from her and Paris. "Now," Janeway stated, "We have a lot to accomplish and I suggest that we all concentrate on finding our people and getting ourselves home."

"Based on my initial reconnaissance Captain, I am convinced that we are dealing with a single entity in the array," Tuvok announced. He looked about the room at the gathering of Maquis and Starfleet officers.

"You thought the same thing too," Janeway said to Sarah.

The young woman nodded her head. "Yes ma'am. I'm not sure why the life form chose a Midwestern farm to transport us too, perhaps to make us feel comfortable, before getting to what they really wanted from us."

"I would suggest that he scanned our computers in order to find a comfortable holographic environment. In affect a waiting room, to pacify us until biometric assessment," Tuvok concurred.

"An examination," Paris questioned, hotly. If they had wanted the biology of human beings, then they could have just asked them for the data on it, instead of putting them through a painful experience.

"It is the most logical explanation," Tuvok replied, wondering who the newcomer was. "Why else would he have released us unharmed?"

"Not all of us were," Tom snapped, thinking of Harry.

Janeway looked at the floor for a moment, trying to decide what to do next. She looked up at Tuvok after several seconds of thinking. "Break out the compression phaser rifles. Meet us in transporter room two." She looked to her side at Chakotay, who had not said a word in several minutes. "We're going back,"she said, he looked almost shocked by that comment.

"We'll divide into teams," she announced, looking back at Tuvok. "Mister Tuvok, your job is to find out as much about this array as you can. It brought us here; we have to assume it can send us home. Miss Barrett, I'm going to need your psychological expertise when dealing with this…entity. I'm not sure what we're going to find over there and I'd like to do first contact the right way this time."

Barrett nodded her head. She felt anticipation rising, it had been a long time before she had dealt with a new species. Her time on the _Explorer_ had solely dealt with the Borg.

Janeway was looking about the group pensively. "Do you agree with the plan?" she finally asked Chakotay. He gave her a curt nod. Janeway took the lead, and the Maquis, Tuvok, Barrett, and Janeway began to leave the bridge, while Paris contemplated his next course of action. He heard the Captain giving tactical orders and then she addressed Rollins. "Mister Rollins, the bridge is yours."

Paris realized he had two options,while the group of officers and Maquis moved off the bridge, stay behind and sit with Rollins and do nothing, or go and help the only friend that he had on this ship. The decision, in the end was a simple one.

"Captain!" He called, moving to catch up with the group just as Janeway was about to step into the turbo lift with the others. She stopped and went to meet him. "I'd like to go with you."

She sighed. "If this has anything to do with what Chakotay said…."

"It doesn't!" he snapped, she looked at him sternly. "I just…I'd hate to see anything happen to Harry."

Understanding that he wanted to help a friend, Janeway agreed, "Come on," she told him and the two made their way into the turbo lift hoping that their next trip to the Array meant getting their missing people back.

* * *

The farm was back. However this time there were not as many people around to greet them and ask them if they wanted any corn. Paris found this unnerving and relieving all at the same time. He patrolled the area with Janeway, Barrett, and Chakotay, looking for Harry and Chakotay's missing Engineer but so far they had found nothing.

The group made their way around the farm, Paris clutching tightly to a compression rife. As they rounded the farm, they met up with Tuvok and Michael Ayala, one of Chakotay's men.

Tuvok had his tricorder out. "There are no humanoid life forms indicated Captain. Kim and Torres are not within tricorder range."

Kathryn looked down at the ground. This mission kept getting worse and worse. First they were flung seventy thousand light years from home, then they were taken from their ship, examined by an alien being, and now Tuvok was telling her that two people had just basically vanished into thin air. Where could the array possibly have taken Kim and Torres?

"They may not be on the array," Tuvok finished.

"This may have been what they wanted all along, Captain," Barrett said.

Janeway knew that it was a real possibility, yet she was hoping for the best. She was hoping that they were going to find some clues as to where Kim and Torres where on this array.

"He can tell us where they are," Chakotay said before Janeway could respond, pointing towards the old man, playing a banjo on a bench in the middle of the farm yard. He broke away from the group and started for the man.

Paris, Barrett, and Janeway followed. "Maintain your comm. link," the Captain told Tuvok. "I don't want to lose anyone else!"

Tuvok and Ayala took off in the opposite direction.

When Chakotay, Janeway, Barrett, and Paris stepped up to the old man he opened his eyes and looked up at them. With a disgusted look he said, "Oh why have you come back, you don't have what I need."

"I don't know what you need, and frankly I don't care," Janeway snapped. She was tired, seventy thousand light years from home, had a missing crewman, and her baby had an ear infection; in short she was a woman who had a short fuse at the moment. "I just want our people back and I want us all to be sent home!"

The old man chuckled at her. "Oh, aren't you contentious for a minor bi-pedal species?"

Janeway placed her hands on her hips and glared at him, a look that Bryan had always joked was her "command" glare. "This minor bi-pedal species doesn't take kindly to being abducted," the Captain snapped.

The old man waved a hand at her in contempt. "It was necessary."

Chakotay sat down on the bench across from the old man. "Where are our people?" he asked, softly, hoping that the passive tones would do more on the man than the more aggressive tones of Janeway.

"They are no longer here."

"What have you done to them?" Janeway inquired.

The old man looked at Chakotay. "You don't have what I need," he said, and then pointing at Chakotay, he whispered, "They might. No, you have to leave them."

"We won't do that," Chakotay replied.

"We are their commanding officers," Janeway said. "We are entrusted with their safety. They are our responsibility; that maybe a concept that you don't understand."

The old man looked at her with understanding. "Oh no, I do understand. But I have no choice," he sighed, sadly, tears beginning to appear in his old eyes. "There just is not enough time left!"

"Left for what?" Janeway asked.

"I must honor a debt that can never be repaid," the old man answered.

Janeway and Barrett exchanged glances before Janeway went to sit on the bench next to the old man.

"But my search has not been going well," the old man continued, staring into the distance.

"Tells us what your looking for, maybe we can help you find it," Janeway offered.

"You," the man laughed. "I've searched the galaxy with methods beyond your comprehension. No, there's nothing you can do."

Janeway felt her frustration growing and she made eye contact with Chakotay. "You've taken us seventy thousand light years from our home. We have no way back unless you send us and we won't leave without our people."

"But sending you back is terribly complicated," the old man argued. "I don't have time! NOT ENOUGH TIME!" He waved his hand about angrily and the group before him disappeared in a golden flash. On the bridge of _Voyager_ , the entire away team appeared with a flash of bright light to the puzzlement of the bridge crew.

Janeway went to lean on the rail near Conn, peering at the view screen and the pulses emitting from the massive array. _Where could those pulses possibly lead?_ Out of the corner of her eye she noticed that the Maquis were leaving, probably to go back to their ship, and Tom was going to put the compression rifles away. Their foray over to the array had left her with more questions than answers. "Tuvok, Counselor, can I speak with you both in my ready room please?"

Straightening her form she made her way down the steps and into the private room. Tuvok and Barrett followed behind her and she didn't address them until she heard the door hiss shut behind the young woman. "First things first, we need to establish a little chain of command here."

Barrett raised an eyebrow. "Ma'am?"

"I've lost my first officer, my chief medical officer, my chief helmsmen, and my chief engineer, not to mention my chief operations officer is missing, I'd say that my senior staff is pretty dwindled, wouldn't you agree, Counselor?" Janeway inquired, rhetorically. "Until we get home…if we ever do, I'm afraid that you and Tuvok are the only senior officers I have. Now, normally a ship's counselor wouldn't be called upon to command, but under the current circumstances, you may have to. Tuvok, until further notice you're acting as my first officer."

"Understood Captain," the Vulcan answered emotionlessly.

Janeway rubbed her temples for a moment; she could feel a stress headache forming. "I want you to find out where those pulses are going, Tuvok. Maybe the array used them some how to transport Kim and Torres. Sarah, I want you to coordinate repair efforts; all acting senior staff will report to you."

Barrett nodded her head, not sure why Janeway had put her in that position. "Shouldn't they be reporting to Tuvok?"

"I need Tuvok at Tactical," was Janeway's reply. She snapped her tired eyes up to the two officers. "You have your orders, I'll be in my quarters; you're dismissed." The Captain watched as Tuvok and Barrett left her ready room. When they were gone she exited the room herself using the port entrance and made her way to the turbo lift.

This wasn't how she had pictured her first mission as captain to go. She was always prepared for things to not go as planned, but this had blown way beyond that preparation.

Entering the access code to her quarters she just wanted to sit down with a good cup of coffee and mull over the next course of action. She wasn't going to get such a chance. Michael had tried to the best of his five year old abilities to feed Ava dinner and both children were covered in what Kathryn assumed was the baby's cereal. Ava was more interested in playing with the food than her brother feeding her.

Groaning inwardly, the cup of coffee pushed to the back of her mind, Kathryn stepped into the quarters.

"Hi Mama," Michael greeted her as Ava plopped a fistful of cereal in his hair. "Ava was hungry, so I fed her."

Kathryn plucked Ava out of the dining chair and tried to muster a smile for her son. "Thanks honey," she said, softly, wiping Ava's mouth with her bib. "Why don't you go start the bath water while I clean your sister up?"

Michael's response was to run into the bathroom. Kathryn soon heard the water as it started to fill the tub. Finishing up with cleaning Ava's goopy hands, she reached for the hypospray with the ear infection treatment. It had been three days since Ava had had it, since that had been how long they had spent on the array. Kathryn had checked on the children after she had woken up in Engineering and found them in one piece in their quarters. But she had been whisked away to the bridge before she could give the baby her medicine.

Ava squirmed slightly as her mother pressed the hypospray to her neck, whining so her mother would put her down. Kathryn obliged not in the mood to fight with her daughter. As she did so and Ava took off waddling to play with some toys, she heard something break in the bathroom and Michael call out a hasty apology.

Closing her eyes, she had one thought running through her mind, _it's going to be a long night._

* * *

Harry awoke with the sound of energy pulses coursing through his brain. He was in a completely white, sterile room, and it certainly was not _Voyager_. He briefly recalled the array and what had happened there. For a moment he wondered if the others were all somewhere in rooms like this one, waking up groggy and confused as to what was going on.

A woman was looking at him now. Just looking at him, it was a little disconcerting. A man joined the woman now. He smiled softly at Harry. He wasn't sure if they were trying to communicate with them, believing that he was a telepath, or if they were just...staring at him.

Harry felt him self panic. "What am I doing here? Where am I?" he asked, sitting up.

The woman put her arm around him. "Please don't try to move yet," she spoke. "You're very ill."

"Ill?" Harry said, confused. He had not been sick when he left Deep Space Nine. "There's some mistake," he said, gazing at his hands. "I'm not ill." But even as the words left his lips he saw the sores and welts on his arms. They were huge and puss filled and looked like they were slowly spreading throughout his body. He opened the white shirt he was wearing to see another abrasion on his chest. His breathing quickened as he realized that something was wrong with him.

"No," a woman's voice shouted.

Harry glanced over his shoulder to see a Klingon woman jump off the cot next to his. Briefly their eyes met before she ran towards the door, pounding on it. The man went to stop her, but she fought him. Harry watched as the woman pressed a button near by the beds and as the man struggled with the Klingon. She hit him squarely in the mouth to get away from him and was back at the door trying to get out.

As she did the door slid open and another man and woman, their lower faces covered with a white material of some kind, entered the room, grabbing a hold of her. She struggled in their grasp, noticing the sores on her body for the first time, as the first man got up off the floor, nursing his mouth. He held a type of hypospray to her neck and she fell unconscious again.

The two aliens holding onto the Klingon woman brought her back to the empty cot and laid her down, leaving the room afterwards. Harry watched as the first man and woman tended to the Klingon, and then looked a way, a pit forming in his stomach. Was this how his first mission was going to end? By dying?

* * *

"Lieutenant Carey, can I speak to you for a moment please?" Sarah Barrett asked stepping into Main Engineering.

Joe Carey, temporarily in charge of the department looked up from his console with a flirty smile. _Wonderful,_ Sarah thought as she moved towards the station, _another Tom Paris._ "Yes, ma'am, what can I do for you Counselor?" the engineer asked when she finally came to a stop at his station.

Sarah held the PADD she had in her hand up. "Care to explain why this status report hasn't been updated in nearly ten hours?"

"I've had nothing to update, ma'am."

"Nothing to update?"

Carey laughed nervously. "It's taking a lot longer to make repairs than I originally believed; nothing is done being repaired yet. I can assure you though Counselor that we're working around the clock to fix everything. None of my people have left yet and we're all pulling double shifts, some even are pulling triple shifts. It will get done, it's just going to take time."

Sarah tapped the PADD against her leg. "Time," she repeated. "Lieutenant Carey I don't know if you've looked around you lately but we don't have a lot of time. We're seventy thousand light years from with a missing crewman. Time, as you say, is not on our side. If Captain Janeway asked you to have the repairs to the warp engines made by a certain time you'd complete it by that time, would you not?"

"Well of course I would..."

"What bothers your more, Lieutenant? The fact that I'm a counselor or that fact that Janeway left me in charge of repairs?"

Carey looked increasingly uncomfortable. "Neither ma'am. I'll make sure the warp drive is back online by the morning. We'll double our efforts."

Sarah smiled sweetly. "Thank you," she said before turning on her heel and leaving. As she walked out she briefly became aware that people were looking at her with a little bit more respect, which wasn't the point of coming down, however, it was a nice added bonus as she made her way out of the room. It would perhaps make her job of over seeing the repairs a little easier.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I forgot to mention that I have taken some dialogue directly from the show, so those lines do not belong to me, they belong to the writers. Enjoy!

_Captain's log, stardate 48315.6. We've traced the energy pulses from the array to the fifth planet of the neighboring system and believe they may have been used in some fashion to transport Kim and Torres to the planet's surface._

* * *

Kathryn Janeway looked out the windows in her quarters at the massive space array that _Voyager_ was orbiting. Ava was playing near by, refusing to go to sleep. Kathryn had spent the past three hours trying to get Ava down for the night but to no avail. The child just plain out refused. Pinching the bridge of her nose with her thumb and pointer finger, Kathryn closed her eyes trying to concentrate.

She was finding it difficult. She had a headache and the endless questions were only making it worse. The door chimed and she let out a soft sigh before calling, "Come in."

Kathryn turned about to see Tuvok enter. The Vulcan was carrying a PADD in his hands and reading it over. "Captain," he said, "I've observed something peculiar about the pulses; they're getting faster."

She took the PADD in her hand, letting the one she was holding in her other to drop to her side. "Faster," she said, disgusted, looking away from her trusted friend. She knew that her tone was probably hostile and he did not deserve it, but she was exhausted. They were no closer to finding Kim and Torres and a way home, and Ava's refusal to go to sleep was not helping matters any. What was it her mother had said, mixing a Starfleet career and motherhood was like mixing oil and water; it just couldn't be done. Kathryn, in her stubbornness, had been determined that she could. Now, that stubbornness was paying its toll.

"I can offer no explanation as to why they are increasing," Tuvok said. She had not even realized he was still talking.

With a sigh, she turned towards her desk. "That's only one of the mysteries we're dealing with, Mister Tuvok. Take a look." She turned the personal computer around so he could see the display. It was a graphic of the fifth planet that _Voyager_ had been scanning. "It's virtually a desert. Not one ocean, not one river. It has all the characteristics of an M class planet, with one exception, there are no nucelogenic particles in the atmosphere."

"That would indicate that the planet cannot produce rain," Tuvok stated.

Kathryn nodded her head and moved away from him. "I've studied hundreds of M Class planets; I've never seen one without nucelogenics. There must have been some extraordinary environmental disaster," she sighed, stopping to look out the window. She sat down on the sofa, "As soon as repairs are complete, we'll set a course for the fifth planet."

Kathryn leaned back and placing her chin in the palm of her hand, looked out the window at the unmapped stars. Ava whimpered suddenly and she turned her attention to the baby. She was lying on her back, looking up at the ceiling, but was starting to lose the battle with sleep. Tuvok also looked at the child and saw the strain not only in the baby's tired little face, but in the Captain's as well.

"Captain," he said, stepping towards the sofa. "You require sleep; as does young Ava."

She didn't seem to hear him. "Kim's mother called me before we left; delightful woman, her only son. He'd left his clarinet behind; she wanted to know if she had enough time to send it. I had to tell her no," Kathryn said sadly, looking up at Tuvok. "Did you know he played the clarinet in the Julliard Youth Symphony?"

"I did not get the chance to meet Mister Kim," Tuvok replied.

"I barely knew him," Kathryn said, softly. "I never seem to get the chance to know any of them." She leaned forward thoughtfully. "I have to take more time to do that." The baby whimpered again and caught her mother's attention. "It's a fine crew and I've gotta get them home."

Tuvok placed his hands behind his back. "The crew, and your children, will not benefit from the leadership of an exhausted captain and mother."

Kathryn looked up at him, a soft smile formed on her worn face. "Your right as usual," she leaned back, letting the cushions massage her aching back. "I've missed your council."

"I am gratified that you would come after me so I could offer it to you once again," Tuvok replied.

She smiled. "I spoke to your family before I left."

He took a deep breath. "Are they well?"

Kathryn titled her head, slightly. "They're worried about you."

"That would not be an accurate perception, Captain. Vulcans do not worry."

"They… _miss_ you."

"As I do them."

Kathryn stood, moving towards him. "I'll get you back to them. That's a promise, Tuvok."

For a moment the two friends looked each other in the eye before Tuvok nodded his had in gratitude and turned to leave the room. Kathryn watched him go before she went to pick Ava up and hold her close, looking out the window at the stars. "You hear that my little bird," she whispered in her baby's ear. "I'm going to get you home."

* * *

"You look like you could use some of this," a voice said above her.

Sarah Barrett glanced up from the latest repair report to see Tom Paris standing by her table in the mess hall, with a pot of coffee in his hands. The room was practically empty and the lights had been dimmed for the nighttime hours. Blinking the sleep out of her eyes, she looked about the now abandoned room. She had been here so long she realized that she had no idea what time it was. Offering him a small, tired smile, she gestured for him to sit down.

Tom took a seat opposite her and poured her a cup. "I heard you had a few extra duties shoved on your shoulders. But I didn't think you'd be up this late however pouring over…what exactly are you pouring over anyways?"

"Repair reports," she replied, taking the mug from him. "Captain Janeway has me coordinating the repair teams. Our senior staff, shall we say is a little depleted right now."

"It might stay that way if we don't find a way home," Tom quipped, taking a sip of his own coffee.

"I'm trying not to think about that," Sarah said in response. "I don't think I can take many more late nights like this. Speaking of late nights by the way, why are you up so late?"

He shrugged. "Couldn't sleep."

"Thinking about Harry?" she asked, setting the PADD aside.

"Yeah, I suppose I am," Tom replied, casting his eyes downward.

It was hard for him to open up to anybody, let alone a girl that he had just met a few days before. But he had to get it off his chest if he ever hoped of getting a wink of sleep that night. Truth be told, he had purposely tracked her down, she seemed like the most logical choice of someone to talk to, she was after all the ship's counselor, but she had also been the only one, besides Janeway and Harry, to give him the time of day since he had boarded this ship. "He's pretty much the only one on this ship that's been civil to me, friendly even, with the exception of you and Captain Janeway of course. I guess I've been thinking about how lonely this whole mission could be if we don't find a way home and rescue Harry."

Her sapphire eyes softened. "Tom, if Captain Janeway's service record is any indication of how she really is, then she will do everything in her power to find Harry and bring him back to _Voyager._ Besides, you're not alone, a lot of people on this ship I'm sure will be willing to give you a second chance. You just have to give them reason to do so."

He mulled over her words, and then grinned. "You're good. However, you're being a bit pessimistic. Don't you believe we're going to get home? Why would people on this ship _even_ have the time to give me a second chance, especially since I'll be back in New Zealand when we return to Starfleet?"

Sarah frowned. "It's not pessimism, it's realism."

"Oh is that what they call it these days?"

"Well what do you want me to say?" she snapped, hotly. "We'll find Harry and then we'll all sail home triumphantly? The truth is, Paris, we're seventy thousand light years from home, with an entity that seems quite content to let us rot out here before sending us back where we came from and we're relying for help on people that can't be trusted entirely because of their views on the Federation."

"Chakotay," he huffed.

Sarah quirked an eyebrow. "He had an...interesting reaction to you today. What's your history with him?"

"There isn't any."

"Don't lie to me, no one would have reacted like that if you didn't have history."

Tom shrugged his shoulders. "I was itching for fight after being ushered out of Starfleet. I was angry at them, angry at myself for what had happened. I found Chakotay and the Maquis. They were desperate for fighters so they took me. Chakotay could see right through me, he knew what I was in for and he knew why. He never trusted me and he considered me more trouble than I was worth. He knew that I wasn't in it for their mighty cause and he figured that someday I'd turn them in, in exchange for something so I could please my parents. The truth is he was right about me. I am more trouble than I'm worth and I'm sorry that Captain Janeway could be stuck with me out here."

"You shouldn't say stuff like that, you don't know what's going to happen," she said, tensely.

Tom studied the tired expression on her face. "You're worried about being stuck out here aren't you?"

"Aren't you?"

"Me, nah," he replied. "I don't have a life back home worth returning too. It's doesn't matter to me either way."

In reality, neither did she. Both her parents were dead and she had had a falling out with her older brother when he had found out she was using drugs. She had not spoken to him for at least two years. What scared her was being stuck out here with people who did have a life back home to return to. She wasn't sure if she was the right person to get them through it all.

Tom was standing now. "If it's any consolation, Counselor, if we do get stuck out here, I think we've got the best counselor on board to get us through it."

Their eyes met briefly before he turned and left the room. Sarah was once again left alone in the dim light with her PADDs, but now with a little bit more confidence and a steaming pot of coffee.

* * *

_Captain's log, supplemental. The Maquis ship and Voyager have encountered a debris field where sensors have detected a small vessel. One humanoid life-form is on board._

* * *

"Hail them," Janeway told Tuvok as she stepped onto the bridge from her ready room. After finally getting her baby down for the night she had gotten a good night's sleep and felt refreshed and ready for whatever the day had to bring her. Stopping to stand behind helm, she turned to the view screen to see a net of some kind covering the alien's own view screen.

Someone was moving about in the background trying to find it.

The net was tossed out of the way and a male humanoid appeared, with spotted skin and orange hair. "Who ever you are, I found this waste heap first!" he yelled at her in a hostile tone. Janeway looked back at Sarah Barrett, seated in her chair, the two made eye contact for a moment before the Captain looked back at their new 'friend.'

"We're not interested in your debris," she told him, waving her hand about to emphasize what she was saying. "Mister?"

He's face immediately softened. "Neelix. And since you're not interested in my debris, well then, I'm delighted to know you."

Sarah got up from her chair and went to whisper in Kathryn's ear. "He's probably harmless Captain, makes his living by salvaging parts in debris heaps like this one. My guess is that this is how most beings get by in this region of space, that would account for his hostile reaction at seeing us at first."

Confident in her counselor's assessment of their new friend, she smiled. "Captain Kathryn Janeway, of the Federation Starship Voyager," she introduced her self to Neelix.

"That's a very impressive title. I have no idea what it all means," Neelix said. "But it sounds very impressive."

"Tell me Mister Neelix, do you know this part of space well?" Janeway asked him.

"I am famous for knowing it well," Neelix answered, proudly. "How may I be of service?"

"Do you know anything about the array that is sending energy pulses to the fifth planet?" Janeway inquired, pacing the command station back and forth, not breaking her eye contact with Neelix.

"I know enough to stay as far away from it as possible," Neelix replied. A look of understanding suddenly dawned on his face. "Let me guess, you were whisked away from somewhere else in the galaxy and brought here against your will?"

"Sounds like you've heard this story before."

"Sadly yes, thousands of times, well hundreds of times, maybe fifty times," Neelix said, which caused a small smile to form on Janeway's face. "The Caretaker has been bringing ships here for months now."

Janeway's eyes lit up with curiosity. "The Caretaker?"

"That's what the Ocampa call him. They live on the fifth planet," Neelix answered. "Did he kidnap some of your crew?"

Janeway leaned against the rail at conn. "As a matter of fact, he did."

"It's not the first time."

"Do you know where he might have taken them?" Janeway asked hopefully.

"Just that they are brought to the Ocampa, nothing more," Neelix said.

"We'd appreciate any help that you could give us in finding these…Ocampa," Janeway told him.

Neelix looked about his pile of junk for a moment before answering her. "I really wish I could help, I really do, but as you can see there is so much debris for me to go through. You'd be surprised the things of value some people throw out."

"Of course we'd want to compensate you for your trouble," Janeway offered him.

"There's really very little that you could offer me," Neelix replied, diverting his eyes, "unless of course you had…water."

Janeway looked down at the floor for a moment. If this was only going to cost them water, something they could easily replicate, then she was the one coming up smelling like roses in this deal. She glanced back at Neelix. "If you help us find our missing crew members you can have all the water you want."

"That sounds like a very reasonable arrangement."

She smiled. "Good. We'll beam you over and tow your ship into our shuttle bay." As she looked over her shoulder at Tuvok she was unaware of the distressed look that came over Neelix's face. "Mister Tuvok, Miss Barrett, go to Transporter Room Two and meet our guest." Janeway turned back towards Neelix as her officers left the Bridge.

"Beam?" Neelix questioned.

It had never occurred to her that these people had no idea what a transporter was. "We have technology that allows us to take you instantly from your ship to ours. It's quite harmless. May we?"

Neelix put his arms up in the air and a few seconds later the he materialized in Transporter Room Two, where Tuvok and Barrett were waiting to greet him. He looked positively relieved to be alive and in one piece. "Astonishing!" he exclaimed, running his hands over his furry coat. "You Federation are obviously an advanced culture."

"The Federation is made up of many cultures, I am Vulcan," Tuvok said, then gesturing towards Sarah, "Miss Barrett is human."

"Neelix!" The alien said, as he bounded off the transporter pad and threw his arms around Tuvok. "Good to meet you!"

Barrett had to repress a giggle at seeing the obvious discomfort this put Tuvok in. But as Neelix gathered her up into his arms, she soon found the reason for the discomfort. Mister Neelix apparently did not know what a bath was.

He let go of her and looked around the room. "Interesting. What…what does this all do?"

Tuvok stepped closer to him, not comfortable with the alien freely roaming around the room, brushing his fingers over various bulkheads and consoles. "I assure you everything in this room has a specific function. It would take several hours to explain it all."

"Perhaps another time," Barrett said, watching in mild amusement. "Shall we take you to your quarters?" She gestured for Neelix to follow her, Tuvok behind him.

"Perhaps you would care for a bath," the Vulcan stated.

Neelix looked at him perplexed. "A what?"

As the trio made their way through the corridors, Neelix stopping to look at everything, touching things that made Tuvok visibly flinch on occasion, Sarah knew that her personnel log was going to be interesting tonight.

* * *

Harry felt like he had been sitting on his biobed in the sterile alien room for hours. The Klingon woman was still sedated and unconscious on her own biobed and the only company Harry really had was the sound of the energy pulses. He was beginning to wonder if their alien 'hosts' were ever going to come back.

The Klingon woman suddenly jerked up and turned to face him. He put a hand up. "It's okay," he told her. " It's okay."

She looked nervous. "Who are you?"

"Name is Kim, Harry Kim. I'm an ensign on the Starship _Voyager_ ," he replied. "I was kidnapped from the array just like you were. I don't know where we are."

"What was Starfleet doing at that array?" she asked, angrily.

"Looking for you actually; one minute we were in the Badlands, the next—,"

"You mean you were trying to capture us!" the Klingon interrupted.

"Yeah, consider yourself captured," Harry answered sarcastically. He ran his hands over his white medical robe. "I know I have a phaser in here somewhere."

She moved closer to him. "I don't find this at all amusing, Starfleet." She moved towards the door, trying to look for a way to open it. She heard the Starfleet officer tell her that it was no use that it was locked. She didn't care, she had to get out, so she tried hitting it.

Harry jumped off the biobed and went to pull her away from the door. "Hey, what is that going to accomplish!"

"What are they doing to us!" she screamed holding up her wrists to show him the sores on her body. "What are these things growing on us?"

"Do you want them to sedate you again?"

"You're right Starfleet," she said, conceding to him. "It's the Klingon half of me, it's just that it's hard to control it sometimes."

"What's your name Maquis?"

"B'Elanna," she answered, "B'Elanna Torres."

The door to their room opened and one of the alien doctors was standing there holding some clothing. Harry held onto B'Elanna's arm firmly so she wouldn't try to go and attack the doctor. "I hope you're feeling better," the alien said. "I know this must be frightening for both of you. I've brought some clothes if you care to change." He held the arm with the clothing draped over it up so they could see them better.

"Why are you holding us here?" B'Elanna asked.

"You are not prisoners. In fact we consider you honored guests." He walked into the room closer to the two. "The Caretaker has sent you to us. As long as you're not violent you're free to leave your quarters."

"What's wrong with us?" Harry asked, holding up his hand. "What are these things?"

The doctor looked at him sadly. "We really don't know," he paused briefly, and then said, "You must be hungry, would you care to join me on the courtyard for a meal?"

B'Elanna and Harry looked at each other before making the decision that it was time to get out of this sterile room.

The doctor brought them up to the courtyard, directing them to the food dispensers. It was bright and airy, with many of the aliens out and about. Harry went to lean on a rail and looked out at the city. He was amazed to find that they were underground, with all the light around, that he assumed was sunlight, it was hard to believe.

"We're underground," he stated, looking about.

"Our society is subterranean, we've lived here for over five hundred generations," the doctor informed them as a group started to form around them.

B'Elanna looked upward. "But before that, you lived on the surface?"

"Yes, until the warming began."

"The warming?"

"When our surface turned into a desert and the Caretaker came to protect us," the doctor told him, as the group of curious aliens began to close in around them. Harry and B'Elanna were suddenly aware that they were being watched. "Our ancient journals tell us that he opened a deep chasm in the ground and led our ancestors to this place. Since then he has provided for all our needs." He suddenly noticed the group around them as well and the troubled looks on Harry and B'Elanna's faces. "Please forgive them; they know you have come from the Caretaker. None of us have ever seen him." He gestured for them to follow.

Harry and B'Elanna pushed their way through the group of on lookers and followed the doctor. They stopped at something that was similar to a replicator. The doctor proceeded to provide them with a bowl of food that neither B'Elanna nor Harry was sure about eating, but they took the bowls just to be polite.

They moved through the seating area which was facing three large view screens, each displaying a different scene of nature. "Is this how the Caretaker communicates with you?" Harry asked, eyeing the view screens.

"He never communicates with us directly," the doctor answered. "We try to interpret his wishes as best we can."

"I'm curious to know how you've interpreted the Caretaker's reasons for sending us here," Harry replied.

"We believe he separated you from your species for their protection."

"Their protection?" B'Elanna snapped.

"From your illness," he replied. The doctor gestured for the two to sit down with him. B'Elanna and Harry slowly took a seat. "Perhaps he's trying to prevent a plague."

"We weren't sick until we met your Caretaker," B'Elanna said.

"From time to time he asks us to care for people with this disease. It's the least we can do."

"There have been others?" B'Elanna questioned. "Like us?"

"Yes," was the only thing the doctor said in reply to her.

B'Elanna felt her nerves on edge as she asked, "Where are they?"

The doctor sighed, heavily. "You're condition is serious. We don't know exactly how to treat it. I'm afraid that the others did not recover."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the long wait. Enjoy!

The _Val Jean_ and _Voyager_ had entered a stranded orbit around the fifth planet where their new _friend_ had informed them that they would find the Ocampa. Captain Janeway had made preparations for an away team to beam down to the surface to search for Torres and Kim and had ordered Sarah Barrett, who had been given the pleasure of being their guest's escort, to retrieve their guest and bring him to the transporter room. For the most part she had spent it running him around the ship to see absolutely everything. He talked nonstop and constantly was asking questions about how the ship worked. Sarah's best skills were not in engineering but she managed to answer them to the best of her limited abilities. The whole ordeal had been utterly exhausting and it wasn't even past noon yet.

She tapped at the panel outside their guest's quarters to let him know she was there, but there was no response. Using her security clearance she opened the door.

"Hello?" Sarah called out as she stepped into the quarters that had been assigned to Neelix. "Mister Neelix?"

She glanced around the room and caught sight of the dinning table. There were several vases of water stacked on top of each other like children's blocks and plates of half eaten food every where. Glancing astonished at the sight, she leaned down to get a better look, allowing her sapphire eyes to study each vase. Mister Neelix must not have seen a replicator before today.

From the bathroom she could hear singing, although it wasn't words, just sounds, and she could hear the splashing of water. Straightening up, she turned about and stepped inside the bathroom, and immediately shut her eyes. Neelix was in the bathtub, soaking in a mountain of bubbles, and had no qualms about her walking in on him. "Sir?" she asked, nervously.

"Ah, Miss Barrett! Come in! Please, come in! I can hardly see your pretty face!" Neelix said happily from the tub. Sarah stepped into the room further but did not open her eyes. "I want to thank you for your hospitality, Miss Barrett. I must admit, I've never had access to a food… repmala...replicator before."

Sarah swallowed hard. "Really? I would never have guessed that."

"And to immerse my self in water, do you know what joy this is?" Neelix grabbed for another large vase of water and poured it down his throat, not caring if he wasted any. "No one around here wastes water in this manner," he told her, "a good sand scrub, that's the best we can hope for."

"I'm happy that you're having a grand time, but we've just arrived at the fifth planet. Captain Janeway needs your assistance," Sarah replied. She heard some splashing about in the water and assumed that the sounds were caused because Neelix stood up.

"Oh, could you hand me the towel," he asked her.

If it wasn't so hot in that room her face probably would have paled. "What?"

"The towel, Miss Barrett, oh don't be shy! I don't bite!"

"It's not you biting me that I'm worried about," Sarah said, reaching out with her hands and feeling for the towel. When she found it she grasped it tightly and held it out to her side. She heard Neelix move about as he snatched the towel from her hand.

The alien began wrapping the towel about his body and drying off, not bothered at all that he was wearing only a towel in the presence of a stranger. "On the large southern continent you'll find a range of extinct volcanoes. Follow the foothills north until you discover a dry riverbed. You'll find an encampment there."

For some reason she got the feeling that Neelix was leading them in a different direction for his own purposes, but she did not speak up about it, not yet anyways. "Do you think that's where our people are?"

"It's not impossible," Neelix replied. Again there was a rippling of a feeling that he was lying to her. "Maybe… perhaps not, but we will find them. We'll need several containers of water to bring, for barter of course." He eyed her science blue uniform for a moment and his finger traced her combadge in midair. "Do these replicators make clothing as well?"

"Yes," she said simply, finally feeling safe to open her eyes.

"Well it make me a uniform like yours?"

"No, it will not," She lied, " However I suggest that you dress quickly. I'll inform Captain Janeway of what you just told me."

Neelix went off to get dressed and Sarah nearly ran out of the quarters. Once out in the safe confines of the corridor she tapped her combadge. "Barrett to Janeway."

" _Janeway here._ "

"I've just spoken to Mister Neelix. He says that we should travel to the southern continent, apparently there is an encampment near a dried up river bed," Sarah told her commanding officer. "He also recommended that we have several containers of water to use for barter. Captain, I get the feeling that he is not being entirely truthful with us, but perhaps we'll get more answers when we beam down to the surface."

" _Understood; I want you and Mister Neelix to meet us in Transporter Room Two."_

"Yes ma'am," Sarah replied as the doors to Neelix's quarters swished open. The alien stepped out wearing a colorful patterned suit. "Mister Neelix and I are ready. We'll meet you in Transporter Room Two, Barrett out." She tapped her combadge and then remembered she had something to give their guest. She held her hand out, in it was another silver and gold combadge, the same one that she had on her uniform.

"This if for you Neelix. It's so we can keep track of you, just in case anything goes wrong down there. It also allows you to communicate with _Voyager_ directly," Sarah placed it in his palm. "Don't lose it, it could mean your life," she told him as she turned away and began to make for the turbo lift.

"My life?" Neelix sputtered. "What kind of missions do you Federation go on anyways?"

She chuckled as they stepped inside the lift. "Deck Four," she told the computer.

Neelix was nervously placing the combadge onto his suit jacket. "This is just a safety precaution right? I mean, you were joking when you said that this could mean my life?"

"No, I wasn't," Sarah replied as the lift came to a halt and the doors opened. "This is so we will have the ability to transport you off the planet at a moment's notice. Sometimes that moment could be just before the room you're in explodes. The chances of that happening though are slim, I wouldn't worry about it."

He didn't look entirely convinced as they stepped into the transporter room. Janeway was waiting there with Chakotay, Paris, and Tuvok. Neelix looked even more nervous when Janeway instructed Sarah to arm her self. These people were not taking the situation lightly, and they shouldn't, not for where Neelix was about to take them. The phasers were probably a good thing to be carrying. But the presences of their weapons might complicate his plan.

"Alright, let's get moving," Janeway ordered the group. They all got on the transporter pad swiftly and once they were all in place, Janeway gave the transporter chief the order to energize.

They rematerialized in what would be the equivalent of no where on Earth. There was no plant life to speak of, it was dry and hot, the sun beating down on their backs. It was a desert just like all their scans had told them, yet it was more desolate than any of them could have imagined. Turning about, Janeway and her away team saw the encampment that Neelix had told them about. Several alien ships were parked near by, and she could see beings crying out in shock at their sudden appearance and run back towards the settlement.

Janeway looked over her shoulder at Neelix, who stepped up to her side. They began walking towards the settlement while Tom Paris remarked, "Why would anyone want to live in a place like this?"

"The rich cormaline deposits are very much in demand," Neelix answered him, his orange eyes scanning the settlement, as if he was looking for someone particular.

"Do the Ocampa use it for barter?" Chakotay asked.

"Not the Ocampa, the Kazon-Ogla," Neelix said.

"The Kazon-Ogla, who are the Kazon-Ogla?" Janeway asked, confused.

Neelix gestured towards the settlement that they were walking towards. "They are." A group of Kazon had gathered at the entrance of the settlement, some were brandishing weapons, cautiously watching as the group of Starfleet officers, a Maquis commander, and a Talaxian trader came closer to their home. They resembled klingons in appearance, with cranial ridges and darker pigmented skin, the most common appearing to be a copper tone. They had dark hair that grew in chunks or was specifically parted in several places, perhaps, Janeway thought, as some form of hierarchy.

"I thought you were taking us to the Ocampa?" Barrett asked, walking alongside Janeway. She had known Neelix was lying to them and even though she had told the Captain she had such feelings, she had not insisted that they wait until they knew of Neelix's true motives. Now they could be walking into a dangerous situation that had very little to do with Harry Kim and B'Elanna Torres. "When we asked that you take us to the Ocampa, we meant we wanted to be taken to the Ocampa, not on a detour."

"The Kazon sects control this part of the quadrant," Neelix informed Janeway, ignoring Barrett. "Some have food some have water, they all trade and they all kill each other for it."

They had made it to the gathering of Kazon. Janeway, like Barrett, wasn't too pleased that she had been misled. "I thought you said the Ocampa had our people?"

The Kazon closed in around them, the group was pressed tightly together as Neelix cried out, "My friends! It's good to see you again!" The aliens weren't too happy to see him however, scooping him up and carrying him away while the others took the away team's weapons, pushing them all to the ground. Neelix was thrown against a wall, the group that had grabbed him snarling at him.

"I must speak with your Maje," Neelix said, "the ever wise Jabin!" The Kazon cocked their weapons at him as another Kazon made their way across a balcony above them, stirred by the noise of the mob. Neelix spotted him and cried out, "Jabin!"

The newcomer didn't look pleased to see Neelix as he made his way down towards the group. The away team began to feel nervous, more so than they already were. Things were not going quite as they had planned they were going to go. Neelix was still sputtering away, hoping that the Kazon whose guns were trained on him wouldn't fire. "Water Jabin! I have water! To replace all that I borrowed! Show them Mister Paris," he cried desperately.

Tom reached into the knapsack that he was carrying and produced a small canteen of water, holding it out to Jabin. The Kazon snatched the canteen up as Neelix told them that the ship they came on could make water out of thin air. Jabin opened the canteen and sniffed its contents before taking a large sip of the precious liquid. He handed the canteen off to the person nearest him, dark eyes looking at Paris, the closest male to him, and asked, "You have more?"

Janeway tapped her combadge. "Janeway to _Voyager_. Energize." Two large containers appeared out of nowhere to the Kazon and they quickly grabbed whatever they could to go and gather the water up, completely forgetting about Neelix. Jabin watched astounded as his people moved towards the large containers. "There's more where that came from, if you can help us." Even though Neelix had led them to the Kazon and not the Ocampa, Janeway was going to make best of the situation.

Jabin looked at her. "How can we help someone so powerful that they can create water out of thin air?"

Janeway eyed Neelix for a moment. "This man lead us here suggesting that we might find a people called the Ocampa," she noticed that a girl, with short cropped blonde hair, and pointed ears, had appeared near by where Neelix was standing. She looked like she had been beaten and it made Janeway's skin crawl. "Do you know where they are?"

The Kazon leader looked at Janeway curiously. "Ocampa?" he repeated before turning about and pointing towards the girl that was standing a ways behind Neelix. "She is Ocampa! Why would you be interested in such worthless creatures? They only live nine years. They make poor servants; we caught her when she wandered to the surface."

"To the surface? You mean they live underground?" Janeway questioned.

"The entity in space that gives them food and power, also gives them sole access to this planet's only source of water, two miles below the surface," Jabin answered, pointing towards the energy pulses that were going towards the mountains.

"This same entity has abducted two of our people," Janeway replied. "We believe that they might be with the Ocampa."

"There's no way to get to them, we've tried," Jabin answered, lowering his body down to be at eye level with Janeway. "The entity has established some kind of subterranean barrier, we cannot penetrate."

Barrett and Chakotay were thinking the same thing, but Chakotay voiced it first, "But she got out."

"Occassionally some of them do find their way to the surface. We don't know how, but the Ocampa seal the tunnels afterwards," Jabin said, stuffing all of their weapons onto his own belt.

"Maybe she can help these good people find a way down," Neelix offered a bit too slyly for the likes of Janeway or Barrett. He was up to something and they both hoped that it wasn't going to cost them.

Jabin laughed, and then snarled, "You'd be wasting your time. I've used ever method of persuasion I know to get her to help us. She won't!"

"She's worthless to you! Let us trade you water for this scrawny little thing," Neelix replied.

"I'd be more interested in obtaining this technology that allows you to create water out of thin air," Jabin said.

Janeway made eye contact with Barrett. Protocol didn't exactly forbid Janeway to share technologly, if it was in fair trade and a benefit to the people receiving it, however, the Captain didn't know much about the Kazon, and therefore felt uncomfortable about giving them access to Federation technology. "That would be difficult," Janeway answered, truthfully. "It's integrated into our ship's systems."

No sooner had the words left her mouth, than did Neelix suddenly run forward and grab Jabin. He was holding a small phaser that could be concealed in the palm of your hand and the away team was shocked when it was produced. "Tell them to drop their weapons!" Neelix ordered Jabin, jabbing the phaser in the fleshy part of the Kazon's neck.

"Do it!" Jabin cried. The Kazon who had rushed to his rescue put their weapons down.

The away team jumped to their feet, Chakotay retrieving all of their weapons from Jabin's belt. Each member pointed the phaser at the group of Kazon, but kept the setting on stun. Janeway only hoped that they could get out of there without any weapons firing.

There was going to be no such luck. Neelix pushed Jabin away from him and pointed his own weapon right at the containers of water, warning the Kazon to get out of the way. He then fired the weapon, puncturing the water containers. The liquid came gushing out and the Kazon rushed to get what they could before it all emptied out and was sucked up by the dry ground.

The Ocampa girl was joining them now, as instructed by Neelix. "I strongly suggest that you get us out of here," he implored to Janeway, who tapped her combadge and told _Voyager_ to beam them all up.

Once on the safety of the transporter pad, Janeway and the rest of the away team put their weapons away, making their way off the transporter pad. No one was really paying attention to Neelix and the Ocampa, until they heard Neelix say, "My dearest, didn't I promise I'd save you."

Tuvok frowned, Paris and Chakotay looked amused, while Janeway looked at the couple,shocked. Barrett, on the other hand, wasn't too surprised, she had a feeling before that Neelix had another plan other than leading them to the Ocampa, but rescuing a lover was not what had been at the top of her list of things he could possibly be doing.

"Perhaps we should get our new guest to sickbay," Tuvok suggested, leading Neelix and the Ocampa girl off of the transporter pad.

When they were gone Janeway looked at Barrett. "Do you believe his sole purpose for helping us was to help her?"

Barrett nodded her head. "Yes, he was probably looking for ways to help her escape the Kazon and were were plopped in his lap, needing to get to the the fifth planet and with far superior technology than anyone in this sector of space."

Janeway shook her head. She wasn't about to let Neelix's little deception of them slid; he was going to help them now whether he liked it or not. "Let's prepare another away mission to the planet, only this time we're going to the Ocampa and no detours. Maybe the girl we just helped rescue will feel slightly inclined to help us in return. Let's go join our guests in sickbay."

Paris, Chakotay, and Barrett followed the Captain out of the transporter room and made their way to the turbo lift. When they arrived in sickbay they found the Doctor cleaning the young Ocampa up, healing the cuts and bruises on her face, and Tuvok scolding Neelix, like he was one of the Vulcan's children.

"If you had told us what you had planned, we might have anticipated your irrational behavior," the Vulcan was saying, in a crisp even tone.

"Irrational? We got out of there didn't we?" Neelix snapped.

"Barely," Barrett muttered under her breath as the young Ocampa sat up on the biobed. Janeway flashed her a warning glare. She knew enough about her new commanding officer that the look meant it was time to keep her mouth shut. Pressing her lips together, she moved back a little, allowing Janeway to take the lead.

"Excuse me," the Ocampa said. "Don't blame Neelix."

The Doctor looked annoyed as the group closed in around the surgical biobed. "That's enough; this is a sick bay not a conference room. Everyone except my patient is to leave immediately."

Janeway voiced the words that both Barrett and Paris wanted too. "Computer, end medical holographic program." The Doctor gave her a surprised look before he disappeared, dropping an instrument on the floor. Janeway inched her way closer to the biobed, her arms crossed firmly over her chest.

"I never should have gone to the surface, I'm too curious," the Ocampa said as the Captain put the palms of her hands on the biobed. "I'm told it's my worst failing."

Neelix shook his head. "No no, it's a wonderful quality, you're most endearing."

"Would you be willing to take us underground to look for our missing crew?" Janeway asked her hopefully.

"I'm afraid that Jabin was right, there's no way to get down. The tunnel I came out has been sealed."

"We don't need a tunnel. We have the ability to transport there directly," Janeway told her. The girl looked genuinely curious at this statement.

"Captain," Tuvok's voice came from somewhere behind Janeway, "our sensors didn't pick up any indication of an underground civilization, the subterranean barrier that Jabin described maybe responsible. It might also block our transporter."

"There are breaches in the security barrier where it's begun to decay. That's how I got out."

Janeway mulled over her next course of action and turned to look at Tuvok. "Have the transporter room began a sweep for any breaches that we might be able to transport through." The Vulcan nodded his head and left the room, the door hissing shut behind him.

"Kes can tell you where to go, but now that she's free, we're leaving this system together," Neelix told Janeway. The Captain realized that was the first time she had ever heard the girl's name.

"Neelix," Kes said, forcefully. "These people rescued me."

"I rescued you!" Neelix replied, hotly.

"With their help; it would be wrong not to help them now."

Janeway smiled and ordered everyone, including Neelix and Kes back to the transporter room, and to prepare for another journey down to the planet, this time, however, they would be going underground.

 


	8. Chapter 8

"I'm sure Captain Janeway is doing everything she can to find us," Harry Kim told B'Elanna Torres, hoping to raise the young Klingon woman's spirits. The two were moping about a dark corridor in the Ocampa city, listening to the energy pulses and wondering if they were ever going to get out of here.  
  
"What makes you think any of them are alive?" she asked him in return. She winced, suddenly, grabbing at her neck.  
  
"Should I call for some help?"  
  
"No," she grunted, angrily, moving away from him, and ducking into a small nook. Harry paced back and forth and then finally decided to lean against the wall in the nook as footsteps could be heard approaching.  
  
He looked up to see the Ocampa nurse who had been there when he first had awoken. "Are you in pain?" she asked them, gently.  
  
"Are you watching us?" B'Elanna snapped stepping towards her. "I thought you said we weren't prisoners here?"  
  
"I wasn't watching you," the nurse assured them. "I was coming to give you something." She produced a vile of green powder to them. " I don't know if it will help," she told them, giving the vile to Harry. "It's a medicine. There are some people who have broken tradition that have left the city; their colony grows fruits and vegetables. They discovered quite be accident that the moss that grows on certain fruit trees have healing properties. I'm sorry for what has happened to you."  
  
"We appreciate this," Harry told her. "But they only way we're to survive is if we can get to the surface and find our own people."  
  
"The Elders would say that's against the Caretaker's wishes," the nurse replied.  
  
"What do you say?" B'Elanna challenged her.  
  
"The Caretaker's been behaving strangely for the past several months. Abducting people, increasing the power supply. He's tripled the energy he sends us. They say we have enough stored now to run the city for five years," the nurse said.  
  
"No body knows why?" Harry inquired.  
  
"When we ask we're told to trust the Caretaker's decisions. One person I knew did get to the surface, we never saw her again."  
  
"How?" Harry asked, hopefully.  
  
"The ancient tunnels that brought us here still exist," the nurse answered. "Over the years small breaches in security barriers have appeared just large enough for someone to get through. But it still requires digging through meters of rock to get out."  
  
B'Elanna moved towards her now. "Can you get us tools to dig with?"  
  
"It could take days, maybe even weeks to break through," she told them. "You have to rest, conserve your strength."  
  
"Please," Harry pleaded with her, "It's our only chance."  
  
The nurse looked around for a moment or two before nodded her head; she was going to get them the digging tools, they were half way to finding their people.

* * *

  
  
The underground dwelling of the Ocampa was nothing like the away team was expecting. There were buildings and rows of growing vegetables. Kes told them that this was just a colony that had broken away from the city, to start their own way of life. As the away team, consisting of Tom Paris, Sarah Barrett, Chakotay, Neelix, Kathryn Janeway, and Kes, made their way through the colony many of the Ocampa farmers stopped to glance at them.  
  
None of them appeared hostile though, just curious, and that put Janeway's mind at ease. Perhaps these people had not harmed Kim and Torres like she was beginning to dread, after seeing what the Kazon had done to Kes. This part of the galaxy seemed utterly ruthless and lawless and she feared being trapped here forever. If she had to choose a mission, being lost so far from home would never have been one of them. As it was searching for their missing crewmen was taking away precious time that could be used to convince the Caretaker to send them home.  
  
The energy pulses could be heard, drumming away in each of their brains. Tuvok, who had stayed behind in command of Voyager, had told Janeway that they were increasing, just before the away team had beamed down to the colony that Kes had called home. Janeway, or anyone else for the matter, couldn't understand why the array was quickening the energy pulses.  
  
The group had made it to the center of the small colony. A man and woman were looking over some type of plant; both looked up when the group with Kes approached. The male smiled, warmly as Kes went to embrace him.  
  
"Hello Daggin," Kes greeted taking the man's hands in her own.  
  
"We'd thought we'd never see you again," Daggin replied, with a warm smile. "How did you get back?"  
  
Kes gestured to the away team. "These people rescued me from the Kazon. I'm trying to help them find two of their crewmen." She looked around the group of gathered Ocampans and asked, "Does anyone know where the aliens are kept? The ones that the Caretaker sends here?"  
  
"I think that they're at the central clinic," Daggin answered.  
  
It was the first bit of good news that Janeway had heard in what felt like days and she exclaimed, "Can you take us there?"  
  
Two more Ocampa joined the group and Kes got an angry look on her face. "They cannot speak telepathically, Toscat, please talk a loud." Her harsh words made the away team all spin about and look at the newcomers. Up until that moment they had not been aware that these aliens possessed telepathic powers.  
  
One of the newcomers, Toscat, looked apologetic. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to be rude. But you should not be here."  
  
"We'll be glad to leave as soon as we have our people," Janeway told him.  
  
"That won't be possible, we cannot interfere with the Caretaker's wishes," Toscat said.  
  
"Maybe you can't, but we can," Chakotay snapped.  
  
Toscat shook his head. "You don't understand."  
  
"That's right," Kes piped up, "They don't understand. They have no way of knowing that the Ocampa have been dependent on the Caretaker for so long that we can't even think for ourselves anymore. They don't understand that we were once a people that had full command over our minds abilities."  
  
Toscat rolled his eyes. "The stories of our ancestor's cognitive abilities are apothecial. At the very least exaggerated."  
  
"We lost those abilities because we stopped using them."  
  
"You should not dwell on what's been lost," Toscat told Kes. "And look at all that has been gained."  
  
"We've gained a talent for dependency to simply take what we're given," Kes retorted. "I'm going to help them Toscat, whether you like it or not. And I think my friends will join me."  
  
Toscat took her by the arm and led her away from the group. "You've already defied the Caretaker by going to the surface. Learn from the experience. Follow the path he has set for us."  
  
"I've learned very well, Toscat! I saw the sunlight! I can't believe that our Caretaker would forbid us to open our eyes and see the sky!" Kes exclaimed, passionately. "Come with me," she said, turning about to face Janeway. "We'll find your people."  
  
Toscat could only watch as Kes and a group of her friends led Janeway and her away team towards the city. As they pulled away from the colony, Janeway reached out and grabbed a hold of Barrett's arm, gently, but with enough force that it pulled the young woman up to walk closely with the Captain.  
  
"Now is as good a time as ever to ask this," the Captain said, softly so only the counselor's could hear. "Once we get our people back, what do you think Chakotay's going to do?"  
  
Barrett glanced over her shoulder at the Maquis commander. He so far hadn't tried to hurt any of them. He seemed genuinely concerned for his missing crew and a fledging respect for Janeway. However, it didn't mean he wasn't going to turn on them the moment they had achieved their goal. "A number of things, but one being that he will do anything in his power to not be captured by us, we could be in for even more problems then just finding a way home. He's agreed to combine forces to find our missing people, because he knows that he needs our technology, however, once we've completed our mission, we're worthless to him and just another Federation Starship trying to capture him."  
  
"So much for letting bygones be bygones," Janeway muttered.  
  
"If he's smart, once we're back home in the Alpha Quadrant, he'll surrender. I don't know how that tiny ship would hold up if Voyager was chasing them constantly," Barrett replied. "But from my experiences, I've found that terrorist cells don't just give up so easily. I'm sure, while he's been spending time on his ship, he has been devising a plan for when we get home."  
  
"If we get back home," Janeway told her. "If we don't, we're going to need them." In the past few days, while working so closely with the Maquis, Kathryn's opinion had slowly been changing about them.  
  
"Ma'am?" her counselor asked her in a confused tone.  
  
"I'm not going to lie to you Sarah," Janeway said to her. "Our chances of the array sending us home are slim. My senior staff is all but gone, with only you and Tuvok remaining, and if we're lucky Harry Kim. I'm trying to keep a positive outlook that we will get back to Federation space and our staff will be replenished, but the another part of me is facing reality. We're going to need to continue to join forces if we're going to survive out here."  
  
The younger woman focused on the sounds of the energy pulses for a moment. Kathryn Janeway was right, if they did not get home like they were hoping, Voyager and the Maquis were going to have to depend on each other and their talents to get them through. No one knew what lay ahead from this point in the galaxy; it was a completely uncharted part of space for the Federation. They would be alone, with no one to come to their aide if they should need it. But would the Maquis ever go for an alliance with Janeway? Barrett was finding it difficult to picture it happening as they stepped onto an escalator; the Maquis were not exactly Starfleet's best friends.  
  
Kes had informed them that they were entering the main city. The group spilt up, with the Ocampa going to check out the central clinic for Harry Kim and B'Elanna Torres. Janeway and the rest decided to begin asking around on their own about their missing people.  
  
As they made their way through the crowds the sounds of the energy pulses vanished, they had stopped. Tapping her combadge, Janeway contacted Tuvok on Voyager. "Away team to Voyager, what's going on with the array?"  
  
"It's no longer sending out energy pulses Captain. It appears to be realigning its position."  
  
"Keep me informed, Janeway out."  
  
As the away team proceeded on, Kes and her friends approached them. "They haven't been seen at the clinic for hours," Kes informed the Captain.  
  
"We can search the city, ask around if anyone has seen them," Daggin suggested.  
  
"If they were trying to get to the surface how would they go?"  
  
"Probably the same way I did, up one of the ancient tunnels," Kes replied.  
  
"Mister Paris, you and Neelix go with her and start checking them out," Janeway ordered Tom. "The rest of us will stay here; see what we can find out." The group split up once again, this time Paris going with Neelix and Kes to the search the tunnels, with Barrett and Chakotay staying with Janeway. "We need to talk to every doctor and nurse at this hospital, see what they can tell us about Torres and Kim."  
  
The ground shook violently then and Janeway struggled to keep her balance.  
  
"Voyager to Janeway."  
  
"Go ahead."  
  
"Captain, the array is firing a weapon at the surface. It seems to be trying to seal the energy conduits."  
  
Janeway nodded her head. "Understood, keep a channel open," she said, walking along with Chakotay and Barrett.  
  
"The array is the Ocampa's sole source of energy, why would the Caretaker seal the conduits?" Chakotay asked.  
  
"He's sealing them because he no longer intends to provide for them, and to protect the Ocampa from the Kazon or other enemies," Barrett replied. "Captain, I think I've seen enough to piece together a reasonable hypothesis. The Caretaker is dying."  
  
"Explain."  
  
"Well, he's increased the energy supply so the Ocampa would have enough power to run on the city on their own for the next five years," Barrett replied, "and now it looks like he is trying to seal the conduits. Coupled with Tuvok's observations as well while on the array, the only conclusion I can come to at this point is that he does not intend to continue his role as Caretaker."  
  
"That doesn't mean he's dying," Chakotay replied. "He could be leaving."  
  
"I don't think so," Barrett replied. "While we were over there he kept talking about running out of time and a debt that could never be repaid. I believe that the debt he was speaking of was a debt he owed to the Ocampa. He also told us that we didn't have what he needed. I think he was trying to find someone to replace him, to continue providing for the Ocampa, so his debt continued to be repaid. He knew he was dying."  
  
Janeway shook her head slightly. "If he dies, how the hell are we supposed to get home?"  
  
" _Paris to Janeway._ "  
  
"Go ahead."  
  
" _They're in one of the tunnels, Captain... I can't see them, but they're up there. We're going after them._ "  
  
Janeway felt a small feeling of relief creep into her heart. "Call for transport when you have them, Paris. We'll meet you on the ship." She tapped her combadge with a sense of urgency, for the city was really shaking now under the constant weapon's fire. "Janeway to Voyager."  
  
" _Voyager here._ "  
  
"Three to beam up."  
  
" _Stand by,_ " came Tuvok's steady voice. " _Captain, I can't get a lock on you. The weapon's fire from the array has eradiated the planet's crust. The transport sensors can't find the breaches in the security barrier._ "  
  
"Come on," Janeway said, taking off in a jog, Chakotay and Barrett behind her. "There's only one other way out of here."

* * *

  
  
Paris lead the way up the winding metal stairs in the tunnel, his tricorder out so he could pick up Harry and B'Elanna's life signs. The two had made it up pretty far, but they hadn't made it out yet, that much he knew. Kes and Neelix were following closely behind him and he hoped that they reached Harry and B'Elanna before the weapons fire from the array caved the decaying tunnel in.  
  
" _Janeway to Paris._ "  
  
"Go ahead," Paris responded to Janeway's call.  
  
" _The transporters aren't working. You're going to have to find a breach in the security barrier when you get to the top," the Captain told him. "We're a few minutes behind you. Janeway out_."  
  
As another volley rocked the unstable stairs Paris caught movement a few flights up. "I see them," he told Neelix and Kes, putting his tricorder away and sprinting up the steps. His heart was pounding, he wasn't sure what condition Harry and Torres were going to be in. His tricorder had told him that they were alive but he didn't know how ill they were. They had after all been in a hospital on this planet.  
  
"Took you long enough," Kim chided him when Paris finally caught up with him.  
  
Paris helped Kim to his feet. "How could I let down the only friend I've got?"  
  
"Friend?" Kim retorted as Kes moved past him to help B'Elanna. "What makes you think I'm your friend?"  
  
The convict smiled as he pressed his combadge. "Paris to Janeway, we found them Captain."  
  
" _Don't wait for us_ ," came Janeway's reply. "Get them to safety."  
  
"Don't worry," Kes assured them as they made their way deep into the tunnel, off of the rickety stairs. "I know where we can get through the barrier.  
  
They entered a dark cavern, the only light the flashlight that Harry Kim was carrying leading the way. As they rounded a corner a force field of some kind came into view, but there was an opening, just wide enough for them to pass through. Kes was the one to crawl passed it first, warning them not to touch it, that she had been told it could burn your skin off.  
  
That didn't make anyone in that group feel any better, but they all helped each other through the barrier. B'Elanna crawled through after Kes, followed by Paris, than Kim and finally Neelix bringing up the rear. Once they were all past the force field, the group journeyed deeper into the cavern, until they came to a spot where Paris didn't think they could climb up anymore.  
  
"I think we've reached the top," he announced, reaching for his phaser. "Neelix, get out your phaser." The Talaxian did so, pointing it towards where Paris instructed him to do so. They fired together and a few seconds later a pile of rocks came crashing down. The group retreated back into cavern so they wouldn't be hurt. When the rocks had stopped falling they were pleased to see the sun pouring in. They had managed to get to the top and create a hole to crawl out of; a transport to Voyager was only a few minutes away.  
  
Paris climbed the rubble first and reached his hand out of the hole, grasping onto the dry ground to pull his body out of the cavern. Reaching down he helped Kes out, then Harry, and finally B'Elanna. Neelix was able to crawl out on his own. Tapping his combadge, and with the help of Neelix, supported B'Elanna on his hip. "Voyager, can you get a lock on us now?"  
  
" _Affirmative_ ," Tuvok's voice said. " _But I'm reading only five signals._ "  
  
Before Paris could tell the Vulcan that the others were a few minutes behind them, he heard the weapon coming before it hit. "Get down!" he screamed, forcing B'Elanna and Neelix into the dusty earth as a volley struck nearby, shaking the ground with a mighty force. There was a massive explosion, bigger than any of the others before. Paris looked up to see dust billowing out of the hole that they had just crawled out of.  
  
He nervously tapped his badge. "Paris to Janeway?" There was no response. "Chakotay! Barrett, do you read!" He scrambled to his feet. "Voyager, prepare to transport everyone in this group except for me."  
  
" _Understood._ "  
  
Neelix jumped to his feet as well. "You're not thinking of going back there!" he gasped. He then looked at Kes and the others, huddling on the ground. "Well, the fool needs company. Take care of them dearest," he said to Kes.  
  
Paris took Neelix's combadge off and placed it in Kes' hand. " _Voyager, make that three to beam up. Lock onto the other combadge and energize._ " As Paris and Neelix made their way back to the hole, Kim, Torres and Kes were transported off of the dry ground and back to Voyager.  
  
Paris climbed down the opening first, followed quickly by Neelix. They made their way back through the cavern and the barrier towards the stairs that they had found Harry and B'Elanna on. Hopefully Janeway and the others weren't too far from that spot, because there was a very real possibility that they all were not going to make it out of that ancient tunnel alive.  
  
Janeway struggled to help Barrett up. When the last volley had hit, it had shaken the tunnel they were in and the stairs had started to collapse, tossing the three about violently. Chakotay had been the one to get the worst of it. He screamed out in pain as the stairs swayed some more.  
  
"My leg is broken. I can't move," he told the Captain, who was looking more and more anxious with each volley that shook the stairs. They were hanging on by a precious thread and any moment now they were going to go tumbling down to the bottom of the cavern, taking all three of them with it. Janeway wasn't sure what to do. Barrett had bumped her head, and because of the previous injury, the Captain was certain it had made her groggy. She wouldn't be able to help Janeway get Chakotay up.  
  
"Hold on," Janeway told him, not certain if she sounded so confident.  
  
"Here they are," she heard Neelix's voice and thankfully looked over her shoulder.  
  
"Neelix, help me with Sarah," she ordered the Talaxian.  
  
Janeway wrapped one arm around Barrett while Neelix took the other and together they helped the young woman to her feet and began to get off the stairs, moving into the cavern.  
  
"I'll get Chakotay," Paris told a worried Janeway, who nodded her head and went with Neelix and Barrett. He precariously stepped out onto the stairs, which came even looser with another weapon's volley. Gently he eased his body towards the commander.  
  
Chakotay was struggling to hold on to the railing. "Get out of here Paris, before the whole thing comes down!"  
  
"I intend too," Paris replied. "As soon as I get you up."  
  
"You get on those stairs, they'll collapse. We'll both die," the Maquis commander said, wincing in pain.  
  
Paris continued to inch his way towards him. "Yeah, but on the other hand if I save your butt, your life belongs to me." There was another volley and this time Paris slipped, his own behind hitting the hard metal stairs. There was no time to think about the pain, he pulled himself back up and continued towards Chakotay. "Isn't that some kind of Indian custom," Paris continued.  
  
"Wrong tribe."  
  
"I don't believe you," Paris said, as he finally reached him,wrapping an arm around the commander's to brace himself to help Chakotay up. "You'd rather die than let me be the one to rescue you."  
  
Chakotay reached out and grabbed a hold of his arm, nearly pulling him down again. "Fine," he snapped. "Be a fool, if I have to die, at least I'll have the pleasure of watching you go with me."  
  
With Chakotay firmly holding onto his back, Paris started the climb back up the steps. "Isn't there some Indian trick we're you can turn yourself into a bird and fly us out of here?"  
  
"You're too heavy."  
  
Figures, Paris thought as they finally made it to the top and off the stairs, glancing back just once, he saw the stairs dislodge and tumble to the floor below, just mere seconds after they had been on them. That had been a close call, too close.  
  
It was slow going back through the barrier since Chakotay's leg was broken, but they soon made it and found Janeway, Barrett and Neelix waiting for them at the opening. Janeway quickly ordered that everyone go through the opening, starting with Neelix and Paris lifting Chakotay through it.  
  
Once back on the surface, Paris helped both Janeway and Barrett to crawl through, noticing the slightly glassy look in Barrett's eyes.  
  
"Janeway to Voyager, five to beam directly to Sickbay."  
  
The grey walls of sickbay materialized before them and Paris was never so happy to see a starship than he was at that moment. The Doctor had already treated Harry and B'Elanna, who were already in their own clothes. Kes was near by, staying with them. Paris and Neelix helped Chakotay up onto the surgical biobed so the Doctor could begin to treat his leg.  
  
Paris himself checked out Barrett, holding her eye lids open. "She's fine," he told Janeway. "Just a bad headache."  
  
"That's easy for you to say," the young woman mumbled, rubbing her sore temple. Paris pressed a hypospray to her neck and immediately she felt relief and let out a content sigh.  
  
Janeway let out a small sigh of relief herself that none of her people had been seriously hurt.  
  
" _Bridge to Janeway. Two Kazon ships are approaching the array._ "  
  
"Set a course, I'm on my way," Janeway told Tuvok as she left sickbay, Paris and Barrett closely on her heels, followed by Kes and Neelix.  
  
Chakotay swung his legs over the surgical biobed and told B'Elanna that they had to get back to their ship. The two left sickbay together, and the Doctor didn't look too pleased. "I strongly suggest rest! I will not be held responsible for the consequences! Is the crew always this difficult?" The hologram turned about and asked Harry Kim.  
  
Kim jumped down from his biobed. "I don't know Doc, this is my first mission." With a little pat on the hologram's shoulder, Harry too left sickbay.  
  
The Doctor looked about the now empty room, disgruntled. "Doesn't anyone know how to turn off a program when they leave?"


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay! I hope you enjoy this chapter!

"Bring the weapons systems online," Janeway ordered as she stepped out of the turbo lift with Barrett, Paris, and Kim. She hoped that she wouldn't have to use them, but she had a nagging feeling that the Kazon weren't going to make things easy for them.

Tuvok told her that the phaser banks and photon systems were powering up. She made a mental note to congratulate Sarah on her leadership of the repair front. Janeway had half expected that because the counselor, who had very little command experience, had been put in charge they were going to be behind in repairs. However, she had heard rumors that Joe Carey not giving her a report on time had rendered a tongue lashing and the repair efforts had doubled. It was a good thing too, or they might not have had weapons going into this confrontation.

"Red alert," she ordered, coolly, stepping into the command center, Paris besides her. She squinted her eyes for a moment, going over what she wanted to do next. There were no guarantees that the Kazon were going to talk to her. She needed the best people possible at each station. And since they had lost half of the senior officers she had very little choices. Right now as it was, Rollins, who was an operations officer was laying in the course to the array.

Turning about she looked at Sarah. "Tuvok and I are going to beam over to the array once we arrive, _Voyager's_ job and the Maquis' will be to keep the Kazon occupied while we do that. I'm guessing they aren't going to be too happy about us showing up."

Barrett nodded her head. "Understood, ma'am."

"That leaves you in charge Sarah."

Again there was a curt nod of her head. She had taken her Bridge Officer's test and passed with flying colors, Janeway knew this from reading her personnel file, but Barrett had never actually been battled tested. The _Explorer_ had been a science vessel assigned to study the Borg and their technology, not actually a heavy armored ship, which had been purposely done so the Borg would take little interest in them since they weren't a threat or worth the assimilation.

But the young woman's command skills were going to be tested here.

"The lead Kazon ship is hailing us Captain," Tuvok announced.

Hands on her hips, Janeway told him to put it on screen. Jabin appeared before her. "Have you come to investigate the entity's strange behavior as well Captain?"

"All we care about is getting home, Jabin," Janeway told him. "We're about to transport over to the array to see if we can arrange it."

"I'm afraid I cannot permit that."

She knew she was going to meet resistance. "We have no dispute with you."

"I have a dispute with anyone that will challenge us," Jabin replied, coldly.

Janeway sighed angrily and made her way down the steps to stand behind Conn. "This is ridiculous," she said, leaning against the console. "We have no intention of challenging you."

"And I have no intention of allowing anyone with your technological knowledge board the array."

"Jabin, can we discuss this like two civilized-," she started to say, but he cut the link. The ship shook slightly as the Kazon began to fire on them. Glaring, she moved towards the command station. "I guess we can't."

"Shields are holding," Tuvok said.

"Fire phasers," she ordered, sitting in her chair. "Evasive pattern delta four."

While the ships exchanged fire, she had Tuvok hail the Maquis. She was going to need their help if they were going to make a run at getting home. "Janeway to Chakotay, Tuvok and I are beaming to the array. Can you hold off the Kazon?"

" _I think so, Captain._ "

"Good," Janeway responded, standing up. She glanced at Paris, confidently. "Mister Paris, take the conn."

Paris looked at her shocked for a moment before replying with a _yes ma'am_. Rollins quickly vacated the seat and went to replace Tuvok as the security officer left the bridge with Janeway. Tom ran his fingers lovingly over the controls for a moment. It had been a long time since he had flown anything and it was sending goose bumps up his arms, especially since he was at the helm of one of the most advanced starships in the Federation.

"Tom, it's a helm, not a girl, stop caressing it and fly this thing," Barrett snapped behind him, bringing his attention about. "Ensign Kim keep a transporter lock on the Captain and Tuvok, I want to be able to pull them out of there at a moment's notice."

"Understood Lieutenant."

 _Lieutenant._ The word vibrated in her brain for a while, it wasn't often that she heard people call her that, since she was after all a counselor. In fact that last time that she was sure she had heard it in succession had been at her court martial. The thought of that trial brought back bad memories and she purged them from her mind, she had a task at hand. The main one being that they had to give Janeway and Tuvok time to figure out how to use the array to get them home. It wasn't an easy task, but it wasn't necessarily turning out to be a hard. The ships that they were up against didn't have the fire power that was going to knock them out, and Tom was flying like he had never stepped away from the helm.

She was even a little surprised at how calm Kim was staying. Perhaps it was the adrenaline rush that they were all feeling that was keeping them going. But this was, after all, one of the things that every officer in that room had been trained for; they were just doing their duties.

Barrett nestled down into Janeway's chair, telling Paris to use evasive maneuvers. The little ships couldn't outrun _Voyager,_ nor could they keep up.

"Ah, Lieutenant," Kim said nervously from operations. "I think we've got a problem."

Barrett snapped her head to her left and glanced over her shoulder at him. "What do you mean you think we have a problem?" Harry's eyes flickered to the screen and she turned to look. A massive warship had joined the Kazon in the fight. _Damn._ "Hail the Captain."

* * *

It was night time on the array. Crickets could be heard chirping in the background and Janeway felt a sense of nostalgia at the thought of Indiana summer nights. But she couldn't think about how much she longed to get home, first thing first, was to find the way to _get_ home.

Both she and Tuvok had their tricorders out as they entered the barn that Barrett had taken officers to find Paris and Kim just a few days before. It was hard to believe that it had been that long, so much had happened since then, Janeway realized. She could hear a banjo playing; someone was softly strumming the cords.

"The data processing system is behind this wall, Captain," Tuvok told her, pointing to the left of where she was standing.

Janeway glanced over at the old man, playing his banjo, and then looked at Tuvok. "You know what to do," she said as they parted ways, Tuvok heading for the data processing system and Janeway heading for the old man. She put her tricorder away and went to stand at the entrance to the stall that the old man was sitting in, around a gas lantern, playing his instrument. He looked up at her when he caught movement out of the corner of his eye.

"You're nothing, if not persistent," he said, with a chuckle when he saw her.

"We need you to send us back from where we came from," Janeway said to him, softly, leaning against the stall's open door.

He waved her off. "That is impossible. I barely have enough strength left to complete my work."

Janeway stepped into the stall. "You're sealing the conduits before you die," she said, recalling what Barrett had told her in the Ocampa city.

"If I don't the Kazon will steal the water," the Caretaker replied. "In a few years when the Ocampa's energy runs out, it won't matter. They'll be forced to come to the surface. And they won't be able to survive."

Janeway kneeled down like she would when speaking to her children and looked at him gently; the pieces were beginning to fall into place, finally. "Something you did turned their planet into a desert, didn't it? That was the debt that could never be repaid."

The Caretaker covered his face with a hand and nodded his head. "We were explorers from another galaxy, but we had no idea that our technology would be so destructive to their atmosphere. Two of us were chosen to stay behind and care for them."

"There's another like you here?"

A soft laugh, "Not anymore, she…she went off to look for more interesting places," the Caretaker said.

"Why were you bringing ships here?" Janeway inquired. "Infecting people with a fatal illness?"

The old man scoffed. "Oh they didn't die from an illness. They died because they were incompatible."

"Incompatible?" Janeway repeated.

"I've been searching the galaxy for a compatible bimolecular pattern," the Caretaker answered her. "Now in some individuals I found cellular structures that were similar, but I—,"

"You've been trying to procreate?" Janeway guessed, standing up.

"I needed someone to replace me," the Caretaker said, looking up at her and pointing to himself, "Someone who would understand the enormous responsibility of caring for the Ocampa; only my offspring could do that."

Janeway looked about for something to sit on. Pulling up an empty crate she sat down facing the Caretaker. "Did you ever consider allowing the Ocampa to care for themselves?" she asked him.

He looked appalled by the idea. "They're children."

Thinking of her own children, right now aboard _Voyager_ , she offered him a small smile. "Children have to grow up." She paused for a moment to let him mull over her words, then said, "We're explorers too, most of the species we've encountered have overcome all kinds of adversity without the help of a caretaker. It's the challenge of surviving on their own that's helped them to evolve. Maybe your…children will do better than you think." As she spoke the words she knew that she was speaking words not only to put his mind at ease but her own.

She wasn't giving her children enough credit to be able to spend time away from her, just like the Caretaker wasn't giving the Ocampa enough credit to survive without him providing for them. The similarities in their situation were startling.

They were two _parents_ afraid of what was going to happen to their children when they weren't around.

" _Voyager to Janeway,_ " Sarah Barrett's voice interrupted the conversation.

"Go ahead."

" _We've got problems, Captain. They Kazon just received a little back up._ "

"We need more time, can you hold them off for another few minutes?" she asked, hopefully.

" _We'll do our best, Barrett out._ "

* * *

Even as the words left her mouth, Sarah wasn't so sure she meant it. The warship was much larger than _Voyager_ and had much more firepower the smaller Kazon scout ships. The tiny Maquis ship and _Voyager_ just didn't have what it was going to take to disable the warship.

There was an explosion near the tactical station. A crewman who had been helping Rollins went flying through the air, over the railing, and banged into the console violently before falling to the deck. Barrett gripped tightly to the railing at Conn. "Paris, put some distance between us and that warship before they rip the ship apart!"

"I'm trying ma'am," Paris replied, "but we've sustained damage to the navigational systems."

Another volley shook the ship, this one more violent than the last and she lost her grip on the railing. Thankfully she didn't bang her head on anything else; she was getting sick and tired of hitting her head on railings lately. Pulling herself to her feet she brushed a stray piece of hair that had fallen out of her French twist, aside.

"Weapons just went off line!" Rollins shouted.

 _What now?_ She thought, her mind swimming over every possibility that she could think of. Naturally the next course of action to take was retreat, but Janeway and Tuvok were still over on the array and she wasn't about to leave them behind. "Try to get those weapons back online!"

Someone yelled out a _yes ma'am_ , she really wasn't sure who it was. At that moment she didn't care who fixed it, as long as someone did. If they didn't get those weapons back online they were as good as sitting ducks.

" _Paris my crew is coming over. Tell one of your one your crackerjack Starfleet transporter chiefs to keep a lock on me,"_ Chakotay's voice came over the open comline with the Maquis ship. Barrett prayed that the former Starfleet officer had an idea, because she was fresh out of them. " _I'm going to try to take some heat off your tail._ "

Barrett and Paris exchanged glances, realizing what he was about to do. "Acknowledged, but don't think for a second that this makes us even Chakotay, you're life is still mine, Paris out."

"He's setting a collision course with the Kazon warship, ma'am," Kim told her, although she had pretty much guessed that already. If he was successful then it just might take a lot of heat off their tail.

"Transporter room two, keep a lock on Commander Chakotay and a wait his orders to beam him out," Barrett ordered. She wasn't even sure if the transporter room responded, there was another loud explosion and she found herself ducking.

B'Elanna Torres suddenly appeared on the Bridge. She made her way down towards the conn and nearly knocked Sarah over in the process. The counselor didn't have time to say anything, Harry was speaking to her. "I'm maintaining a lock on him, ma'am, but he's getting to close."

"I'm getting you out of there Chakotay," Paris told him.

" _Not yet!"_

Barrett, Paris, and Torres watched on the screen as the Maquis ship closed in on the large warship. It started to catch on fire as it got too close to the Kazon ship and began to break up. "This is crazy, Chakotay, you're breaking up!" Barrett shouted, nervously looking at Paris to tell the transporter room to beam him out. All she needed was the Maquis commander to be killed on her watch.

"Stand by to transport," Paris said.

" _Wait!_ "

The ship continued to get closer and Torres held her breath, waiting to hear Chakotay tell _Voyager_ to beam him out. The ship was practically on top of the Kazon warship when they heard the commander yell out " _Now!"_

As the Maquis ship collided with the Kazon warship it exploded into a brilliant ball of fire and light, forcing the Kazon ship to spin out of control and towards the array. Barrett couldn't worry about where that ship was going to land, not at the moment. "Transporter room two do you have him?" she asked, anxiously.

" _They have me,_ " came Chakotay's voice.

Barrett smiled, shaking her head at Paris. "That was close."

"Too close."

"Lieutenant!"

Barrett glanced up to see the Kazon ship crash into the array. One of the arms broke off and the Kazon ship exploded. "Harry, do you still have a lock on the Captain and Lieutenant Tuvok?" she asked the young Asian man.

"Yes ma'am."

" _Voyager report."_

She was a bit startled to hear the Captain's voice. "A Kazon vessel just collided with the array, ma'am. Are you alright?" Barrett asked Janeway.

" _Affirmative. Stand by."_

The tone of her voice wasn't good and Barrett felt a sinking feeling creeping into her stomach. She had a feeling that this day was not going to end the way that they wanted it too.

* * *

"The self destruct has been damaged," the Caretaker said, no longer in the holographic image of the old man, but rather a glowing form of sporocystian energy. In fact the barn was gone as well, and Janeway and Tuvok found themselves standing amongst alien technology and the entity that lived there. "Now this installation will not be destroyed."

Janeway watched as the life form began to shrink and grow dim. The Caretaker was on his last few legs of life. "But it must be," he continued, even as he shrank some more, growing even dimmer. "The Kazon cannot be allowed to gain control of it…they will annihilate the Ocampa." The being shrunk down to the size of a rock at the Captain's feet and went silent. Janeway knew that he was gone and she was faced suddenly with a terrible decision to make. She bent down to pick up the rock form that the Caretaker had become in his death and studied its crystal edges.

"Shall I activate the program that will get us back?" Tuvok asked above her. She still stared at the rock turning it over in her hands.

"And what happens to the Ocampa, after we're gone?"

Tuvok knelt down besides her, softly speaking, "Captain, any action that we take to protect the Ocampa would affect the balance of power in this system. The Prime Directive would seem to apply."

"Would it?" She challenged him, emotion laced thick in her voice. "We never asked to be involved, Tuvok. But we are," she finished, looking up at her friend. "We are." Her fingers lightly traced over the remains of the Caretaker in her hand. "Can we turn our backs on them, Tuvok, knowing what will happen if we do? An entire race could be destroyed if we do nothing. I'm not sure I can live with that knowledge."

"You do realize if we destroy the array we destroy any chance of getting home."

"I do, in fact I realize it too much, Tuvok."

"Then I do not envy your position, Captain."

Janeway smiled sadly, her eyes glistening. In her heart she couldn't turn her back on the Ocampa, even though helping them would be a violation of the Prime Directive. She toyed with several ideas, one being to reactivate the self destruct on the array, send them home and hope for the best. But the Kazon would board the array once they were gone and surely figure out how to disable the self destruct. Perhaps she could give the tools to destroy the array to Neelix and Kes and leave the task of ridding this sector of the entity's home to them. But then visions of the two aliens dying because of her left her shaken. They only way was to destroy the array herself. "Neither to I, Tuvok," she finally said, rising from the floor, the Caretaker's remains firmly in her grasp. "But I know what must be done."

* * *

The most recent volley knocked Barrett into Chakotay and Torres into the back of Paris' chair. The commander help Barrett gain her bearings as Kim announced that the Captain and Tuvok had beamed back to the ship.

She felt a little bit of relief coerce through her veins. She no longer had to worry about the Captain and Tuvok getting hurt over on the array. She could only hope that they had found a way to get them home now.

"Mister Tuvok," she heard Janeway speaking as the Captain stepped back onto the Bridge. "Ready the tri-cobalt devices."

Barrett glanced at Janeway as she made her way down to the command station. For a brief moment their eyes met, and Sarah didn't know why, but she knew that Janeway was about to destroy the array, thus stranding them seventy thousand light years from home. _Well, you wanted an opportunity to prove yourself, here it is_ , she thought, trying to remain hopeful.

"Open a channel to the Kazon," Janeway ordered, stopping next to Barrett. Kim informed her that the channel was open and Jabin's face once again appeared on the screen.

"Be advised Captain," the Kazon Maje told her. "I have called for additional ships."

"I'm calling to warn you to move your vessels to a safe distance," Janeway told him. "I tend to destroy the array."

"You can't do that."

"I can, and I will. End transmission!" The image of Jabin disappeared as another violent volley of weapon's fire hit the ship.

"They're increasing weapon's fire, Captain," Kim reported. "Shields are holding."

"Move us four hundred kilometers from the array Mister Paris," Janeway instructed.

B'Elanna Torres looked about anxiously. Even though they were on a Federation Starship and the prospect of going home meant prison time, it sure was a hell of a lot better than spending the rest of her life out here. She moved towards Janeway. "What do you think you're doing? That array is the only way we have to get back home!"

"I'm aware that everyone has families and loved ones that they want to get back too, so do I," Janeway told her softly. _And I'm about to condemn my children to a life on a starship,_ she added in her head. "But I'm not willing to trade the lives of the Ocampa for our convenience. We'll have to find another way home," she finished moving away from the Klingon woman.

"What other way home is there?" Torres snapped following her. Chakotay reached out and grabbed a hold of her arm. She looked down at him. "Who is _she_ to be making all of these decisions for us?"

His answer was simple. "She's the captain."

"The tricobalt devices are ready."

"We're in position."

"Fire!"

The white balls of tri-cobalt energy fired out of _Voyager,_ striking the array. The bridge crew watched as it exploded, arms collapsing, in a brilliant ball of oranges and yellows and whites. There was silence, no one spoke, not sure what to make of what they had just done, destroying their only way home.

Janeway was fighting her tears, wondering how she was ever going to explain to Michael and Ava that they were now forced to live on a starship, with very little chance of seeing Earth again. Ava was still a baby, their situation wouldn't fully settle in until she was much older, if it ever did settle in, after all _Voyager_ was going to be the only home she would ever know now, barring a miracle getting them home sooner. Michael on the other hand, Kathryn wasn't sure how to reason to him what she had done and why she had done it.

"The Kazon are hailing us," Kim whispered, hoarsely behind her.

Janeway swallowed her tears and put on her _command_ face. "On screen."

Jabin's face appeared before her once again, he looked displeased with her. "You have made an enemy today, Captain."

With those words the alien disappeared from her sight. In the back of her mind she heard Tuvok tell her that the Kazon were withdrawing. How he could remain emotionless at a time like this, she wasn't sure, and she envied him and his abilities to just shut the emotions off. Right now her heart was breaking. "Tuvok, please bring Michael and Ava to my ready room. I have some explaining to do."

When the Vulcan had left the bridge to retrieve the Captain's children, and Janeway had disappeared into the safe confines of her ready room,Torres angrily rasped out. "How could she do that? Doesn't she care what anyone else thinks? Doesn't it matter to her that we're over seventy thousand light years from home now? We'll probably never see home again!"

"Captain Janeway's decision affected her more than you think," Barrett responded to the hotheaded woman. The counselor turned about going to sit down, realizing that her body was aching from being tossed about so much in the Kazon's attack. "Stand down red alert," she ordered, softly and the lights were brought up.

"Her decision was selfish," B'Elanna hissed.

Barrett spun about before she could sit down and glared at the Klingon woman. "Perhaps it was, perhaps it wasn't. But tell me this, Miss Torres; do you honestly think a woman would strand her children so far away from the only home they've known because it was selfish? Or because in the end it was the right thing to do?"

Torres was dumbfounded, she had no idea that Janeway had children, let alone the fact that they were on board the vessel. The doors to the bridge hissed open then and she could see Tuvok return with two children, small children, the little girl being not much older than one. Perhaps she had misjudged Janeway.

Tuvok brought the children to the door and allowed them to enter the room. Michael held firmly to Ava's hand as they stepped in, Tuvok not following them. Their mother was sitting on the couch looking out the window and she looked like she was upset. There was a picture being displayed on her personal computer of the small family with Molly.

"You wanted to see us Mama?" the boy said, stepping closer to the couch.

Kathryn turned to smile at them, but it was a sad smile, and she knew that the children were going to be able to pick it up in her eyes. "Come sit with me for a moment. We have to talk about something."

Michael guided his sister up the steps and the two children went to sit on opposite sides of their mother. "What do we need to talk about?"

"Do you remember when we read about the _Mayflower_ , at Thanksgiving?" she questioned.

"Yes, it was ship that traveled a long way across the ocean to find a new home," Michael answered. "Why are you asking me about this? Thanksgiving was months ago."

Kathryn chuckled softly and ran a hand through his hair. "Because, we're kind of like the _Mayflower_ and the pilgrims now, traveling a long way to get home; they didn't know what they were going to find, neither do we." She pulled the baby up onto her lap and draped her free arm around Michael. "They were alone and far away from anything that they knew."

"Are we far away from home?" Michael asked.

"Yes, I'm afraid that we are," Kathryn replied, sadly.

"Are we trying to find a new home, like the pilgrims?"

"No," Kathryn answered a bit too sharply, "but it's going to take us a long time to find our way home."

The boy mulled it over for a moment. "Well, as long as we're home by summer. I promised Billy we'd go fishing at Grandma Gretchen's. He doesn't believe me that she has the best creek to go fishing in."

Kathryn bit her lip, hard, almost to the point where she drew blood. "Michael, honey, I don't think you understand," she whispered. She had tried to put it in terms that he could grasp, but maybe he was still too young to understand their situation. "When I say a long time, I mean years, honey." _We may never see Earth again, Voyager could fly into the shipyards with my grandchildren at the helm. If we even make it to Earth._

"Oh, so no fishing," Michael quipped, disappointment flashing in his blue eyes.

"Mama was selfish, honey, and I'm sorry," Kathryn said, gently brought out of her musing. "I was selfish and took you with me when you should have stayed home with Grandma all because I was afraid of being separated from you." Ava was playing with her combadge and she shifted the child about in her lap. "I was selfish when I chose to destroy the only way home we had, to protect others and I'm sorry for all the things you're not going to get to do because I was selfish."

"But, if you had left us with Grandma, then you'd be far away from home, without us," Michael offered.

"I suppose you're right."

"Wouldn't that have made you sad?"

She couldn't help it, tears leaked out of the corner of her eyes. "Yes."

The child snuggled closer to his mother on the couch. "I don't want you to be sad, Mama. I don't mind missing fishing; I'd rather be with you anyways."

Struggling against her tears, Kathryn held both children to her tightly, vowing to someday get them home.


	10. Chapter 10

The briefing room seemed strangely empty to Sarah Barrett as she slipped into a chair at the table. The last time she had been in this room the senior staff had been in tack, with the exception of Tuvok. Now, the only ones to adorn the chairs were Tuvok, herself, and a jolted looking Chakotay.

Two hours had passed since Kathryn Janeway had ordered the destruction of the Caretaker's array. No one had seen the Captain since that moment, the only ones going in and out of the Ready Room being her children. And then out of the blue she had ordered Tuvok, Sarah, and Chakotay all into the conference room and said she would be joining them in a few moments. Now the three of them were sitting silently, each lost in their own thoughts. Tuvok was staring emotionless at the ship's schematics screen, Chakotay nervously out the windows, and Sarah's own eyes flicked back forth between the two men.

"We have a problem," Kathryn's voice cut through the silence as she came into the room. All three pairs of eyes focused on her. The bluntness of her statement was not lost on them. "Besides the obvious fact that we are now seventy thousand light years from home, we don't have a senior staff to run this ship. Lieutenant Tuvok and Lieutenant Barrett have done a fine job in the wake of our situation, but it won't last. Eventually, they'll burn themselves out."

Chakotay realized that she was talking to him more than to Tuvok or Sarah.

"Not to mention, there's a matter of a Maquis crew without a ship," Kathryn added. "Now, I could just very well throw you all in the Brig for the next seventy five years, but," her voice dropped slightly, and became softer, "that wouldn't benefit any of us. I'm here to offer the proverbial olive branch."

Tuvok raised an eyebrow and briefly made eye contact with Sarah.

"What do you mean by that?" Chakotay asked her, although he had pretty much surmised what the woman wanted.

"Join my crew," Kathryn replied, not bothering to notice the objective look in Sarah's eyes. "We could use the extra hands around here and…" here she paused again, "I need a new First Officer. I've promoted Mister Tuvok to Lieutenant Commander for his service on your ship and to me; however, I'm going to need him at Tactical."

Chakotay noticed Sarah fidget in her chair and realized that the Captain had not talked to her counselor about anything she may have decided in the past two hours that she had locked herself in her ready room. "Are you offering the job to me, Captain?"

Kathryn gave him a curt nod of her head. "You were once a Starfleet officer, you're more than qualified to do the job."

He mulled over her offer. In the end, he concluded that he didn't have much of a choice, since he had destroyed his own ship to help save hers. He also knew that for her, a by the book Starfleet officer, it had to be a tough choice to send up the white flag and ask sworn enemies of her beloved Federation to join her crew. But desperate times called for desperate measures and by accepting the job, Chakotay was about to disembark on a journey that was going to show him that Kathryn Janeway was not always a by the book officer. "I'll speak to my crew, but joining your crew sounds a hell of a lot better then sitting in the brig for seventy five years."

For the first time in hours, Kathryn let a smile play on her lips. "Good, now that that is settled. Tom Paris."

"Tom Paris?" Sarah repeated, confused.

"I've decided to give him a field commission of Lieutenant, junior grade," Kathryn replied. "We need a good pilot out here and he's the best one we've got. It seems only fair that I've offered spots in this crew for the Maquis that I offer him one as well."

"Captain, I'll take responsibility for him," Chakotay offered, in a hushed tone. The eyes of the three Starfleet officers snapped up to the man's face. "I…my life belongs to him; it's…a complicated story, perhaps another time."

Kathryn gave him a gentle nod of understanding and turned her blue eyes to Sarah. "I understand you were a full lieutenant, recommended for promotion to lieutenant commander, when you were on the _Explorer._ Gabriel never told me that."

"My rank was striped before the trial, and let's just say the promotion...was held off," Sarah responded. "I don't see how this is relevant now."

"It's relevant because I'm reinstating you to full lieutenant," Kathryn answered her, firmly.

"Ma'am, can I ask why?"

"Gabriel would tell you its because I like taking risks," Kathryn replied, "however, current circumstances could call upon you to be in command every now and then, in the absence of Mister Tuvok, myself, and Mister Chakotay. Tuvok and I already talked about this, earlier while we were searching for Harry and B'Elanna; we could use another good officer around here. Naturally, you'd be our last resort when it comes to command situations, but your job just got a bit more important now, you're going to need the privileges of a commander to help you through. It also seemed relevant to elevate your rank above the highest rank I'll be given the Maquis, with the exception of Commander Chakotay."

"In other words, making me more of an authority figure in their eyes," Sarah reasoned.

"You could put it that way," Kathryn said. She looked about the room for a brief moment. "I understand that this is going to be difficult, but we have to work together, as senior officers, and set an example for this crew, if we're to survive."

"I'll have to set up a counseling schedule, the first few days are going to be the roughest," Sarah said.

"And I'll start immediately on training the Maquis crewmembers in the latest of Starfleet protocol and tactics," Tuvok responded.

Chakotay was impressed how easily the two officers had put any reservations they may have aside and focused on what was more important; getting this crew home. However, he wasn't a fool, he knew that it was going to take time, precious time, for all of this to work out, if it ever did.

Kathryn nodded her head in approval, expecting nothing less of her officers. Stretching out her hand to Chakotay, she waited for him to take it. "Do we have an agreement?" For a moment the Native American looked into her deep pools of blue irises and then reached out and took her hand, unknowingly vowing to stand by her.

She was about to dismiss them when Sarah spoke up, "Captain, there's another matter we need to talk about."

"Oh? Really?"

"Mister Neelix approached me, he and Kes want to stay on _Voyager,_ " Sarah replied.

"You explained to him that this isn't a passenger ship, right?"

"Yes ma'am," Sarah responded, "but he made a compelling argument. He knows this region of space, quite frankly, better than any of us, he offered himself as a guide. Kes has already proven that she is an explorer at heart, I think this crew could benefit greatly from their addition."

Kathryn found her reasons adequate and it warmed her heart that they had made some friends already in this hostile region of space. With a brief nod of her head she informed Sarah to add Neelix and Kes to the crew roster, and then dismissed her officers, ordering all of them to be present on the Bridge in an hour. She had a few wrinkles to smooth out and then it was time to address her crew.

* * *

Commander Chakotay, formerly of the Maquis ship _Val Jean_ , strode slowly down the corridor towards the cargo bay where his crew was being held under armed guard. He glanced over his shoulder tentatively.

The two security officers who had escorted him up to the briefing room were still there, but now they were keeping a distance. Chakotay shook his head slightly and kept walking. Why Kathryn Janeway trusted him was beyond his comprehension, the fact that she did, made him realize he had misjudged her from the start. It was clear that this was no ordinary woman in command of the _U.S.S Voyager_. She had after all held out the proverbial olive branch to him, despite the obvious protest in her counselor's eyes and the stoic expression on Tuvok's face. Janeway saw the need for survival; if they were to survive she needed him. Any other man in his position would probably take advantage of that. He could think of a few other commanders in the Maquis that would have used her…femininity against her. But he couldn't. He may have left Starfleet, became an enemy of the Federation, but he still had honor. This was Kathryn Janeway's ship and she had offered him either the brig for seventy five years or to help them all get home. Personally he didn't want to be forced to live in a tiny cell for the next seven decades.

He stopped just outside of the cargo bay. In his mind he could hear almost all of them, yelling at him that this was ridiculous. They couldn't join Janeway's crew, she had been sent to hunt them down, arrest them. Again he shook his head slightly and entered the room. B'Elanna Torres and Seska were the first to stand up and greet him. B'Elanna was wearing a scowl and watched with intense hatred as the security detail followed Chakotay into the room.

"I'm surprised Janeway hasn't sucked us all out into space yet," the half Klingon woman hissed gesturing towards the cargo bay doors. "What did she want to see you for anyways? To hand you your sentence?"

Chakotay shook his head. "No," he replied calmly, "she had an offer to make."

Seska scoffed. "An offer? What kind of offer? The brig for seventy five years or confinement to this room?"

"She offered for us to join her crew," Chakotay stated, his voice echoing off of the walls.

"She what?" B'Elanna choked. "You're kidding right? Is that her way of saying 'I'm sorry that my holier than thou Starfleet principles stranded you here'? Because if it is, I don't buy it. This is her way to set us all up to fail, so _if_ we do make it home, she can throw it all in our supporters' faces. She _hates_ us Chakotay, she doesn't want this."

He glanced at their angry faces for a moment. "She's doing what she thinks is best for her crew."

"That's just it, it's about her crew, not about us Chakotay," Seska snapped, "Don't think for one second she cares about what happens to you."

"She'll keep us under tight survaliance you know it," B'Elanna retorted. "Personally I'll take the brig."

Chakotay felt angry. He had told Janeway, promised her that he would join her. Clenching his fists to stop an angry outburst, he glared at the group of rebels. "I don't think you understand this isn't a choice. I've already made it, we're joining her crew. I told Captain Janeway that you would all give her your best and that you'd follow her just as loyally as you followed me." Their faces conveyed shock. He didn't care, it was his duty now to not be their friend. "Now," he growled, "the security details will escort you to your quarters, and by the way, you all need to change, you're out of uniform."

As they flied out, B'Elanna muttered, "I hope you're not making a mistake Old Man."

"Me too, B'Elanna," he mumbled, "me too."

* * *

Newly commissioned Lieutenant Tom Paris looked about the gathering on the bridge. Starfleet and Maquis crewmen were scattered about the cabin, at various stations, the senior staff, still not complete because they had yet to find a chief engineer or a chief medical officer, were also present. Tom wondered what had prompted Janeway to give him the commission. In her ready room, just a few minutes before she had told him that he had earned it. But had he really? Was it just her need for a good pilot that got him the rank?

He was going to prove to her otherwise if that was the case.

B'Elanna Torres nervously adjusted her issued uniform. Never in her life time after she had dropped out of the Academy had she thought she'd be wearing one of these uniforms again. When Chakotay had announced Janeway's offer, she had scoffed at the idea. But he had turned her objections down, gently, in that damn soft tone of his, and told her that it was better than staying in the brig for the trip home.

She was certain that this merging of two completely different crews was never going to work.

Harry Kim was just grateful to be at his station all in one piece. He hadn't had much time to think about it while they had been battling the Kazon, but now as his fingers brushed the controls, he realized just how close he came to dying on his first mission. But now, the reality of their new situation began to set in, and he longed for home.

Neelix and Kes stood mutely near the command station, each new friend determined to help the crew get through their long journey and by apart of it.

Sarah Barrett and Chakotay stood in the center of the command station, each lost in their own thoughts, wondering if the Captain had made the right decision when it came to destroying the array and stranding them here, essentially merging two crews into one.

The door to the ready room hissed open and all eyes turned towards her. "Captain on the Bridge," Tuvok called out and everyone, with the exception of Neelix and Kes, slid into an at ease position. Kathryn made her way up the steps and glanced around at the gathered officers and crewmen. It was a sight that normally didn't overwhelm her, but perhaps today it did because of what she was about to say.

"At ease," she told them, watching as they all slid into position, and as Paris took his seat.

Making her way through the command station, making sure to make eye contact with each officer as she passed, she wound her way, slowly around Conn. With a deep breath she began to speak to them, hoping that her words didn't sound harsh or cold. "We're alone, in an uncharted part of the galaxy," she started her eyes falling on Kes and Neelix. "We've already made some friends here, and some enemies. We have no idea of the dangers we're going to face, but one thing is clear, both crews are going to have to work together if we're to survive," she said, stepping up to Chakotay. "That's why Commander Chakotay and I have agreed that this should be one crew, a Starfleet crew and as the only Starfleet vessel assigned to the Delta Quadrant we'll continue to follow our directive: to seek out new worlds and to explore space. But our primary goal is clear. Even at maximum speeds it would take 75 years to reach the Federation. But I'm not willing to settle for that. There's another entity like the Caretaker out there somewhere who has the ability to get us there a lot faster. We'll be looking for her, and we'll be looking for wormholes, spatial rifts or new technologies to help us. Somewhere along this journey, we'll find a way back."

With a brief pause and a glance between her new first officer and counselor, Kathryn Janeway set her jaw and looked at Tom Paris, "Mister Paris," she ordered, "Set a course; for home."

* * *

_Three weeks after Voyager is pulled into the Delta Quadrant..._

"Admiral Paris, sir," a young man's voice interrupted the older man's working. "Admiral Patterson is here to see you."

Owen Paris scoffed, looking at the scattered PADDs on his desk. "Did you inform him that I'm not to be disturbed unless it was an emergency? I can't take every call or I'll never get all this work done and be home in time for my wife's dinner party with the Hayes'. Tell him I'll catch up with him tomorrow."

The young aide nervously wrung his hands. "I did tell him that you were busy, sir, he insisted. He told me to inform you that it was about your son."

Thomas. Of course this was about Thomas, Owen thought as he sighed heavily. Erin hadn't been too happy three weeks ago when he had shown up on the Paris' door with the news that after helping the _Voyager_ find the Maquis and getting out of jail on parole, he'd be leaving Federation space, to only heavens knew where. Owen was utterly exhausted by the lashing out Thomas had done since the day he was born. He knew that he hadn't been the best father to his son, he'd pushed him to extremes never realizing that Thomas would push back just as more. Erin was devastated that he was leaving as soon as he could, she blamed Owen. "What did my son do this time? Is he back from the mission yet?"

"The _Voyager's_ mission is what Admiral Patterson would like to talk to you about," the aide replied. "Shall I let him in?"

"Very well," Owen said, pushing the PADD he was working on to the side. "I'm already behind in my work, send him in."

Owen Paris had known Matthew Patterson for quite some time, he had been the one to push Owen to take on a spitfire of a student, one by the name of Kathryn Janeway. Owen could tell that what Patterson had to tell him not was none too pleasant by the way the man was walking with his shoulders slightly slumped. "Matthew, please have a seat," Owen greeted when the Vice Admiral entered his office. "What can I do for you my old friend?"

Patterson didn't sit. "Owen, I wish this was a social call. I'm afraid I'm here on business."

Owen felt his shoulders stiffen. "What kind of business?"

"It's about the _Voyager,_ " Patterson said. Owen noticed the man's hands were trembling slightly. "I blame myself Owen."

"Blame yourself for what?"

"We hurried _Voyager's_ final preparations when our agent didn't report in," Patterson began," I let Katie talk me into it, you know her, she's stubborn, she didn't want too much time to pass since we hadn't heard from him. I thought the ship was ready, we all thought the ship was ready. We were wrong."

Owen shook his head. "I'm not sure I'm following you, Matthew."

Patterson's eyes grew sad and tired. "I ordered them to the Badlands, to track Chakotay."

"The Badlands, Matthew no ship can navigate through the plasma storms."

"We believed the _Voyager_ could, she was designed for such places," Patterson replied with a slight raise of his chin.

Owen suddenly felt his heart race, thundering in his chest. "Matthew, what's happened? What happened to _Voyager?"_

"I want you to know that we're doing everything we can to recover them," Patterson said, fleetingly.

"Recover? My god, Matthew, my son...what the hell happened?"

The other admiral's eyes grew even more sad and tired. "We haven't confirmed reports yet but a Cardassian patrol ship saw them entering the Badlands...and subsequently destroyed by a plasma storm. It will be at least two more weeks before we can modify a ship to search for wreckage," Patterson replied, "If we can believe the Cardassian patrol's story. If this is the case, than all hands are considered lost."

 _Lost, Thomas...lost._ Owen could only hear the pounding of his own heart. Erin would surely blame him now for everything that had befallen their son. And Owen couldn't say that he didn't blame her for doing so. Their son was lost, finally beyond their reach, there would never be reconciliation, never be peace between them again. In that moment Owen forgave his son of all his misgivings and with a heavy heart realized that he only did in the moment when Thomas was dead, not when he was living. It was something that Owen Paris was going to have to take to his grave and beyond, the knowledge that forgiveness was indeed given too late.

* * *

Nothing could shatter the spirit of this day, Luke Barrett thought as he held his newborn daughter, _absolutely nothing._ He only wished that his family were alive to see her. His parents had died untimely deaths due to their jobs with Starfleet, and his sister was walking that path as well, only killing herself with her drug addiction and depression. Luke had cut ties with her after visiting her once in the prison that she was being held in.

The last time he had seen Sarah had been disaster. She was going through severe withdrawal from the drugs, screaming at the nurses at the rehab center just to give her more. Luke had been dismayed at what he saw, gone was the strong young woman that he associated with his little sister, gone was the ambitious young officer who wanted to take the Federation by storm. Well, she had taken them by storm alright, just not the way she had planned. He had been glad that his father wasn't alive anymore to see his darling little girl in that state.

Sarah, not cohesive, had blamed Luke for all her problems, blamed Commander Fletcher, blamed the officer she had been dating for just abandoning her. Luke wasn't sure what she had seen in her seven months studying the Borg, she had not been allowed to talk about it, but their relationship had gone south when she had taken that position. Luke told her she was inviting trouble, death; she thought she was doing some good for the galaxy. It had only driven her to drugs and self destruction.

He looked at his daughter. Her little deep blue eyes were looking at him; _Sarah's sapphire eyes._ Luke shook his head. If she had chosen differently she could have been apart of his life, but she had chosen darkness. He could not let that darkness around his family, his daughter.

"Have you thought of a name yet, sir," the nurse asked stepping into the room.

"None yet," Luke said with wry smile. "We can't seem to decide."

"You can't seem to decide," his wife, Brenna, called out from the comfort of her bed. "I've given you several suggestions."

"It's alright," the nurse said with a smile, "there is plenty of time to figure out a name. Are you well enough for visitors, ?"

"Visitors?" Luke questioned looking up at the nurse. "What visitors?"

Brenna's family had been away on holiday when she had gone into labor and wouldn't be arriving until tomorrow. He didn't have a family to speak of, with the exception of Sarah, but he had not spoken to her about Brenna's pregnancy. Who could be coming to see them? Luke glanced at his wife, who shrugged her shoulders. She seemed just as confused as he was.

The nurse waited patiently for an answer. When she didn't get one, she prodded, "There is an Admiral here to see you. Mister Barrett I assumed it was a colleague of your late father's."

Luke frowned. He hadn't been in touch with any colleagues of Jason Barrett's since his father had died unexpectedly in a shuttle accident. None of the admirals had contacted him when Sarah had been on trial, they barely looked at him when during that trial. She had disgraced both of them in front of the Federation brass and he wasn't even in Starfleet. "I haven't spoken to any colleagues of my father since his death."

"Shall I send him away?"

"No," Luke said, "no that would be rude. You can send him in."

Brenna sat up and looked at her husband thoughtfully. "Do you think Sarah sent him?"

"She didn't even know you were pregnant, I don't see how she could have sent him."

"Don't you think we should tell her, Luke, she's your sister."

"My sister died when my father did."

Brenna looked at him sadly. The rift between Luke and Sarah had started when she had taken the assignment on the _Explorer._ It had taken her away from Earth and her family for seven months. She'd been away when her father had died in the shuttle accident, she didn't make it home in time for the memorial. Luke had been furious at her when she finally did show up on Earth, begging him to forgive her not making it back in time. Brenna remembered him slamming the door in her face. They'd heard nothing from her, assuming that she went back to her ship afterwards, until the lawyer had shown up on their doorstep. The drug addiction had been the final straw for Luke, he'd cut all ties with her and it broke Brenna's heart to know her daughter wasn't going to know her aunt.

The door to Brenna's room slid open and a tall, broad shouldered man dressed in the uniform of a Vice Admiral entered. Luke stood and placed his daughter in his wife's arms and turned to greet him. "Admiral Thornton," he said holding out his hand, "it's been a while, sir."

Adam Thorton grasped Luke's hand tightly. "I'm sorry to bother you, Luke, but...I have news."

"News? What kind of news?" Luke asked, crossing his arms over his chest. _My god Sarah what have you done now._ "Sarah?"

"Yes, Sarah," Thornton replied. He cleared his throat. "How much of her latest assignment did you know about?"

Luke blinked. "Her latest assignment? She's been reassigned, already?"

Thornton nodded his head. "Yes, to the _U.S.S Voyager._ " The Admiral looked at the ground for a moment, before glancing up at Luke and Brenna. "I wish I didn't have to break this news to you on what is to be the most joyous day of your life, the birth of your first child, but I'm afraid the news I bring is not good news. The _Voyager_ has not made contact with Headquarters in three weeks, a Cardassian patrol outside of the Badlands reports seeing it hit by a large plasma storm and destroyed. We fear that all hands have been lost. I'm sorry...Luke...your sister is counted among the missing."

In that instant the most joyous day of his life quickly turned to the worst, the day that Starfleet took away the last of his family. Later, on the name card of his newborn daughter, the nurse finally wrote a name, _Sarah Faith Barrett._

* * *

Phoebe Janeway awoke to the sound of her vidphone beeping. Grumbling she pushed the quilt off of her body, crawled over her fiancée, David McPherson and went to answer it. It was so damn early in the morning, who the hell was calling her this early on a Sunday morning, after she had spent the night out celebrating David's latest novel. She wasn't surprised that it was her mother. But there was something about the way Gretchen Janeway was looking at her that made Phoebe sober up and quickly. "Mom," she gasped, "what's wrong?"

Tears pooled in Gretchen's eyes. "It's your sister," she said, choking on the words. " _Voyager_ hasn't reported into Starfleet for three weeks."

Kathryn would never go that long without communicating with Starfleet. The ramification of that bit of news started to settle in. Phoebe knew very little about her sister's latest mission, just that it was taking her away from Earth and her children longer than usual since Bryan Dawson's death. But she did know that Kathryn had been assigned to track down a Maquis cell, one that her friend and security officer had infiltrated. Phoebe had been angry that her sister would take such a dangerous mission when she had two small children to think about. Ava was only a year old and had already lost her father, but Kathryn couldn't see beyond the bow of her ship sometimes, Phoebe thought wildly. "What does Starfleet Command think? Is it the Maquis?"

"No," Gretchen said. "The Maquis that Kathryn was sent to find disappeared as well."

"It could have been another cell," Phoebe snapped. "I told her not to go! I told her it was too dangerous!"

"Phoebe, there's more."

The tone of voice her mother was using caused Phoebe to fall back into the chair she was sitting on. More? What more could there possibly be? She had already been informed that her sister and her ship was missing, somewhere in the Badlands, chasing after terrorists. What more could her mother have to tell her? "Oh god, Mom, what's going on?"

The tears were now spilling down her cheeks. "I tried to reason with your sister, she wouldn't listen. I knew that I should have called Gabriel, she might have listened to him, but not me, she always took what I said with a grain of salt."

"Mom, where are the kids?" Phoebe asked, suddenly realizing that her mother's house was too quiet for a woman who was taking care of children.

"Kathryn took them with her."

This news slammed into Phoebe head on. Her heart began to race. How could Kathryn take Ava and Michael with her on such a dangerous mission, was she out of her mind? But, she realized, her sister hadn't been thinking straight from the moment she found out Bryan was dead. From there she had just taken everything one tiny step at a time. She clung to Ava like she was a life preserver and Michael was always kept at a distance, a painful reminder of the life she had lost with her husband. But Phoebe had thought that she had better sense than to bring her children along on a mission that was risky. "Starfleet…they…they let her do that?"

"Admiral Patterson approved of it," Gretchen replied, now sobbing.

Phoebe stood up. "Stay there Mom, I'm coming over."

It would only take her a few moments to get showered and ready. Her mother was emotionally breaking down and needed her. _So much for a nice brunch with David._ But Phoebe knew that her mother was never going to handle this on her own. Not when she had just lost her daughter and grandchildren in one communication. Phoebe choked a sob as she left a message PADD for David that she would be at her mother's. The time for Phoebe Janeway, the baby sister of Kathryn Janeway, lost somewhere in space, to mourn would be later. Much later.


	11. Paralax

****

_One week after Voyager is taken from the Alpha Quadrant..._

It wasn't even eight in the morning yet and Lieutenant Joe Carey already found himself with a bloody nose in sickbay. It wasn't exactly the way he had pictured his day starting. Already their new first officer was glaring at him hotly. "She's out of her mind!" Carey shouted attempting to sit up. The holographic doctor shoved him back down onto the biobed which caused the man to scream in pain.

Tuvok looked at the man with the same calm and emotionless demeanor that he held with everybody. "You will explain what happened, Mister Carey," Tuvok ordered as the doors to sickbay opened and Sarah Barrett made her way across the cabin towards the group.

Carey did not look pleased to see her there. "What I get hit in the nose and I'm the one who needs the shrink?"

"Lieutenant Barrett is here by my request," Chakotay said. "Maybe with her help we can figure out a way for you all to get along down there."

"Your nose is broken in three places," the Doctor informed the fuming Carey. "Try not to move while I fix it." He walked away but immediately Carey was sitting up again.

Sarah stepped closer to the biobed. "Why did she hit you Lietuenant?"

He sighed, angrily. "We were having a disagreement about the power grid. She wanted to realign the lateral plasma conduit. I told her that would cause an overload," He answered her, wiping the blood a way from his nose with a cloth. "As usual she wouldn't listen. So I told her to step aside and let me handle it. She pushed me a way from the console…and I pushed her back," he became defensive when he saw the accusing look in Barrett's blue eyes. "The next thing I knew I was on the deck with blood pouring down my face!"

 _She should have hit you harder_ , Barrett thought.

"Then what happened?" she heard Chakotay ask.

He scoffed. "She said sorry, maybe you should go to sickbay."

The Doctor had returned with his tools to fix the broken nose and forced Carey to lay back down again. "At least she gave you some good advice." Barrett rolled her eyes to the notice of no one while Carey gasped out in pain at being forced back down onto the bed. "Now," the Doctor ordered, "hold still."

Chakotay made eye contact with Tuvok and turned to go. "Don't worry," he assured the Vulcan. "I'll handle this."

Barrett glanced behind her to see the other two men leaving. As she sprinted after them she heard Carey scream, "You keep that woman out my engines and everything will be fine!"

She wasn't so sure she felt comfortable with Chakotay _handling this._ "Commander," she called, forcing Chakotay and Tuvok to halt their progress. "What did you mean when you said you would handle this?" she asked him, folding her arms across her chest. "B'Elanna has commited a serious offense in Starfleet protocol. Are you up to date on the proper punishment for this?"

Chakotay glared at her. He knew she was only trying to help but her getting involved everything was beginning to wear on his nerves. "She isn't Starfleet, she's Maquis."

"When you agreed to join forces with us, I was under the impression that you were joining us as a Starfleet crew," she mocked him. "Torres should be thrown in the brig for the remainder of the trip for hitting a fellow officer, a senior officer at that."

"Carey is not Chief Engineer," Chakotay pointed out to her.

"He is the most qualified person down there right now to act as a senior officer," she snapped back.

"Counselor Barrett is correct sir," Tuvok intervened. "Miss Torres would be court martial for this offense if we were in Federation space."

Chakotay felt his temper rising. "But we're not in Federation space, and even if we were, my people wouldn't be on this ship."

"You have to stop thinking of them as your people, Commander," Barrett retorted, hotly. "Or the Starfleet members of this crew are going to think you're playing favorites." She put her hands on her hips. "Why did you call me down here anyways if you weren't going to listen to me?"

"To tell you the truth Counselor, I'm sick of listening to you," Chakotay snapped. "Now if the two of you don't mind, I will handle B'Elanna." He turned to go, but Barrett stopped him.

"And the Captain?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I'll tell her when I'm ready," Chakotay said, disappearing into a turbo lift.

Barrett glanced at Tuvok. "This isn't the first complaint that I've received about Torres," she said thoughtfully. "Captain Janeway should know about it."

"Indeed, as chief of security I will be the one to inform her," Tuvok said. "In the meantime, I would like you to pay another visit to Ms. Torres."

The young counselor nodded her head. "Yes sir, I don't know how much good it's going to do though."

Tuvok raised an eyebrow for a moment before responding, "One can only hope for the best."

* * *

Kathryn Janeway hurried along the corridor to get to the turbo lift. She was already late reporting to the bridge that morning, thanks to Michael somehow rewiring her door and locking the family in their quarters until Kathryn had been able to fix it, by that time she was more than twenty minutes behind schedule. Ava had then pushed her back another five minutes more because the child refused to get her shoes on.

After an extensive battle with her one year old, Kathryn had just been ready to step out the door when Michael threw a tantrum that the toy he wanted to bring to the ready room with him that morning was missing. She had torn the quarters apart looking for the toy, only to realize ten minutes later that it had been left behind in their apartment in San Francisco. Now that she was almost an hour late, she didn't have the time to completely calm Michael down before she grabbed the bag of things she had packed the night before, and dragged the child out of the quarters, sobbing along the way about some toy that he had perhaps only played with once and Kathryn had thought he had cared less about.

The crew walking the corridors did all they could to move out of her way so she could walk past them. She must have been a sight, carrying a one year old, and a bag slung over her shoulder, dragging a crying five year old behind her. Not the text book picture of a Starfleet captain, that was for sure. However, she was so flustered at that moment, she didn't really care what she looked like and what the crew thought of her.

"That was my favorite toy, Mama," Michael sobbed as they stepped into the turbo lift. "How could you forget it?"

 _Of course this is my fault,_ Kathryn thought, biting hard down onto her lip so she wouldn't lose it. "Deck one," she said, not bothering to answer him. She had learned a long time ago that it was better to ignore his tantrums then to indulge him. The lift started moving rapidly to her relief. As the lift came to a stop and the doors swished open, she heard something fall to the floor with a thump. Glancing down she saw her combadge skip out of the lift and into the corridor. Ava was giggling wildly.

Closing her eyes and saying a silent prayer, she stepped out of the lift and towards the spot where Ava had tossed her combadge. Leaning down proved to be difficult but she wasn't going to let a bag and a baby stop her. However, Michael was going to prove to be harder, since he wouldn't release her hand so she could pick the combadge up. She pulled on it several times before turning to look at him, sternly. "Let go of Mama's hand so I can pick up my combadge, Michael."

The little boy shook his head. "I don't wanna."

Kathryn ran her tongue over her lips and decided it was pointless to fight with him in this state. Managing to balance Ava onto her thigh, she wiggled her other hand free and scooped the combadge up. With a feeling of triumph, Kathryn proceeded into her ready room, dropped the bag onto the floor by her desk, plopped Ava down into her desk chair, and used her hand to pry Michael's grasp off her other. The boy wasn't too happy about that and started to cry even louder than before, standing in the middle of the ready room, stomping his feet.

"That will get you nowhere," Kathryn told him, moving towards her replicator. "Coffee black," she ordered, and a metallic cup materialized before her eyes, steaming hot. She took the mug and was about to savor it's bitter taste when she turned around to see Ava crawl up onto her desk, and push her personal computer off of it onto the floor. The computer broke apart.

"Uh-oh," Ava cooed, looking at the broken computer with innocent blue eyes.

The broken computer was the last straw. Kathryn scooped Ava up off the desk, went to place her down on the upper level and turned to Michael, who was sniffling in the middle of the lower level, the broken computer had taken his attention away from the toy that he missed and ceased his sobs. "Do you two think you can play over here quietly while I try to get some work done?" the mother snapped at the two children. "I'm already behind as it is because I spent the whole morning looking for your toy Michael!"

Michael rubbed his nose on his sleeve. "I'm sorry, Mama."

"Now, the bag is over there, it has things to keep you occupied," Kathryn said, gesturing towards the shoulder bag she had left near her desk. "I suggest that you go through it and find something to do while I work."

"Okay."

With a frustrated sigh Kathryn fell into her chair and reached for the stack of PADDs on her desk, not even bothering to pick up the broken computer, it was after all useless to her now.

She heard Michael shuffling about in the bag and satisfied that he was finding something to keep himself busy, she settled into reading the first report in the stack. It was one problem after another it seemed, simple things that could have been dealt with if they had access to a starbase, however, things were not the case in their situation and they were scrambling to find answers. The hardest being the power supply. It had slowly started to decay the other day and if this report was any indication then replicators were going to go off line at some point and who knew how long they could all survive on emergency rations.

The personnel situation wasn't looking too good either. They had lost their chief engineer and chief medical officer, along with the first officer and chief helmsman when they had been flung into the Delta Quadrant by the Caretaker. Even though she had found replacements for first officer and conn, she wasn't sure if she was going to be lucky enough to find as qualified a candidate as Chakotay or Tom Paris. The Maquis just didn't have the discipline and some of the Starfleet officers didn't have the experience.

Not to mention she had her own _personal_ needs. The children needed a childcare provider while she was on duty, them staying in the ready room was already proving to not be working out. She also had to take into consideration that Michael needed schooling, he was after all five years old and would be going into kindergarten, if they were back on Earth, in the fall. But who on this ship really had the time to devote entirely to baby-sitting and teaching her kids? And who would be willing? It wasn't as if their duties entailed baby-sitting their commanding officer's children.

Finished with the first PADD, Kathryn placed it in a separate pile and began on the second one. The door chimed and she placed the PADD back into the stack, calling out, "Come in."

Tuvok strode into the room with the same stoic look upon his face. "Captain, may I have a moment of your time?"

"Certainly Tuvok, what can I do for you?"

"There was an incident down in Engineering this morning," Tuvok reported, not that it was going to be surprising to Kathryn. Engineering had been a disaster since they had started on their journey home, especially since there was not a senior officer down there. "Miss Torres struck Lieutenant Carey, breaking his nose in three places. Commander Chakotay has asked to deal with it, despite what I think. However, I will be making a full note of it in my security log. I also thought it important for you to know."

Kathryn pressed her knuckles to her mouth for a moment, letting the news set in. "Is Counselor Barrett aware of this new development?"

"Commander Chakotay asked that she not be involved in this," Tuvok stated.

The Captain shook her head. "At this point, I really don't care what Commander Chakotay thinks. I understand his wanting to look out for his people, however, Counselor Barrett is the best person to deal with this matter. Have her report to B'Elanna's quarters. I want her to sit down and talk to her."

"Understood Captain," Tuvok said, before leaving the ready room.

The shattering of glass caused Kathryn's head to spin about and look at the upper level of her ready room. Ava was standing on the sofa, looking down on the floor at what had been a vase of flowers. Now it lay in fragments on the floor. _Maybe when Sarah's done with B'Elanna,_ Kathryn thought, _she can stop my daughter's sudden fascination with breaking things._

* * *

Sarah Barrett pressed the door chime outside of B'Elanna Torres' quarters and waited to be admitted. After several seconds of standing there, nothing happened, so she pressed the button again. And again she was let in. "Computer confirm that B'Elanna Torres is in her quarters."

" _That is affirmative._ "

Sarah frowned, _Chakotay must have given her the heads up that I was coming eventually._ Typing in her security access code, the doors slid open and she was facing a very seething looking B'Elanna.

"I didn't want you coming in," the Klingon hissed at her. "I guess you can't take a hint."

"Sorry, Captain's orders," Sarah replied, stepping into the room. "Apparently we're supposed to have a little chat about what happened down in Engineering this morning. I've already been to speak with Lieutenant Carey and several others who were in Engineering when the…incident occurred. The only side of the story I haven't heard is yours."

B'Elanna blinked for a moment, staring at the young woman. Chakotay had not wanted to hear her side of the story, lashing out at her that he had made it one lousy day for him. _Like it hasn't been lousy for me,_ she lamented. She didn't mean to lose her temper; she had told Harry Kim that much when they had been on Ocampa, but it happened, and usually she felt remorse later for it happening. However, she couldn't say she felt sorry for Joe Carey. He had been pushing her buttons since the moment she joined the Engineering staff. "My side of the story? Is that a captain's order as well?"

"Not exactly, but if I'm to work out the problems, then I need to know both sides of the story," Sarah responded to her, crossing her arms over her chest. "You can either make this easier for me and for your self, or you can make it difficult by giving me attitude. It's your choice in the end, but I strongly recommend you cooperate."

"What's there to tell, I hit him because he's an idiot," B'Elanna snapped.

"That sounds like a perfectly good reason to hit someone," Sarah snapped back just as sarcastically. "Let me be blunt Miss Torres, we've been down this road several times already and our journey home isn't even a week old yet. Quite frankly I'm getting sick of this trip. It seems that no matter what I say to you, you don't listen to me."

B'Elanna scoffed. "I don't have to listen to some Starfleet brat tell me how to control my temper."

"You're right, you don't have too, but on the flip side, you _shouldn't_ have too," Sarah replied.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that you should have a hold on your temper at this stage in the game," the Counselor shot back. "Hitting a fellow officer is not going to get you brownie points with the Captain."

B'Elanna didn't dare to tell her that she could care less what Captain Janeway thought of her. "So what do you plan on doing with me, _Counselor_? I hear the Vulcan wants to court martial me."

"I don't want to court martial you, although, if we were home now, this wouldn't even be an issue," Sarah replied. "However if you want to get back to work, I strongly suggest that you try to make amends with Lieutenant Carey. It's a long trip to be holding a grudge against someone and it's also a long trip to be cooped up in here, don't you think?"

Chakotay had told her the same thing, but hearing it coming out of the mouth of the counselor, it suddenly hit B'Elanna that these people weren't kidding her when they said they were going to seriously considering either confining to her quarters or to the brig. Perhaps it was time to start listening to them, because being stuck with Joe Carey breathing down her neck when she knew she was the better engineer, was far better than spending seventy-five years in a cell. "Chakotay wants me to do the same thing, but I don't think either you understand what an incredibly pompous…man Carey can be. It's not going to be easy."

Sarah turned about to leave, glancing over her shoulder, "No, but it's the hard things that we have to go through that make us better people." As she stepped out into the corridor she fully faced B'Elanna, "Maybe Lieutenant Carey will see you in a different light if you swallow your pride and call a truce."

"A truce? Between Starfleet and Maquis?"

A small laced Sarah's face. "Stranger things have happened before."

B'Elanna stared at the door long after Sarah let them room, then setting her jaw she stepped out of her quarters and proceeded to Engineering, perhaps the counselor was right, and apologizing was the right course of action to take, it was, at least worth the shot, even if in the end it didn't have the results that many were hoping, at least she would have the satisfaction of knowing she had at least tried.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the wait! Enjoy!

_Captain's Log, Stardate 48439.7_

_As we maintain a course back to the Alpha Quadrant, we're conducting what would be routine maintenance to the ship; routine that is if we had access to a starbase_

* * *

"Engine efficiency is down another fourteen percent," Tom Paris reported later that afternoon at the senior officer's briefing, or the ones that had been hastily thrown together. They were still without a chief engineer and a chief medical officer. Tom moved slightly back to his seat, looking over his data on his PADD. Sitting down next to Sarah Barrett he remarked, "If we don't get more power to the warp drive, we're all going to have to get out and push."

"What about alternative energy sources?" Janeway asked. She looked at Harry, remembering the report he had issued to her last night, that had been sitting in her stack on her desk that morning, about his idea. She had unfortunately not been able to read through it thanks to Ava making a mess of her ready room. The broken vase had taken nearly an hour to clean up because she had to crawl along the floor to find all the tiny pieces. "Ensign," she said pushing memories of the regretful morning from her mind, "have you had any luck getting power from the holodeck reactors?"

He shook his head. "Not yet. We tried hooking them to the power grid and we ended up blowing out half the relays. The holodeck's energy matrix just isn't compatible with the other power systems."

"Captain," Chakotay said, getting her attention. "If we relocate all security personnel to deck seven we can shut down power on deck nine and reroute it to propulsion."

Tuvok looked intrigued. "That would be inconvenient, but acceptable."

"Fine," Janeway said, picking up a PADD. "Let's move onto the personnel situation."

She was about to say more when Neelix and Kes burst into the room, Neelix apologizing that they were late. Janeway and the rest of the senior officers seemed surprised to see them there. "Mister Neelix, this is a briefing for the senior officers," Janeway told them.

"Well I am the senior Talaxian on board and Kes is the senior Ocampa," He replied. "And I do know more about this region of space than any other member of the crew."

For a moment Janeway met Barrett's eyes. The young woman raised her eyebrows in response as if to say that Neelix was right.

"We have some excellent suggestions, Captain," Kes added, noticing the looks passing between Janeway and Barrett.

Janeway nodded. "Very well; you're welcome to join us, this time."

Tom got up and offered Kes his chair and went to stand with Neelix.

As Kes got settled, Janeway voiced, "To be honest, we could use some excellent suggestions right about now." She placed the PADD with the personnel needs onto the table.

"I've been thinking," Kes told her. "That you could convert one of your lower decks into a hydroponics bay; you'd be able to grow your own food. I understand that the replicators went down earlier today and that the emergency rations won't hold out much longer."

Janeway had to admit it sounded like an excellent idea, and since she was sick of peanut butter and jelly, the only thing she had left besides the emergency rations, she decided it was worth a shot.

"What about cargo bay two," Harry suggested, tacking onto what Kes was saying. "It was designed for organic storage, and it already has adjustable environmental controls."

Janeway was sold on the idea now, smiling at Kes, she said, "When can you start?"

"Me?"

"It's your idea, your project," Janeway told her.

Kes felt a smile form on her face, pleased that she had been able to offer some help to these people. "Right away," she told Janeway. Neelix went to babble on the things he could to with vegetables and how something called Feragoit goulash was known across twelve star systems. Janeway had learned to take everything that Neelix said with a little grain of salt however.

Smiling she went back to the PADD she had placed on the table earlier. "Okay, onto the personnel problem." She scrolled down the list on her PADD. "We've managed to find a replacement for the transporter room chief, but we still need an astrogation plotter, chief engineer, medical support staff…" she paused and let out a small, frustrated sigh. Being stranded out here was beginning to sink in fully with her and she realized that she had a lot of work ahead.

Chakotay was handing her a PADD, informing her that he had given her a list of Maquis that he thought would make good officers. Janeway scrolled down the list, each name registering in her mind, but no face, that is until she came across B'Elanna Torres name. Barrett had mentioned to her the other day that Torres was "volatile" and just recently she had struck Lieutenant Carey, breaking his nose. "B'Elanna Torres, wasn't she the one who was involved in that incident with Mister Carey?" she asked Chakotay.

"That's right," he said, looking accusingly at Sarah.

"Just what job do you think she's suited for?" Janeway asked.

"Chief Engineer," he replied.

Janeway studied him for a moment. "You're serious?"

"Very."

Deciding that this issue was not going to be solved at the present time she placed the PADD he handed her down onto the table. "Regarding sickbay, we still need a chief medical officer."

"What about that electronic man?" Neelix questioned.

"It is an emergency medical hologram and its abilities are limited," Tuvok answered him. "It can only operate in the confines of sickbay."

"Not to mention its lousy bedside manner," Tom quipped to which Neelix nodded his head in agreement.

"Well couldn't you work with…him, Counselor," Neelix said, looking at Sarah.

Barrett gave him a bemused look. "It's a hologram, Mister Neelix, not a person. I can't put him through therapy to improve his compassion. He is what he is." She looked at Janeway then, "Although, maybe we should look into his programming to see if we can improve on it just a bit. I heard that Ava was terrified of him the other day."

Terrified wasn't the word that Janeway would have used, recalling how she had taken the baby down to sickbay to have the Doctor check up on the double ear infection. While the infection was all but gone, his cold tone and mechanical like way of dealing with people had caused Ava to go into hysterics.

"That still doesn't help us when the power runs out," Kim was pointing out, bringing Janeway's attention about to the meeting at hand.

"What if someone trained alongside the Doctor, as a field medic?" Chakotay offered.

"Good idea," Janeway said, with maybe a bit too much enthusiasm in her voice to make him feel better for her lack of trust in B'Elanna. Stealing a glance at Tom, she said, "Lieutenant I understand that you studied biochemistry at the Academy."

Tom looked worried. "Only two semesters," he told her.

"Close enough, you just volunteered to be field medic," Janeway told him, amused by the look on his face. "Report to sickbay as soon as we're finished here."

"But Captain," Tom started to protest as the ship shook violently. Somehow the senior staff managed to get to their feet and make their way out onto the bridge towards their stations.

Janeway gripped tightly to the railing at conn, screaming, "Report!"

Seska was manning the engineering console. "We're running into some kind of spatial distortions."

"Mister Tuvok!"

"The distortions are emanating from a highly localized disturbance in the space time continuum. Distance, twenty thousand kilometers off the port bow!"

"All stop!"

As soon as the ship came to a stop, the jolting stopped. Janeway let out a small sigh of relief and moved away from tactical which she had scrambled too when she asked Tuvok for his report. "On screen," she ordered and an image appeared on the view screen. Looking at the mass of blue and purple before she glanced at her personal screen, going over the readings it was giving. She had never personally seen this type of anomaly before, but she was pretty sure she knew what was out there. "If I'm not mistaken, we're looking at a type four quantum singularity."

"Captain," Tuvok said, "I'm receiving an audio transmission from inside the singularity."

"On speakers," Janeway ordered and the cabin was filled with a garbled message.

"I think I found the source of the transmission," Kim announced from ops. The image on the view screen magnified and the distorted image of a ship could be made out.

Janeway turned slightly in her chair and looked over her shoulder at Neelix and Kes who were standing at the rail behind her. "Does it look like any ship you're familiar with?"

Neelix squinted his eyes trying to make it out. "No, nothing I recognize. But then again, it's so hard to make out."

The Captain stood and moved towards conn. "They maybe trapped in the event horizon. Open a channel," she ordered Tuvok. When he signaled to her that it was open she began to speak again. "This is Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Starship _Voyager_ to the vessel near the quantum singularity. Do you need help?" While she waited for a response she heard Neelix telling Kes that a singularity was a star that had collapsed in on itself, and that the event horizon was a very powerful engery field surrounding it. She wasn't surprised that he next went into some story that he had encountered one before. She didn't hear the rest of the story though, because Tuvok was speaking to her.

"No response to our hail Captain."

"Can we tractor the vessel out?"

"No, the subspace interference is too heavy," Harry replied as Neelix made his way down the steps into the command station.

"Captain," the Talaxian said. "We're less than three light years from Ilidaria. They have sophisticated technology, they might be able to help, and they're quite friendly… most of the time."

Janeway shook her head at his suggestion. "No. It looks like its being pulled into the singularity. We have to get it out of the event horizon." She was startled to hear Chakotay contact Torres down in engineering, peering around Neelix at her new first officer she wondered if he realized just what he was doing.

" _I was thinking we could remodulate a tractor beam to match the subspace interference, it might be enough to cut through the event horizon,"_ Torres' voice interrupted her thoughts.

"A subspace tractor beam?"

" _Exactly._ "

"When can you have it ready?" Chakotay asked her, growing more aware that Janeway was not happy with him.

" _Two maybe three hours._ "

"Get right on it, use whatever people you need," Chakotay told her.

Janeway pressed her lips together briefly before speaking, "Mister Carey what do you think?" The tension that passed between the two was not lost on the people nearest them, being Neelix who was sandwiched in between, and Sarah who was standing to the right of Janeway.

" _With the right field modulation it might work. But we'll need more power to the emitter array,_ " Carey's voice said over the comline.

"Very well," Janeway replied, glancing up at the ceiling momentarily. "You're in charge Mister Carey, report to me when the tractor beam is ready."

" _Aye, Captain._ "

Janeway told Tom to hold their position and with one look at Neelix, which told the Talaxian to step aside, she moved towards Chakotay and dropped her voice into a tone that she often found herself using when she was frustrated with Michael. "I'd like to see you in private."

As she stepped off of the bridge into her ready room, Chakotay following behind her it became apparent to everyone that the tensions between Starfleet and Maquis were not solely restricted to Engineering.

* * *

"Michael take your sister and go sit out on the bridge for a moment," Kathryn ordered the children in perhaps too hostile of a voice, but she was not in the best of moods. She went to stand on the upper level of her ready room and waited for the children to leave.

"Mama, why did the ship move like that?" Michael asked her instead of moving. "It ruined the block house I was building."

Kathryn crossed her arms over her chest and narrowed her eyes. She was not in the mood to argue with him, not when she had a bone to pick with her first officer. Michael knew that look all too well and the little boy eagerly took Ava by the hand, and proceeded down the steps of the upper level of the ready room, past Chakotay who was standing by the desk, and out onto the bridge.

When the door hissed shut behind the children, Kathryn glared at her new first officer. "We have a problem and I think it's time that we discuss this."

"Captain I appreciate your concerns about Torres, but I promise you-," Chakotay started to say, but she interrupted him.

"You don't understand Commander," Kathryn said, "This isn't about Torres, my problem is with you."

"Me?"

"Let me be blunt," Kathryn said, losing her patience. "What you tried to do just now was out of line."

"In what way?" he asked.

"When you decided to call Torres in Engineering," Kathryn snapped.

"I've worked with her. I know what she's capable of," Chakotay responded, feeling himself losing his own cool. "We needed an answer right away and I knew she could give us one."

"Carey is the senior officer in Engineering," Kathryn retorted.

"If you look at it that way, none of my people will ever have seniority," Chakotay argued.

Kathryn moved off the upper level of her ready room towards him. "That's the problem right there. They're not your people. You're treating the Maquis on this ship as if they're still _your_ crew."

"I'm doing everything that I can to integrate them into your crew, but frankly, you're not making it easy for me, Captain."

"I can't make it easy Commander. Surely you can understand that. They don't have the discipline, they don't have the training."

"But some of them have the ability, like B'Elanna Torres!" he responded.

Kathryn moved away from him, towards her desk, but didn't sit down. "The Starfleet officers on this ship have worked all their lives to earn their commissions. How am I supposed to ask them to accept a Maquis as a superior officer just because circumstances have forced us together?"

"You're asking them to accept me," he told her.

"You're qualified. You're a graduate of the Academy and you have command experience," she argued.

"Permission to speak freely."

"Go ahead."

His eyes became dark. "I have no intention of being your token Maquis officer."

She was taken aback by the darkness of his eyes and his words. "Show me another Maquis candidate and I'll consider him."

"B'Elanna Torres."

"Who cannot control herself and could not make it through the Academy."

"She's the best engineer I've ever known!" he yelled, turning about to leave. "She could teach at the Academy!" He stopped before he got to the door and turned about to look at Kathryn. "You're right Captain, I do consider these my people because nobody on this ship will look out for them like I will. And I'm telling you, you're going to have to give them more authority if you want their loyalty."

"Theirs…or yours, Commander?"

"I'm trying to help you," he answered her. "I'm sorry that you don't see that. I strongly recommend that you get to know Torres before you chose a new Chief Engineer. Permission to leave."

"Dismissed," she whispered, watching as he stormed out of her ready room and back onto the bridge. Raising her eyes to the ceiling she studied it intensely for a few moments, what she wouldn't give to be able to go back in time and stop this all from happening. Trying to explain to High Command why they had suddenly disappeared for several days with no communication with Starfleet was looking a lot more pleasant then what she was facing right now; a seventy five year journey with two crews that just could not get a long.

 _Stop with the self-pity, Kathryn,_ she chided herself. Circumstances were what they were, and she was going to have to make the best of it. With a defeated sigh, she sat herself down behind her desk and called up B'Elanna Torres personnel file, perhaps she should take Chakotay's advice after all and get to know the woman better.

* * *

"Computer, activate the emergency medical holographic program," Kes commanded as she stepped into sickbay.

The hologram appeared before her, stating, "Please state the nature of the medical emergency."

"Actually, there is no emergency," Kes replied. "I'm creating a hydroponics bay; I was told you could provide me with some nitrogenated soil samples."

The Doctor didn't look too pleased. "That's it?" Her apologetic look told him the answer that he sought. "And so it begins. The trivial of medicine is my domain now; every runny nose, stubbed toe, pimple on a cheek becomes my responsibility."

"You are the only doctor we have," Kes pointed out to him while he prepared her samples.

"I'm not just a doctor!" He exclaimed, turning to look at her. "I've been designed with information from two thousand medical reference sources and the experience of forty seven individual medical officers! I am the embodiment of modern medicine." After the egotistical rant the hologram turned back to the shelf. "How much _dirt_ do you need?"

"Four samples will be enough," Kes answered.

The Doctor sighed, frustrated and collected the samples for her. "Now I know how Hippocrates felt when the King needed him to trim a hangnail." He placed the three samples he had managed to carry from the shelf into a portable storage unit.

"You're very sensitive aren't you?"

"As a medical practitioner I require a certain sensitivity to properly address a patient."

"I'm talking about you as a person," Kes replied, gently.

The Doctor turned around, standing by the shelf once more, looking at Kes. "I am merely a hologram."

Kes was looking at him, studying his appearance intently. "Doctor, has your program altered your appearance since I came to sickbay?"

"No. Why?"

She moved towards him and joined him at the self. "When I first came in your head was at the same height as this cabinet. But now you look at least ten centimeters shorter."

He looked at her, concerned, and then went to sit at the desk, typing in a few keys on his console. "I've just run a diagnostic on my image processor. It shows that I've been reduced in height by ten point four centimeters." He tapped his combadge. "Sickbay to operations."

" _This is Kim._ "

"The holographic projector in here is malfunctioning," the Doctor told him. "Can you send a repair crew down right away."

" _We're a little busy right now, we'll get to it as soon as we can._ "

"It's just that-,"

" _Kim out."_

Dejected at being cut off, the hologram looked down at the desk before glancing up at Kes. "Well, it seems like a very busy day in operations."

"I'm sorry I bothered you," Kes said, turning to go, gathering up her samples.

"No trouble at all, just turn off the program before you leave."

Before she left though, she looked back at him one last time. "What's your name?"

"What purpose would a name serve a hologram?"

"I just wanted to know what to call you besides Doctor," she replied.

"I guess they never thought I'd be around long enough to need one," the Doctor said. "What's your name?"

"Kes."

The hologram smiled. "Well, Kes, I'm glad that I could help you today."

With a warm smile, she said, "Computer end program." As the hologram disappeared, she took the samples and proceeded to cargo bay two where she was going to begin her project of creating a hydroponics bay to help a crew that had helped her so much in the past several days.

* * *

With a troubled expression, Sarah Barrett stepped out of the turbolift onto the bridge just as Joe Carey's voice came over the comlink that they were ready to proceed with the tractor beam. Janeway was making her way across the back of the bridge towards tactical and where Sarah was standing. She had a hard, determined look on her face, and Sarah could see that she was tense. The information that the young woman was going to give her was not going to make present matters any better, either.

"Captain, can I speak to you for a moment?" the young counselor asked her, stepping into her path. Janeway shook her head and went to move around Sarah, but the counselor stepped in her way again. "Ma'am, it's very important."

Gently Janeway placed her arms onto Sarah's shoulders and moved her out of the way. "I'm sorry, Counselor, it's going to have to wait. We're about to attempt using the subspace tractor beam to free that trapped ship. I promise once this is all over I'll speak to you." Moving past Sarah, she pointed at Tuvok, "Mister Tuvok, lock onto that ship."

"Engaging tractor beam." A blue energy beam shot forth form the front of _Voyager_ and locked onto the ship in the middle of the singularity. "It's working," Tuvok reported. "The beam is penetrating the event horizon."

Kathryn felt very little relief at this news, but when she heard Harry Kim contact engineering to check their power levels because he was reading massive fluctuations, she lost what little feeling of relief that she had possessed. Suddenly the ship lurched and she was thrown against the railing lining the back of the bridge. Immediately her leg began to throb in the area that had smacked against the rail, sending a wave of pain coursing through her veins.

"We're being pulled towards the singularity!" Tom Paris reported, anxiously, as he was thrown across his console.

"What's going on?" Chakotay asked Kim.

"Power to the tractor beam is down eighty percent. The gravimetric force of the singularity is pulling us in!"

Kathryn wasn't sure how she did it, with the ship shaking violently, and her leg throbbing in intense pain, but she managed to stumble to conn, clutching at the railing. "Impulse engines full reverse! Disengage the tractor beam!"

" _I can't shut it down!_ " B'Elanna Torres said over the comlink. " _The relays are locked!"_

"I'm picking up hull stress all over the ship. If we keep the engines at full reverse it will pull the ship apart," Harry said.

"Cut the engines."

"We're moving forward again!"

"Engineering, get that tractor beam off line!"

Joe Carey's voice could be heard next over the comline. " _Captain I can shut it down, but I'll have to get in there and physically cut the main power feed._ "

Kathryn didn't care how he did, not at this point. "Do it," she ordered him. The ship continued to shake for several seconds while they all held their breaths. Finally, after what felt like hours to Kathryn, the motion stopped and Tuvok was reporting that the tractor beam had been disengaged. Closing her eyes she let out a small breath of relief. "Move us to a safe distance, Mister Paris."

"Are we abandoning the rescue attempt?" Chakotay asked her as she joined him in the command station.

"No, but we're going to need help," Kathryn replied, and then ordered Tom to lay in a course for the Illdaria system. Glancing at Chakotay, she said, "Have Mister Neelix report to the bridge, it appears we're going to follow his suggestion after all." The first officer nodded his head and left the bridge. It was then that Kathryn noticed Sarah standing there and recalled that the young woman had something urgent to speak to her about before they had made the rescue attempt. "I suppose now is as good as any a time, Sarah, to talk. What can I do for you?"

"Engineering brought something to my attention, and they weren't exactly sure how to approach you," Sarah replied. "They found an object lodged inside a conduit on deck eleven."

Kathryn gave her a puzzled look even as a toy action figure was produced in Sarah's hand. Instantly the Captain recognized the toy as her son's. Visibly she kept her cool, but inside her head was swarming with emotions. It suddenly dawned on her that the children had never come back into the ready room after she had forced them to leave so she could speak to Chakotay alone. Kathryn had not even noticed that they were missing she had been so preoccupied. She cursed herself for being so careless. Snatching the toy out of her counselor's hand she wrung her fingers around it. "You didn't happen to find the culprit did you?"

Sarah shook her head. "No ma'am. I searched the deck myself, but found nothing."

"Computer, locate Michael and Ava Janeway."

" _Michael and Ava Janeway are in the mess hall."_

 _Wonderful,_ Kathryn thought. _Who knows what they've gotten into there. We've only got two replicators left; I wouldn't be surprised if they've blown them out._ "Mister Tuvok, you have the bridge," she ordered, storming up the steps and into the turbo lift. The day was seemingly getting worse and worse, if that was entirely possibly. She wasn't sure how much longer her mental being was going to hold up with if there were anymore broken computers, shattered vases, combadges tossed about, and toys lodged into power conduits. She was already in a fragile state as it was.

The doors to the lift opened and she proceeded to the mess hall. Briefly she wondered how many kilometers she had logged roaming the ship looking for the children the past few days. _I need to put a homing beacon on them,_ she thought with mild amusement as the doors to the mess hall swished open.

Kathryn had expected to find Michael tinkering around in some conduit. However, the two children were seated at a table with another crewman; Ava snuggled up into the woman's lap, and from where Kathryn was standing, appeared to be sound asleep. The Captain reasoned that it was probably the baby's nap time and she felt miserable about forgetting them for a good two to three hours. Michael was savoring a hot fudge sundae and Kathryn prayed he had used one of her replicator rations to get the ice cream instead of the crewman who had suddenly been deemed baby-sitter.

"Captain!" the young crewman suddenly saw the older woman standing there and jumped to her feet. Ava stirred slightly, but didn't wake up. "I didn't notice you come in!" The crewman was a bajoran female, who had dark hair and eyes, and by Kathryn's estimate couldn't have been out of the Academy that long.

"It's alright, Crewman," Kathryn responded, with a tired tone to her voice. "I was actually looking for these two trouble makers. Sorry to inconvenience you, I should be keeping a better eye on them."

"It wasn't an inconvenience, ma'am," the young woman replied. "I found them roaming around on deck eleven and thought that they'd like to get some ice cream. They looked a little bored, ma'am."

Kathryn felt a smile lace her face. "I guess being cooped up in my ready room everyday isn't exactly the most interesting place for a five year old and a one year old. But you still shouldn't have felt obligated to take care of them. After all, it's not one of your duties to watch the Captain's children."

"Believe me Captain, I'm better suited for this than all those Starfleet algorithms," the young woman said, absentmindedly, and then her eyes gaped when she realized what had just left her mouth. "I mean…I've always enjoyed being around children, ma'am."

"It seems that children like being around you too, crewman, I'm sorry, I'm afraid I don't know your name," Kathryn said, wishing that she had taken the time to go over more of the personnel files that had were scattered throughout her quarters so she could get to know her crew better.

"Tal Celes," the girl replied.

Kathryn held her arms out. "Well, thank you again Crewman Celes," she replied, standing there with her arms open. The young woman looked confused and Kathryn didn't know why but she just warmed her heart. "I think I can take it from here."

Realizing that the woman wanted her baby back, Celes snapped to attention and placed the sleeping Ava into her arms. Gesturing for Michael to come with her, Kathryn thanked the young woman again, and as she left, perhaps had found a solution to her childcare woes. But the first thing she had to do was to speak to Michael about wandering off and playing in a power conduit.

Kathryn waited until they were inside the lift the doors had firmly shut, and they were on their way back to deck one before speaking to her son. "There's something we need to talk about. You have to understand, Michael, that this ship, it isn't like our house back in San Francisco, and you can't just roam around it as you please."

"I wasn't roaming around, I knew exactly where I wanted to go," Michael replied with a huff.

"Michael, you could get hurt," Kathryn chided. "Someone in Engineering found one of your toys in a power conduit on deck eleven. Honey, you could have blown the conduit, getting yourself and Ava seriously hurt."

"I just wanted to see how it worked, Ava was the one who got the toy stuck in there," Michael told her. "You don't need to worry."

But that's all she found herself doing, especially now that circumstances had made her life as a mother much more difficult. They faced the prospect of all kind of dangers, threats that could harm herself or her children. What else was she to do but worry about them?


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait. Enjoy!

A hot bath and a cup of tea was all Sarah Barrett really wanted when she stumbled into her quarters for her break. They had been traveling at warp speed for the past hour or so to get to Illidaria to ask for help in getting the trapped ship out of the event horizon and Sarah had spent just as long brushing up the rest of the crew on first contact protocols. It had taken a little longer than she was hoping, since the Maquis had no first contact policy and she had to start from scratch when it came to them. By now her feet were killing her and she had walked the equivalent of several miles on board the ship going from department to department.

Thankfully Chakotay's idea of routing power from deck seven had provided some power to the replicators in the mess hall so Sarah had been able to replicate a cup of red tea, with lemon, on her way back to her quarters. She sat in the living room, sipping it, while she waited for the bath to finish filling up. Pulling off the tunic of her uniform she decided to change into something more comfortable. She had one hour before she had to get back in uniform and man her office, there were several rookie space travelers that had requested to speak to her and she had somehow managed to cram them in; however she was going to make the most of this time off.

After slipping into a pair of navy blue cotton lounge pants and a spaghetti strap gray tank top she proceeded into the bathroom to check the water. The tub was almost full. Leaning over she turned the water off as the door chime rang out. Grunting, she pulled herself up. _What now?_

"Come in," she called, trying to keep the edge out of her voice. She wasn't surprised when Tom Paris sauntered into the room, carrying a bottle of champagne and what appeared to be a picnic basket. "What do you want, Tom?"

"I thought we'd celebrate."

"Celebrate what?" Sarah asked, bewildered.

"In case you didn't realize, it was one week ago that we were pulled from the Badlands into the Delta Quadrant, and there's no better way to celebrate than a lunch of champagne and emergency rations," Tom pointed out, pulling out two tumblers from the basket and placing them down onto the dining table. He popped the cork and the champagne fizzled a little before he poured each of them a generous portion.

"That's something to celebrate? Being stranded seventy five thousand light years from home?"

Tom laughed. "Come on Sarah, you know me better than that. We're celebrating surviving our first week out here." He handed her a glass of the bubbly alcohol and clanged his glass to hers. "Drink up; we've only got about three thousand eight hundred and ninety-nine more weeks to go."

She watched as he took a sip of the champagne. "You have a twisted sense of humor, you know that?" But, she reasoned, a glass of champagne would certainly help her unwind a little after the horrendous morning and afternoon that she had just had. She figured Tom's probably wasn't much better. Finally she took a sip out of her own glass and immediately felt her senses tingle. This was a clear violation of the terms that Starfleet insisted that she agree upon if she wanted to go back to work; hell it was a clear violation of Starfleet protocol period, no drinking on duty. But if they were discrete, no one would have any idea they had shared a drink together during lunch.

Tom plopped his tired body down onto her sofa and spread his arms out along the back, the glass resting between his fingers. "You know, I've always loved how the bubbles tingle my nose."

Sarah was shocked how he could toss aside all that was going on around them and just focus on the moment. How often had she wished in the past that she had that ability? She stood there in the middle of the room, her feet bare, hair curling over her shoulders, staring at him. Was this for real? Or was the champagne a facade so he could see her because there was a deeper problem at hand?

"What?" he asked, noticing her stare. "Do I have something up my nose?"

She blinked, snapping out of her trance. "Why are you here?"

"I already answered that question; to celebrate surviving our first week," Tom replied, restlessly.

"No, why are you _really_ here?"

He let out a dejected breath. "I should have known you'd see right through me."

"The champagne may have been a little too much of a give away," Sarah tried to joke, but noticed that it was coming off all wrong. He frowned at her and she saw the anguish flash through his blue eyes. She didn't even think Tom Paris was capable of such an emotion and it immediately thrust her into counselor mode. "Tom, what's going on? You seem…upset."

Leaning forward, Tom's eyes met hers. "Do you ever feel that we've been set up to fail?"

"You mean Captain Janeway's decision to strand us here?" Sarah drawled, trying to understand where he was coming from. "She did what she thought was right. If we hadn't destroyed the array what would have happened to the Ocampa?"

Tom shrugged his shoulders. "Sometimes, Sarah, I feel like we did what was right, that their needs out weighed ours, however, other times I feel that being back in New Zealand would be better than facing uncharted space. If this was solely a Starfleet crew I wouldn't be worried, however, we're talking about integrating enemies of the Federation into this crew, our chances of survival aren't good. We just as well will kill each other before we work together. Janeway had to have known that when she pulled the trigger, right?"

"To be honest Tom, I'm not sure what she was thinking when she made the decision," Sarah answered, sitting with him on the couch. "It wasn't like we all had time to discuss it." She tucked her feet underneath her legs and drew them closer to her. "I guess, we just have to have a little faith, after all, it seems that Captain Janeway has some faith in all of us." She laid a comforting hand on his shoulder. "We'll get through it Tom, we'll make it home."

A sad smile stretched across his face. "You know something when I hear you say it, and hear Janeway say it, I believe it."

" _Counselor Barrett, report to the Bridge._ "

Tom saw Sarah's eyes close and a dark look come over her face. The calm demeanor which she had regarded him in just mere seconds ago was gone, replaced with a worried and stressed look.

"We must be coming up on Illidaria," she murmured. Getting up she downed the rest of her champagne in a chug that impressed Tom, who was known for his chugging during his Academy days, and strode into the bathroom. He heard water draining from the tub and a few moments later she appeared from the room, clad now in her uniform, hair roughly tossed back and boots in her hands.

 _So much for the bath,_ Sarah thought as she put her boots on. She tapped her combadge. "Barrett to bridge, I'm on my way."

* * *

"The Captain would like to see you," Lieutenant Commander Tuvok instructed her when she stepped out of the turbolift. Sarah grimly nodded her head and proceeded to the ready room door, tapping the chime.

Janeway admitted her a few seconds later and she stepped into see an obvious flustered captain. "Is everything alright, ma'am?" The room was, putting it bluntly, a disaster. The product of having two children spend the whole day cooped up in there. Several toys littered the upper level, one of Ava's bottles had tipped over onto the coffee table and had leaked out, and Michael had made an elaborate block city that weaved around the entire area. Right now, both children were snuggled up, sleeping on the sofa taking what was probably a much needed nap.

"Oh, everything is just wonderful, Lieutenant," the older woman drawled, answering her question, her blue eyes staring intently at the younger woman. "I've got a trapped ship I cannot help without making first contact with a species we know nothing about, second, my children are running rampant all over this ship, third, I don't know who to put in charge down in Engineering. Do you know I tried to do as Chakotay suggested and get to know B'Elanna? She just stormed out of here, right before you came in. I was hoping that you would have made it here before she left. Tell me, Sarah, what am I doing wrong? I've tried to be accommodating, I've tried being welcoming to the Maquis, nothing is working."

"Captain, I don't think there is much more you can do…for the Maquis that is," Sarah responded quickly. "I've tried to get to know B'Elanna as well, all I meet is aversion. Of course to her, I'm nothing but a _Starfleet brat._ "

Janeway had heard that term often enough as well growing up, since her father had been Starfleet. Perhaps that was the problem with many of the Maquis, they believed that she had not earned her way to this position, thus did not have the authority to dictate their lives. So what did that mean, that she get on the comline and tell her life story?

" _Sickbay to Captain Janeway,_ " the Doctor's voice interrupted her thoughts.

"Yes Doctor?"

" _May I request that you activate your emergency medical holographic channel?_ "

Sarah watched as Janeway moved to sit behind her desk and activate her personal computer. _Harry must have fixed it quickly,_ she thought with mild amusement, recalling how the Captain had burst forth from the ready room to get a status report that morning with the broken terminal in her hand, placed it in Harry's lap and told him to see if he could fix it. When he asked what had happened to it, her answer had been, _a one year old._

Janeway was gazing at the newly fixed screen with a funny look and briefly Sarah wondered if Harry _hadn't_ fixed it. "Doctor, I'm getting a distorted image. Mister Kim obviously didn't fix my computer thoroughly."

"No captain," the Doctor's voice came over the computer. "You're computer is working properly. This is how I currently appear. I'm…shrinking."

"Shrinking?" Janeway repeated, eyebrows arching in fascination. She propped her chin in her elbow to hide the smile that was no doubt making its way across her face.

The Doctor saw her amusement and scowled, telling how much he was shrinking by. "I've informed Mister Kim; apparently, he has more pressing matters to tend too, for example fixing your computer. However, my…personal problem, is not what I'm calling you about. Several crew members have reported severe headaches, muscles spasms, and sudden waves of dizziness. I've treated them of course."

 _Let's just add this to the list of things I have to deal with,_ Janeway thought bitterly. "This could be related to the quantum singularity we encountered a few hours ago," she told him, and immediately saw his face cloud over with disgust. _Oh dear, no one informed him._

"Quantum singularity?" the Doctor repeated, in a harsh tone.

"It was sending out strong spatial distortions it might have affected the crew. And your systems as well," Janeway mused.

"You know Captain, if we were in the vicinity of a quantum singularity, I should have been informed."

She gave him an apologetic smile, realizing that since he was their only doctor at the moment, and seeing how he did not have the freedom to come to bridge, there had to be a way set up for him to get information on what was going on, other than by word of mouth. "You're absolutely right. I'll look at linking your program into the ship's database." Suddenly the ship jolted and Janeway was tossed about in her chair.

Stumbling to her feet both Janeway and Sarah left the ready room, neither of them realizing that the Captain had failed to terminate her link with the Doctor, who was calling after Janeway, "Hello? Captain?"

"Report," Janeway ordered, stepping up into the command station.

"It looks like we're running into more spatial distortions," Chakotay answered her, turning to face her.

"I'm reading a highly localized disturbance off the port bow," Harry Kim said.

"On screen," Janeway said, facing the view screen. An image of another event horizon appeared, very similar to the one they had left behind to go to Illidaria to get help. "Mister Tuvok?"

Tuvok ran his fingers over his console, gathering readings. "It is another type four quantum singularity. The physical and temporal dimensions are identical to the one we encountered earlier."

A beep came from Tom's instruments and the young pilot, who had taken his station after Sarah left her quarters, glanced over his shoulder at Janeway. "Captain, according to these coordinates, we've returned to our previous position. This isn't another singularity, it's the same one."

* * *

B'Elanna Torres didn't know why, but she was nervous sitting in the staff meeting that had been called to discuss why they were going around in circles and ending back at the same singularity. Joe Carey, who had been called to the meeting as well, looked smug and not the least bit fazed. There were rumors running rampant that this meeting was the one where Janeway was going to make her decision about chief engineer. B'Elanna figured she had ruined any chances of getting the position when she had stormed out of Janeway's office not even an hour ago. But she would be lying if she didn't want the job, for some reason she wanted to prove to Janeway that she was not going to fail, even if the woman was trying to set her up just to do that. However, at the same time, she knew that she wasn't officer material.

In fact, she was so lost in thought that she wasn't aware the holographic doctor had been speaking over the view screen in the briefing room until he was done. He glumly reported that he was still shrinking and cut the connection.

Janeway was leaning forward on her elbows. Chakotay was seated to her right, Sarah Barrett to her left, followed by Tuvok, Harry Kim, Joe Carey, herself, and Tom Paris. _What a motley crew_ , B'Elanna mused, looking about the table as Janeway began to speak to them.

"I've finished my study of the spatial distortion coming from the singularity," the Captain began. "I can give you a long, boring analysis. All I can say is, I don't know what is going on. The readings are confused, the data contradictory, none of it is making any sense. Anyone have anything more constructive?" she asked the group hopefully.

"Ship wide diagnostics have revealed nothing out of the ordinary," Tuvok reported.

"I tried sending out a tachyon signal to scan the singularity, but all I got back was static," Carey said.

B'Elanna was still lost in thought and only brought out of it when Chakotay asked her if she could work with Carey to clean up the signal. "Yes," she replied, eyes flicking to Janeway. "But it won't work. I mean it was a good idea to try, but it won't work."

"You have another idea?" the Captain asked her.

"I was just thinking about the Doctor's problem with the holographic projectors," B'Elanna responded, leaning forward in her chair and resting her elbows on the table. "It seems like the spatial distortions might be interfering with the projector's phase alignment."

Janeway looked intrigued. "That was my guess too."

"If that's the case," B'Elanna continued, "I might be able to screen out those distortions by setting up a localized dampening field around the projectors."

"Is our priority here really the medical holographic system?" Carey questioned, feeling like he was being out matched.

"My point is," B'Elanna said, " that if the spatial distortions are also interfering with the transmission we received from the other ship -," she didn't get the chance to continue, the Captain finished for her, following her path, stating that they could set up a similar system around their external sensors and communicate with them. "Exactly," the Klingon replied, "And they may know more than we do about what's going on."

"Let's give it a try," Janeway said enthusiastically. "Dismissed."

The group of officers got up from the table, with the exception of Janeway and all filed out of the room back onto the bridge. Chakotay turned around at the door to look at her, asking her a silent question. A small smile spread on her face and she gave him a gentle nod of the head. He returned the soft smile, before following the others out onto the bridge. Janeway leaned back in her chair, let out a calming breath and stood up, slowly making her way after her officers. She found them all hard at work, just like she knew they would be.

"The emitters are online," B'Elanna reported, with Janeway now standing over her shoulder, arms over her chest. "I'm rerouting the dampening field through the deflector grid."

Janeway moved towards operations. "Open a channel to the other ship." Immediately the bridge was filled with a garbled message, just like the one they had heard about hours ago it felt like now. B'Elanna announced that she was ramping up the field intensity.

"It's working," Kim said. "We're cutting through the distortions." The message still sounded garbled however. Janeway ordered him to remodulate the EM band to try to clean it up. "Compensating for amplitude distortion," he told her as he typed away at his console. A few moments later a clear transmission filled the bridge and it shocked them all. It was the Captain's hail from hours before when they had first come across the singularity.

"That's your hail," Chakotay told her, even though she didn't need to be told.

"I'm applying our dampening field to our visual scanners to see if I can clear up the image," B'Elanna said. When she did it, it was another shock to the bridge crew, because the ship they were trying to rescue all along was _Voyager._ All this time they had been trying to save themselves. Suddenly it hit B'Elanna and Janeway as well, they were the ones trapped in the singularity all along, there had never been another ship.

"Red alert," Janeway ordered, the lights dimming and an alarm blaring a few warnings.

"Sensors confirm it's definitely _U.S.S Voyager_ ," Tom reported, peeking at his console between staring at the screen.

"I've been hailing the ship on all frequencies," Tuvok said, "But I've gotten no response."

Janeway narrowed her eyes. "I don't think you'll get a response, Commander," she told him, patiently. "That message we unscrambled is the same message I sent out hours ago."

"Could we have traveled back in time and met ourselves?" Kim asked.

"No," B'Elanna said firmly, "that's not it." She moved towards Janeway across the back of the bridge and went to stand face to face with her. "I think I have an explanation." For a moment their eyes met and then Janeway nodded towards the briefing room again, asking that the senior officers move in there.

B'Elanna moved with the others into the briefing room that they had occupied a mere five minutes before, but didn't bother taking a seat like the rest of them. She was too nervous that Janeway was going to think she was crazy. Instead, she nervously paced around the table giving her explanation as to what was going on. "Think of it like this," she started, "you're sitting at the bottom of a pond, which is frozen over, and you look up at the surface and see a reflection of yourself. Now, you might think you're looking at another person, sitting at the bottom of another pond, looking back at you."

To her surprise, Janeway was buying it. "And in this case, we'd be staring up at the surface of the event horizon and seeing a time delayed reflection of ourselves."

"Are you saying we're the ones trapped in the singularity?" Chakotay asked.

"Unfortunately, yes," B'Elanna replied.

"You're right," Janeway agreed, "it's the only theory that explains everything that's happened to us. We've probably been in this singularity since we felt the first jolt."

Paris was confused. "Wait a minute," he interjected. "Let me get this straight. We were cruising along at warp seven, and then picked up a distress call. So we moved into investigate, but now you're saying that the other ship is just a reflection of us, and that the distress call is just the captain's opening hail. But we picked up the distress call before she sent the hail. How could we have been seeing a reflection of something we hadn't even done yet?" He looked around the table to see that everyone was staring at him, and that Janeway had a smirk on her face. "Am I making any sense here?"

"No," Janeway replied, "but that's okay. One of the more difficult concepts to grasp in temporal mechanics is sometimes effect can precede cause. A reaction can be observed before an action that initiated it."

"So how do we get out?" Kim asked.

"I'm not sure," B'Elanna replied, intensely. "But, I do know one thing. That as we slide deeper into the singularity, the spatial distortions are increasing. If that's the case, then we might not have a lot of time before they crush the ship."

Janeway got up from the table and moved around it to stand next to her. "If your analogy is correct, how do we get through that sheet of ice?"

"Look for a crack!"

"Or make a crack," Janeway said in response to B'Elanna. "Take something and slam into the ice until it buckles."

"Wait a minute," B'Elanna said. "What if we already made a crack in the ice?"

"When we first entered the event horizon," Janeway mused along with her.

"If we can find our entry point we might be able to slip out the way we came in," B'Elanna replied.

"So we would be looking for a subspace instability in the event horizon," Janeway speculated. "What would make it show up on our sensors?"

Silence passed between them for a couple of seconds and then they both said at the same time, "Warp particles!"

"If we saturate the event horizon with warp particles we might be able to see them escaping through the rupture we made when we entered!" Janeway exclaimed turning about on her heel and leaving the room. The rest of the officers, most of them stunned by what had just taken place, followed suit.

B'Elanna heard Paris remark to Barrett, "What the hell just happened?" Out of the corner of her eye, B'Elanna could see a small smile creep across the counselor's pretty face as she turned to reply to the hotshot pilot, "I think B'Elanna Torres just got promoted to chief engineer."

She felt satisfaction in hearing that. But she didn't know how much truth was behind the words that Barrett had just said. After all, B'Elanna may have found a way out of the event horizon for them, but that didn't mean Janeway was seriously going to take her on as chief engineer. She still wasn't sure how she felt about the whole thing herself. Was she capable of leading? _I guess there's only one way to find out,_ she thought to herself as she went to stand in the command station with Janeway and Chakotay, while Tuvok took the main deflector off line. Kim was rerouting the power of the plasma flow to the main deflector so they could use it to generate a warp field.

B'Elanna stood rigidly next to Chakotay, realizing that if this didn't work, she was fresh out of ideas on how to get them out of the event horizon and _Voyager_ would be crushed. _Well I gave us a week to survive out here, but I didn't think we'd be crushed to death by a quantum singularity._

"Release the warp particles," Janeway ordered. A steady stream of particles emitted from the deflector dish and into the even horizon, filling the bridge with a bright orange glow. Paris immediately began to scan the singularity for an changes. But B'Elanna was anxious.

"Anything?" she rasped out, harshly.

"Not yet," Kim reported, coolly. "Warp particles at full intensity."

"I'm picking up something," Paris announced, fingers running across the conn. "It could be a rupture in the event horizon."

B'Elanna exchanged a relieved glance with the Captain before she ordered to have it put on screen. Sure enough, there was rupture. _Now if only its big enough for the ship to get through,_ B'Elanna thought hopefully. But Paris was already delivering the bad news that it was too small. She felt anger taking a hold of her. "It must have collapsed since we first past through it."

"We found the crack," Janeway said, trying to calm her. "That's the important thing. Let's focus on how we can make it bigger."

"Put a wedge in it and force it open," B'Elanna retorted still feeling angry. "We could try a dekyon beam."

Janeway nodded her head and ordered Paris to move them closer to the rupture, but he turned in his seat and looked at her pensively. "Captain, if we get too close to the rupture our warp engines might make it collapse even further."

 _Damn it,_ B'Elanna thought as the Captain asked if they could emit the beam from their current position. Kim told her that they didn't have enough power to emit one from this distance. _Another damn._

"Alright, we'll take a shuttlecraft," Janeway said, placing her hands on her hips.

It didn't surprise B'Elanna that Tom Paris was standing up, offering himself up to pilot the shuttle. It did surprise her though that Janeway was putting him down. He had made a valuable point, that she needed her best pilot and that was him. But hers was maybe a little bit more valuable; she needed someone with her that understood temporal mechanics. Once that was out, B'Elanna suddenly realized, _Kahless, she means me!_

Sure enough Janeway told B'Elanna that she was going to accompany her, and with a final order of leaving Chakotay in charge, the two women left the bridge, en route to the shuttlebay.


	14. Chapter 14

"Captain," B'Elanna said, once their shuttle was well on its way towards the rupture. "I want to apologize for losing my temper, in your ready room. I think, maybe, you were hitting a little too close to home, you know?" She glanced at the older woman to see her blue eyes upon her, listening in compassion. "I respect Chakotay, but he's wrong, I'm not officer material and we both know it. The truth is I quit the Academy because I knew I couldn't make it in Starfleet. And believe me, no one was sorry to see me go."

Kathryn remembered the conversation they had in her ready room a few hours before, about why she had quit the Academy. B'Elanna had stormed out of the room before the Captain could tell her what she had learned reading through her files. "Professor Chapman was," she stated simply.

B'Elanna glanced at her. "What?"

"He put a letter in your permanent file, stating that if you should ever reapply, he would support you," Kathryn answered. "He thought you were one of the most promising cadets he ever taught."

B'Elanna looked surprised. "I fought with him almost everyday. I was always questioning his methods, his assumptions, and he was always slapping me down like some upstart kid. I was surprised that he didn't help me pack my bags."

Kathryn smiled. "Some professors like students who challenge their assumptions, B'Elanna," she paused briefly, thinking about a conversation she had with Sarah Barrett when the young woman had come on board. _In fact, I like officer's who…test the waters. It's one of the reasons I chose you, Sarah._ It was a reason that she was choosing B'Elanna now. "So do some captains," she said, gently, with a warm smile. "Professor Chapman wasn't alone; many of your teachers thought you had the potential to be an outstanding officer. You had more friends at the Academy than you realized."

The Captain's console beeping ended their little _heart to heart._ "We're fifteen kilometers from the rupture," Kathryn said. "Start charging the dekyon beam."

"Dekyon beam online," B'Elanna reported as the tiny shuttle was rocked by a spatial distortion. Both B'Elanna and Kathryn were tossed about, but were not harmed. "Shields down to sixty-two percent," the younger woman stated after the jolting stopped.

"Increase speed," Kathryn ordered. "We have to get to that rupture before these spatial distortions tear us apart." The shuttle glided closer to the rupture. "Let's open this hole in the ice a little wider. Initiate the dekyon beam."

As B'Elanna did so the tiny shuttle was tossed about again, only this time it lasted longer and was more violent. _Voyager_ started sending a report over the comline that the spatial distortions were increasing and that their hull was losing intregity.

"We've widened the opening by sixty-five percent, but I'd like another five for safety," Kathryn told B'Elanna.

"We're losing power," B'Elanna responded, while trying to grip her console. "I don't think we're going to get anymore Captain."

Suddenly the jolting stopped. Both women held their breaths for a moment, before Kathryn spoke up, "Let's get back to _Voyager._ " But even as the shuttle started back towards the ship, Kathryn saw that they were going to have a problem. Instead of one _Voyager_ there were now two, flying in close proximity with each other.

"Well this is a problem," B'Elanna said, voicing both women's opinion.

"One of them is a temporal reflection," Kathryn mused, looking at her console. "But which one? I'm getting identical readings from both ships."

"Captain, the rupture's closing again," B'Elanna told her. "If _Voyager_ doesn't get through it within the next five minutes, we'll never get out."

"That means we have one chance to pick the correct ship."

"Simple choice," B'Elanna said. "Port or starboard?"

"Starboard."

"Port."

They glanced at each other when they realized that they didn't agree on which ship was really theirs. "The port ship is more likely to be the real one, it's closer to the rupture," B'Elanna argued. "That means," she rasped out as the ship shook again, "that their holding position closer to the rupture, waiting for us to dock before they head out."

"No," Kathryn debated, as the shaking stopped. "It maybe closer to the rupture but it's facing the wrong direction. The starboard ship is facing away from us. That means they must be trying to give us easy access to the shuttlebay."

"There has to be some way to tell them apart besides which direction their facing!"

"The starboard ship's thrusters are at standby, they're holding position. But the port ship is moving towards the rupture."

B'Elanna reached for the controls. "Then I was right, it is the port ship. They're heading out." Kathryn grabbed her by the arm, not forcefully, but gently and pulled her hand away from the console, stopping her from setting in a course for the port ship.

"Don't you see? _Voyager_ did move towards the rupture, twenty minutes ago when we first discovered it. That's why the port ship is moving toward it now. It's a time delayed reflection of what we did before." Kathryn moved back into her seat and set a course for the starboard ship. "The starboard ship's the real one, they're waiting for us."

As the shuttle began to move towards the ship, B'Elanna glanced at her briefly. "If you're wrong, we're going to have a long time to debate it." Kathryn guided the shuttle into the bay and B'Elanna felt herself holding her breath as she announced they were ready to dock.

"Alright, cut the thrusters. Let's see what happens," Kathryn said. B'Elanna did as she was ordered and the shuttle glided in and landed on the shuttlebay floor with a small thud. Both Kathryn and B'Elanna let out a little sigh of relief. "Feels like a real ship to me. Let's get back to the bridge."

* * *

"They've landed sir," Harry Kim announced.

"Mister Paris, get us out of here," Chakotay ordered, feeling much better now that both the Captain and B'Elanna were safely back on board _Voyager._ It had been a little harrowing watching and waiting for them to get back, especially with the spatial distortions getting worse and causing more and more damage with each hit.

The doors to the turbolift hissed opened and he heard Janeway's voice carry over the back of the bridge. "Commander Chakotay, report."

"We're almost to the rupture," he told her as she joined him in the command station. "Mister Paris is about to impress us with his flying skills."

"The rupture's collapsing," Kim reported. "It's down to one hundred and ten meters wide."

"That's too narrow," B'Elanna said. "We're not going to make it."

Janeway was not about to accept defeat. She moved towards the conn, eyes looking determinedly ahead. "In command school they taught us always to remember that maneuvering a starship is a very delicate process. But I've learned sometimes you just have to punch your way through. Mister Paris, full impulse power."

The young pilot did as he was told and the ship began to move, but not without hitting a lot of turbulence along the way. Shields were failing, the hull integrity was failing, Paris was losing power, Kim was trying to restore it, and officers and crewmen were falling all over the bridge, trying to grab onto rails and chairs, or whatever they could to keep themselves standing. One nearly landed on top of Barrett who had stumbled backwards into her chair. It only got worse as _Voyager_ moved towards the rupture that was collapsing more and more by the second but just like Janeway had instructed, Tom Paris punched the ship through the rupture, with a little more turbulence, and back into normal space.

 _Voyager_ still shook a little as it cleared the event horizon, but they were out, as Tuvok calmly proclaimed.

" _Sometimes you just have to punch your way through,_ " Paris quoted her, looking up at her with an impish grin. "I'll have to remember that one."

With a little grin of her own she ordered him to set a course. "I want to be at least one hundred kilometers away from the singularity _before_ we begin repairs."

"Mama?"

She turned her attention towards the ready room doors and saw the children standing there, not hurt, thankfully, but looking rather confused. Michael's hair was mussed and she could only imagine what kind of ride they just had. She did not however want to think about what her ready room looked like with all the toys now strewn about. "What is it honey?"

"Is it time to go home yet? I've had enough adventure for one day."

 _Me too,_ Kathryn thought with amusement; _me too._

* * *

"There they are—your staff," Chakotay announced to her as they entered Main Engineering the next day. Janeway had approved the promotion of B'Elanna to chief engineer the very night that they had escaped the quantum singularity. She had to admit however, that she was nervous, and didn't fully understand why the Captain wanted her to do this, especially if it was solely based on what she had done the past day, and what a few professors had said about her departing the Academy.

Glancing about the room she decided that she was just going to have to prove to Janeway that she really was up to the challenge, and even more so if the woman had set her up to fail. "I'll try not to break any of their noses."

Chakotay smiled at her humor. "First order of the day: the Captain wants the warp drive back online by thirteen hundred hours."

"Thirteen hundred hours? That's impossible."

"Well then, maybe you need to go break a few noses, or at least…bend a few," Chakotay replied. They shared a chuckle before he left, with a simple, "Lieutenant," as his departing words. He only glanced over his shoulder once ascending the stairs to join Janeway, who was standing on the second level, hand on the railing, looking down as B'Elanna got her people moving and then went to make peace with Joe Carey. Sarah Barrett was also standing near by, and he chuckled at the apprehensive look on her face. Apparently she was thinking a few broken noses were going to pop up as well.

Chakotay moved towards the two women and stopped when he came almost shoulder to shoulder with Janeway. "Checking up on your new chief engineer?"

"Observing," Janeway replied.

"And?"

"Two crew members have already filed complaints about her promotion," Barrett replied, but then she surprised Chakotay, she grinned at him. "But, I think everything is going to work out just fine. If you'll excuse me, Commander, Captain, I have an appointment to attend to."

Chakotay startled by her sudden vote of confidence in B'Elanna, watched as she left. Janeway's voice brought him back. "She earned a lot of people's respect yesterday, Chakotay, including mine. She maybe in for a rough adjustment, but I think B'Elanna's going to make a fine addition to this crew," she paused briefly, and then looked at him, with a smile, "our crew."

"Can I ask you a question, off the record?" They moved towards the stairs, descending them to go down to the lower level. "If things had happened differently, and we were on the Maquis ship and not _Voyager_ would you have served under me?"

Her grin was coy and he knew he was not going to get a straight answer. "One of the nice things about being Captain is that you can keep some things to yourself."

* * *

Tal Celes anxiously sat in an empty briefing room. Counselor Barrett had requested that she meet with her and the Captain here. But that had been all she had said, and Tal had spent the past three hours fretting about this meeting. She had even reported to the meeting early, perhaps a bit too early, since both Barrett and Janeway had not made an appearance yet. And that was not helping her nerves any. She just wanted to get this done and over with.

When the doors to the briefing room slid open and the Captain walked in with Counselor Barrett behind her, Tal immediately jumped to her feet and assumed a rigid position. Janeway seemed amused by this and told the young woman to relax. The soft tone of her voice didn't help Tal to relax even as she adjust her position to an at east stance.

"Crewman Celes, why don't you have a seat," Janeway instructed while her and Barrett took seats at the table.

Tal glanced at the table that usually was reserved for the senior officers. She didn't believe she deserved to sit in those chairs, after all she was barely junior officer material, which was why she was a crewman. "I'd rather stand, ma'am," she said, politely, still giving the chairs a funny look.

"Alright, if that's what you wish," Janeway responded, settling into her chair. "It seems, Crewman Celes, that you're in the wrong position on this ship. And, given our circumstances, I need everyone to be in the position that best fits their talents." She saw a dejected look running through the young bajoran's eyes. "I'm sure you try your hardest, crewman, however, I think I have something you'd be more...suited for than working on Starfleet algoritums."

Tal had known this was coming sooner or later. "I understand, ma'am. Just what job do you think I'm suited for?" _Boot shiner, PADD deliverer._

"What would say to becoming a nanny?"

The question took her completely off guard and she blinked her eyes several times before she finally stammered, "A nanny?"

A smile spread across Janeway's face. "Yes, a nanny. In case you were not aware I'm need in a little bit of childcare. If I don't find someone to take care of my children while I'm on duty, well, then I'm afraid they might just very well destroy my ship, if not drive me insane first. You were wonderful with them yesterday in the mess hall. Believe me, Ava doesn't fall asleep in just anyone's lap."

"I'm honored that you would even consider me for this Captain," Tal said, "but, I'm not sure I'm the perfect person to be watching your kids. I can...be a bit absent minded at times."

Janeway didn't seem bothered by this. "Counselor Barrett looked up your service record. You were a nanny during your Academy days and the family you worked for thought highly of you. But, I can't force you to do this, that isn't my nature. This has to be your decision Tal."

In the end there was really only one decision she could make; Tal Celes became the Janeway children's nanny. With a smile, the Captain thanked her and told her that she would start her new duties in the morning. Tal nodded her head before being dismissed and with a sigh of relief stepped into the turbo lift on deck one. She had enjoyed her short time with the children yesterday, but she understood it was going to be a difficult job, but one that she was, hopefully ready for. Janeway had put a lot of trust in her and she was not about to let the Captain down.


	15. Hanging In the Balance

_Two weeks after Voyager is taken from the Alpha Quadrant..._

Tom Paris stumbled on his way out of the holodeck thanks to a horribly placed vending cart in Rome circa 1920. Things hadn't gone according to plan, hell they never seemed to go according to plan for him. Perhaps he should have told Harry the truth from the beginning, but Harry wouldn't have ventured down to the holodeck if he had told him the truth. So he had told a little white lie, what was the harm in that?

Apparently a lot because Harry was stalking off down the corridor to the turbolift. "Harry, wait up!"

Harry Kim shook his head. "No way, Tom. "

"Aw, come on Harry, I've been smoothing out the details for this date for days now! You can't leave me in the dust like this!"

"Oh yes I can," Harry snapped, pressing the button to call for the lift.

Tom caught up with him as the lift opened and pressed the button to send it on its way before Harry could step inside. His friend turned to glare at him. "It's the Delaney sisters, Harry, they come as a package. It's a double date or no date, Harry."

"I never agreed to a date of any kind."

"Sure you did," Tom replied. "Last night."

A blank expression passed over Harry's face. He couldn't recall ever have such a conversation. Of course, he was so tired last night he probably would have agreed to jumping out of an airlock. "I never agreed to any date last night. We ate dinner with Lieutenant Barrett, who told me to enjoy some recreational time while she was away to quell my homesickness. There was never anything about a date in that conversation Tom."

Tom grinned mercelessly. "Well, dates are recreational. You're following counselor's orders."

"She didn't _order_ me. She suggested recreational activities," Harry fumed. "Why am I arguing with you on this? I have a girlfriend back home, I don't need to go on any dates."

"Harry, Harry, Harry, you honestly think she's going to _wait_ for you?"

"Yes!" He exclaimed quickly.

"That's rather selfish of you, don't you think?"

"Look who's telling me about being selfish," Harry hissed. "It was rather selfish of you to think I'd go on this date so you can get with Meghan Delaney."

Tom shrugged his shoulders. "Alright, it was rather selfish of me, but you are my best friend Harry, who else would I ask to go on a double date with me?" He looked innocently at his friend. Harry rolled his eyes doing his best imitation of Sarah Barrett when Tom got this way. "Can I help it if I thought I was helping my best friend out?"

Harry grunted. "Helping me out with what?"

"Moving on!"

"Tom, we've only been out here two weeks, you think Libby's moved on that quickly?"

"Well of course not," Tom retorted, "but she's going to, eventually, Harry. You know it."

He did know it but he didn't want to acknowledge it. He wasn't ready to accept that Libby was going to move on without him, that she was going to think that he was dead. It seemed rather unfair to be so far away from home and going out on a double date with Tom when Libby was probably grieving for his loss back on Earth. Why should he be happy when he knew that his loved ones were not? Tom on the other hand didn't have this dilemma. He could care less about his family and had no girlfriend back home. Girlfriends just weren't Tom Paris' style. Harry wondered how long the chase of the Delaney sister's was going to last. He opened his mouth to speak, but no word came out.

Tom grabbed him by the arm. "Now come on, they're waiting for us and I only have forty five minutes left of holodeck time saved up."

Harry allowed Tom to pull him all the way back to holodeck, the whole time awestruck that he had every intent on not going back there but Paris found some way to drag him along. _Every time,_ he thought as they entered the holodeck, _he gets me every time with the moving on and selfish of me to think she'll wait bit._ But even as he was dragged towards the candlelit table, with a very smiling Jenny Delaney, he wondered just how much _trouble_ Tom had really gotten him into. _It's going to be a long night._

* * *

The constant thrumming of the engines was soothing to him as the tiny shuttlecraft cruised along to the home world of the Karvaians. _Voyager_ had made first contact with one of their scout ships two days before and the Captain wanted to immediately send out a diplomatic party to speak with them. The first officer had been given the mission, taken a shuttle, and departed from _Voyager_. Chakotay had always found that piloting a ship manually was a good source of therapy and relaxation, better than sitting in a chair and talking to a psychologist for hours on end. Maybe that was why he was having trouble getting to know Sarah Barrett.

It wasn't that he didn't like her; she was a bright young woman with a strong personality. However, she was a psychologist and whenever he opened his mouth to speak he wondered if she was taking silent notes about his mental state. It was this reason, that he was uncomfortable around her, that he believed Captain Janeway had sent them on the mission together. She was hoping that the time alone would help them work up a little bit of a rapport aside from the first officer/counselor relationship. Well, it was proving to be hard to do just that since Barrett was barely speaking to him. She had helped him with preflight and everything else that Starfleet protocol demanded of her, but once they were well on their way she had barricaded her self so to speak in the aft cabin of the shuttle, reading over PADDs.

Her eyes were narrowed, reading over the material vigorously, as if she felt that she didn't have enough time to read through it all. He recalled her concern for Neelix not being allowed on this mission, but Janeway had not felt comfortable allowing the Talaxian on another away mission just yet, not after what had happened on Ocampa with Neelix deceiving them to help rescue Kes. So, instead, Sarah had been handed stacks of PADDs on the data that Neelix had on the Karvaians right before they left.

He had been trying to get her to talk about what she was working on, to break the ice, but she had responded coldly that once she had a better grasp on Karvarian culture she would let him know, and the discussion had ended there.

But despite the lack of communication on this trip, he could see why Janeway liked the young woman so much. She could switch from hard and calculating, to soft and caring when the situation presented itself. And, he admitted, she had a wry sense of humor. But other than her personality, he didn't know much about her, except what her service record had indicated, and even then that didn't go into depth. He did know that she had a dark past, one that she was trying to turn her life around from. _Like so many other people on this journey,_ he thought with sudden realization, as he made a course correction.

He had also tried asking her about her time at the Academy, perhaps make a connection between the two of them there. She had remarked, _perhaps another time._

Looking at his panel he concluded that had been over two hours ago, just after they had cleared _Voyager_ and been on their way to Karva. They would be reaching the planet in about thirty minutes. "Captain Janeway tells me you were a part of a team that studied the Borg," he spoke up, hoping to get something from her. It seemed that if they didn't have the integration of the Maquis into _Voyager's_ crew to talk about, then they had nothing to talk about. And he didn't know why, but that bothered him.

"I was the head psychologist on a research vessel that composed of some of Starfleet's top engineers, science officers, and doctors," came her subdued reply. "Our mission was to collect as much information about the Borg as we could, such as their psyche and their technology and bring it back to Starfleet in the hopes that a better defense against the Borg could be made and spare us from another disaster like Wolf 359."

"Really? What made you want to study the Borg?" Chakotay asked her, brown eyes peering up for only a few seconds. "They aren't exactly the warmest species in the galaxy to be hanging around with."

"My mother was killed at Wolf 359," Barrett replied, a bit of pain etched in her voice. "I guess I wanted to _justify_ the reason they had killed her."

Her answer had deadpanned the conversation, just when he felt like he was getting somewhere with her. The console blared suddenly and the ship lurched to the left. Perplexed, Chakotay corrected their course thinking that they had run into some form of spatial distortion; another blare and an even more violent lurch.

"A ship just appeared off of our port nacelle. They're firing on us," Barrett announced. She had jumped up from her seat in the aft cabin and into the one besides Chakotay. Her fingers were running over the console. "I don't understand why sensors didn't pick them up coming in!"

"I've never seen this type of ship before, it's not Karvaian," Chakotay said. "I'm going to try out running them. Try hailing them on all frequencies."

"No response," Sarah replied as the shuttle was hit again, this time causing sparks to emit from the conduits.

The shuttle craft in reality was no match for the alien ship. The readings were showing them that they were up against a ship that had vast technological advances, superior to their own, but perhaps, if they could get in communications range of Karva, their new friends could assist them. But with the next hit, the port nacelle caught fire, sending the shuttle into a downward spiral. Chakotay tried to right the shuttle with the only engine he had, as smoke filled the cabin. Barrett was screaming that the aliens were trying to take out their engines, causing the hull to breach around the nacelle, in affect, ripping it off the tiny ship. They were hurtling towards the surface of a small planetoid.

"Can we land?" Chakotay asked her.

"Land?" Barrett repeated. "We're going to crash before we do that!"

"Is the atmosphere compatible for us?"

"It's a Class L atmosphere," Barrett replied, sapphire eyes roaming the readings the computer was giving her. "The surface consists mostly of mountains and rock, not a lot of water; high concentrations of carbon dioxide. Can we survive down there? Yes, but that's only if we survive the crash first."

Chakotay shook his head, looking at the controls determinedly. "We're not going to crash."

Sarah looked up him skeptically. "How can you say that?" Her body lurched about violently as the tiny ship entered the atmosphere. "We only have one engine and those aliens are doing everything they can to take the other one out! Commander, if we hit the rock at this speed it will tear the ship apart and us with it!"

"Not if I can help it!"

"Commander! Even if we survive the crash or landing as you put it, we don't know if those aliens will come after us," Barrett pointed out. They had only been in this part of space for a couple of weeks, but already they had learned that most of the species in this quadrant weren't friendly, the Kazon, for example, were not to be trifled with and they hadn't gotten off on the best of terms with them.

"We're going to make it look like we've been destroyed. On my command I want you to vent the plasma," Chakotay instructed her, eyes running over his console, trying to find a good place to put the shuttle down. They were coming in fast towards a very rocky region. It was not going to be a smooth landing. "Hang on!" he cried out as the aliens fired across their bow. Sparks emitted from the aft cabin and he could see Barrett gripping the console, however she held a calm expression. No doubt it was something that she had learned while studying the Borg. Who knew that experience was going to come in handy now?

"Chakotay, we're going in too fast," the Counselor rasped out, anxiously.

" _Unidentified ship, surrender."_

Chakotay slapped at the comline. He didn't want to hear them implore surrender. They weren't out of tricks just yet. If they were lucky the alien ship wouldn't follow them into the atmosphere. The shuttle began to quake violently as it entered the upper atmosphere. "Vent the plasma, Sarah, and target phasers on it. Fire when I tell you too."

"But that would ignite the plasma," Sarah said, even as she followed through with his orders.

"I know, I want them to believe that we've burnt up in the atmosphere."

"I hope you know what you're doing," Sarah replied.

 _Me too,_ Chakotay thought as the shuttle hurtled faster and faster towards the surface. "Fire now!"

Phasers burst forth from the shuttle craft, igniting the plasma into a fireball behind them. The alien ship backed off, whether or not they believed that the shuttle had indeed exploded and were avoiding exploding themselves, the two officers couldn't be sure. They had other problems. Chakotay noticed on his fading sensors that the alien ship was reversing course. For the time being the threat had been eliminated, but now they were spiraling out of control towards a rocky planet. "Dispatch an automated distress signal to _Voyager!"_

Sarah moved about so she could record a message and send it to _Voyager._ It was brief, seeing how they didn't have much time before the ship hit the surface, but she hoped that it was effective. Turning back towards the Commander she only had a few moments to grip the console as he cried out to brace for impact.

Despite Chakotay's best efforts, and even though he managed to slow the ship's descent, the shuttle hit the rocky soil hard and both officers felt their bodies being thrown about against the panels and controls as the shuttle tore a path through the rock. It swayed back and forth, first the port nacelle was sheared off, and then the starboard nacelle came ripping off as well, exploding in a ball of flame that sent both Chakotay and Sarah flying from their seats as the shuttle slammed into a solid rock wall. In a blinding flash of light, both officers were knocked unconscious, the shuttle coming finally to a stop, crumpled against a mountain side.

* * *

He awoke with the taste of blood in his mouth and smoke in his eyes. Chakotay blinked, trying to take in his surroundings. The lights were flickering on and off, the consoles as well, and the memories began to return to his jostled mind. Rising up on to his elbows he peered out the view port. The shuttle was in shambles, but lucky for them, the shields had held long enough to protect them from the fires and explosions of the nacelles. Now, they were rested against a solid bed of rock. It hadn't been his best landing, but at least they had managed to get down in one piece.

 _They._ He suddenly realized that he had no idea where Sarah was. Turning about, which sent a shooting pain up his right leg, he tried to locate her. She was a few feet from him, plasma burns covering a part of her face and hands. There was a huge gash across her cheek and she did not appear to be breathing. Grabbing the emergency medical kit he pulled out the tricorder and ran the hand scanner over her body. She was breathing and alive, but she had not faired as well as he had when it came to the crash landing.

She had several broken ribs, one had punctured a lung. The burns on her face and hands were second degree plasma burns that he could easily treat with a deremial regenerator, but that was the least of his concerns, she had suffered massive internal bleeding as well. If _Voyager_ did not find them and find them soon, the young woman was going to die. Her eyes opened then and she looked at him, confused.

"We made it?"

"We made it," Chakotay replied, helping her sit up slightly. She winced in pain. "You were injured in the crash."

"How bad?" Sarah asked, trying to grit her teeth and bear the pain.

"Nothing too serious," he lied to her, reaching in the medical kit for a hypospray.

"You're a terrible liar; didn't they teach how to lie with the Maquis?"

He laughed, giving her a warm smile. "Should have known I couldn't fool you," he whispered, pressing the hypospray to her neck. "Here this will help with the pain. I'm afraid that's all I can do for now, besides treat your burns. You need surgery."

She nodded her head as the pain began to dull. "What about _Voyager?_ "

Chakotay shook his head. "I'm not sure our message was received and I'm not sure I can send another one. It looks like our systems took heavy damage." He wiped some sweat from his brow and glanced around the cabin. He wasn't sure how they were going to get out of this one. Pulling himself up to his feet he moved towards the communication panel and saw that it was burnt out, probably where Sarah had received the burns from. So much for trying to send another message out to _Voyager;_ he realized that even if he were able to get another message out, the aliens that had attacked them may pick the transmission up and come back to finish them off. Then they'd be in more trouble then they were now.

It was best to try and survive on this planet and wait for _Voyager_ to find them. Glancing at Sarah he wondered how much time she could hold out. He wasn't a doctor, knew some basic first aid, but even he knew that she didn't have time on her side. One thing was for sure, they were going to need something to keep them warm and water. They had enough emergency rations to last them a few days, but a quick glance at the systems told him that the replicator was down and so weren't environmental controls. Once they lost the sunlight, it was going to get cold in that tiny shuttle. He grabbed a tricorder and a phaser. "I'm going to go look for water and something to start a fire with."

"You really think we'll be here that long?"

"There's no telling how long we'll be here," Chakotay responded, opening the hatch. Before he left he turned about and offered her a smile. "Don't go anywhere while I'm away."

A small, pain filled smile spread across her face. "Don't worry, Commander, I won't."


	16. Chapter 16

It figured that they had to crash land on the most desolate, resourceless planet in the system. Chakotay had spent nearly an hour trying to find water and something to eat besides the emergency rations. At least he had been able to find the stones to help them keep warm by simply heating them with phaser fire. Of course keeping warm would be pointless if they did not find water because they wouldn't survive long without it.

So, he kept pressing onward, talking to Sarah via their personal communicators. He would have preferred to stay with her to monitor her condition, however their need for water took president. Keeping her talking gave him at least the peace of mind to know that she was a wake for the time being and had not fallen into a state of unconsciousness. Since he had started out on this trek he was certain he had heard her life story, but it was the only thing he could think of to get her talking and keep her talking.

Every time that she would nod off, he would press her, yelling until she responded, fearing each time that it was the final time she would respond. It was hard to keep track of what she was saying since he was climbing into higher, rocky terrain, but as long as he heard her voice, he knew she was still with him.

At first he had hoped to find a way off the mountain side they had crashed against but that soon went out the window when he realized that they were wedged onto a cliff and the only way down was to climb up.

The sun was getting low in the sky and Chakotay knew that he didn't have a lot of daylight left. Suddenly his foot sank into something wet and cold. Looking down he realized he had stepped into snow. _Snow,_ he thought with excitement, _could be melted down into water._ He quickly gathered up what he could in the storage containers he had salvaged from their damaged shuttle. Now, if only there was food to go with the snow, but given the climate and conditions of this planet, he was pretty sure that there was nothing of nutritional value here. The ration bars were going to have to do until _Voyager_ found them.

" _Commander_ ," Sarah's voice came over their open comline. " _Are you ever going to tell me_ your _life story?"_

He had to chuckle at the sarcastic tone in her voice. "Alright, you have a point. I've been making you spill your guts here about your life, it seems only fair that I do the same." _Anything to keep you awake, keep you talking so I know you're alright._ "What do you want to know?"

" _Why did you join the Maquis?_ "

Leave it to her to come up with the most difficult question. There was a time it seemed like the answer was simple, at least to him anyways, but the more he thought about it, and he had thought about it a lot the past three weeks, he found that the answer was indeed complex. There had been many factors leading up to his joining the Maquis; the Federation's cold shoulder when it came to their colonies they had sacrificed in the name of diplomacy; the death of countless innocent people, the death of his father. "Because Starfleet was more inclined to listen to the Cardassians then their own people," he finally answered her. "However, I think the real reason was I was grieving the loss of my father."

" _Funny how the death of a loved one can push you to do things that…you aren't proud of,"_ Barrett replied.

"I wouldn't say I was ashamed of joining the Maquis," Chakotay retorted. "I was angry at Starfleet, yes, and would I have resigned my commission if my father had not been killed, to tell you the truth, I'm not sure Lieutenant. But enough about my joining up with the Maquis. My turn to ask a difficult question: Why did you turn to drugs?"

" _Simple, I was stupid."_

"I'm not letting you off that easily."

" _I didn't know what else to do, really. My brother had turned his back on me and I had no where else to go, nothing to fall back on. I guess I found it weak that a counselor would need counseling. The drugs helped me relax; help me forget for a while that my father had been killed in some terrible accident. But eventually I just had to take more and more until I missed an important debriefing about the mission to study the Borg and I was arrested for dereliction of duty when they found me passed out in my office."_

Chakotay closed the last storage container he had filled with snow. "We're more a like then I thought, Lieutenant."

" _How so, Commander?_ "

"We both tried to run from our grief and it only gave us problems in the end. You were yanked from a promising career at headquarters, and I was tagged a traitor of the Federation," he replied, standing up and starting to make his way back down the mountain side. It wouldn't take nearly as long to climb down as it would up and already he could see that it was going to be easy going.

" _I think you took a more noble route then I did_ , _going to fight for something you believed in,_ " Barrett said. " _Starfleet was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt, I read it in your personnel report on my way to the Badlands. If you had helped them gather up more of the Maquis they were willing to give you your commission back. I'm not sure if they were willing to give me the same treatment."_

"They allowed you on this mission," Chakotay replied.

" _Captain Janeway had a lot to do with that_ ," Barrett replied. " _My area of study was terrorism, and no offense or anything, but many saw the Maquis as terrorists. She needed someone that…understood how they thought. But…I have to wonder how much Captain Dawson played a factor into my being assigned to Voyager_."

"Captain Dawson?"

" _My lawyer, Captain Janeway's brother-in-law_ ," Barrett answered, softly.

Now there was a connection to Janeway that Chakotay didn't know the young woman had. He didn't believe that her relation to Barrett's lawyer had anything to do with the young counselor being assigned to _Voyager_ , however. So far he had learned that Kathryn Janeway liked taking risks, she had taken one on him and his crew. Janeway had to have taken her service record prior to the court martial into consideration, just like she had taken his when choosing him for her new first officer. "I didn't even realize that the Captain was married."

" _What, did you think the children came out of thin air?"_

_Good point,_ Chakotay thought, _but she's never mentioned a husband, to me at least._ "What about her husband? What does he do?"

There was a strange moment of silence that passed between them and for a brief second he worried that perhaps she had passed out from the blood loss. " _He was a scientist,"_ Barrett finally replied.

"Was?"

" _I'm not sure if I have the…right to be speaking to you about this,"_ Barrett finally said, ending the line of questioning. " _Whatever happened to speaking to me about your life? Has that suddenly gone out the window? I'm interested to know about you Commander, and, well, the whole reason that we were put together on this mission was to get to know each other better, wasn't it?"_

He should have known that she would have seen through Janeway's ploy. "Well…there's a lot to tell about me I suppose, it's just where do I begin?"

Thirty minutes later as he reached the shuttle, he had told her about his sister, his cousin in Ohio, a trip he had taken with his father when he was a teenager, how he had always felt trapped between two worlds. She had listened patiently, like a good little psychologist would, adding her two cents every now and then.

When he arrived back at the shuttle, the sun had already set and he could feel that the temperature had dropped at least ten degrees, and was only going to continue falling. He set up the stones he had gathered in an arc around the base of the hatch and pulled out his phaser. With it set on a low setting he fired it at the stones which absorbed the energy and began to glow orange and let off a nice heat. With their little make shift fire and the blankets they could survive here for a couple of days at least.

He hoped that _Voyager_ found them before then however. Chakotay wasn't sure how long Sarah could hold out, needing the surgery to repair all the damage her body had taken in the crash. He himself was injured, with several cuts and one large contusion going up his right leg, however, he knew he wouldn't die from them.

"Here," he said, handing her a cup with newly melted snow in it. "Drink this."

"You found water on this hell hole?" she quipped, taking the cup from his hands.

He smiled, wearily. "I may have learned a few survival skills growing up." It was a good thing too, because quite frankly, he didn't know how long they were going to be trapped on this planet.

* * *

"Good morning, Captain."

Kathryn Janeway looked up at Lieutenant Commander Tuvok. If she didn't know him any better she would almost say that the remark had been sarcastic because she was thirty minutes late. She had Ava's separation anxiety to thank for that. Although, she had to admit, that it was getting better. Instead of clinging to Kathryn for over an hour today, the baby had only latched onto her for thirty minutes. _Small steps,_ that's what Sarah Barrett had told when she had complained to the young counselor how frustrating it was. "Any report from Commander Chakotay this morning?"

"Negative, Captain," Tuvok reported.

Janeway didn't find it odd, but she had asked anyways hoping that there was something about how their first night on Karva had been. She was sure that she would hear something by the end of the day. "How are the repairs proceeding?" she asked, blue eyes settling on Tuvok's face. For the past two days they had been docked at one of Karva's space stations doing routine maintenance. They had been lucky that their new friends had allowed them access to the space station, or Kathryn wasn't sure how much longer her ship would be able to hold out on the power levels it had been working on.

"They should be completed by thirteen hundred hours," Tuvok answered.

She felt a frown form on her face. She had wanted the repairs to be done and over with so they could be on their way. "Any chance they could be completed before that?"

"I supposed it could be arranged," Tuvok replied, "however, if we are to be thorough, I would not recommend pushing up the completion time, Captain."

_Of course you wouldn't,_ she thought, amused. "Well, as soon as they are done, set a course for Karva. By then we should have heard from Chakotay on how things are going." Tuvok gave her a small nod of his head and she turned about, moving down towards the command station. It seemed strangely empty without Chakotay and Sarah Barrett there and she prayed that their mission was going well. It could mean safe passage through a long stretch of space if it did.

"Captain," Harry Kim said from Ops. "The Karvaian Prime Minister is sending us a message. He wants to know when to expect our diplomatic party."

Janeway turned her head to look at the young ensign with a confused gaze. "Commander Chakotay and Counselor Barrett should have been there already."

"He claims that they didn't show up," Kim replied, anxiously.

She stood, moving towards his station. "What's their last known coordinates?"

"The last time they reported in, they were about an hour from Karva," Harry commented, raising his dark eyes to his captain. "That was almost twenty-four hours ago, ma'am."

Janeway lowered her head, gripping the railing tightly. Then, with a determined look she spun about on her heal and gazed at the back of Tom Paris. "Mister Paris," she said, firmly, "set a course according to Chakotay's last report, maximum warp. Harry, inform the Prime Minister that we will investigate what happened to our people and thank him for notifying us. Our meeting with him will just have to wait a few days, I suppose."

Both Paris and Kim responded with a "yes ma'am."

"Captain, I should not have to remind you, that repairs are not complete," Tuvok spoke up from tactical, like she knew he would.

"I understand that Tuvok, we're just going to have to continue them en route," Janeway replied. "Our people could be in trouble, and I'm not waiting around for routine maintenance to be completed. That could mean life or death for Commander Chakotay and Counselor Barrett."

Slumping down in her seat, she heaved a heavy sigh. This was not the way that Kathryn had wanted to start her shift. Having Ava throw, what was becoming a ritual fit, that morning had been a rocky enough start, but now two of her officers were missing. They just could not afford the loss of another two officers, and not this early in their journey home.

She rubbed her temples thoughtfully for a moment. Perhaps they had run into some maintenance trouble themselves and been forced to set down on a planetoid before they reached Karva. _No, no, they would have contacted Voyager,_ she concluded. Maybe they had miscalculated the time it was going to take them to get there and were actually touching down now as she sat there worrying about them. The Prime Minister would be back on the comline telling her that they had arrived and to stand down their search. But even as that thought crossed her mind, she quickly dispelled it. The Prime Minister had waited twenty four hours to contact her, meaning he had waited to see if perhaps her officers were simply late.

Could they have deviated from their flight plan that much that they were this late? She thought it highly unlikely. Something was wrong and she was sure whatever they found was probably not going to be good news.

"Captain, I've analyzed Chakotay's last known cooridnates and I think I can project their flight path," Kim said, breaking her concentration. "If my calculations are right, they would have crossed out of Karvaian borders for approximately an hour."

"Tom, adjust our course to match," Janeway ordered, standing up. "I'll be in my ready room."

Getting up rather quickly, Janeway exited the bridge leaving Tuvok in charge and retreated into the privacy of her ready room. Here she could think, perhaps get a grasp on all the information that she had just been forced to process. Like why did Chakotay's flight path take them out of Karvaian space? She had looked over the purposed course before they had left; it had cut a path through the outer rim of Karvaian space, close along the borders, but not that close. Had they run into trouble along the border? Is that what had happened?

Was the shuttle now in a million pieces and she had to find yet again replacement officers?

Sighing angrily, she fell onto the sofa. _When we arrive at their last known coordinates we'll follow their ion trail. They can't be too far from their last known position,_ she mused, crossing her arms over her chest and peering thoughtfully at the glass coffee table. _Can they?_

Leaning back so her head touched the top of the sofa she realized how tired she was. She had not gotten a good night's sleep since, well since they had first been flung out here in the vast reaches of the galaxy. She constantly was worried about something, whether it was her ship or her children, there was something on her mind, nagging at her when she laid her head down every night. Lately it had been Ava's inability to let her mother go in the mornings when Tal Celes came to watch them. But now, she knew she had something to add to the constant bombardment of worries; the whereabouts of her first officer and counselor.

* * *

Tom Paris pulled open a panel to access the navigational array and sprawled out onto his stomach to get a better look. One hour of flying at maximum warp had burnt out the power relays. Janeway hadn't been happy when he had to slow the ship to impulse. In fact, Tom was certain that he could see steam coming out of her ears when she had burst from her ready room demanding a report. Tom had instantly volunteered, much to the dismay of B'Elanna Torres, to repair the power couplings.

It wouldn't take long and it got him off the bridge. The main center of command wasn't the place to be at the present time. It was clear that the stress of their situation was wearing Janeway down but no one had the guts to tell her to take it easy.

"What are you doing?"

"Jesus!" Tom cursed, dropping his tool on top of his hand at the sudden appearance of Michael Janeway.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

Tom shook his hand out, where the tool had dropped, and looked at the kid. "Next time, you might want to warn me. Why aren't you with your nanny anyways?"

Michael shrugged his shoulders. "Ava was crying. She's awfully loud and it hurts my ears. Tal's too busy trying to get Ava to stop crying to notice me gone."

_Great, this kid needs a permanent security detail,_ Tom thought as he picked his tool back up and began to work. "You know kid, you ain't half bad. I used to sneak away from my baby-sitters all the time when I was your age. Used to drive my father crazy."

"Because you left your nanny?"

"Because I broke the rules. He loved rules."

"Mama likes rules," Michael said. "She gets mad when I break them. Why are rules so important, Lieutenant Paris?"

Of all the people to ask, the kid had chosen him. Tom stopped what he was doing and looked the boy in the eye. Dark brown hair was messy from probably climbing through the Jeffery's Tubes and his little rounded face reminded him of Janeway. "Well, if we all didn't follow rules...things would be a little crazy around here," Tom said, thinking, _if they aren't already crazy around here._ "Rules make sure we're safe."

"Is that why you were in jail? Because you broke the rules and weren't safe?"

"Yes, in a manner of speaking," Tom replied getting back to his work.

"Why didn't Mama put the Maquis in jail? They broke the rules," Michael said.

"Well, she had her reasons."

"They don't like it here," the boy said, plopping down onto the floor next to Tom.

Tom closed his eyes for a moment praying for a little bit of extra strength. The kid was making it hard for him to finishing the repairs that Janeway was ready to throttle someone if they weren't done. "We're in a... unique... situation. Your mother did what she thought was best for her crew and to make sure that we find a way home."

Michael looked at him pensively. "Are we really that far from home?"

"Afraid so."

"Mama feels bad," Michael said. "She doesn't tell me, but I know. She feels bad that we're far from home."

Tom finished what he was doing and went to close the panel. "Your mother didn't have an easy choice to make." He fastened the panel and turned to glance at the boy. "Everyone feels bad about what we had to do."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do they feel bad? We helped people."

Leave it to a child to simplify something so complicated. Tom smiled gently and reached out and ruffled his hair. "You know something kid, when you look at it that way, it's hard to feel bad about what we did." He gestured that it was time to go.

As they stood up and made their way back to the turbo lift Michael slipped his small hand into Tom's. "Are we friends now?" the boy asked, looking up at him in admiration. Tom had never seen anyone look at him that way, never in his life. It made his heart swell with emotions.

"Yeah," he rasped out finally. "We're friends now."

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long delay. Enjoy!

Harry Kim entered a subdued mess hall for lunch. The news that Commander Chakotay and Counselor Barrett's shuttle was missing had spread like wildfire throughout the ship. With a solemn glance around the room, Harry went to the replicators to replicate himself a sandwich for lunch. After the food had materialized he grabbed the tray and made his way through the sully crowd to a table in the corner that Tom Paris was occupying.

The young pilot, who had become Harry's friend in the last three weeks, was eating what looked like soup, and staring out the windows at the stars moving by. Harry set his tray down across from Tom and took his seat. "So much for the Karvaians being a morale booster," the young ensign mumbled. "The way people are acting around here, it's like we've already had a funeral for Commander Chakotay and Counselor Barrett."

Tom ran his tongue over his lips. "I didn't care for Chakotay too much; guess it was because he was right about me on a lot of things. However, I'm going to miss Sarah, she knew how to make me feel better and was easy to talk too. I feel bad for the Captain, having to replace her first officer, again, in a matter of weeks."

"You're one these people who make it sound like they're dead," Harry replied. "We don't know if they are."

"We don't know if their alive, either," Tom retorted, solemnly. He leaned forward. "Listen Harry, we have to be prepared for the worst here. It's not like we're home and replacements can be sent. We lose our first officer, we lose our first officer. And… no one else on this ship has the credentials to be counselor."

Harry took a bite of his sandwich. He thought back to the last time he had gone to speak to Barrett. It had been two days before her and Commander Chakotay were due to depart for Karva. He had been homesick; she had made him laugh with some ridiculous story about when she was a kid. Tom was right, she was easy to talk too and he was going to miss her. Her presence alone had been comforting, not too mention she was quite pretty; her smile alone could make anyone feel better. Realizing what he had just thought, he snapped back to attention. "Let's not think about replacements unless we have too, okay?"

"Sounds good to me," Tom said, pushing his tray away from him. "So, are we still on for Venice?"

Harry had completely forgotten, in all the excitement, that Tom had arranged for them to go on a double date with the Delaney sisters, yet again. Of course Harry had been against it from the start, seeing how he had a girlfriend back home, but Tom had forced him into that first date with them by guilt tripping him and now was setting up another. "I don't know, Tom. The last time didn't go over so well."

"The last time you were too preoccupied with your girlfriend back home. It wouldn't have hurt to have said a few words to Jenny," Tom said, with a smile. "Let your girlfriend go Harry. She deserves to have a life, be allowed to fall in love again. Besides, you really think she's going to wait seventy-five years for you?"

"We've had this discussion," Harry pointed out. "But… you're right, I do need to let go. She probably doesn't even know I'm alive."

"If it makes you feel any better, Harry, none of our families know if we're alive," Tom said. "We're all in the same boat."

Harry smiled sadly. "Counselor Barrett said the same thing to me."

"You've been seeing a lot of our resident psychologist," Tom said, smirking, meaning his gears were turning. "Perhaps it's her you want to take to Venice and not Jenny Delaney."

His friend frowned. "Knock it off Tom. Counselor Barrett is a nice person to talk too, I'd even consider her a friend, but that's it."

"For now anyways," Tom said, noticing Harry roll his eyes. "Oh come on, Harry. It's okay to admit you have a crush on her! She's pretty easy on the eyes."

"So why don't _you_ ask her on a date?"

"I did," he said. "She turned me down, gave me some mumble jumble about us being too much alike that it would never work out. Not too mention she said I was a walking hormone."

Harry suppressed a chuckle, and grinned, "Is this why the sudden attention on Megan Delaney? You were rejected by one pretty brunette so now you're going after another?"

"Oh, so you do admit Sarah's pretty," Tom tried changing the subject. "You know, if she's still alive, and we end up finding them, you better make your move before some else does. I heard several crewmen have made a pass at her."

Harry didn't know why but that bothered him, a lot. Could Tom be right, that he did have a crush on Sarah Barrett? Harry finished his sandwich and pushed the tray away from him, glaring at Tom. "This is crazy, Tom. I shouldn't be jumping into a new relationship on the chance we're going to live the rest of our lives out here. Maybe, Chakotay and Sarah found a wormhole and are in the Alpha Quadrant right now, trying to find a way to get in contact with _Voyager_. If that's the case I could be sitting down to eat dinner with Libby tomorrow."

"Or, you could be stuck out here for seventy-five years, a lonely old hermit if you keep that attitude," Tom argued. "I think she'd understand if you went on with your life, especially if she goes on with hers."

" _Senior officers report to the bridge."_

The conversation about girlfriends, the Delaney sisters and Sarah Barrett ended, as the two officers got up from their table and went to recycle their trays. However, Harry couldn't shake the emotions that Tom had stirred up inside of him. _I only have a crush on her because she's helping me cope with being away from home, that's it; nothing more._ But uncertainty kept creeping into his brain as they stepped out of the turbo lift onto the bridge.

Captain Janeway was standing in the middle of the command station, hands on her hips, an alien ship on the view screen.

"They're hailing us Captain," Tuvok reported from tactical.

An image of a humanoid alien appeared on the screen, with skin in various shades of green with navy blue spots blotted down the temple all the way to the collarbone. He, or she, had yellow eyes, a slopping forehead, and did not look particular happy to be speaking to _Voyager._ "My name's Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation starship _Voyager,_ what can we do for you?"

"You can turn your ship around and leave Rupor space," the alien responded, dryly.

"We mean you no harm," Janeway tried to assure the alien, "but maybe you could help us. I'm looking for two of my crewmen, who may have crossed through your space a day or so ago. Have your people reported any unidentified crafts passing through the vicinity?"

"No," the alien snapped. "Except you."

"Perhaps then, you'd be kind enough to allow us to search your space for them. We'd only be here about a day-."

The alien glowered. "No! You are to turn your ship around, there will be no compromise!" He disappeared from the screen and the bridge crew all looked around perplexed at one another. Tuvok reported that the tiny scout ship was in retreat.

Janeway glared at the blank screen, straightening her uniform. "Tom, hold our position here," she ordered the young man. Tapping at her combadge she requested that Neelix join her in her ready room. And before anyone could ask her what she had in mind, the woman disappeared back into her private sanctuary and was gone.

* * *

"The woman is insane!" Neelix sputtered as he entered Kes' quarters after meeting for an hour with Kathryn Janeway in her ready room about the Rupor. "No one attempts to travel through Rupor space! No one!"

"But if Commander Chakotay and Counselor Barrett are in trouble, it maybe her only choice," Kes replied, softly, trying to use her tone of voice to sooth him and calm him down. She had to admit she knew very little about other species outside of her own and the Kazon, so she had to take what Neelix said seriously. "Wouldn't you want her to do the same for you?"

Neelix looked speechless for a moment, but then stuttered, "Well yes. But that's not the point, Kes. The Rupor are fanatical when it comes to outsiders entering their space. If the Commander and Counselor crossed into their space even for the slightest second, they would have pursued them, and quite possibly shot them down."

"But they didn't attack _Voyager,_ " Kes pointed out. "Maybe Commander Chakotay and Counselor Barrett's shuttle didn't pass through their space at all."

"They didn't fire on us because _Voyager_ packs a bigger punch than a shuttle. A Rupor scout ship would never have fired on _Voyager,"_ Neelix replied. " Smaller crafts, that a different story. They offer for you to surrender and if you don't, they shoot you down. They gave Captain Janeway their warning and are no doubt sending a warship to deal with us."

Kes got off her bed and went to place a hand on his shoulder. "Neelix we just have to trust the Captain's judgment."

"I know," he grumbled. "But sometimes that woman is more trouble than she's worth."

Kes rubbed his shoulder and smiled. "Would you rather be stuck trying to make a living in a debris field?"

"No," he answered. "I guess the fact that she has allowed us to journey with them is a redeeming quality. But if we survive traveling through Rupor space, we'll be lucky." The ship lurched suddenly with weapon's fire and red alert was immediately activated. "It seems that the Rupor have already showed their displeasure in our presence here," Neelix told her. "I wouldn't be surprised if this ship is destroyed within the hour."

* * *

"Return fire!" Kathryn Janeway bellowed from her command chair, as conduits and consoles sparked around her. "Mister Paris, evasive maneuvers."

She had expected to be confronted by the Rupor, since she was after all ignoring their request not to travel in their space, and from what Neelix had told her, they were not friendly to outsiders. But they had traced Chakotay and Sarah's ion trail this far and she was not about to give up searching for them. What she had not expected was the ferocity and quickness of the Rupor attack.

"Shields are down to seventy-three percent," Tuvok reported.

"I'm detecting hull breaches on decks four and five, repair teams are on them," Kim said through the shaking of the ship under constant bombardment.

Janeway ran a hand over her face and then with a determined stare, stood up. "Tuvok, target their weapon's array, and fire two photon torpedoes."

"Aye, Captain."

She watched on the view screen as the torpedoes made their way through space and hit the alien vessel square on. She held her breath for a moment, praying that they had disabled their ship. And then, let it out as Tuvok reported that they had indeed taken the alien's weapons off line. "Mister Paris, get us out of here, warp seven, following the shuttle's ion trail. I have a feeling that the Rupor are going to be back and they're going to come with reinforcements."

"Yes ma'am, setting course zero one five mark nine, warp seven," Paris echoed, fingers running over the conn.

"Engage."

"Captain," Neelix's voice said, not to Janeway's surprise. "Can I have a word with you?"

Janeway kicked a piece of debris away from the command station. "I'm a little busy right now, Neelix." With an audible sigh, she turned to face her Talaxian guide. "I have repairs to make, officers to find, and aliens to keep from tearing my ship apart. But…I suppose I could squeeze you in."

"It's just that, the Rupor, they'll come back," Neelix said.

"I figured as much."

"No you don't understand," Neelix rasped. "They were just testing your capabilities. Now that they see you can disable one of their ships, they'll come back with even more and won't stop pursuing you until you're either out of their space or destroyed."

"I'm not leaving my people behind, Mister Neelix," Janeway snapped, eyes narrowing on him.

"Your people are most likely dead," Neelix retorted. "They wouldn't have given that tiny shuttle the chances they are giving your starship. Chances are a scout ship has blasted them out of the sky."

"Captain," Kim's voice said, strained, from ops. "I've traced the ion trail to a Class L planetoid, three light years from here. I'm also picking up traces of ignited plasma in the planet's atmosphere and some debris." He put the image on screen and immediately the bridge crew could see that it was part of a nacelle.

Janeway felt bile rising in her throat. "What about weapon's residue?"

"I'm picking up two signatures, one is Federation, the other Rupor," Tuvok answered, stoically.

_Bastards,_ Janeway thought, angrily. "Any sign of the shuttle?"

"Negative, Captain."

The news wasn't about to stop her though. "Maintain course, Mister Paris. I'm not about to give them up for dead, not yet. The Rupor can go to hell for all I care."

"Captain, I'm picking up an automated distress call," Kim said. "It's on a Starfleet emergency signal. It's badly damaged, it's going to take a couple of minutes to clean it up."

"Do it, Mister Kim."

A few moments later he had cleaned it up as best he could. The message was distorted and faint, but Sarah Barrett's voice came through loud and clear to everyone on that bridge. " _Voyager, we're under attack, repeat we're under attack. We had to land on an L Class planetoid. We need assistance. Our systems are heavily damaged, again we are in need of assistance."_ The message ended and Janeway felt her heart sink lower into her chest.

"Mister Paris how long until we reach the planetoid?"

"At our current speed, I would estimate forty minutes ma'am," Paris reported.

"Captain," Tuvok said, "long range sensors have picked up a Rupor fleet moving in to intercept us. I estimate that they will do so in forty-five minutes."

"Well that doesn't leave us much time then," Janeway said.

"Time to do what?" Neelix asked.

"Get to the planet, get our people, and get the hell out of Rupor space."

* * *

"Rise and shine, Lieutenant," Chakotay's voice stirred her from a light slumber. "We've survived our first night."

Sarah Barrett opened her eyes to see Chakotay standing over her, holding a medical tricorder in his hand and running the hand scanner over her body. "Anything from _Voyager_ yet?" she asked, noticing a burning sensation in her lungs. _That can't be good_ , she thought, arching her back slightly, trying to find a comfortable position. The movement only made her lungs burn more.

"Not yet, but I'm sure they're on their way," Chakotay answered her with a shake of his head. He put the tricorder away and looked at her grimly. "I'm afraid your injured lung is filing with fluid, you've contracted an infection. I've given you something to stall its progress, but until we can get you the proper medical treatment, I'm afraid that your lung will continue to fill and the infection will spread."

"It's okay," she said, trying to sound positive. " _Voyager_ will find us soon. Captain Janeway won't rest until she does."

That much he knew, he had seen her loyalty to members of her crew while spending five days with the woman trying to locate Harry Kim and B'Elanna Torres after they had been abducted by the Caretaker. The thought of Janeway's loyalty comforted him. "Are you hungry?" he asked the counselor. "We've got fresh ration bars for breakfast this morning."

"Sounds delicious," she replied, sarcastically as he handed her a ration bar. "But I guess it's better than nothing." She munched on the ration bar for a few seconds, watching as he carefully lowered his body back down onto the floor of the shuttle and gazed out of the open hatch. "At least the view is nice."

Chakotay nodded his head, resting his hands on his knees. He had watched the sunrise over the mountains that morning, half hoping to see _Voyager_ in the distance, swooping into a low orbit to search for them. However, he couldn't be sure that Captain Janeway knew that they were in trouble or missing from the diplomatic mission on Karva. Letting out a frustrated breath of air, he nudged the stones he had warmed the night before with phaser fire, long ago burnt out.

"Something on your mind, Commander?"

He looked at her, dark eyes studying her face. "Yesterday, when we talked, you told me about your father, the pressure to live up to his Starfleet standards, what about your mother? You only spoke of her that one time, in the shuttle before it crashed, that she was killed at Wolf 359."

Sarah fidgeted nervously. "Well, my mother and I weren't particularly close. I mean, yes I grieved for her after her death, but it didn't devastate me like losing my father did. What about yours?"

"Still alive, but always trying to talk me out the Federation and then the Maquis," he replied, with a small smile.

"My parents couldn't push into the Academy fast enough," Sarah said. "Especially when my brother decided against a career in Starfleet, the pressure to be their little Starfleet darling was even greater."

"You're brother must be worried about you now, with _Voyager_ missing," Chakotay ventured.

She scoffed. "Luke? No way, after my father died he ripped me apart for not being there for the funeral, that Starfleet was the reason our parents were both dead at young ages and that I was only going to end up like them if I didn't leave. Of course I couldn't just up and leave, I had my work on the Borg to complete and Starfleet had already asked me to infiltrate a growing group of terrorists who were calling themselves the Maquis."

He chuckled, "We could have known each other sooner."

"Well, no, I never went on that mission," she replied softly. "After Luke basically told me that everything in Starfleet disgusted him, including me, I ran into some narcotics dealer on some deep space station, and thus began my battle with drugs. He pushed away further from me when he learned I had been arrested and was being court martial. I haven't talked to him, well, it's been almost two years now."

"He never came to visit you in rehab?"

"I never told him I was in rehab. As far as he's concerned I'm serving my time at Auckland."

"He must know by now you aren't at Auckland. I'm sure Starfleet would have informed friends and family that _Voyager_ had disappeared," Chakotay mused.

Sarah shrugged her shoulders. "I'm not sure it would change a thing. He always told me that Starfleet was going to kill me one day." She laughed then, looking down at her blanket covered legs. "I guess he was right, look at me now; hanging on to dear life on some barren planet in uncharted space."

He gave her hand a reassuring pat. "You said yourself that Captain Janeway won't rest until she finds us."

"Yeah, you're right I did," she said. "What about you Commander, if the situation were reversed and you were in command, looking for the captain, would you not rest until you'd found her?"

It was an odd question, but one he knew she had to ask, to see where his loyalty lay. "Three weeks ago if you had asked me that question, I would have said, no, because the thought of joining Starfleet again was the furtherest thought from my mind, let alone being forced to serve on a Federation vessel. But, today, after all that has happened in the past three weeks, the Kazon, the Caretaker, quantum singularities; yes, I wouldn't rest until I was certain of her demise or otherwise found her."

"Even though she's Starfleet, through and through?"

"She maybe Starfleet, but she's my captain now," Chakotay answered her, tensely. "Have I given you any reason to doubt that?"

Sarah shook her head, the lose pieces of coffee hair falling in her eyes. "No," she whispered. "I'm sorry, Commander. I shouldn't be questioning you like this."

Chakotay felt immediate remorse. "No, I should be the one apologizing. I suppose my loyalty being questioned is still a sore spot, probably will be for a while." He saw her wince in pain, as she tried shifting about to get in a more comfortable position. He reached for a hypospray. "Speaking of sore spots, here's something for the pain again." Pressing the hypospray to the fleshy part of her neck, he asked, "How are you holding up?"

Sarah fell back on the makeshift pillow he had created for her using his uniform tunic and an extra blanket. "I've felt better, that's for sure."

Chakotay stood, getting her a glass of water and noticing that their supply was going down. "Here, take this. I'm going to go get some more snow so we can melt it down again."

"Keep an open comline like usual?" she guessed, drinking the water.

He grinned at her. "Of course, there's still so much that I want to learn about Sarah Barrett."

"Oh, but we were just getting to the fun part; learning all of your dark secrets," she snapped back playfully.

He laughed, gathered up the storage containers and once again trudged out into the rocky terrain to find their only source of water, snow in the higher elevations.

* * *

Usually she spent lunchtime with the children, but duty called that mid afternoon. Instead, Kathryn Janeway replicated a pot of coffee and some finger sandwiches to nibble on while _Voyager_ cruised closer to the planet they believed Chakotay and Sarah's shuttle had landed on. Since they first traced the shuttle to the planetoid and found debris and weapon's residue on long range sensors, Kathryn had felt a feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach. Neelix had mentioned the Rupor were relentless when it came to outsiders in their space.

_Voyager_ had already had one brush with them and she was sure that the ship would not be able to withstand another attack. They might have been able to disable the warship that had come to greet them, but _Voyager_ had sustained heavy damage as well, seeing how many of her systems had been under going repairs in the first place. _Voyager_ would not survive another attack by the Rupor. She was faced with a frightening choice; if the Rupor attacked again before they reached the planet, for there were no guarantees that the fleet Tuvok had picked up would be the first to intercept them, she would have to either turn the ship around and retreat into friendly space, leaving behind Chakotay and Sarah to die; or she would have to press onward to save her people, thus writing all of their death sentences.

There was no easy answer and she wished that her counselor was there to help her sort through the fog.

Kathryn leaned forward to pick up a finger sandwich off the plate, which was resting on her round coffee table. As she did so she felt something cold brush against her neck and she instinctively reached underneath her undershirt and pulled out a gold chain. On the end was her engagement ring, a simple gold band with a sparkling aquamarine gem in the middle. Welded to the engagement ring was her wedding band. She had taken the rings off her finger when she had gone back to active duty, after Ava's birth. Even though her marriage had ended, by the tragic death of her husband, she was not ready to part with the rings yet, so she had purchased a gold chain at some starbase, and thus started wearing them around her neck, hidden underneath her uniform. Running her fingers over the cool metal she felt tears press her eyes. _I'm in over my head, Bryan. I wish you were here to give me the answers that I'm seeking._

She could almost hear his soft voice telling her that she would figure it out, his gray eyes smiling at her, how his arms had felt so sheltering when she felt out of control. She hated being out of control, hated having control taking away from her, like it was now with the Rupor breathing down her neck. _Bryan I can't do this, I just can't._

_But you can, Kathryn, you can,_ she could hear him speaking in her head, or at least what she imagined he would say to her. Bryan had often told her that he had never met a stronger woman than her; it was one of the things he loved about her, her resolve. It was the first thing he had said to her when he proposed to her.

Suddenly she was overtaken with emotion and shoved the necklace back underneath her tunic, trying desperately to fight her tears. _I will not cry, I cannot cry, not now, not when I have crewmen to rescue._

_Voyager_ shook with weapons fire and red alert came on. Tuvok's voice could be heard over the comlink, " _Captain Janeway report to the bridge."_

Burying all the emotions deep down inside of her, Kathryn stepped out onto the bridge, asking Tuvok for a report. The Vulcan brought his dark eyes up to hers and she could see them flicker to the view screen. Following his gaze, as he rattled off his report that Rupor warships had come in undetected by their sensors and proceeded to open fire on them, she could see three large warships, sleek in design and packing a deadly punch.

"We barely had enough time to raise our shields, Captain," Tuvok said, finishing his report.

"Hail them," Janeway ordered, still hoping for a diplomatic solution. Tuvok told her the channel was open. "This is Captain Janeway, we mean you no harm, we're simply trying to find our people."

"They are not responding, Captain," Tuvok reported.

"Return fire!"

"Firing phasers," Tuvok said. "They had no effect Captain."

_Voyager_ groaned with another hit, and Janeway had to grip the railing near tactical to stay on her feet. Someone was yelling that their hull was losing integrity and then Paris was yelling that they were losing warp drive.

Janeway felt like the walls of the bridge were closing in around her as the Rupor continued to fire. Consoles were exploding, their shields were failing, and causalities were being reported all over the ship. If she stayed in Rupor space she risked losing more than just Chakotay and Sarah, she risked losing her entire crew, her children. Swallowing the bile that had risen in her throat, she turned to Paris. "Do we have enough power to the warp drive to get us out of here, Mister Paris?"

"Yes ma'am," Paris answered, blue eyes studying her face.

"Set a course out of Rupor space, maximum warp," Janeway instructed a tone of dread in her voice.

"Aye, captain."

Janeway felt the ship lurch with the new course, the walls seemingly getting smaller and smaller the further they moved away from the space that Chakotay and Sarah were trapped in. _I've abandoned them,_ she thought miserably. _No captain should abandon her crew, should not leave them behind. I'll be damned if these aliens bully me into leaving my people to die._

"The Rupor are not pursuing, Captain," Kim said, and then in a soft voice asked, "Does this mean we're giving up the rescue attempt?"

The Captain spun on her heel, tears threatening to escape her eyes, and Kim could see the fire smoldering in them. "No Ensign, they may have us back on our heels, but I refuse to give up trying to rescue Commander Chakotay and Lieutenant Barrett. Contact the Karvaian Prime Minister, maybe they can help us."

 


	18. Chapter 18

The Karvaian Prime Minister, Ayrel, was a tall, lanky man with pale skin, deep nasal ridges, and long, jet black hair, tied back at the nape of his neck. He wore long crimson robes made out of a material that looked like cotton, but felt like silk to the touch. Kathryn Janeway couldn't help but notice that his large presence also made the spaces usually occupied by Commander Chakotay and Counselor Barrett seem non existent.

When they had emerged from Rupor space, Janeway had ordered to rendezvous with a Karvaian vessel that would bring the Prime Minister to her so they could meet. It had taken _Voyager_ three hours to meet up with the slower Karvaian vessel. She had skipped the pleasantries when Ayrel had transported to _Voyager_ and brought him to the briefing room, where the senior staff, or what remained of them, were gathered at the table.

"Is it your custom, Captain, to have this many people present for a treaty negotiation?" Ayrel asked her, his black eyes scanning the room.

"Sometimes," Janeway answered, simply. "But we're not here to discuss the treaty, we're here to discuss the Rupor, and you know that." She gestured toward an empty seat. "Please, why don't you have a seat Prime Minister."

Cautiously Ayrel took his seat at the opposite end of Janeway. "To be honest with you Captain, I'm not sure I'm going to be much help. My people have sworn off dealing with the Rupor; they are ruthless warriors who will stop at nothing to keep outsiders out. So, we stay out of their space and they stay out of ours."

Janeway raised an eyebrow in a gesture that was eerily Tuvok. "You mean to tell me that you've known about the Rupor and what they are capable of?"

A look of guilt washed over the Prime Minister's face. "Well, yes, I suppose."

"And you failed to tell me or my diplomatic party the dangers of crossing out of Karvaian space?" Janeway questioned, her voice laced with controlled anger. "We tracked our shuttle to the surface of a planetoid. Unfortunately, the Rupor swarmed us and we had to retreat back into...friendlier space. My officers, if they aren't dead already, are not going to survive much longer out there, which means we have to act fast."

"I'm truly sorry about your loss-,"

"I don't think you quite understand, Prime Minister," Janeway interrupted. "It's not my people's way to leave officers behind. And I want you to know that I will exhaust every last possibility to rescue them. Your help would be greatly appreciated."

Ayrel looked around the group, noticing the same determined look in their eyes. He had never encountered such devotion and loyalty in the Delta Quadrant, and it prompted him to divulge a bit of information to their leader. "Several years ago one of our transport vessels had to alter course to avoid an ion storm, it lead them into Rupor space. They took refuge in a nebula until they came up with a way to modify their shields so the Rupor could not detect them. In effect it cloaked them. I would be willing to have my engineers beam over and help your people make the same modifications to _Voyager_."

A smile spread across Janeway's face. "Thank you Prime Minister, that would be wonderful."

Ayrel gave her a small nod of his head. "I'll send a team over right away. Hopefully you can be underway by morning."

_By morning?_ Janeway thought, miserably. She had hoped to be underway a lot sooner than that.

"Is there anyway we could have the modifications done before then?" Tuvok asked. "Captain Janeway was correct when she said our people have very little time. We would like to be on our way as quickly as possible."

"Commander Tuvok's right," Harry Kim spoke up. "The sooner we get the modifications up and running, the sooner we can head back to the planetoid and find our missing people."

"I can pull people off of repairs if I have too," B'Elanna Torres said, "if it means the modifications can be done faster."

"We could also do them in route to the planetoid," Tom Paris suggested. "If we travel at maximum warp we could be back there by twenty three hundred hours."

_Chakotay, I wish you were here to see them working together like this_ , Janeway mused, with a sense of pride running through her veins at her how her senior officers were sticking up for each other and working together.

The Prime Minister looked her gravely in her eyes. "I'm afraid, Captain Janeway, that tomorrow morning is the best I can offer you. The modifications are extremely complex; they have to be since you are trying to hide from the Rupor." His dark eyes became sad, "I'm sorry, I know that this must be difficult for you and your crew."

_More than you know_ , Janeway thought, coldly. "Well then, let's not waste anymore time here because time is precious right now. Tuvok, escort the Prime Minister back to the transporter room and await the engineering team. B'Elanna, get your people ready to make the modifications. Harry, I want you to help B'Elanna; Tom, set a course back to Rupor space and come to an all stop just outside their borders. I want to be close by when those modifications come online. Dismissed."

She watched as the senior staff and the Prime Minister left the table, leaving the room and leaving her alone with her thoughts. Pinching the bridge of her nose, she could feel a headache forming behind her right temple. Tomorrow morning seemed so far away. And the prospect of what they could find on that planetoid frightened her.

" _Paris to Janeway, we're ready to get underway ma'am_."

Opening her eyes and standing up, Janeway pushed the chair away from the table and tapped her combadge. "Understood, I'm on my way." With one last look around the briefing room, she stepped out onto the bridge and called in a crisp command voice, "engage Mister Paris."

* * *

When Chakotay returned to "camp" around midday from his trek up the mountain to find water, he was surprised to find two things. One being that Sarah had developed a fever, despite his attempts to stall the infection's progress, the other thing being the sensors were blaring.

"They've been doing that for about five minutes," Sarah muttered. "If I was able to get up I would have checked them."

He had not even realized that the sensors had survived the crash. _They're probably the only thing on this shuttle that_ did _survive the crash_ , Chakotay thought. If he had known they were semi-operational, he may have been able to calibrate them to send another signal to _Voyager_. It had nearly been two days and they had heard nothing from Janeway or the others. Putting the storage containers of water down, he went to check what the problem was.

"Is it _Voyager_?"

"No," he swallowed. "An alien ship has just entered orbit, same warp signature as the one that shot us down. I think our friends have found us."

* * *

It felt like it was an eternity that she stood outside the Captain's quarters, nervously holding onto a PADD, contemplating whether or not she should reach out and press the chime. B'Elanna Torres wrung her fingers anxiously about the edges of the PADD and then with a deep breath reached out and pressed the chime. After several seconds, and no response from Janeway, she wondered if the Captain was even in her quarters. But she was sure that she had seen the woman leave the bridge hours before to relieve Tal Celes from baby-sitting duties.

B'Elanna reached out again and pressed the chime. From inside the quarters she heard a slumber filled call come back allowing her access to the room. _Great, I woke her up,_ B'Elanna thought as the doors to the Captain's quarters swished open. The older woman looked confused to see her there and raised an eyebrow. "Lieutenant Torres?"

The PADD that the young woman had been holding onto was suddenly thrust into Janeway's hands. "I thought you'd like to see the latest report on the modifications to our shields."

Janeway took the PADD from her and pretended to be reading it over, but in reality was watching as B'Elanna anxiously took in the room, her dark eyes studying every last detail. Setting the PADD away from her face, she said, softly, "You didn't come here to just drop off a PADD; what can I do for you B'Elanna?"

B'Elanna's dark eyes snapped to her face. "I… how did you know?"

The Captain smiled and placed the PADD down onto the coffee table. "I've been in Starfleet long enough B'Elanna, but perhaps, call it mother's intuition."

"Mother's intuition?"

"A lot of people don't realize that being a captain and being a mother are quite similar," Janeway replied, with a gentle smile. "A captain is required to be the guiding force of their crew; a mother is…by nature the guiding force for her children. In that sense a captain always knows when there is something pressing her crew, just a like a mother knows that something is bothering her children. Now, what can I do for you B'Elanna?" she repeated.

It was at that moment that B'Elanna realized how _human_ Kathryn Janeway appeared. When she had been forced to live on _Voyager_ she had thought of Janeway as nothing but a self-centered, emotionless, Starfleet captain, hell bent on her principles. But right now, with her hair matted from sleeping probably on the chaise lounge where the baby now slept, her blue eyes reflecting exhaustion and worry, and her brow furrowed in concern for B'Elanna, the young Klingon was suddenly aware that she had perhaps misjudged Janeway. "I guess…I guess there are some things that I needed cleared up; you were the most…logical person to come too." _Damn, now I sound like the Vulcan._

"I guess that depends on what you want cleared up," the older woman replied.

"Is it true?" B'Elanna questioned, "That you have no intention of going back to that planetoid to look for Chakotay and Barrett?"

A dark look came over Janeway's face. "Where did you hear that?" she asked, in a seething tone.

"That's the rumor going around the ship," B'Elanna replied, then added, for good measure, "ma'am."

"I don't know what you've been told, Lieutenant, but I am completely committed to getting _my_ people back," Janeway responded, with an edge to her voice. "As a senior officer, you should realize that."

"I…you're right, I'm sorry for disturbing you ma'am," B'Elanna said, stepping back towards the door to leave.

An apologetic look came over Janeway's face. "No, B'Elanna, wait, I'm the one who's sorry; for a lot of things. It's been a long couple of days and I'm afraid that my mood is reflecting that."

"If you ask me," B'Elanna said, before leaving, "you shouldn't have to apologize; information was kept from you and now two officers are missing. You've held it together longer than I could have, and quite possibly a lot of other people as well…I should be getting back to those shields, good night Captain."

"Good night, B'Elanna," Janeway whispered watching her chief engineer leave hurriedly through the doors and disappear down the corridor.

" _Paris to Janeway._ "

Janeway tapped her combadge. "Go ahead Mister Paris."

" _You wanted to be informed when we reached the Rupor's borders, we're there ma'am,"_ Paris responded, his voice drowning in exhaustion. The entire crew had been putting in double, even triple shifts in order to get the repairs and necessary modifications to the shields done. Tom had been sitting at the helm for nearly twenty four hours.

"Understood, hold our position here, and Tom…," Janeway ordered, "get some rest."

" _Yes ma'am, Paris out._ "

Rubbing her eyes, Janeway decided it was probably best to heed her own advice. Snuggling up onto the chaise lounge with Ava, she reached out and pulled the baby close to her, closed her eyes, and drifted back into a fret filled sleep.

* * *

"I don't know how much further I can walk, Chakotay," Sarah mumbled from his side.

They had abandoned the shuttle what felt like hours ago and started the long trek up the mountain so they could make an even longer trek down the other side. But they had been forced to abandon the shuttle. The aliens that had shot them down had entered the system again, no doubt wanting to finish off the job. Chakotay had tried, to the best of his abilities, and using some old Maquis tricks, to make it look like they had died in the crash. Of course, if _Voyager_ did indeed come looking for them, they would also think that they were dead.

_We'll cross that bridge when we come to it,_ Chakotay thought as he steered Sarah into a cave, lugging the little equipment that he had managed to salvage from the shuttle, with them. Helping the young counselor down to the rocky ground, he shrugged off the med kit and pulled out the tricorder, running the hand scanner over her body. "Your fever's up and it looks like the infection is spreading. We'll make camp here tonight; there isn't much daylight left we won't be able to keep going once the sun goes down. Hopefully our friends took the bait and have left."

"In other words, my fever is the least of our problems," Sarah muttered, exhaustion clearly written on her face. Chakotay immediately felt guilty, perhaps he had pushed her too hard, she was after all seriously injured, on top of fighting an infection, and he had made her hike up a rocky mountain. He could almost here the holographic doctor's protests back on _Voyager._

He gave her one of the blankets. "Let's hope it's our only problem."

"They aren't coming for us," she whispered, her eyes beginning to slip shut.

"Who? The aliens?"

"No, _Voyager._ "

"Don't say that, Lieutenant, let's keep a little optimism here," Chakotay said. "That's an order," he added, as an afterthought.

Her eyes snapped open and looked at him, the sharpness long ago dulled out by the infection and fever. "I was taught at the Academy that sometimes, optimism is a lost cause, that as a counselor its best to dish out the reality."

"Well, what do those Academy professors know, any how?"

When there was no response from her Chakotay glanced to his right to see that she had drifted off to sleep. _Its for the best,_ he mused, realizing that she was not going to fight the infection while babbling to him, she needed to sleep, to conserve what little strength she had left while they waited to be rescued. _Voyager, where are you?_ That thought had haunted him since they had started their trek up the mountain, to get away from the aliens. He had thought Janeway would have been here by now, not letting some hostile race stand in her way. Had _Voyager_ suffered the same fate as them? Was the starship nothing but a pile of debris in the middle of space, blown apart by a race that seemed intent on killing everyone that entered their system?

He rubbed a hand over his face, listening to the sounds of Sarah's labored breathing. His first away mission as _Voyager's_ first officer was one disaster after another. Who knew that they would be fighting for their lives on some barren planet, seventy thousand light years from home, when they had originally set out on some diplomatic mission for Janeway? Certainly not him; after all diplomatic missions were _usually_ peaceful missions.

Of course, nothing seemed to go according to plan out here the Delta Quadrant. Chakotay should have expected a mishap here and there. _Is this what your life has come to Chakotay? Getting stranded on a barren planet with a dying woman is just a mishap?_ Was he so used to tragedy that a situation like this barely fazed him? He wondered when that had happened. Had it been when his father died? The suffering he had endured with the Maquis? Being stranded in the Delta Quadrant away from his family and friends? The shuttle crash? The list seemed to go on and on and he couldn't pinpoint the moment that he had turned his emotions off so tragedies were nothing but mishaps.

In the waning light of day he began to drift off to sleep, unaware that the tricorder was beeping a warning near by.

 


	19. Chapter 19

" _Tuvok to Janeway._ "

The Vulcan's steady, strong voice cut through her slumber. Kathryn opened her eyes and immediately realized that sleeping on the chaise lounge had been a big mistake; her neck was aching terribly. Sitting up, she rubbed her eyes, and pressed her combadge. "Go ahead, Tuvok."

" _The modifications are complete. We're ready to proceed into Rupor space on your orders, Captain._ "

Was it morning already? She felt like she had just laid down and had gotten no sleep at all. Stretching her neck, she told him, "I'm on my way. Hold our position until I get there."

" _Understood, Captain. Tuvok out."_

Kathryn climbed off of the chaise lounge and went into the bathroom to splash some cold water on her face. There would be no time for a shower today; a fresh uniform change, fixing of hair and makeup was all she had time for today. But being a mother she was used to not being able to shower in the morning.  _Speaking of the children, where are they?_ Kathryn peeked into the mirror, which gave her a clear view of the living room. Ava had moved from the chaise lounge sometime in the night and was now sprawled out on the sofa. Kathryn had no doubt that Michael was still sleeping peacefully in his room.

_That won't last for long; I better take advantage of it._

She quickly slipped out of the rumpled uniform that she had slept in, pulled on a fresh one, and shook her hair out, reaching for her brush. As she did so she heard the doors to the living room swish open and she smiled. "Morning, Tal."

The young Bajoran's face appeared in the mirror, watching as Janeway did her hair. "Good morning, Captain. Are the children still in bed?" A frustrated cry from the sofa indicated that Ava was no longer asleep. "I'll get her, Captain. Keep getting ready."

Kathryn watched in the mirror as Tal picked Ava off of the sofa and went to the dining area, picking out some ration pack that was suitable for children.  _After we retrieve Chakotay and Sarah, those damn replicators are getting fixed._ Pinning the last bit of hair back into her bun, Kathryn touched up her make up, splashed on some perfume that had been her husband's favorite, and went out into the living room. A sleepy-eyed Michael had joined Tal and Ava at the table, and both children were looking at the ration packs pensively. Tal was telling them, quite animatedly, to just pretend that the ration packs were in fact, the best thing they had ever tasted before.

"The best thing Ava's ever tasted is that goopy cereal Mama gives her," Michael said, moving his fork about the dehydrated food. "I don't think this game is going to work, Tal."

"Oh come on," Tal interjected. "I did it this morning."

Michael looked up at his mother, pleading in his eyes. "Mama, do I really have to eat this?"

"I'm afraid honey, until the replicators are fixed, you do," Kathryn replied, leaning down to kiss the top of his dark hair. "I'll see you later."

She ruffled Ava's hair on the way out of the quarters and proceeded to the turbo lift. In a few short hours the nightmare of the past two days could be all over, she didn't know why that wasn't making her feel any better. Perhaps she was afraid of what they were going to find once they got back to that planetoid. Ensign Kim's long range sensor reports indicated that it was Class L, not the best place to try and survive for a few days while waiting to be rescued.

When the doors to the bridge swished open, Kvati, the engineer that had been assigned to lead the team modifying  _Voyager's_ shields greeted her, " Good morning, Captain Janeway, like we promised the modifications are complete.  _Voyager_ should be able to pass through Rupor space undetected for several hours."

Kathryn nodded her head in appreciation as she made her way to the command station. "Mister Paris, how far are we from the planetoid we tracked the shuttle too?"

"If we travel at warp six we could be there in two hours," Tom answered, sounding much more rested than the night before. "If we travel any faster than that we risk interfering with the shield modifications and being detected by our friends."

The Captain set her jaw.  _Two hours, it could all be over in two hours._ "Mister Paris, set a course for the planetoid, warp six."

"Aye, Captain."

* * *

Harry Kim had been in engineering, helping B'Elanna maintain the constant change of shield variances to keep them hidden from the Rupor, when Captain Janeway had summoned him to the transporter room. Grabbing a tricorder and a phaser before he left, he told B'Elanna to wish them luck. She had responded that Klingons don't believe in luck, but offered it to him anyways.

He found Janeway already standing on the transporter pad, her own tricorder and phaser in her belt, Tuvok was standing with her. Harry bounded up onto the transporter pad, on the other side of the Captain, and she gave the transporter chief a small nod of her head. Soon he felt the familiar sensation of being broken down to the very last atom in his body. It tingled; he always had loved how it made him feel, like he was free to go anywhere he pleased.

A rocky and barren landscape soon materialized before him. Harry looked about, reaching for his tricorder and pulling it out of his belt. Opening it up he noticed a deep path cut through the rock and his tricorder was picking up traces of plasma and other alloys that were common in Starfleet vessels and shuttlecrafts. He swallowed, they had transported directly to the crash sight. "Captain, I'm not picking up any life signs," he said softly, his dark eyes searching the face of his commanding officer. Her deep blue eyes were conveying a deep sorrow, one that Harry had not seen in her before. She was on the verge of tears, he was sure of it, and he felt a strong urge to comfort her. But there were no comforting words, for he was in just as much pain.

"It's quite possible, Captain, that Commander Chakotay and Counselor Barrett abandoned the shuttle to look for supplies and a place to set up camp," Tuvok reasoned, breaking the silence. "We should have  _Voyager_ do a planet wide sweep for human life signs."

Janeway's only response was a curt nod of her head. She motioned for Harry to follow her while Tuvok made the arrangements with  _Voyager_ to scan the area for Chakotay and Sarah.

Harry walked a few meters with her before they came across the shuttle, crumpled against the cavern's walls. His heart sank at the sight.  _What are the chances that anyone could survive a crash like this?_

Janeway was picking her way through the open hatch, stepping over debris, scanning the area. Harry watched as her eyes took in the charred inner cabin, the smell of burnt plasma lingering in the chilled air. Suddenly she stopped and leaned down, brushing aside some ash to pick something up. When she straightened her form Harry could clearly see what she held in the palm of her hand; two Starfleet issued combadges. The sound of Tuvok approaching, his boots walking across the stone ground could be heard echoing off the walls, while Janeway ran her fingers absentmindedly over the two mangled badges.

" _Voyager_ is scanning the area now, Captain," Tuvok stated, his eyes falling on the badges. The silence lingered, awkwardly, between the three officers.

And suddenly, Janeway's fingers closed in around the combadges, her eyes snapping up to meet Tuvok's. There was fire burning in them, Harry realized, the trace of the pain and sadness gone, replaced with a fury that was nothing like he had ever seen. "Get another team down here to search the area. Harry and I are going to go through this mess and see if we can piece together what, exactly happened."

With a nod of his head, Tuvok disappeared from the shuttle.

"Let's get to it, Ensign," Janeway said, turning about, venturing deeper into the destroyed shuttle.

Harry found that he had yet to learn how to bury his emotions like Janeway could and focus on the task at hand. His mind kept wandering to Sarah, how she had been becoming his friend, and now was added to the list of losses that  _Voyager_ had endured in just the three short weeks that they had been stranded out in the Delta Quadrant. Was this something that Janeway had learned over time, how to bury emotions? Was it the outcome of years in Starfleet? Or was it just a personality trait? Either way, Harry wished that he had the ability.

"Odd," Janeway's voice brought him out of his ponderings. He ventured into the shuttle to where she was standing, scanning the walls with her tricorder. "These conduits didn't explode because of the crash; they exploded because someone fired a Starfleet issued phaser at them to apparently catch the cabin on fire."

"So, the combadges were accidentally left behind?"

Janeway shook her head. "No, I think the combadges were left there as a ruse, to make the Rupor think the occupants in the shuttle had perished." She leaned down and started to scan the area where she had found the two badges. "Normally, there would be traces of human DNA, but I'm not picking any up where the badges where, meaning that Chakotay and Sarah weren't there when the conduits exploded."

Harry, feeling a new sense of hope, began to scan the rest of the cabin. Maybe the Commander and Counselor had survived this crash after all. Then his tricorder beeped, and he frowned, turning about to Janeway. "Captain, I think you should see this."

She picked her way through the ash towards him and began to scan the area that Harry was standing in front. With a frown she tapped her combadge. "Janeway to sickbay. Doctor, I'm sending up a piece of debris of the crash sight. I want you to confirm that it has either Commander Chakotay's or Counselor Barrett's DNA on it."

" _Understood Captain,"_ the Doctor's voice came over the comline. " _I'll be ready for it._ "

Janeway took her tricorder and placed it on the piece of charred conduit that Harry had been scanning. She tapped her combadge again. "Voyager, lock onto my tricorder and beam it, along with the piece of conduit, directly to sickbay."

Harry heard someone answer, but his eyes were transfixed on the piece of conduit that disappeared in the transporter beam. It wouldn't take the Doctor long to determine if the traces of blood he had found on the debris were Chakotay's or Sarah's, and that would confirm, without a doubt that the Commander and Counselor had died in the crash, or been hunted down later. He felt something like a burning hatred swelling in his heart. The Rupor had murdered two officers, in cold blood. He didn't care if they had violated the aliens' twisted sense of authority. If Chakotay had been given the chance he surely would have retreated from Rupor space.

But the Commander apparently had not been given the chance. Him and Sarah had been shot down, tearing a path through thick rock until their shuttle came to a crumpled stop. If they had managed to even survive that crash, the Rupor must have gone after them, to finish the job. It didn't seem like them to just leave well enough alone.

Had their last few moments been terrifying? Painful? Or had they gone quickly? Harry prayed for the latter. He hated to think of his fellow officers, one whom he considered a friend, suffering a gruesome death.

" _Tuvok to Janeway, Captain we've found something, it appears to be boot tracks leading up the mountain_.  _Permission to continue?_ "

"Permission granted," Janeway answered, motioning for Harry to leave the shuttle with her. "Ensign Kim and I are transporting back to  _Voyager._ Keep me informed, Commander, on your progress. Janeway out."

* * *

"The traces of blood on the conduit definitely belong to Counselor Barrett," the Doctor informed Janeway upon her return to  _Voyager._ "But I can't tell you if she died in that shuttle or not."

Janeway rubbed her temples for a moment. "We didn't find any other traces of DNA, just one area with her blood. It could mean that they managed to get out of the shuttle before the conduits blew, or they made it look like the conduits had blown so the Rupor wouldn't come after them. Everything is up in the air right now Doctor."

"I wish I had more to tell you Captain."

The woman let out a frustrated sigh. It had been nearly thirty minutes since she had transported back to  _Voyager._ She had heard nothing from Tuvok and the rescue team down on the planet's surface, and the Doctor's news wasn't what she had hoped to hear. "I'm going to assume that they're alive until otherwise notified, Doctor. I want you to be ready for causalities; who knows what kind of state we're going to find them in. The shuttle was a mess and after being stranded on a barren planet for two days their conditions may not be the best."

"Aye Captain," the Doctor replied. "I'll be ready."

"I'll be on the bridge," Janeway stated, making a quick exit out of sickbay and heading for the turbo lift. As she made her way to the safe, warm confines of the bridge, she had no way of knowing that her officers were fighting, at that moment, for their very lives.

* * *

The game of cat and mouse had been going on since Sarah had shaken him awake at dusk the previous day. Apparently their  _friends_ hadn't fallen for the destruction he had inflicted on the cabin to make it look like it had exploded in the crash. Chakotay had been forced to leave everything, but a tricorder, a canteen of water, and a blanket for Sarah, behind, and the two had left the tiny cave they had sought to seek shelter in. Now they were being stalked like prey, through the rocky terrain.

Chakotay hadn't actually seen the aliens, but he knew that they were there, the tricorder kept warning them of the life forms approaching. And every hour they seemed to gain on them. Sarah was loosing strength minute by minute, if she had even had any to begin with. For him, hypothermia had set in late that night as they braved the high winds at the peak of the mountain. Even the sunlight of the next day was doing very little to warm him up. If they didn't find a place to take shelter in that night, he was certain that they both were going to die out here. It didn't matter if  _Voyager_ was coming for them or not, they wouldn't survive long enough to see their crewmates.

"Chakotay, please," Sarah pleaded. "I need to stop. The pain…it hurts."

He shook his head, stubborn, determined to carry onward, even if his own legs were starting to give out. "We can't stop. Just grit your teeth and bear it. I promise, once we're back on  _Voyager_ I'll give you light duty shifts, but until then, just keep moving."

There was a tiny groan of protest, but she didn't say anything else. She probably didn't have the strength too. Since abandoning the shuttle the night before she had taken no medication to quell the pain or to stall the infection, both were running rampant through her body and here he was dragging her around over rough ground.  _I'm not making my case for First Officer of the Year, here,_ Chakotay thought with mild amusement, if there could be anything amusing about their current situation.

Sarah suddenly stumbled, taking Chakotay with her. "I…can't…Chakotay. I just can't…"

He felt a great weight tugging at his arm as Sarah sank to the ground. He was pulled down to his knees. For a moment he sat there, watching her as she stared up at the sky that was extremely reminiscent of her eyes.

"My father always made us lay out on cliffs to watch the clouds and stars when we were little. He liked to drag us on camping trip after camping trip; I hated every moment of it," she suddenly muttered. "Funny how the last thing I'm going to do is watch the sky."

Chakotay leaned over her and grasped onto her shoulders. "Don't you do this to me now! You're not through just yet, not if I have anything to say about it!"

She shook her head. "What's the point, Chakotay? Those aliens are only going to kill us. Let's consider it doing them a favor by dying before they get the chance."

"You are not going to die! Not when we've come this far!" Chakotay sucked in a large breath of air and tried to pull her back to her feet, but she was dead weight and he had very little strength left. With a huff he fell back onto his behind, the canteen rolling away from him, the tricorder smashing against the rock. He watched as Sarah's thick eyelashes soon closed over her eyes. It would only be a matter of time before she gave out, and he knew, that he wasn't going to be far behind her.

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter in this arc. Next up is "Phage".

At some point Sarah must have regained consciousness because Chakotay could hear her mumbling some song next to him. He didn't brother to tell her that the lyrics were wrong, because, quite frankly at this point he didn't care anymore.

They were lying on a ledge of rock, waiting; waiting for the aliens to finally catch up with them, waiting for  _Voyager,_ waiting to die; just waiting. He didn't know how much further the aliens had to go to reach them; the tricorder had broken moments before and was no longer working. But that didn't even bother him anymore. He had just lost the will to keep going. Exhaustion and depression had set in and there just didn't seem to be a point to keep fighting.  _Voyager_ wasn't coming for them. They were going to die on this god-forsaken planet, light-years from home. And the sad thing was no one back home would know about it.  _Correct that_ , he thought, they would know that they were dead, because he was sure that the Federation had declared the ship lost, along with all her crew, the victims of the plasma storms in the Badlands. But they wouldn't know _how_  they died.

Chakotay wasn't even sure if  _Voyager_ would know how they died.  _If Voyager survived this hostile part of space._

If  _Voyager_ was gone, he wondered, who would mourn them? Who would give them the proper burial according to their beliefs, their wishes? Were their bodies doomed to rot on this ledge? On this mountain that had been their own personal hell for the past three days?

_Has it only been three days? It feels like its been three decades,_ he thought numbly.  _You always thought you'd die a cynical old man, well you've got the cynical down at least._

A cold, stiff wind blew, and Chakotay felt the hairs on the back of his neck stick up. He turned his head slightly and his eyes fell on Sarah, lying in the same position as she was since they had both collapsed here. Staring up at the sky, streaked with puffy white clouds, he suddenly felt the biggest urge to get up and move. He didn't know where this new found strength was coming from; he just knew he had to get them both up.

* * *

"Captain, we've got company," Harry Kim said, nervously from operations. "I'm picking up a Rupor vessel orbiting the other side of the planet."

"Any indication that they've detected us?" Kathryn Janeway asked, rising from her seat and turning about to look at her young ensign.

He shook his head. "Not yet, but the sensor sweep has picked up several Rupor on the surface below, along with the away team. Commander Tuvok isn't far from their position, if they don't know we're here by now, they will soon."

_Damn it,_ Kathryn thought miserably. Tuvok had yet to report in on his findings and the longer they waited around, the more of risk they were taking of being detected by the Rupor ship holding position on the other side of the planet. At least the shield modifications had held out this long. If they could just get their people back in the next few minutes then she could order Tom to set a course out of Rupor space forever. "Harry keep an eye on that ship. If it makes the slightest advance towards us, beam the away team back to  _Voyager_. Tom, be ready to get us out of here on short notice."

Tom's eyes flickered up to hers. "And if we don't have Commander Chakotay and Counselor Barrett?"

She swallowed her emotions. "Then will just have to count our losses."

The young pilot's face relayed shock for a brief second before he turned back to the helm and muttered that he had already plotted a course out of the system, he was just awaiting Janeway's orders.

Kathryn hated how the choice to leave officers behind was killing her crew, but what choice did they have?  _Sometimes you have to sacrifice the few to save the many,_ that had been ingrained in her during command school. There were other lives at stake here on  _Voyager_ and if they stayed here too long, those lives could be lost as well. Sometimes you had to take the blow in the chin and move on.

"Captain," Harry's voice sounded jubilant. "I think…I think I've located the Commander and Counselor."

* * *

The second attempt to get her off the ledge had been more successful. Sarah, even though didn't want to get up, had managed to shift her weight enough so it would be easier for Chakotay to get her of off the ledge.  _Why can't he just let this be the end? Why is he so determined to get us down this mountain when we're just going to die anyways?_

Her depressing thoughts worried her. She was supposed to be a counselor and here she was just giving up.  _Like the last time, when Daddy died. You gave up then, by taking the drugs, you're giving up now by just wanting it to end._ Sarah wished she knew how to cope, how to keep going like Chakotay was doing at that very moment. But she couldn't understand how or why. Even after all the classes she had taken at the Academy, she still couldn't understand how people moved on when tragedy hit them.

Her mother had wanted her to become a doctor, but Sarah, not particularly close to her mother, had chosen the path of psychology instead. Sarah was sure that her mother would have scoffed at the idea of her heading up the psychology team to study the Borg.  _Why would anyone want to study those monsters?_ That would have been what her mother had said if she had been alive when Sarah took the assignment. Of course she had told Chakotay that it had been her mother's death that had prompted her to get involved, but that hadn't been the entire truth. Since she was a child she had been fascinated in other cultures, especially the ones that were hostile. She was interested in what made those species the way they were.

It had been her advisor at the Academy that suggested she be a counselor.  _God only knows why,_ Sarah thought bluntly. She had been all of seventeen then, naïve and vulnerable. Commander Fletcher, the first officer on the  _Explorer_ had always spoken highly of her counseling skills, however. He had advocated for her passionately when she had been arrested and relieved of duty. But really, what good was she when she couldn't figure out her own problems?

_Chakotay, I can't…I just can't._

Finally, her physical state won out over his mental state, and she collapsed, silently to the rock once more, Chakotay going with her, as if knowing that this was indeed the end of the battle. Now, it truly was,  _just a matter of time._

* * *

" _Away team to Voyager,"_ Tuvok's voice echoed over the comlink.

"Go ahead Commander," Kathryn Janeway said, feeling butterflies forming in her stomach. Ensign Kim had just given her the first bit of good news that she had heard in what felt like a lifetime. Harry had picked up the missing officers' lifesigns, however faint they were, but they were still alive, now it was just a matter of time of getting to them before the Rupor aliens caught up.

" _We've found a cave that we believe Commander Chakotay and Counselor Barrett sought shelter in. There is Starfleet issued equipment that has been left behind. However, there is no sign of the commander or counselor_."

"Stand by, Tuvok," Kathryn said, moving to stand at Harry's station. "Mister Kim, can you determine how far away Chakotay and Sarah are from the away team's position?"

Harry ran his fingers rapidly over the controls. "They're about sixty meters down hill from that position. But the Rupor group is closer to them, at about twenty meters and closing."

Kathryn set her jaw. "Tuvok, we're beaming your team to the coordinates we believe the commander and counselor are. Stand by for transport. When you have them, request an emergency beam out. There is a group of Rupor soldiers making their way towards that position."

" _Aye, Captain. I'll notify Voyager when we have them._ "

* * *

When the away team came out of the transporter beam, immediately Tuvok could see the crumpled forms of Commander Chakotay and Counselor Barrett on the rocky ground. Quickly moving about the rocks, for up above they could already hear the Rupor closing in on them, Tuvok moved towards the officers.

Barrett's eyes were closed and she was struggling to breath. His tricorder readings suggested that she did not have much time left. Chakotay on the other hand was still in good condition, considering what they had probably endured the past three days. The first officer was suffering from hypothermia and dehydration, but other than that, with the proper medical treatment, Tuvok surmised that he would be okay.

The First Officer's dark eyes were looking glassily at Tuvok. "It's about time Commander. Where have you been?"

Tuvok raised an inquisitive eyebrow, wondering how humans could use humor in such odd of times, like now. Tapping his combadge, as the tricorder blared the approach of the Rupor, he said, calmly, " _Voyager_ , five to beam directly to sickbay. Tell the Doctor to be ready for critical injuries."

" _Understood Commander, initiating transport."_

Tuvok felt the transporter beam sweeping them up just as two large, menacing looking Rupor soldiers came over the ridge, firing their phaser rifles. If he was capable of relief, he was sure he would have felt it when they all rematerialized in sickbay, with nothing more than a few scratches sustained from climbing the mountain while looking for their fellow officers. The Vulcan straightened his form and instructed the two ensigns that had been with him on the away team to help the Doctor get the patients on biobeds and swiftly left the room. He was going to be needed on the bridge.

He stepped out of the turbo lift as the Rupor vessel that had been orbiting the planet fired, hitting  _Voyager_ dead on. The ship lurched and he heard the Karavian engineer, Kvati let out a little squeal. Taking his station he moved his long fingers over the controls, awaiting his orders.

Janeway was yelling at Paris. "Get us out of here, Tom! Maximum warp!"

"Aye, sir."

Being a Vulcan he was privy to seeing things that humans most notably did not pick up on, like the collected sigh of relief they all let out when the ship sprung to warp and fled Rupor space. Harry Kim reported in a relieved tone that the Rupor were not pursuing and Tuvok could see the strain all lift from their faces at precisely the exact time.  _Humans can be so predictable,_ he thought as he went about his work. As he did so, he looked up to see Janeway smiling at him.  _Curious,_ he thought,  _I didn't do anything to get us out of a tight situation. Lieutenant Paris was the one to set the course._

"Good job, Commander," Janeway told him, moving up the command steps, and stating before she entered the turbo lift that she was going to be in sickbay.

Tuvok could only stare puzzled at the closed door.

* * *

_Captain's Log, supplemental; Repairs are progressing on schedule and I have ordered us back on course to the Alpha Quadrant. I am confident that we will reach an agreement with the Karvaians_ _, and I'm happy that we've have made a friend during the hell that the past three days has been. In the absence of our counselor, Mister Neelix has offered to host a party on the holodeck in celebration of the impending treaty and in the hopes of easing the crew's frayed nerves._

* * *

"Can you wake her?"

The Doctor looked at Janeway with a frown. "I wouldn't recommend it. She's suffered massive trauma, not too mention it looks like Commander Chakotay dragged her over every last inch of that mountain. Not ideally the best situation for her if you ask me."

"It was either that, or be killed by the Rupor," Janeway replied. "I'm thinking he liked their odds better by abandoning camp."

The Doctor pressed a hypospray to Sarah Barret's neck. "Five minutes," he told the Captain before walking away.

Janeway smiled gently at him as Sarah's eyes fluttered open. Gently, almost motherly, Janeway laid a hand on her shoulder and leaned down a bit closer so the young woman could see her better. "Welcome home," she said, softly. "How are you feeling?"  _What a ridiculous question Kathryn, of course she isn't feeling well._

"Like a galaxy class ship ran me over," Sarah replied, a trace of a smile on her face. "But, it's good to be back."

"You and the commander gave us a scare for a while there," Janeway told her. "Can you tell me what happened?"

"We were on our way to Karva, just like we had planned, when we were attacked by unknown aliens," Sarah answered. "Chakotay tried to retreat, but we were outmatched and crashed on that planet. The aliens then decided to come pay us a visit."

"The Rupor," Janeway filled her in.

"Oh, so you've met our friends?"

"Unfortunately," Janeway said, scowling. "We had to turn around after we tracked the shuttle. I'm sorry, we could have been there sooner. I should have kept pressing forward."

Sarah shook her head, barely able to move. "Captain,  _Voyager_  would have been destroyed. I'm surprised you're all here in one piece."

"We had a little help from the Karvaians ." From across the room she could see that the Doctor was glaring at her. "The Doctor is about ready to throw me out of sickbay, so I better be ending this conversation." She placed a hand to Sarah's cheek and gently pressed it. "The next time you wake up, you'll feel as good as new."

"Wait, Captain, can I speak to Chakotay first?" she asked, her eyes getting moist. "There's...there's something I need to say to him."

* * *

He felt like his head was going to explode. Opening his eyes he was surprised to see the face of the holographic doctor peering down at him. The last thing he recalled, before passing out from dehydration, or exhaustion, or perhaps both, had been Tuvok, standing over him. But he had thought it had been a dream, a hallucination , not really the Vulcan.

Chakotay tried to sit up but found that his body was too tired. He felt a hand gently push him back down on to the bed and he turned his head to see Janeway's face at his side as well. She was offering him a gentle smile, one that seemed to make her face glow. It was the most beautiful sight he had seen in the past three days.

"Welcome back, Commander," Janeway said, giving his shoulder a gentle pat. "The Doctor says you should rest, you've had a rough couple of days."

Rough wasn't the word he would use, but he didn't argue with her. "I was beginning to think that you were never coming after us, Captain." He finally found the strength to sit up, even if it made him dizzy. Janeway kept her hand firmly placed on his shoulder, offering him support. "To be honest, for a while I thought that the aliens had destroyed  _Voyager_ and we were the only ones left."

"I wasn't about to let some bully stand in my way," Janeway said, firmly.

Chakotay grinned. "I wouldn't expect you too. But I would have thought  _Voyager_ was severely outmatched by the aliens."

Janeway shrugged her shoulders. "We were, but we got a little help from our friends."

"The Karvaians?"

"Yes."

"They knew about the Rupor all along?"

Janeway bit her lip, hearing the anger in her voice. She had had the time to get over her frustration with the Prime Minister; Chakotay on the other hand had suffered three days because of the man's mistake. "Believe me, he already knows where we stand on the withheld information."

"Has he been informed that Counselor Barrett is…" his voice trailed off, he could not utter the one word that had been on his mind since he first was scanning her for injuries.

"Is going to make a full recovery," the Doctor, silent until that moment, spoke up. "I've managed to stop the infection, now I just have to operate. She's going to have to stay in sickbay for a while, however, she should be back on her feet in a few days, although I recommend light duty for her. She was actually asking to speak to you a moment ago."

Chakotay blinked. "She's awake?"

"Has been for several moments, Captain Janeway wanted to speak to her. And it's already three minutes past the alloted time I gave her, just so you know."

Janeway glared at the hologram, who turned away abruptly and left the biobed's side. She patted Chakotay's shoulder again. "I'll see you on the bridge, two days from now, at zero eight hundred, until then, rest, Commander." She turned about and left the room, Chakotay watched her go, and when she had disappeared through the doors, he labored off of the biobed, every muscle in his body aching, and staggered over to the surgical biobed, where Sarah lay staring up at the ceiling.

"Starfleet really should look at getting a professional interior designer," she mused.

"Be grateful you don't have to stare at it all day then," Chakotay teased, stealing a glance at the bland ceiling.

"Being confined to sickbay for three days is going to be torture enough," Sarah replied. An awkward silence fell between them. Her eyes met his for a moment. "I'm sorry, Commander."

He was confused. "For what, exactly?"

"For giving up down there," she answered.

Chakotay couldn't be sure but he thought he saw tears creep into the corners of her eyes. He reached out and took her hand in his own. "It was looking pretty grim there for a while. I think we're both equally guilty for giving up."

She shook her head, saying softly, "You didn't give up. Not once. I'm the one who is supposed to be the optimism around here, ship's counselor, morale officer, what you want to call it; how can I keep spirits up when faced with hard times I crumble. I did once, when my father died, I turned to drugs; this time I didn't have that luxury, but just gave up on…living. How can I help these people, this crew, through hard times, when I don't even know how to get myself through?"

He gave her hand a squeeze. "The answer to that is simple; you're not alone."

The Doctor stepped up the biobed, ending the conversation. "Commander, I really should begin operating."

Chakotay glanced up to see Tom Paris, appointed field medic standing there, looking nervous. Then at Sarah who was scowling at the Doctor, the vulnerable moment gone. "You expect me to go to sleep knowing that Tom is my nurse?"

"Believe me Miss Barrett, I'm not any more thrilled about the situation than you are," the Doctor drawled sarcastically. "However, if Mister Paris manages to listen to me, then you should be alright," he added, glancing over his shoulder at the jilted pilot. "I really should begin now." He pressed a hypospray to her neck, injecting an anesthetic into her system.

Sarah let out a deep breath. "See you on the bridge," she whispered to the first officer before her eyes slipped shut and she went into an induced slumber.

Chakotay let go of her hand and moved away from the biobed so the Doctor and Tom could get to work. Knowing that his relationship with the upstart counselor was going never going to be the same again, he turned about on his heal, and despite the Doctor's protests, proceeded to leave sickbay, muttering under his breath, "See you on the bridge."

 


	21. Phage

_The cave's walls were dark, thick. The only light was from the wrist torch. She moved through the tight cave, being careful where she stepped so she wouldn't slip and fall on the smooth rocks and dirt beneath her feet._

_Up ahead she could see a large cavern. There was something there that she was looking for, she wasn't sure how she knew that, but she did. She entered the deep chasm only to find more rock, more dirt. Not what she was looking for. She pressed forward even more, now a voice in the back of her head telling her to go back. It sounded like Chakotay over the comline. 'Lieutenant, don't go any further until I get there.'_

_He sounds like my brother, she thought, ignoring his request._

_It was foolish not to listen. Someone or something was standing in front of her, pointing a weapon at her. It was grotesque, with skin graphs and hair falling out, almost like a decaying corpse walking around._

_The pain shot through her so quickly that she couldn't even register a scream. All that came out was a gasp for air, and then suddenly she realized, she couldn't_ get  _air._

_'Lieutenant? Can you hear me?'_

_Chakotay's voice again, but she couldn't answer back, she couldn't breath, it was as if her lungs were gone…_

With a start Sarah Barrett sat straight up in bed, gasping for breath, and was relieved that she could breathe. She suddenly realized that Chakotay was indeed talking to her over the comlink and it had been what had roused her from the nightmare. Shaking, she reached out and grabbed at the combadge that was resting on the nightstand. Pressing it between her thumb and pointer finger, she responded, "Go ahead Commander."

" _For a moment I thought you were ignoring me,"_ Commander Chakotay's voice chuckled.

"Sorry, I…my mind was elsewhere," she said. "What can I do for you Commander?"

" _I'm on my way to meet with the Captain before reporting to duty,_ " Chakotay told her. " _She was asking about you yesterday. Should I tell her you'll be ready to report back to duty in a couple of days?"_

Sarah got up off the bed and went into the bathroom, scowling at her mussed hair and drained appearance. "I'm going to see the Doctor this morning. If all goes like I'm hoping I'll be reporting for duty  _today._ " She reached for the hair brush that was on the sink and began to tackle the tangles that plagued her dark tresses. "I don't think I can spend another day reading, or organizing my sock drawer."

Another chuckle. " _I'll let Captain Janeway know to expect you_.  _Chakotay out._ "

Slipping out of her tangled nightgown she mumbled to the computer to activate the sonic shower. She preferred a good bath or a real water shower, but time was not going to permit it. She was due to report to the Doctor in less than twenty minutes. A quick sonic shower was all she had time for, to wash away the grim from a restless sleep.

It was easy to find her uniform, since she had been taken off the duty roster for a week and a half, it had laid on the dining room chair. When she had slipped out of her quarters to see the Doctor she had been clad in civilian attire, reasoning there was no point to traipsing around the ship in uniform when she wasn't on duty.

The fabric felt starchy against her skin. It also proved to be difficult to get into the tight fitting turtleneck since her rib cage was still sore from the crash. Gritting her teeth and bearing it, for she didn't care anymore how much pain she was in, she was going to report to duty that day. She was tired of so many things. There was only so much classic literature and reorganizing drawers one person could take. She had even rearranged the furniture in the living and dining areas to make the room more easily traveled. The Doctor would probably throw a fit if he knew she had done that with her tender ribs.

Tucking her hair back into a twist, she clipped her combadge onto her tunic, and with a final glance to make sure that her pips were on straight, left the quarters.

A few crewmen who were on their way to their duties stations or back to their quarters nodded their heads at her in greeting before going about their business. Everything had pretty much returned back to normal for them the moment Chakotay and Sarah had been transported back to  _Voyager_. However, it was a different story, at least for Sarah. It was going to be a while for her to feel  _normal_ again.

The dreams were not helping her out any.

They had started when Harry Kim had come by to visit her and offered to 'cook' dinner for her. The two had shared some stories about what was going on on the bridge, how the Captain seemed ready to burst at the seams because she was solely relying on Neelix for diplomatic advice, and that the Talaxian had been bubbling about some planetoid that could go a long way in helping them with their dilithium supplies. In fact, it had been that night she had the first dream of being in a cavern, being stalked and then feeling a sensation of having her lungs ripped out of her body.

At first she had thought it was post traumatic stress. But now she was beginning to think otherwise.

"Deck five," she called out when she entered the turbolift. This trip had become routine everyday and if the Doctor was capable of making friends, Sarah was sure that they would be best buddies by now because she had been in sickbay so often the last ten or so days.

The routine was getting old, and she could tell it wasn't only getting old for her. The Doctor didn't seem practically thrilled when she showed up for her check up everyday. Then again, the Doctor didn't seem thrilled about anything unless he was in the midst of some medical crisis. So much for Starfleet's brilliant idea of leaving starships with a back up doctor; it was obvious that they weren't thinking long term solution when they programmed him. Otherwise, Sarah was convinced that the Doctor would have been programmed to be a bit more…understanding.

"You're late," the hologram snapped out when she entered. "And in uniform. Is there some change in schedule that I should be made aware of? Last I checked you weren't scheduled to report for duty for another two days."

_Tom's right, his bedside manner does need to be improved if he's going to be our chief medical officer for the next seventy five years._ "I'm getting sick of sitting around," Sarah replied, going to stand near the instrument table. "Just scan me, say I'm fit for active duty, and I'll go about my merry way."

The Doctor picked up a medical tricorder. "Are you in any pain?"

"Nothing I can't handle," she said.

The hologram heaved a sigh and put the tricorder down. "Why does this crew  _insist_ to go against their doctor's wishes?"

"Maybe you just got a crew with ADD," Sarah replied, with a teasing smirk.

"You're no better than the rest of them," he snapped. "I would think that the ship's counselor would hold herself above such pettiness."

"Sorry I don't live up to your high standards."

The Doctor placed the tricorder back onto the tray. "Other than the fact that your rib cage is still tender from the surgery, you're fit for duty. BUT I've already put a recommendation in that you do not go on any away missions until further notice."

_Well, that is going to put a dampener on things._ "You're the Doctor," she mumbled, unhappy about being restricted to the ship.

"At least someone on this ship realizes that," he returned, beginning to leave the room.

"Doctor, wait," she called out. "Can I ask you something?"

"I'm listening."

"I've been having these dreams, of being in a cave, looking for something. I hear Commander Chakotay tell me not to go any further, but I keep going," Sarah said. "I'm…I'm attacked by what I think is an alien, but I can't be sure, it looks more like a corpse. The last thing that happens before I wake up is I feel like my lungs are…are gone. Could it…could it be post traumatic stress?"

The Doctor didn't even bat an eyelash. "It's possible. But…you are the counselor, why are you asking me?"

She shrugged her slender shoulders. "I guess I just wanted a second opinion."

"I can give you something to help you sleep, but if the dreams do not go away I'd talk to someone about it," the Doctor replied.

"Talk to someone? To who?" Sarah inquired.

"You must have friends, Miss Barrett," he replied.

_You're not alone._ Chakotay. "Well…yes, I guess I do."

"Then my suggestion to you Miss Barrett is this, talk to a friend about your experiences on that planetoid. It wouldn't hurt you, only help."

* * *

"Hi Commander Chakotay, Mama's trying to get Ava dressed, she's being stubborn," Michael Janeway greeted, startling the first officer, who had not been expecting the boy to answer the door.

_Like mother like daughter,_ Chakotay thought as he stepped into the quarters. Peering around the room he noticed that Tal Celes, the children's nanny, was not present. Usually when he stopped by in the morning before proceeding to the bridge, Tal was there, chipper as ever, playing with the children. "Tal isn't here yet?"

"She's sick, Mama said she was exposed to the worst germ carriers of all," Michael replied. "What do you think she meant by that Commander Chakotay?"

Chakotay shook his head, deciding to play it safe. "I wouldn't know," he replied with a smile, picturing the Captain uttering those words to her inquisitive son. "I'm sure your mother has taken care of those  _germ carriers,_ Michael."

At this moment Kathryn emerged from the baby's room, a wailing, but a fully dressed Ava, toddling after her. If the Captain was bothered by the little girl's crying, her face didn't show it. Instead, she reached out, grabbed her uniform tunic that was resting over the back of a chair and put it on. Smiling at Chakotay, she said, "Care to join us for breakfast?"

"I've already had mine, thanks," he replied, keeping his eyes on the toddler. Ava was demanding attention by clinging tightly to her mother's pant leg.

Kathryn responded by shrugging it off. "It's a shame; I heard that the rations were particularly dehydrated this morning." Her ignoring Ava only seemed to make the baby angry. She suddenly shrieked which caused everyone in the room to shiver at the high pitch. "It's also a shame that you won't have the pleasure of dining with my children, who absolutely love ration packs."

"That's not true, Mama," Michael protested, covering his ears to try and drown out Ava's screaming. "I  _hate_ them."

Chakotay chuckled. "Apparently, he hasn't learned the concept of sarcasm yet."

"He will, soon enough," the Captain drawled, finishing up with her tunic. With a final straightening of her uniform, she was all business as usual. "How much longer until we reach this planet that Neelix keeps boasting about?"

"Shouldn't be long now," Chakotay replied. "Just enough time to enjoy your breakfast with your delightful daughter."

Kathryn frowned at Ava who had now latched onto her mother's leg, wrapping her arms and own legs about it tightly. The woman pried the child free and looked sheepishly back at the commander. "I thought I was beyond this when Tal agreed to take care of them, however, I never took into consideration that children spread germs, quite frequently may I add, and she would get sick."

"Well, what's one more day in the ready room, really when you look at the grand scheme of things?"

"We're going to spend the day with you?" Michael asked, excitedly, his eyes lighting up, the thought of eating rations again for breakfast gone. "Do you think Tom will let me fly the ship?"

Kathryn and Chakotay exchanged glances. "I...I'll have to think about that one, honey. Maybe when you're older."

A disappointed look fell over the child's face but Kathryn was soon ushering them all out into the corridor and towards the turbo lift, where they would proceed to the mess hall. Ava seemed less than thrilled to be leaving, especially since her mother absolutely refused to pick her up and continued to sob all the way to the turbo lift, the ride to deck two, and the way towards the captain's private dining room. Stealing a glance at the child, who was practically running to keep up, Chakotay was struck with how much she resembled her mother, even at this young of an age.

Her eyes were just as bright a blue, just as fiery, her hair shimmered copper in the lights, and even the curve of her lips was identical of that to Kathryn. It was almost as if Kathryn had a little clone walking around. He chuckled at that thought. As if this crew needed  _two_ Kathryn Janeways.

"Commander? Have you heard anything I've said?"

Chakotay snapped his eyes up to meet Kathryn's. "I, ah…was distracted."

A smile played on her lips. "It's best to ignore her. She'll stop…eventually."

"I'm sure she will, now what were you saying?"

"We need to come up with a way of refining the dilithium, assuming Neelix is right, and that there is any on the planet we're heading too," Kathryn replied, as the walked along the observation deck.

"Lieutenant Torres has already asked permission to make modifications to the auxiliary impulse reactor," Chakotay answered her, watching as Michael went to peek out the large windows, briefly, trying to get away from Ava, who had resorted to following her brother around now since she wasn't getting a reaction out of her mother and the commander. "It could be converted into a crude dilithium refinery."

"The impulse reactor?" Kathryn repeated a grin on her face. They stopped walking, while the children peered out the large windows. "Sometimes I think B'Elanna goes out of her way to find solutions that ignore Starfleet procedures."

"Her arguments are quite convincing. She thinks it can be done safely."

"I'm sure it can," Kathryn said, starting to walk away again, not even telling the children she was moving. "Tell her I want regular reports on her progress."

Chakotay turned about to join her and saw that Michael jogged away from the window to catch up, Ava, who had stopped her crying for a brief moment while looking out the window, suddenly bawled again, and chased after him, her little feet laboring to keep up.

"Are you sure you won't join us for breakfast?" Kathryn asked him again, her eyes traveling back towards the children. "I was thinking of having eggs Benedict with asparagus, strawberries and cream…"

They stopped in front of the doors to her private dining room. Chakotay scratched his head for a moment, wondering if perhaps in all the commotion of the morning, she had forgotten that the replicators were still down from the Rupor attack a week prior.

She caught the look on his face. "I said I was thinking about it. I'm actually having ration pack number five; stewed tomatoes with dehydrated eggs."

"Mmm, sounds delicious, but I've already had my vacuum packed oatmeal this morning," he said, with a sneaky smile. Michael was making a face and he reached out and mussed his hair. "See you on the bridge."

"Bye Commander," Michael said, happily.

Kathryn watched him go for a moment, pondering the relationship that had started to sprout up between Michael and her first officer. Naturally Michael had latched on so to speak to the men, he loved it when Tom joined the children for lunch in the mess hall, and he was always asking Harry engineering questions. But for some reason, the bond between Michael and Chakotay was different. Chakotay was gentle with them, soft spoken. The children felt comfortable around him and Michael had taken to asking him life's questions, like a child would their father. This for some reason, bothered her. It wasn't that Michael was purposely trying to replace his father, the grief counselor back on Earth had told her that it would be good for him to find a surrogate father so to speak. Kathryn had always been comfortable when that roll had been filled by Gabriel Dawson, the children's uncle, but now, seventy thousand light years from home, the thought that her first officer could take on that roll, unnerved her at the same time it comforted her.

"Mama, are we going to eat?"

Eyes locking with her son's she realized she had been daydreaming. "Yes, sorry, I was thinking." She reached out and punched in the access code to the dining room. The doors swished open and the family was greeted with the smell of cooking food and smoke.

At the far end of the room, where the replicators had once been, was a couple of burners, that looked like they had hastily been put together, and were flaming. Kathryn, seeing the flames, instinctively stepped in front of her children, scooping a now shocked Ava up into her arms.

She wasn't surprised to find Neelix twittering about in the middle of this mess. "What is going on here?"

"Captain you caught me by surprise!"

"I could say the same thing," Kathryn snapped sarcastically, following Neelix back into what used to be her private dining room. "What are you doing?"

"Well, that's obvious Mama, he's cooking," Michael piped up. His mother shot him a glare and he shrunk against the wall, tucking his hands behind his back.

Neelix went on to explain that he knew the senior officers weren't happy with the ration packs so he decided to take some of the vegetables from the hydroponics bay that Kes had created and make a galley. "It wasn't easy. I had to completely reroute the Mess Hall power conduits and scrounge a lot of supplies from all over the ship, but that's my specialty making something out of nothing."

Kathryn shifted Ava onto one hip.  _How in the hell did he do all this without any of us noticing?_ "Neelix," she said, in her best command voice, gripping his arm with the hers that had been freed up by shifting Ava about,"who approved this?"

"Uh, well…no one."

"Uh-oh," Michael muttered from his spot on the wall. "Not a good idea Neelix." Being the son of a Starfleet captain, and the nephew of a Starfleet lawyer, Michael knew a lot about protocol, and that his mother was never happy when that protocol had been breached. The burners started to flame even more and he stepped back in fear of getting burnt. Neelix quickly went to drown the flames with a towel, Kathryn following behind him.

"You might have asked me first," she said, hotly. "This used to be my private dining room."

Neelix looked surprised at that. "Your, your dining room? Oh…ah I guess you'll be wanting me to get this out of your way."

" _Bridge to Captain Janeway._ "

"Go ahead."

" _We're approaching the rogue planetoid._ "

"On my way," she responded, turning to Neelix. "I want you to come with me. We will deal with  _this_ later." She gestured for Michael to come with her and left the room as Neelix hurriedly gave Ensign Parsons directions on how to keep the kitchen running while he was gone.

She had to admit that a galley would be nice, real food would be nice for a change, but it didn't take away from the fact that Neelix had not come to her first. Of course, how was he supposed to know such things, not being from Starfleet? The surprise of finding him cooking in the private dining room had done one positive thing; it had stopped Ava's crying. Kathryn felt it safe to put the child onto the floor of the turbo lift just as the doors opened to the bridge.

Pointing towards the empty engineering station she told Michael to call up some program that she had been working on to start his basic schooling. It wasn't much, she knew, but for now it was going to have to do. Tal had agreed to watch the children, but she had told the Captain, openly that she probably was not the best teacher for the children, seeing how Michael could do multiplication at the age of five, and she hadn't even been able to do that at the age of eleven.

The boy was eager to start the new lesson and climbed up into the seat that was too big for him, typing away at the console. Ava waddled after him and somehow managed to squeeze her little body into the chair with him.

Kathryn stole a glance at her first officer, a thought suddenly occurring to her.

"I already locked out the ship's systems. The only thing he can access is the programs you specified," Chakotay said, with a bemused look. "There'll be no action figures in the conduits today."

_He has to bring that up,_ Kathryn thought begrudgingly. Before Tal, the children had run rampant on the ship, Kathryn not being able to keep up with them and her work. Michael had even gone as far as crawling into a Jefferies tube with Ava and playing around with a power conduit, later claiming that it had been Ava who put the action figure in it. Kathryn had never quite believed him. "What have you found?" she finally asked Harry Kim.

"We're picking up definite dilithium signatures, Captain," Kim answered. "The strongest readings are originating from ten to twenty kilometers inside the planetoid."

"It also looks like the there's a series of subterranean caves, with an oxygen-nitrogen atmosphere," B'Elanna Torres reported from the Science station.

"Class-M," Chakotay stated, standing next to Paris at conn. "It'll make mining a lot easier if we can go in there without environmental suits."

"How much dilithium are we talking about?"

"It's hard to get a precise reading. It could be anywhere from five hundred to…one thousand metric tons."

"Just as I said," Neelix declared, quite proud of himself. Kathryn already annoyed with him that morning, gave him a look that he didn't seem to notice. "I bet there are a few Yallitian engineers who'd give all three of their spinal columns to know where this planet is."

Kathryn resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Commander," she addressed Chakotay, "take an away team down into those caves and do a preliminary geological analysis. Lieutenant," she said, now addressing B'Elanna, "you better get your dilithium refinery online."

"It'll be ready to go in three days."

Kathryn gave her a nod of approval while Chakotay told Harry to join him. She felt Neelix brush her arm as he moved behind her towards Chakotay. She turned towards her seat watching with amusement the look that came across Chakotay's face as the Talaxian crossed the bridge to meet up with him. Lowering her body down she heard Chakotay ask where Neelix was going.

"With you," Neelix answered, enthusiastically. "I've been studying my Tricorder Operations Manual. Lieutenant Torres has brought me up to date on dilithium geophysics." He turned towards Kathryn, who was listening to the exchange intently. "I've been preparing for this mission all week."

_You can't fault him for wanting to help out._ "Very well, Mister Neelix," was all she said before Chakotay disappeared into the turbo lift, with what she could have sworn was a  _I'll get you back_ glare.

Neelix sputtered after him. "I'll think you'll find me extremely helpful, Commander. I remember the first time I flew by this planet, I think it was about three years ago…"

"Deck four," Harry Kim called out desperately and the lift's doors closed.

Kathryn laughed silently and gazed at the back of Tom Paris' head. Neelix could be a little too eager which in turn made him impulsive at times, but his heart was in the right place, she concluded.

The doors to the turbo lift could be heard swishing open again and for a moment she thought that Chakotay had buckled and sent Neelix back. Turning her head she saw her counselor step onto the bridge. Kathryn couldn't help but feel warmed by her presence. The last week and a half had been awkwardly silent without the counselor there while she recovered from her injuries and infection which she had sustained in a shuttle crash.

"Reporting for duty, ma'am," Sarah Barrett said, sliding into an at ease position. "The Doctor gave me the go ahead to return to active duty."

"Welcome back, Lieutenant," Kathryn said with a smile, gesturing towards her chair. "Take a seat. We've missed you around here."

Sarah made her way down the steps and to the bench chair that she had occupied every duty shift until she had gotten injured. "Did I miss much?" she asked, with a teasing smile.

Kathryn shook her head. "No, just the same old same old. You know how it goes."

"I heard about Neelix turning your dining room into a galley," Sarah said. "If you want I can talk to him, it is after all my fault."

Kathryn raised an eyebrow. "How so?"

"Before Chakotay and I left on the mission to Karva, he asked me if there was a way he could help out around here more, I told him that I would sit down and talk with him when I got back," she replied. "But, we all know how the story goes from there. I guess he got a little impatient."

The Captain brushed her off with a wave of her hand. "Don't worry about. It was hardly traumatic; a bit of a surprise, but nothing that can't be easily repaired. Besides, I'm not sure I want him to dismantle the galley just yet."

"You don't?"

"He had a valid point that the senior officers, myself included, have not been too fond of the ration packs lately," Kathryn pointed out, glancing up at Michael, who every time his mother mentioned it was meal time would scowl in disgust and groan,  _not ration packs again._

Sarah noticed where she was looking and commented, "I see the cherubs are joining us today."

"I wouldn't know about any cherubs," Kathryn replied, dryly, "but the children are here. Tal's sick, and it's making me rethink the situation. I don't think it's fair to have her watch them six days a week; her only off day my only off day. Maybe I should be offering her a break, taking them two days a week. It would only work out to one day on the bridge; we can spend my day off in our quarters or on the holodeck." She saw the exasperated look that came over Sarah's face. "I know, I know, we'd have to step up security."

The young woman swallowed. "You do remember the time that Michael tried to access helm control, right? If Mister Paris hadn't been near by, who knows what would have happened to  _Voyager_. Ma'am, I understand it's been difficult, but if Tal isn't complaining, maybe we should just…leave things alone."

"If it's not broke why fix it?," Kathryn said, with a shy grin.

"What we need is someone to be their teacher, someone aside from a babysitter, that way it gives Tal a break from having both of them all the time," Sarah suggested and immediately regretted opening her mouth. The Captain got a mischievous glint in her eyes.

"Good idea, Counselor," she said. "Why don't you start working on candidates that you would think will make a good teacher? Of course I would have done it myself, but I don't know the crew as well as you do; this is a good assignment for you, and it fits in with the light duties that the Doctor suggested until you're one hundred percent back on your feet."

Tom Paris turned slightly in his chair to give her a teasing look and she felt her cheeks flush for a moment. Lowering her eyes, she focused on the gray carpet. "Yes, ma'am, I'll get working on it right away."

Kathryn laughed to herself and leaned back into her chair.

" _Sickbay to the Bridge,_ " the Doctor's persistent voice came over the comlink.

"Go ahead Doctor."

" _Captain, I think you should come down here. There's been a medical emergency with the away team._ "

 


	22. Chapter 22

"What the hell happened?" Kathryn Janeway demanded when she entered sickbay. After hastily leaving the children in the care of a reluctant B'Elanna Torres on the bridge, Janeway, Sarah Barrett, and Tom Paris had rushed down to sickbay.

The Doctor was buzzing around the surgical biobed and Harry Kim was off to the side looking over a tricorder. Neelix was unconscious on the biobed and Kathryn felt her throat constrict. She knew it had been too soon to allow him on an away mission. She should have insisted that he be more thoroughly trained, but his enthusiasm to help the crew had won out and now he was injured.

Chakotay intercepted the Captain and Barrett as they entered the room, Paris on their heels. The two women stayed with the first officer, while Paris went to help the Doctor.

"He was attacked on the planetoid. Some how someone removed his lungs," Chakotay replied, noticing the looks of shock that came over both women's faces. But it was different forms of shock, he realized. While Janeway looked bewildered, Barrett looked absolutely mortified. "By the time we got to him, he was unconscious."

"Someone removed his lungs?" Janeway asked, trying to get a grasp on the situation.

Chakotay nodded his head. "We were exploring the caves and broke off into three teams. I told Neelix to hold position but you know how he is, eager, he went ahead, reported lifesigns and the next thing I knew he was screaming and gasping for air."

Barrett blinked. "You were in caves?"

The Commander nodded his head. "Yes, we were looking for the dilithium."

"And you said someone removed his lungs?"

"Yes," he replied.  _Haven't you been listening to anything I've been saying?_ "We're not sure how, but the Doctor speculates that whoever did this used some type of transporter to beam his lungs directly out of his body."

Barrett's sapphire eyes were studying the floor intensely, nervously moving back and forth. "It wasn't post traumatic stress," she muttered.

"Pardon?" Janeway and Chakotay said at the same time.

The young woman's eyes snapped up to look at her commanding officers, realizing that she had spoken her thoughts out loud. "I….it's nothing really." Across the room she could see the Doctor giving her a seething glare as Tom moved some equipment about. "Really, just thinking out loud." She saw the hologram frown at her, but the arrival of Kes seemed to take the officers minds off of her slip of the tongue.

"What happened?" the young Ocampa asked no one in particular.

Sarah gently placed her hands on Kes' shoulders. "Someone attacked Neelix on the away mission. We're not sure how it happened, but they managed to surgically remove his lungs. The Doctor is doing everything he can, Kes, to help him." The Captain and First Officer could not help but notice the strain in the young woman's voice. However, Kes didn't seem to notice, or if she did, she didn't care.

Kes brushed past Sarah, Chakotay and Kathryn, going straight for the biobed. Sarah glanced at the Captain once who gave her a nod of approval and the young woman went after Kes. Kathryn turned back towards Chakotay.

"Did you find any evidence of the lifesign that Neelix reported?"

"No."

Harry stepped up to join them. "Captain, I've analyzed the sensor logs from Neelix's tricorder. The bio scanner picked up a single class-3 humanoid organism."

Chakotay could see Janeway's eyes flicking about, while she was thinking intensely. In their short time together he had seen that look before. She was devising a plan and he had a sinking feeling he was not going to like it.

"I'm taking an away team back to the surface."

_Damn. I knew I wasn't going to like it._ "Captain," he said. "Starfleet protocol states that a commanding officer is not to transport to the surface of a planet unless it is secure. That planetoid is nowhere near being secure, we don't know how many of these aliens are done there removing organs, we don't even know what to look for."

"I am aware of Starfleet protocol, Commander," she seethed. "Starfleet protocol also states that if the situation demands it, the commanding officer can beam down to an unsecured site."

"I'm not sure the situation demands for you to be down there, Captain," Chakotay said, his dark eyes pleading with her. He wasn't sure when the intense desire to protect her had started, but it was there and he was going to fight with her as long as it took to get her to stay safely on  _Voyager._ "I don't want to be beaming you back with your lungs removed."

"That is not going to happen…"

"And what do we tell your children when it does?"

The words had the desired effect that Chakotay had prayed for. That had been a slap in her face; she visibly winced at the words. And both of them knew that Chakotay had her right where he wanted her. While she was every bit a Starfleet captain, down to the protocol adherence, she was first, and foremost a mother. He knew as much as she did that the thought of her death thus leaving her children alone on  _Voyager,_ so far away from home, terrified her.

This was the payback she had been expecting since the moment he had glared at her when Neelix had been allowed on the mission. She knew it had been coming, she just didn't know how sneaky he could be.

"Very well," Janeway finally relented. "Commander,  _you_  lead the away team back down to the surface. Inform Mister Tuvok that I want three armed security details to accompany you. Issue type three phasers and keep me updated."

Chakotay knew that he wouldn't always win this battle, because he was sure that there were going to be many more like this, but today, he was satisfied that he had won out. Nodding his head he looked at Kim and the two men left sickbay.

Janeway moved towards the surgical biobed hoping that the Doctor had some news. Kes was standing next to the bed, her small hands resting on the soft material. Her jaw was clenched and Kathryn was sure that the young Ocampa had never experienced this kind of trauma before in her young life. Sarah Barrett had her work cut out for her and on her first day back on the duty roaster no less.

"The blood gas infuser will keep him alive for another forty-seven minutes," the Doctor informed the Captain. "The only chance I see for survival at this moment is if we get his own lungs back."

"Can't we fit him with a pair of artificial lungs?" Janeway asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

The Doctor shook his head. "I'm afraid not. His respiratory system is directly linked to multiple points along his spinal column. It's too complex to replicate. I may be able to surgically re-attach the organs if we get them back, but in the meantime we'll have to search for other options"

Janeway felt a pit forming in her stomach. Pursuing aliens that  _harvested_ organs was not exactly what she had in mind what they would be doing today, and she was having horrible visions of these said aliens harvesting her own organs, along with her crew and children. It was an image that sent shivers repeatedly up and down her spine. She gently laid a hand on Kes' arm briefly. "I'll be on the bridge. We're going to find who did this Kes and get his lungs back."

Turning about on her heel, Janeway walked purposefully out of the room.

"Mister Paris," the Doctor said once she was gone. "Did they teach how to run a respiratory series in your biochemistry class at the Academy?"

"Ah, no I'm afraid they didn't."

The Doctor looked annoyed. "Fine, I'll just do it myself," he grumbled, grabbing a hypospray from a nearby equipment tray. He moved to stand behind Kes. "I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"I'm not leaving," Kes said heatedly.

The hologram looked to Barrett for help, but she shook her head. "Very well," he said, more annoyed now. "Just…try to stay out of the way." He pressed the hypospray to Neelix's neck and moved about the surgical biobed.

Sarah didn't seem to notice him. She was staring intently at the Talaxian, trying to piece together a logical explanation as to why her dream had resembled the attack on Neelix so much. But she couldn't come up with one and it was scaring her. When she had been on the  _Explorer_ she had been able to on a few occasions figure out where the Borg were going by dreams she had or just by what she called a hunch. However, she thought that was because the Borg were easy to predict. Was there something more to her dreams?

"Counselor Barrett?" Her eyes snapped up to see Tom looking at her with a worried expression. "Is everything alright, ma'am?"

"Yes, just…thinking," she responded.

Tom looked at her skeptically but went about his work. "Doc, I think his cellular toxicity level is rising."

The hologram went to stand next to the pilot and looked at the biocomputer. "It's up to thirty two percent. Let's see if we can stabilize those levels. Get me a cytoplasmic stimulator."

Sarah watched from her position opposite from Kes as Tom gave the hologram a little nod of his head, then proceed to toy around in the equipment tray, finally giving up and looking around the room.

"Ah, we don't have one."

"Then replicate one."

"Right," Tom said, still looking lost.

"The design schematics are in the ship's medical data base," the Doctor replied sharply. Tom nodded his head and went to the replicators in the office. "The man drives a 700,000-ton starship so somebody thinks he'd make a good medic."

"He was the only one of us that had any biochemistry at the Academy," Sarah said, garnering for the second time that day, a sharp look from the hologram. "Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time."

"One has to wonder what other  _good_  ideas you people have thought up."

Kes ignored the banter; she wasn't in the mood for it. "I can survive with one lung can't I? What if I donated a lung to Neelix?"

"A transplant is not an option," the Doctor said. "No one aboard is a compatible match for a Talaxian."

With those words the Doctor left the vicinity and went to the office, mumbling to himself as he went. Sarah and Kes lost what he was saying as he strode away. "I'm sure the Doctor will think of something Kes. He was after all programmed by some of Starfleet's best." The words were not comforting and Sarah could see it by the look of despair on Kes' face.  _Damn it, I've been out of the loop too long when it comes to stuff like this. I'm a psychologist not a therapist._

She soon realized how ridiculous that sounded. Psychologists could be therapists, she was just better at the studying and analyzing of cultures and mental states than she was comforting. It was partially the reason why she had leaped through the ranks so quickly when she graduated from the Academy, because of the growing threat of the Borg and Bajoran terrorist cells Starfleet had needed good psychologists to study the mind set of said groups; that and her father's name had helped a little too.

If all had gone according to plan she would have been promoted to Lieutenant Commander, and be infiltrating the Maquis, however, she had learned that things seldom went according to plan and she was on  _Voyager_ instead.  _Everything happens for a reason, my girl,_ her father had always told her that, since the day she could walk she was sure of it. There were times that she found herself questioning that belief. After all, what reason could possibly be giving for her turning to drugs and ending up on this ship? She wasn't the best counselor out there suited for the job.

Of course they had no way of knowing that a three week mission was going to turn into a life time. Perhaps if Janeway had she would have opted for someone with a bit more emotional stability.

"What are you doing?" she heard Tom ask the Doctor as the two came back into the room.

"I'm using the transporter matrix to get exact specifications for Neelix's lungs," the Doctor replied.

"I thought you just said we can't replicate his lungs," Tom said.

"We can't," the Doctor said, "but if I can reconfigure my emitter array, I might be able to create a pair of holographic lungs."

"Holographic lungs?" Sarah and Tom questioned at the same time.

The Doctor came to join the group at the biobed. "If it's successful, we can precisely control his pulmonary functions to allow normal breathing."

"But a hologram is just a projection of light held together in a magnetic containment field. There's no real matter involved," Tom said.

The Doctor suddenly slapped him. Kes looked stunned, Sarah jumped in surprise, and Tom's mouth hung open. "Now," the hologram said turning about to adjust something on the computer, then turning back to Tom, "you hit me."

Tom wound up and proceeded to do so, as Kes flinched, but his hand passed right through the Doctor. Tom looked at his hand, stunned.

"The magnetic containment field that creates the illusion of my body can be modulated to allow matter to pass through it," the Doctor answered, turning about to tap at the controls again, "or be stopped. I might be able to modulate the holographic lungs in the same way, allowing oxygen and carbon dioxide to pass from the lungs to the blood stream."

Kes grabbed his arm. "I want to know what this means."

"There's no to time explain the exact procedure to you right now."

"Oh, well, make the time, because I'm not going to let you perform any experimental surgery on Neelix until I know exactly what you're doing and what the risks are."

Sarah moved towards her, gently taking her arm in her hand. "Kes, maybe we should go to my office and wait until the Doctor is done."

"No, Lieutenant," Kes snapped. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Very well, the risk is that he'll die," the Doctor said, answering her question. "If he does survive he will have to remain in an isotropic restraint. The lungs need to be perfectly aligned to his internal physiology. The computer won't be able to compensate for any body movement whatsoever."

Kes' voice dropped. "How long will he have to stay like that?"

"The rest of us life, unless we recover his original organs. He will never be able to leave the holographic environment of this room. The holo lungs would disappear the moment he went out the door."

The Doctor turned away and went back to his work leaving Kes standing there, looking horrified. Sarah gave her arm a reassuring squeeze. "Kes, I know it sounds bad right now, but at least he'd still be alive. Maybe the Doctor will find something else later down the raod. What do you think Neelix would want?"

"That's the problem, Counselor, I don't know what Neelix would want," she took a deep breath. "But I do know that I want him to live." And with a simple nod of her head, the Doctor was given the permission to proceed.

* * *

" _Captain we've discovered a laboratory of some sorts,"_ Chakotay's voice echoed over the comlink. " _There are several organs here, from different species that we can't identify. However, there's no sign of Neelix's lungs._ "

Kathryn felt her throat constrict at hearing this. A whole laboratory filled with organs from other beings? "Any sign of the lifeform that did this?"

" _Negative, Captain,"_ Tuvok's voice came next. " _This room is, however, the source of the dilithium signatures were detecting earlier. The power system's here are running on an unusual dilithium matrix._ "

It was just like they had feared since the away team had returned to  _Voyager._ There wasn't any dilithium down there and they were still going to have power struggles until they found a better solution. Raising her hand to her chin, she tried to get a grasp on how this day had gone from hopeful to hopeless. "Is there anything down there that might give us a clue as to where the lifeform has gone?"

" _Captain, my readings are telling me that there was lifeform in here less then ten minutes ago,_ " Chakotay said.

" _Captain we're picking up one life sign, we're in pursuit,"_ Tuvok's voice said, calmly.

Kathryn spun about to look at tactical. "Prepare a security detail."

"Yes ma'am," Rollins said, moving off of the bridge.

Kathryn turned about nervously pacing the command station. If they didn't catch the aliens what did that mean for Neelix? Well the answer to that was obvious, he would die. She couldn't help but feel guilty. A captain's job was to keep her people safe. Neelix had tried so hard to make a difference for this crew and here she had allowed him on an away mission without fully prepping him in the right protocol.  _That was foolish Kathryn, simply foolish._ She bit her lip for a second,  _but whose to say that if Neelix didn't go on the away mission that someone else would have suffered his fate._

That line of thinking didn't get her far, because she realized that if it had been Chakotay or Harry that had been attacked the Doctor would have been able to replicate a new set of lungs for them or one of the crew members could have donated a lung. It wasn't her fault that Talaxian physiology was like no one else's on file.

"Mama, why would someone steal Neelix's lungs?"

_Damn it, I should have had them move into the ready room._ "I'm not sure, honey," Kathryn replied, snaking her hand into her son's dark locks. "But I'm going to find out why."

"Don't they have their own lungs?" Michael inquired, peering up at her with only what could be described as the curiosity of a child. "I mean they would need lungs to breathe wouldn't they?"

_One would think so,_ Kathryn thought. "Honey why don't you back to your lesson?"

"I finished it. Besides this is more exiting."

Kathryn frowned at him as Parsons reported that there was a ship leaving the planetoid. Spinning about on her heel she ordered that the away team be beamed back on board. "Tractor them!"

"It's too late Captain, they've already gone to warp."

_Luck just isn't on my side today._ "Set a pursuit course once the away team is back on board, maximum warp."

"Aye Captain."

Kathryn rubbed her temples, trying to rub the headache that was forming away. She knew it was going to be no use, she had been plagued with stress headaches ever since she was a teenager.

"Did I lose my job while on that away mission?"

Chakotay's voice cut through the dense fog and she glanced up at him with confused eyes.  _What the hell is he talking about?_ Noticing where his grin was pointed at, she turned about to see Michael occupying the Commander's chair. She half expected to see Ava with him, but realized she hadn't heard so much as a peep out of the baby for nearly twenty minutes.  _Not good._

Her eyes must have widened and panic must have been settling in on her face for Chakotay smiled even more. "Over there," he pointed towards the Engineering station where Michael had been working. Ava was curled up in the chair taking a nap. "I brought you something," Chakotay suddenly said, and Kathryn's head snapped about. "Consider it an early birthday gift."

_Lieutenant Torres is right; he does have a twisted sense of humor._ He was handing her a tricorder device of some sort, or at least that's what it appeared to be. "Any idea what this thing does?"

"We think it's a weapon of some sort," Chakotay said. "The being pointed it at us and fired when we confronted him."

"Everyone still has their lungs right?" Kathryn drawled; she could have a twisted sense of humor too.

"As far as I know, yes."

With a look, Kathryn went to hand the device to B'Elanna Torres, seated at the science station. "Lieutenant, see if you can figure out what this does, oh and some one get Mister Paris up here, we're going to need his flying abilities."

 


	23. Chapter 23

While the computer was running its diagnostic on the alien device, B'Elanna Torres had snuck away to the mess hall to grab a ration pack for lunch. Well maybe she hadn't really snuck away; Captain Janeway had after all given her permission to take a small break. But it sure felt like sneaking away, with Michael breathing down her neck wanting to know every little thing that came up about the device. Snatching a ration pack up she went to join a Bajoran, by the name of Seska, who was sitting at a table in the middle of the room.

"I didn't think Janeway was ever going to let you leave the bridge," Seska drawled with that sly grin of hers as B'Elanna took a seat.

B'Elanna shrugged her shoulders. "I think she felt bad that her kid was watching over everything I did. Anyways I don't have a lot of time. I need to get back up there to finish working on that device that Chakotay brought back from the planetoid."

"If you ask me this is a waste of time," Seska replied, pushing her empty ration pack to the side. "We shouldn't be chasing after any aliens that like to harvest organs. It could end up getting us all killed."

"Neelix could die if we don't track them down," B'Elanna said, slightly shocked by her friend's cold tone.

It was Seska's turn to shrug her tiny shoulders. "The Doctor has kept him alive this long; that's better than most people can say if they had just had their lungs stolen."

"And what if it was Chakotay that had been attacked? Or Harry? Would you feel the same way?"

"Of course. Neelix should be counting his blessings while the rest of us get to the real work of finding dilithium to help the power shortage," Seska answered, her dark eyes studying B'Elanna's face. "You don't actually agree with Janeway's decision to go chasing after these aliens do you?"

B'Elanna averted her eyes. "To tell you the truth, I think it's rather noble."

Seska scoffed. "One noble deed doesn't make up for her selfish decision to strand us here."

The hatred for Janeway that was laced in Seska's voice was not lost on B'Elanna and the young Klingon woman suddenly found that she was not hungry anymore. Pushing the tray away from her, she looked her friend, or someone she had once regarded as a friend, in the eye. "Seska, I know it hasn't been easy the past month, adjusting to life on a Starfleet ship, but believe me when I say that Captain Janeway has the best intentions of this entire crew at heart."

"You didn't think that way a month ago," Seska pointed out.

B'Elanna shook her head. "No, I didn't. But the past few weeks I've worked closely with her and my opinion has changed. If we had used the array to get home, there would have been people back in the Alpha Quadrant who thought her decision to sacrifice the Ocampa selfish. Either way, she couldn't win."

Seska got up from the table angrily. "You're starting to sound like all those delusional Starfleet idiots."

The Chief Engineer watched as the Bajoran left the table and stalked out of the mess hall. B'Elanna wasn't sure why Seska was having the hardest adjustment out of them all. Perhaps she felt like she had been slighted by Janeway when she wasn't given a higher rank, after all, she was Chakotay's former lover. And then there was B'Elanna's promotion to chief engineer. It was never spoken between the two, but B'Elanna knew that Seska was jealous of her friend's promotion and the trust that Janeway put in her. She also knew that Seska wasn't too keen on all time the B'Elanna had taken to hanging out with Harry Kim in the mess hall or for a stroll on the holodeck. But Harry had been the only one nice to her, on the Starfleet side that is, for their first few days, and she was grateful for that.

It wasn't her fault that she was sliding into fit with the crew and Seska was struggling.  _She just needs to make friends outside of the Maquis, that's all._

B'Elanna decided that the next time Harry joined her for dinner she was going to ask Seska to join them. She was sure that Harry would be friendly and make an attempt to befriend Seska no matter how unreceptive Seska seemed.

Speaking of Harry, B'Elanna was sure that Janeway had given him a fifteen minute break to eat something as well. Maybe she had missed him when she had first come in the room. Glancing around she soon found that it had been easy to miss him. He was seated at a corner table with Sarah Barrett. B'Elanna instantly felt…jealousy.

She was shocked by this, at first. There was nothing romantically going on between her and Harry so she shouldn't be bothered if there was something between him and the counselor. But then she remembered Elle Platt, back from her Academy days. Elle had the same dark, coffee brown hair as Sarah, same enticing sapphire eyes. B'Elanna had thought Elle had been her friend and had told her about her crush on one of their classmates. They never spoke of it again, until B'Elanna had seen Elle with her crush, cuddling on the lawn one warm afternoon. Elle later told her some story about wanting to keep B'Elanna safe because she only would have been hurt, that her crush never would have dated a half Klingon.

B'Elanna, who had always resented human girls, with their silky locks of hair, and smooth foreheads, had shortly left the Academy after that. So was it this fact that Sarah looked so much like Elle that she was jealous of the time she spent with Harry? And if she ever did want to be more than Harry's friend, how could she compete with the perfection that Sarah was?

She was shocked at this realization. Being more than Harry's friend? He was Starfleet, a nice guy, but still Starfleet.  _Well what's so wrong with that?_ They had been through so much together on the Ocampa home world, she had connected with him in a way that she had yet to connect to anyone else on the ship, with maybe the exception of Chakotay. And that's when her emotions switched to jealousy to downright anger.

Sarah could have any man she wanted on this ship, with the bat of her pretty little eyelashes, why was she with Harry? Good, even Tom Paris was eating out of the palm of her hand and she had taken the one guy that B'Elanna actually felt…feelings towards.  _It figures the one nice guy on this ship—_

"Seat taken?"

B'Elanna glanced up to see Tom Paris. She shook her head. "No."

He sat down and dropped his ration pack tray in front of him. His grayish eyes looked up to see what she was looking at and he frowned.

This peaked her curiosity even more. Was Tom's feelings about Sarah more than just wanting a date? B'Elanna suddenly didn't feel so bad that she was not the only one who was jealous on this ship. "Something wrong with the view?" she teased.

Tom only frowned more as Harry and Sarah got up and left the mess hall together, laughing about something. "No, nothing's wrong with the view."

"If I didn't know you any better Paris, I'd say you were jealous," she continued teasing getting up from the table and going to recycle her tray. It was time to get back to working on the alien device and the diagnostic. She would have to push thoughts of Harry aside until further notice.

* * *

However, the thoughts of Harry and Sarah eating lunch together, sharing a laugh, just would not escape her no matter how hard she tried to get her work done. Michael Janeway was still standing over her shoulder, soaking in every last bit of information that the computer was coming up with. If that kept up he could his mother the report and B'Elanna could return to engineering where her real work was.

Mindlessly drumming her fingers on the console she noticed Tuvok raise an eyebrow. "Does that form of activity make the computer scan faster?" the Vulcan questioned her.

"No, but it keeps me occupied while we wait." The doors of the bridge swishing open brought her attention about and Paris strode back onto the bridge, no trace of the frown he had worn in the mess hall.  _How can he let it go so easily? Oh, that's right, he's a pig. He probably has another love interest lined up behind Sarah and the Delaney sisters._

The computer beeping brought her attention about. "Captain," she called out, getting Janeway's attention. "We've completed our diagnostic on the alien device."

Janeway strode over to join the group, which was an odd mix when you really thought about it; a Vulcan, a five year old human boy, and a half Klingon. "What have you got?"

"It appears to be more than a weapon," B'Elanna reported. "It's also a very sophisticated medical scanner and surgical instrument."

"From what we can tell," Tuvok said, handing the device to Janeway, "it uses a neural resonator to stun the victim while a quantum imaging scanner begins a microcellular analysis of the entire body.

"The amount of information this thing can gather puts a tricorder to shame," B'Elanna continued. "You fire this at someone you learn everything about their anatomy, right down to their DNA sequencing."

Janeway turned the device over in her hands. "So we're dealing with aliens who've developed a technology specifically designed for extracting organs from other beings. The question is…why?" Chakotay demanded her attention and she mindlessly put the device down onto the science console.

"The alien ship has dropped out of warp," the first officer reported. "It's approaching a large asteroid."

The captain went to stand on the command station next to Lieutenant Barrett while Tuvok took his own station. "On screen."

"It's entered the asteroid captain," Paris reported.

"Hold position."

There were very little options that Janeway had at this moment. She could either take the ship into the asteroid if it was wide enough or she could try to flush the aliens out some how. But that could take hours, and Neelix didn't have hours. Even though the Doctor had come up with a solution for the time being, no one really knew how long he could survive using holographic lungs, not to mention that if ship's system ever went down and the emitters went off line, Neelix would die.

"MICHAEL!"

The shear volume of Lieutenant Barrett's voice startled everyone on that bridge and all eyes snapped about looking for the child.

The boy was standing at the door to the ready room and immediately Janeway could see that he had the alien device clutched in his little hands. The captain had moved the baby into the ready room so she could comfortably nap and she had no doubt that her son was about to test the device out on his baby sister.  _How could I be so careless with something that dangerous around?_ She hadn't even seen Michael move from his spot near the science station, for that matter, neither had B'Elanna. Michael was terribly clever, a trait that Janeway knew had been inherited from her; he could easily slip away from baby sitters, his mother, etc.

So how had Sarah seen it?

Michael looked sheepishly up at his mother. "I just wanted to see Ava's DNA."

His mother gestured that he give her the device back and he complied.

"Sit there," Janeway instructed, pointing to her chair.

Chakotay cleared his throat while the boy did as he was told. "Uh, Captain, we've determined the asteroid is man made."

_Fascinating. What's even more fascinating that Sarah knew Michael had that device; another question for another time, perhaps._

"I think I've located where the alien ship entered the asteroid, Captain," Paris was saying bringing their attention about to the situation at hand. "There's an open crater on the limb of the asteroid."

"Let's see it," Chakotay ordered and the viewscreen changed from the image of the asteroid to the opening that Paris had found.

Janeway crossed her arms over her chest. "How large is that crater, Mister Paris?"

"Two hundred meters in diameter."

"Captain," Tuvok cautioned. "May I suggest that you consider carefully what you're about to do?"

"How do you know what I'm about to do?" Janeway asked, raising an eyebrow and glancing at Tuvok.

"I could describe you in detail the psychological observations I have made of you over the past four years," Tuvok answered, calmly. "Which lead me to conclude that you are about to take this ship into the asteroid, but suffice it to say, I know you quite well."

"One of these days, I'm going to surprise you Tuvok," she replied, with a wry grin. "But not today."

Janeway moved back into the command station and briefly looked at her counselor. "I've already consider other options. If Neelix has any chance of surviving, we have to act fast. Red Alert. Mister Paris lay in a course. Mister Tuvok maximum shields, phasers at the ready."

The Captain turned about in the command station and looked hotly at Michael, "And you stay right there and don't touch anything."

"Yes ma'am."

_Voyager_ glided into the asteroid while Janeway made her way down the command steps to stand next to Chakotay and behind Paris. Her eyes watched the screen intently as the cavern's walls began to narrow.

"Captain," Paris said. "I'm reducing power to the aft-thrusters only. This passageway is getting a little too narrow for my taste."

"Use your discretion Mister Paris," Janeway replied, turning towards Tuvok. "Any sign of the alien ship, Commander?"

"We're still following the ion trail," Tuvok answered, "but electromagnetic interference is limiting our sensor range. I'm only able to scan five hundred meters a head of us."

Chakotay asked the next question. "Are there any indications we're being scanned or probed Mister Kim."

"Not yet."

" _Sick bay to Bridge. May I enlist the services of Counselor Barrett please?"_

Janeway glanced up at the lieutenant. Was it her imagination or did the Doctor sound anxious? "Certainly Doctor, she's on her way, Janeway out." For a moment the women made eye contact. "You heard the Doctor, he needs your help, we're just going to have to handle first contact without you."

 


	24. Chapter 24

When Neelix opened his eyes for the second time that day, just Counselor Barrett was standing over him, one of her small hands was resting behind his ear and she was smiling at him. She had such a pretty smile, he concluded, and if he were in better spirits he might actually feel warmed by her presence. Instead he felt conflicted. She was here obviously to calm him down from before when he had his first anxiety attack, but he couldn't stand the sight of her standing up right and breathing on own her with her little shy grin. She could not possibly understand what was going on with him. How could she? She had never been forced to live like this. She had never been intentionally paralyzed.

"How are you feeling Neelix?" Her voice was soft, using gentle tones like a mother would use with their sick child.

_What a stupid question. I'm feeling miserable. I may never get out of this device and be forced to spend the rest of my life in here._ "I'm…feeling alright."

She patted his shoulder. "It's alright to tell me otherwise, Neelix. I understand."

_Do you really? Do you really know what it's like to be lying here unable to move?_ Neelix averted his eyes. He didn't want to speak with her. He didn't want to listen to her tell him some therapeutic babble that she was undoubtedly going to give to him. It was not going to help, it was not going to get him out of this device. When he had first opened his eyes earlier that day he had been skeptical, but happy to be alive. Now, now he wished that the Commander and Ensign Kim had just left him to die on that planetoid. It would have been much better than lying here, staring up at the ceiling, which Kes' had decorated rather nicely, for the rest of his life.

"How about we talk about something other than yourself? How about Kes? How did you meet her?"

Thinking of Kes brought about another bout of melancholy. She had been standing there when he first had a woken when Lieutenant Barrett had told him what the Doctor and Lieutenant Paris had done to keep him alive. Kes had been so naïve, she was after all only one year old, confident that the Doctor was going to find a better solution. He had tried to get her to go on with her life, even if he knew that meant she'd be with Tom Paris. The man was already making the moves on her and Neelix wasn't even dead yet. "I don't want to talk about Kes."

"There must be something we can talk about to pass the time by."

"NO!" Neelix yelled, angry eyes flashing at her. "I don't want to talk! Just leave me alone!"

He saw her sapphire eyes flicker off to the side; she must have been looking at the holo doctor. And then he was surprised to see them snap back to him, with just as much anger. This wasn't the type of person he had read about in the ship's database that studied to become a counselor. For a moment, the glare almost reminded him of Captain Janeway. _This girl could have command of a ship someday. I can see her going toe to toe with the Kazon just like Captain Janeway._

"You're going to listen to me and you're going to listen to me real good, understood Mister Neelix?"

_She even sounds like Janeway._ All he could do was nod his head; she had rendered him speechless for once.

"Good," she said, sternly. "Now I won't begin to try to even understand how you must be feeling, because I've never been lying in your situation. But, if this is going to work, you're going to have to get off of the woe is me bandwagon and start facing facts. You're alive and that's better than anyone could hope for if they've lost their lungs."

"My lungs weren't lost! They were stolen!"

"You're also lucky," she went on to say, ignoring him, "That you have a captain who is completely devoted to finding who did this to you. I've spent a few years in Starfleet and I'll tell you right now, I've yet to see a captain as loyal to her crew as Kathryn Janeway. Now, I would think you'd want to show her a little respect and gratitude for what she's doing for you and sitting here whining about everything is NOT the way to go about it."

Neelix instantly felt sheepish. _How could such a small woman make me feel so…inferior?_

Her eyes softened a bit. "I can only do so much for you Neelix. You have to be able to help yourself along the way. Now, let's try this again, what would you like to talk about?"

He bit his lip. "What's happens to Kes if Captain Janeway doesn't find my lungs?"

Lieutenant Barrett looked confused. "She would stay on _Voyager._ "

"But what _happens_ to her? Does she go on with her life?"

"That decision is entirely up to Kes what she does if Captain Janeway is unsuccessful in finding your lungs."

Neelix didn't hear her, he kept rambling. "Does she end up with…Tom Paris?"

She blinked. "What does Tom Paris have to with any of this?"

He didn't miss what she had said that time for her voice caught a little. He turned his eyes to meet hers. "You're trained to make observations, haven't you seen the way he looks at her?"

"He looks at every woman that way Mister Neelix. I've noticed no difference in his behavior."

"Even you?"

Her face flushed a little. "Even…me."

"You could do better than Tom Paris," Neelix pointed out to her. "Like…Ensign Kim."

Her eyebrow shot up. "Harry?"

"I see you two eating in the mess hall together all the time," Neelix replied, with a smile. It felt good to smile he realized. "Sitting and chatting; you always look so relaxed and happy when you're with him. And he did bring you those flowers while you were recovering from your injuries."

"How do you know about those flowers?"

"Ensign Brooks saw him bring them to you. Word gets around fast on a little ship, Lieutenant. Everyone knows. I guess… I just assumed that there could be more there. I think you'd make a very cute couple."

Again her cheeks got a little pink but this time she glared at him. "We're supposed to be talking about you."

If he could shrug his shoulders he would have. "Talking about other people makes me feel better."

She rolled her eyes. _She has very pretty eyes, they remind me of the ocean on Talax._ "Really Neelix, gossip is not what I had in mind when I came down here. The Doctor wanted me to offer you my professional services, not my friendship."

"I'd rather have your friendship."

She smiled warmly. "I'd rather be your friend."

He could hear the doors to sickbay swish open. Barrett looked up to see who had entered the room and straightened her form. "Kes is here, I'll leave you in her capable hands while I go help Captain Janeway make first contact with a species that, well let's face it, doesn't want to make first contact with us. However, if you need me don't be afraid to contact me, alright?"

"Alright." As she turned to go, he called out, "Thank you Lieutenant, I really do feel better now."

* * *

_Ship Counselor's log, stardate 48532.4; Mister Neelix still exhibits emotions and behaviors that are disturbing me greatly during his recovery, he goes from being extremely depressed to being extremely happy in a matter of moments. If were home in Alpha Quadrant I would request a trauma specialist, but for now I'm going to have to make do. I can only hope that the aliens we have followed into the asteroid have Neelix's lungs, or we're in for one long and rough ride._

* * *

Tom Paris happened to glance up to see Sarah Barrett come out of the turbo lift onto the bridge. She could not have been gone more than twenty minutes. Either Neelix had had a fast recovery or he was not awake yet and the lieutenant saw it pointless to wait around for him to wake up while she could be more useful on the bridge.

Janeway looked surprised to see her as well. "Everything alright?" the Captain asked, softly.

Sara made her way down the steps towards the command station. "For the moment yes, Kes is with him. But, if we're not successful in getting his lungs back, I'm afraid he's in for an emotional roller coaster ride. If we were home I'd request the services of a trauma specialist."

The Captain frowned. "Unfortunately we don't have that luxury. You're just going to have to do your best, Sarah."

Sarah's eyes sparkled, Tom loved it when she got that look, it made her look endearing. "Don't worry Captain Janeway, I'm confident we'll get his lungs back."

_I wonder if she really means those words,_ Tom thought, turning back towards his control panel. And then he remembered that not more than twenty five minutes before she had known that Michael Janeway had taken the alien device and was about to enter the ready room. No one else on that bridge had seen the child move, not even B'Elanna Torres who had been right next to the boy when he did it. _Perhaps she does know we're going to get his lungs back._

How she had known was another question. He didn't think she was part betazoid, after all, there had to have been some empathic or telepathic forces working there for her to know. And if she was part betazoid, she had never mentioned it before. Of course there had been a lot of things that she had not mentioned to him. Like the fact that Harry Kim had given her flowers while she had been recovering, or that he had stopped by every day to check on her. Glancing over his other shoulder he caught a glimpse of Harry working at his console intensely.

Tom had wanted Harry to find a new girlfriend, just not one he was thinking about dating. He admitted that he had tried to gage Harry's feelings for her when they had been talking about her in the mess hall while she had been missing. Although his attitude had been that he was happy for Harry, on the inside he was downright jealous and B'Elanna Torres of all people had picked up on it today.

Which meant by tomorrow it would be all over the ship. _Damn little ship._

"You're doing just fine, Mister Paris," Janeway said, firmly from behind him. "Just fine."

Her little vote of confidence took his thoughts away from his jealousy of his best friend. It also made him aware that he was not paying attention to his flying. Perhaps that had been Janeway's intention of complimenting him. Either way he should acknowledge her faith in him. "Thanks Captain."

"Sensors detect a large chamber up a head, Captain," Tuvok reported.

The Vulcan was correct, Tom soon found out, because _Voyager_ was flying into a large cavern where they appeared to be thousands of _Voyagers_ and the alien ship. _Oh just fabulous, this day keeps getting better and better._

Chakotay was the one to voice the opinion that they all were thinking. "What the hell is it?"

"We appear to be seeing _Voyager_ and the alien ship reflecting off the walls of the chamber," Harry informed the bridge crew.

"Can you determine which ship is the real one?" Janeway said, suddenly appearing to his left.

"No Captain. The walls are emanating severe electromagnetic interference. I cannot scan them directly," Tuvok replied.

"It's like trying to navigate through a hall of mirrors," Janeway said. "You never know when you're going to walk into the glass."

Tom peered up at her. "I'm still picking up the alien's ion trail; maybe we should still follow that?"

"They might have left a fake ion trail to lure us in here," Chakotay replied. "It may lead us straight into one of those walls."

"That's a chance we're going to have to take," Janeway said, turning about to Tuvok. "Commander, extend the deflectors to maximum range. If we do run into something it will give us an extra margin of error. Follow the ion trail Mister Paris, slowly. Mister Kim, continuous scans."

"Aye Captain."

Captain Janeway's assessment of the chamber, like it was a hall of mirrors, was pretty accurate Tom concluded after starting to follow the ion trail again. He tried his best to navigate the maze as it were, but he wasn't sure when or if he was going to crash the ship into a wall at any moment. _Just what Janeway needs today, me wrecking Starfleet's most advanced ship._

He felt something brush against his arm and could see out of the corner of eye Michael squeeze his way in between the conn and his mother so he could stand with Janeway. Even though the captain had told him before to stay in her chair, she gently weaved her hand through his hair in a gesture that Tom had received from his mother when he needed comforting as a child. Right now his deep blue eyes were watching the viewscreen intensely but anyone could see the nervous strain on his little face. As frightening as it was for the rest of them, they were trained officers, they knew how to deal with a situation like this. Michael was a child, a very bright child, but still a child. The thought that they were hunting down an alien that had stolen Neelix's lungs must have been a terrifying concept for him.

Janeway must have realized this as well. "Michael, why don't you go into the ready room and check on Ava."

"Yeah that sounds like a good idea," he answered. "I don't want her to get scared and all."

With a hint of smile Tom watched as the boy moved past him and disappeared into the ready room. He had to admit that even though he had not been thrilled when he had first learned of the kids being on board, the boy was starting to grow on him and who could resist Ava's big blue eyes? They were a nice little moral boaster to have around even if at times Michael went tinkering into conduits and consoles that he really shouldn't be tinkering with.

His console beeped. Tom glanced down at his controls to see what the issue was. "Captain," he said. "I'm reading a minor fluctuation in the warp core. I don't think it's anything to worry about."

But even as he said those words the power started to drain all over the ship.

Janeway tapped her combadge. "Janeway to Torres, what's going on down there?"

" _Some kind of power drain,_ " B'Elanna Torres answered. " _I can't localize it but we're losing power at a rate of seven percent per minute._ "

"The power drain is coming from somewhere in this chamber, Captain," Harry told her. " Some kind of dampening field. It's bleeding energy directly from the warp nacelles."

"B'Elanna shut down the warp core and go to emergency power," Janeway ordered Torres.

" _No effect Captain._ "

"Keep me informed, bridge out," Janeway said, turning towards Harry. "Ensign Kim can you pin point the source of the dampening field?"

"It appears to be coming from two one seven mark zero one five, distance five hundred and forty seven meters."

"Tuvok, what would happen if we locked phasers and fired at the source?"

"The walls of the chamber reflect directed energy. The phaser beam would ricochet along an unpredictable path, possibly impacting with our ship in the process."

"Alright, we won't try that."

Tom grinned at conn. Janeway's dry sense of humor was unlike anything he had seen in a Starfleet captain. _She's in a class all her own._

"Maybe we should," Chakotay spoke up. "What would happen if we the phaser power to a minimum setting and sent out a continuous beam?"

"The phaser would continue to reflect off of the bulkheads until it encountered a non reflective material," Tuvok answered.

"Like the real alien ship," Chakotay replied.

Tom was intrigued. On paper it sounded like a good idea, and he realized it was the only one they had at this point.

"We'd be using the phaser's like a search light, scan the interior of the station until we find the alien ship," Janeway conversed.

"Exactly."

"Do it."

The phaser beam shot forth from the bow of the ship and soon created a tangled web of orange throughout the chamber bouncing off each of the reflected ships. Tuvok adjusted the phaser's so they wouldn't be harmful to _Voyager_ if they managed to find their ship before the alien one.

"Wait a minute," Harry called out, "I think I've found the real ship."

"On screen."

The image on the viewscreen changed before him and Tom was looking at the alien ship with a phaser beam not reflecting off of it. The idea had actually worked. _That was easy._

"Mister Paris bring us within transporter range of that ship."

"Yes ma'am."

"I'm picking up two life signs," Harry said.

Tuvok gave a brief report next. "The alien ship is powering up engines."

"Bridge to transporter room three, lock onto those two life signs and beam them aboard."

Tom saw Janeway move swiftly across the bridge and enter the turbo lift with Sarah and Tuvok. He almost pitied them, having to make first contact under situations like this, of course Sarah had dealt with the Borg, and certainly this was a walk in the park compared to that.

Well, maybe. Janeway was not going to be happy that these aliens had led them on a chase and attacked one of her crewmen. He had only been on this ship a month and already he had seen her temper. Sarah was not only going to have the job of first contact she was going to have the job of calming Janeway down to make a good first contact. _Good first contact? How can it be good when they've already hurt one our crewmen? It's already gotten off on a bad foot._

"Tom, where's Mama?"

He looked up to see that Michael had now rejoined them on the bridge and with a rather cranky looking Ava. _Guess who just woke up._ "She went to the transporter room to get Neelix's lungs back. We beamed the aliens who took them on board."

"We found the alien's ship? And brought the aliens on board?"

"We did."

The boy looked worried. "Tom, they aren't going to hurt Mama are they? What if they want her lungs too?"

Tom blinked, noticing the glare that Chakotay gave him. _Right, the kid is five, too much information._ "Uh, well she took Commander Tuvok with her, and some security. They had phasers. I'm sure she'll be fine—,"

"But Neelix had a phaser too! It's standard procedure to bring a phaser on an away mission! And that didn't stop them from taking his lungs!" Michael gasped, fretful tears streaming down his cheeks.

_What the hell have I done?_ He looked towards Chakotay for help, but the first officer shook his head, as if to tell him he had to get himself out of this mess. "Michael, listen, stop crying. Everything will be fine, promise."

This only seemed to make the boy cry harder, which made Ava start to cry and garner looks from the whole bridge crew his way. Tom felt like crawling into a hole and hiding for hours. Even more so when Michael wailed, "That's what Mama said when we hadn't heard from Daddy in three days! And he didn't come home!"

Tom felt his heart drop. He couldn't imagine what it had been like for the boy, who had been only three at the time, to lose his father. It must have been harder on Janeway trying to comfort him. But Janeway didn't have the option that Tom had now, glancing at Chakotay briefly, he called out, "Computer locate Captain Janeway."


	25. Chapter 25

Kathryn stepped into the transporter room with Tuvok, Sarah, and two armed security officers as the transporter beam was initiated. She watched as two humanoid beings materialized out of the blue beam onto the pad and felt her knees go weak. There standing on the platform was quite possible the two most deformed beings she had every seen. Their skin was pink and raw in places, covered in skin graphs of varying shades and patterns. The hair that they had was stringy and fallen out, and one of them had a completely white eye.

She gestured for the security officers to force the aliens off of the transporter pad and have them sit down. They did so and moved away from the aliens so they could have a sight line to her. Kathryn placed her hands on her hips, trying to keep her composure. "You're on the starship _Voyager._ I'm Captain Kathryn Janeway of the United Federation of Planets."

"I'm Dereth," the one of the left said, "Of the Viidian Sodality."

"You attacked one of our crew members, and you lured us into this asteroid, why?" Kathryn demanded. She felt Sarah squirm at her side and took the fidgeting as her being uncomfortable with how she was handling this first contact. But she didn't care, she was tired, and one of her crew members had been viciously attacked. She wasn't in the mood to make nice. And to be bluntly honest she didn't think that these aliens deserved her being nice to them.

"We are gathering replacement organs and suitable biomatter," Dereth answered her. "It is the only way we have to fight the phage."

At least they were being forthcoming with information, even if it was information that was not particularly what she wanted to hear. "A virus? Some kind of disease?" _Oh god have I just infected the crew, myself, the children? No, Kathryn calm down, the bio-filters would have picked something up._

"Yes," the other Viidian spoke up. "It attacked our people over two millennia ago. It consumes our bodies, destroys our genetic codes and cellular structures."

"So you harvest the bodies of other beings to replace your own tissues as they're consumed by this…phage?" Kathryn said, her voice raising in disgust.

"Our immunotechnology cannot keep up. The phage adapts. It resists all attempts to destroy it. Our society has been ravaged. Thousands die each day. There is no other way for us to survive," the Viidian replied.

Kathryn glanced at the empty transporter pad for a moment, trying to gain her bearings. She felt…sympathy for what their people were going through, but that did not give them the right to harvest organs from perfectly healthy beings. That was murder in her book. She turned back towards the Viidians. "I have a great…sympathy for what your people have endured. But I cannot allow you to keep the organs you removed from one of our crew members. We need them back immediately."

"I'm afraid that isn't possible," Dereth replied. "I have already biochemically altered the air breathing organs and grafted them into Motura's body. They are a part of him now."

Suddenly she felt like she couldn't do this on her own. Kathryn turned her head, looking for some support and found both Tuvok and Sarah looking at her with sad eyes, well Sarah's eyes were sad, Kathryn didn't know how to explain Tuvok's, concerned perhaps?

Sarah took a step towards her. "Captain, our options are limited here. They've committed a serious crime against the Federation, protocol would clearly dictate that we hand them over to the proper authorities."

Kathryn knew this to be true. However, they were seventy thousand light years from their nearest authorities and she didn't have the man power to keep two prisoners on board for the duration of their trip just so they could either die along the way, or be tried in a Federation court. But what about Neelix? Didn't he deserve some...justice?

"He is my honatta!" Motura suddenly called out, catching her attention. "His task is to find the organs I need for survival. We… try to extract them from the dead…"

"But sometimes," Dereth continued, "when the need is immediate more aggressive actions are required."

Kathryn tried taking a calming breath, but it failed. "So now I'm left with the same choice you made— whether to commit murder to save a life or to allow my own crewman to die," she glared at Motura, and then snapped, "while you breathe air through his lungs."

"It must be impossible for you to understand," Motura said. "How any civilized people could come to…this. Before the phage began, we were known as educators and explorers— a people whose greatest achievements were artistic. I, myself, am a sculptor of note on my world. All I can say is that when your entire existence is at stake…"

"You don't have to explain yourself Motura," Dereth snapped, interrupting him.

"If the consequence of this act is a death sentence, so be it," Motura lamented. "At least it would put an end to my suffering."

Kathryn felt helpless. More helpless then she had felt when she had made the decision to destroy the Caretaker's array. "I can't begin to understand what your people have gone through," she said, as she started pacing back and forth. "They may have found a way to ignore the moral implications of what you're doing, but I have no such luxury. I don't have the freedom to kill you to save another! My culture finds that to be a reprehensible and entirely unacceptable act. If we were closer to home I would lock you up and turn you over to my authorities for trial, but I don't even have that ability here! And I'm not prepared to carry you forever in our brig!" Kathryn yelled, feeling her temper rising. She tried to catch her breath for a moment before continuing, it was proving to be difficult. "So I see no other alternative…but to let you go."

The two Viidians breathed a sigh of relief. Dereth looked like he was about to say something, but she stopped him, pointing a finger at him. "Take a message back to your people; if I ever encounter your kind again I will do whatever is necessary to protect my people from this…harvesting of yours. Any aggressive actions against this ship or its crew will be met by the deadliest force! Is that _clear_?"

"Quite," Dereth replied.

"Wait," Motura said, standing up. "I want to see this crewman of yours."

"That can serve no useful purpose," Dereth said.

"Maybe it can. Our medical technologies maybe superior to theirs," Motura replied, looking at Dereth.

"I can tell you, from what we've observed of them, they are considerably superior," Kathryn said, feeling her temper cooling down a bit.

"She spared my life—our lives," Motura argued with Dereth. "We owe it to them to see if there's anything we can do to help him."

Motura looked at her, and she nodded her head. "I'll take you to him."

Kathryn led the group out of the transporter room, Sarah on her heels. She felt the young woman pull up besides her while Tuvok and the security detail escorted the two Viidians behind them. She could tell, just from the anxious movements of the counselor that Sarah had something to say to her. "Something on your mind, Lieutenant?"

"Is this such a good idea, ma'am?"

"You heard what they said, Neelix's lungs are apart of Motura now," Kathryn replied. "We can't take his life to save another."

"I understand that Captain, but should we be allowing them more access to the ship? What if this is all some elaborate scheme, to get more organs from this crew?"

The question that Sarah had just posed had been one that Kathryn had wrestled with since they had first taken off after the alien ship and entered the asteroid. She had known at every twist and turn that her decision to follow the aliens could result in more people getting hurt, including herself, however, she was not about to let them get away with what they had done to Neelix. "I've thought about that Lieutenant, and we're just going to have to put our trust in these people."

"Trust?" Sarah rasped, her nerves obviously frayed from the story she had just heard in the transporter room. "These people are dying from a deadly disease, if that doesn't make someone desperate I don't know what does. And in my experience desperate people are the most dangerous."

Kathryn turned about on her heal in the turbo lift. "Your opinion is noted, Lieutenant, you're dismissed. Report back to the bridge."

As Tuvok and the security team entered the turbo lift with the Viidians, the Captain noticed her counselor's face pale at the tone of voice she had used, and the young woman sputtered, "But, Captain—."

"Now, Lieutenant," Kathryn said angrily. _You wanted her because she stepped on toes,_ she suddenly reminded herself. However, there was a time and place for everything, including stepping on toes of commanding officers; now was not one of those times. Her temper had already been raised by the Viidians and their lack of compassion for other beings, and here was an upstart young officer questioning her decision to allow them on her ship. _Now, who does she remind you of Kathryn? You weren't exactly a humble young officer._ "Tell Commander Chakotay I no longer require your services."

The doors to the lift shut in the surprised young woman's face and Kathryn snapped out, "Deck five."

The lift whirred to life and began its trip to the designated deck. As if she wasn't already in a bad mood, when she stepped into sickbay, Tuvok and the Viidians, and security on her heels, she was greeted with a loudly crying Michael. She wasn't expecting him to be there, just like she wasn't expecting the fierce pressure his arms around her legs was going to cause as he clung to her tightly, sobbing.

She even stumbled a little from the impact. "Doctor! What is going on?"

The hologram looked just as displeased as she felt. "Ask Mister Paris, he's the one who brought them down here."

_Them?_ It was then that she noticed Ava sitting on the empty biobed next to Neelix's bed, opening and closing a medical tricorder. Tom must have been the one to give it to her, for he was leaning against the bed she was sitting on. "Lieutenant Paris, an explanation would be nice, please."

Tom straightened his form and looked at her sheepishly. "I'm sorry, ma'am. After you left to go to the transporter room Michael came back out of the ready room asking for you. I…I told him you had gone to meet with the aliens that had taken Neelix's lungs. He…he got a little upset. I tried telling him that everything was going to be fine, that the aliens weren't going to take your lungs…I even promised."

"But you promised too, Mama, when Daddy didn't call us," Michael sobbed into her uniform. "You said everything was going to be fine!"

Kathryn glared at the young man who was doing everything he could to avert her eyes. "I…appreciate that you're trying to help out Lieutenant, however, tracking me down _was_ not the answer. I have work to do." _Not to mention I was meeting with aliens who stole organs from one of our crew members._ Even though she trusted the young man, he was an exceptional pilot, he was a little too impulsive for her tastes. "And, so don't you."

"Commander Chakotay gave me permission—."

"Do I have to honestly call a briefing together just to go over protocol?" Kathryn snapped, at wit's end. Sarah's testing her in the corridor, Tom bringing the children into a potential dangerous situation, and Chakotay allowing him to do so, had finally pushed her over the edge that she was teetering on since the meeting with Dereth and Motura had started.

Tom backed away. "No, ma'am, sorry ma'am."

She took a deep breath, and knelt down, prying Michael's arms from around her knees. "Honey, I'm fine. Now, take your sister and go back to our quarters. When I'm done here I'll stop in and check on you."

Michael wiped his nose on his red shirt sleeve, looking at Dereth and Motura. "Are those the aliens that took Neelix's lungs?"

"Yes."

"Are they going to give them back?"

Kathryn bit her lower lip briefly. "That's a rather complicated story, honey. But they're going to help him, if they can." She took his face in her hands and kissed his cheek. "Now, Lieutenant Paris is going to take you back to our quarters. I'll see you soon." Kathryn stood up, looked once again at Tom, and said, "Lieutenant?"

Tom snapped to life. "Oh right. Come on squirt," he said to Ava, picking her up off the biobed. The baby fussed slightly that the medical tricorder was left behind, but as is the nature of most babies, she soon found something else to keep her occuppied; playing with Tom's sandy blonde hair.

Kathryn watched them leave, and closed her eyes briefly trying to find her center. It was barely working when Dereth spoke up.

"Perhaps we should start, Captain."

She nodded her head, opening her eyes. She noticed that Dereth was running a similar device that Chakotay had brought back from the away mission over a nervous looking Neelix. Kathryn could hear it clicking and whirring while it took readings.

"His simulated organs are primitive. It's amazing he is still alive," Dereth said to the Doctor.

The hologram let out a frustrated sigh and moved away from the biobed. Dereth held the device towards Tuvok who, not wanting to take any risks, pulled out his phaser.

"This is set to scan only."

"Proceed…carefully."

Dereth nodded his head and proceeded to scan the Vulcan, then moved onto to Kes. He scanned each of the humans in the room before stopping at the Doctor. When he did so the device let out a monotone blare. "Strange," Dereth said pulling the device away from the hologram. "According to my readings, you are not here."

"Believe me, I wish I weren't," the Doctor responded sarcastically as he crossed his arms over his chest.

Kathryn could see that Dereth did not want to try to process what the hologram had just said, instead he turned to the group. "The rest of you are healthy," he said. "You are compatible for organ transplant."

"Wait a minute," the Doctor spoke up. "We've already considered this. Talaxian physiology is very different from that of anyone on this ship. His immune system would reject their lungs immediately."

"Your surgical knowledge is inferior," Dereth replied. "We will simply adapt his immungenocity. It won't be a problem. Now, which one of you will be donating a lung?"

Kathryn wasn't surprised to hear Kes say that she would. Neelix on the other hand was not happy with it. He immediately told her no. Kes moved to stand next to the biobed. "I want to do it, Neelix. I'm willing to take the risk! Besides you've done so much for me. Let me do this for you."

Neelix relented. "Alright."

Kathryn waited until the Doctor had taken Kes away to prepare her for surgery before she went to lean down to speak to Neelix. "I look forward to sampling your cooking Mister Neelix."

"You mean I can keep my kitchen?"

"Well," she replied with the first heart felt smile she had managed all day. "At least until we get the replicators back online."

"Thank you Captain."

Kathryn nodded her head and turned to go.

"And Captain," Neelix called out. "I'll see you at breakfast."

* * *

_Captain's log, supplemental; the aliens have successfully transplanted one of Kes' lungs into Neelix. The dampening field has been deactivated, and I have allowed them to beam back to their vessel. We are resuming a course home. In the meantime I have asked to see Lieutenant Paris and Counselor Barrett in my ready room to discuss a more personal problem._

* * *

Tom Paris was a little surprised to see Sarah Barrett enter the turbo lift with him. It was Wednesday, her day off the bridge and in her office. In fact, on those days, the bridge officers hardly saw her at all. So it was with that thought that he was not only surprised by her presence, but surprised by her appearance. She wasn't in uniform, opting to wear a navy blue jumpsuit and matching boots. Her hair was down, clipped at the temples with silver barrettes and he had not been aware of how long it was. It was well past her shoulders, coming to the middle of her back, and in thick, dark curls.

"Deck one," Sarah told the computer and it resumed its ascent. "I didn't think you worked Alpha shift on Wednesdays Tom."

"I ah, don't, Captain Janeway requested to see me at zero eight hundred hours," he replied.

She blinked, large thick eyelashes over blue eyes, "She asked to see me at the same time."

Tom grinned. "Well, I heard that you got her pretty riled up yesterday during the first contact with the Viidians. And I know I didn't win any brownie points upsetting her kid like that, perhaps she's relieving us of duty for a few days. Or better yet, maybe she's putting us in the brig together _alone_."

Sarah glared at him as the doors swished open. "Keep dreaming, Lieutenant Paris."

Was that a waver in her voice he detected? Usually when he teased her she answered back in a firm, sarcastic tone. That had been a little…on the reserved side. Maybe things were changing and he had not been aware of it.

They stepped out into the corridor and headed towards Janeway's ready room. "Either way, you have to admit that it's strange that she wants to see the both of us at the same time," he said.

"She could have just gotten her scheduling messed up," Sarah pointed out as they stopped at the ready room's door. "Right?"

"Highly unlikely," Tom said. "Well, are you going to do the honors? Or am I?" He asked after several seconds of both of them staring at the chime. Hesitantly Sarah reached out and pressed it.

Janeway's voice on the other side didn't sound gruff or harsh, she actually sounded like she was in a good mood. That boded well for Tom and Sarah, he thought as they stepped through the doors and into the room.

The Captain was sitting at her desk enjoying a cup of coffee thanks to the Viidians offering them some dilithium in exchange for Janeway sparing their lives. It seemed like a weird deal to Tom, but it got the replicators back online for a little while to say the least. He had heard rumors that morning that the Viidians had also pointed out a planetoid that really did have dilithium that they could mine and B'Elanna Torres had been working on her refinery all night. But they were just rumors and he didn't know how much merit to put to them.

"Lieutenants, have a seat."

Tom looked at the two chairs that Janeway was gesturing too. Slowly both he and Sarah took a seat opposite the Captain. She was smiling at them, softly. _What is going on in that head of hers?_ Tom wondered as he settled into the chair.

"I'm sure you're wondering why I asked both of you here at the same time," Janeway started, reaching for a PADD that must have purposely been set aside for this meeting. "The reason I asked you here is that I have a question to ask, no, correction, I have a favor I need to ask of you both."

"A favor?" Sarah replied, arching a perfectly tweezed eyebrow. "What kind of favor ma'am?"

"The other morning you suggested that we find a teacher for Michael to give Tal sometime to breathe," Janeway replied. "Now, I've looked over your list, Counselor, but I'm not sure the people you recommended are the right ones for the job."

Sarah looked confused. "But, I made those suggestions on observations I made of Michael. He's comfortable around Commander Chakotay and the commander seems to have a good rapport with him as well. Lieutenant Carey has two boys of his own and Michael loves engineering, and the Delaney sisters worked childcare for years. Is there something that you were looking for specifically Captain that I wasn't aware of?"

Janeway shook her head. "No, your suggestions were good ones, and I agree with what you're saying, but I always say that the best teacher is the one that _learns_ from the student as well as _teaches_ the student." She paused to let the words sink in before continuing, "Now, you're both outstanding officers and in the short time that you have been serving under me I have yet to have reason to complain, however, you're both young, and in that sense you have a lot to learn. So, I'm asking you, Lieutenant Barrett, to be Michael's primary teacher, and then eventually Ava's as well. Lieutenant Paris would take them on the days that you are required to be in your office."

"Wait a minute," Tom said, finally speaking up. "You want _me_ to teach your kid?"

Janeway grinned. "Yesterday showed me that you have a lot to learn about children Mister Paris."

Tom's face went red.

"Captain," Sarah said, "I'm not sure if I'm the best choice for this."

"You took child development and child psychology courses at the Academy did you not?"

"Well, yes, but those were required."

"You still took them," Janeway responded with a smile. "Ever since the accident Sarah I've noticed you retreating inside yourself. Chakotay is worried about you, Harry Kim has even mentioned his concerns for you, and I've also spoken to the Doctor about you. He claims that you are very close to suffering from post traumatic stress. Until yesterday I hadn't seen that step on the toes officer since you got back and even then I sensed that you were reluctant."

It was Sarah's turn for her cheeks to redden. "Captain, all the more reason not to put me with your children."

"Oh, no, this is the perfect thing for you to get your confidence back," Janeway responded. "Don't try to talk me out of this; I've already made up my mind. And I've been told on a few occasions that once I've made up my mind good luck talking me out of it."

Tom exchanged a glance with Sarah. He hadn't known she was having problems since the accident. Of course, she had been spending all that free time with Harry. He felt his jealousy rising again. Why was it making him so jealous? His best friend was moving on with his life. He should be happy for him, but he just could not.

"Where would we teach him?" Sarah was asking.

"I've approved the changes that will need to be made in a previously empty quarters on deck four," Janeway said. "Michael would report to you there from zero eight hundred until twelve hundred hours on the days you have bridge duty. It would be the same for you too Mister Paris, on the days that you have Beta shift."

He still wasn't convinced this was the right idea. "Captain, I know that Michael likes to hang out with me in the mess hall and all, but…what about my duties as medic? I'm already going to sickbay on those mornings."

Was it him or did Janeway's grin grow? "That's already been taken care of too, Mister Paris. The Doctor has requested to train Kes as a medic and I've decided that it's a good idea. He seems to think that she's very interested. More than you shall we say?"

_Well the kid is certainly better than the Doctor,_ Tom thought, still not quite sure if this was the right thing.

"You'll both have to work closely together to determine lessons, but I have the utmost faith in the both of you," Janeway said. She was handing Sarah a stack of PADDs. "I've already worked out a few of them myself, just to get you on your way and so you know what he's capable of. But after that, you're on your own."

Tom glanced at Sarah, who was looking at the first PADD. Working with her this closely might not such a bad thing. He was beginning to like this arrangement. She was handing him the first PADD. "Here," she said. "This is for you. I don't know a thing about history. That's going to be your area."

He grinned. "Yes ma'am."

"Tal of course would be ready to take Michael if an emergency situation comes up and I require you both on the bridge," Janeway said. "I'm not going to lie, this is going to a be new experience for all of us. Michael's never been in school, expect a preschool two days a week last year, and I'm not particularly up to date on what is being taught at what grade level. Subsequently this is all new to the two of you."

Sarah looked up from the lesson PADDs. "We'll do our best, Captain."

"I'm confident that you will."

* * *

Over an hour later, while she had a break between appointments, Sarah punched in the access code to the new school room. It had been the CMO's quarters, but had not been reassigned to anyone new on the crew, since most of the Maquis had filled out the lower decks. Sarah found that most of the personal belongings of their deceased doctor had been taken away and put in storage, to be delivered to his family if they ever got home. There was a large desk in one corner and a couple of smaller, child sized tables and chairs in the middle of the room facing a fresh view screen. Sarah smiled; perhaps Janeway was thinking that later down the road there would be more children, besides Michael and Ava. _It is a seventy five year trip after all, why wouldn't babies be born here._

She ran her fingers along the tiny chairs. "Computer lights at full please." The computer chirped and the lights came. She frowned at the sparse covered walls. She was going to have to do something about that.

When Janeway had first proposed the idea to her and Tom in the ready room she had to admit that she was terrified that the Captain thought she was the right person to be teaching her child. But now that she had the time to mull it over, she wasn't scared, nervous yes, but not scared. Maybe the Captain was right, maybe this would be a good learning experience for her and Tom.

Even thought this meant she had to be working closely with Tom, Sarah felt a little bit of pride that Janeway thought so highly of her to trust her with her child. It had been a long time since anyone had shown that kind of trust in her.

"Hey, I thought I might find you here," a voice said.

She glanced up to see Harry Kim enter the room with his hand behind his back. "Hi, word travels fast then if you knew I was going to be here."

Harry shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah, you know what B'Elanna says though; small ship means that gossip moves through it faster than a Galaxy-class ship at warp."

Sarah chuckled. "It certainly does. What's behind your back?"

He pulled out a red apple. "I thought the new teacher would like an apple for her desk."

"Cute," Sarah said as he placed it in her hand.

"Hey, an apple a day keeps the doctor away," Harry retorted.

"Oh, and I want to keep the Doctor away for a long time," Sarah said. "I think he's seen enough of me too in the last two weeks."

Harry plopped down into the chair at the large desk. "So, _teacher,_ what's on the agenda for tonight?"

"Looking over these lesson plans Captain Janeway has put together, I guess," Sarah replied, lowering her body down onto one of the kids' tables. "It's been a while since I was in kindergarten; I've got to brush up on my A-B-C's."

"Care to do them on the holodeck?"

"On the holodeck? Why, what do you have in mind?"

"I've saved up my rations and I've got two hours coming to me," Harry said. "I've just finished programming a new program. You could look over those plans while we picnic in Central Park, circa early twentieth century."

Had he just asked her out on a date? Sarah smiled. "If you pack the basket I'll be there."

Harry returned her smile. "I think I can manage that."

* * *

When Kes opened her eyes after the surgery she was certain that it was the next day. She felt well rested despite the light headness and shortness of breath. She assumed it was going to take a while for her lung to adapt to being the only one that she had now. But it felt good to help Neelix, he had done so much for her. She just wished that he wasn't so jealous of Tom Paris. There was nothing going on between her and Tom, the young pilot had just been very supportive and been a good friend during the whole ordeal.

The Doctor was standing over her. "It's alright," he told her, "the operation was a success. Neelix is asleep and breathing on his own now…with your lung."

"I feel a little light headed," she said.

"That will pass," the Doctor replied. "You'll soon adapt to diminished lung capacity. I spoke to the Captain about you. She's given me permission to begin training you as a medical assistant. Apparently she thinks that Mister Paris is better suited for helping Lieutenant Barrett teach her son, why I'm not sure, but I'm going to need a replacement for him. That is, if you're interested?"

Kes smiled. "Of course I'm interested. When do we start?"

"We'll begin your lessons as soon as you've fully recovered," the hologram answered, returning her smile. He turned to go so she could rest.

"Thank you Doctor," she called out.

He stopped and looked at her. "No, thank you. You've given me… a lot to think about."

Kes watched him walk away and then allowed her eyes to drift to Neelix who was sleeping peacefully on the bed next to hers, now out of the restraint. With a faint smile, Kes drifted back to sleep, content that everything really was going to be fine now.


	26. In a Matter of Moments

In the early morning light two beings could be seen materializing out of a blue transporter beam. Their sudden appearance must have startled the local birds, because they all flew away quickly, squeaking and squawking as they went.

Lieutenant Tom Paris shifted the backpack he was wearing onto one shoulder and looked around. He had done a pretty good job of picking a camping spot on a planet that he had never visited before. With satisfaction he took his pack off and smiled at his travel companion. "So, what do you think sport?"

Five year old Michael Janeway grinned. "This is great! I can't believe Mama let you take me."

"Well," Tom said, "I convinced her that it would be a good learning experience for you since Lieutenant Barrett is teaching you about habitats right now. So, what do you think of the forest habitat so far?" He turned about at the sound of another transporter beam and saw their camping gear materialized a few feet from them. "Ah, tent's here. Let's put it tpgether before going to explore, alright?"

Michael nodded his head and dropped his little duffle bag, one covered with starships, to the ground. "Okay, sounds good." He began to help Tom take out the tent. "Daddy used to take me camping…I think. I…I can't remember."

Tom frowned. He had not wanted this camping trip to be a reminder of the father that the child had lost a little over a year ago. He had wanted this to be a reprieve from _Voyager_ and having to live his life out on the confines of a starship. And he admitted, the boy needed to get away from his mother and sister from time to time. If his father was alive, the camping trip would have been the perfect father/son getaway. However, Tom reminded himself, that circumstances were what they were and he was going to do his best to fill the void that Michael no doubt was feeling. "He did, your mom told me," he lied. Kathryn Janeway had never said anything about her late husband taking her son camping, but it sounded like the right thing to say at the time.

"Really?" Michael asked, face lighting up.

"Yep, really," Tom said, laying out the pieces of the tent. "Okay, let's see how much I remember of my camping days with my father."

"Your dad took you camping?"

"Uh-huh."

"Mama doesn't like camping," Michael said as he handed Tom the next piece to the tent. "I think it's because Grandpa Janeway took her camping all the time as a kid. I wish I could have met him, I think Mama misses him a lot. Do you miss your family Tom?"

Tom bit down on his lip as they finished getting the rest of the frame up. The truth was that he did not miss his family because he had it in his mind that they did not miss him. But how could he tell that to a little boy who still held his parents in awe? "Of course I miss them. But don't worry; your mom is going to get us home."

Michael kicked a stone across the campsite. "Mama misses home. Sometimes when she thinks I'm sleeping but I am not, I can hear her crying."

_Kathryn Janeway, cry?_ The idea sounded so foreign to Tom. It was amazing how this little boy was making Janeway so much more…human and real to him. Before he had taken on the task of helping Sarah teach the kid he had believed Janeway to be a cold, commanding, typical Starfleet captain, like his father had once been, however, he was beginning to think otherwise. She just wasn't a captain, she was also a mother, someone's daughter, had been someone's wife. Why wouldn't she cry?

"We all miss home, Michael," Tom pointed out as he threw the cloth covering over their tent. "Everyone handles that missing differently."

"So it's alright that Mama cries?"

_Well I wouldn't say that, but I guess it's better than her feeling nothing at all._ "Everyone needs a good cry now and then."

"Even you, Tom?"

"Even me." Tom stepped back from the now completed tent and spread his arms. "How's this? Our home away from home?"

"I like it," Michael proclaimed, happily. "Can we go swimming now?"

Tom laughed. "Sure sport."

"Great! I'll get my bathing suit on!"

Tom watched as the boy disappeared inside the newly put up tent and then went to sit down on a log near by. The day was going to be warm, you could already feel it in the way the sun warmed your face when you turned towards it, and by his estimate it was zero nine hundred hours. The sun wasn't even at its highest peak yet. When the breeze blew he could smell something that reminded him of the large cedar pines back on Earth in the national park that his father had taken him camping on countless occasions.

For some reason the scent made him feel a bit uneasy. His childhood wasn't necessarily a happy one. Maybe that's why he had bonded with Michael so quickly. At the age of five Michael had already seen the death of his father at the hands of the Borg and now was facing spending his entire life on _Voyager,_ in the Delta Quadrant.

Most children his age, Tom realized, lived in houses and played together on playgrounds. Michael's playground was a vast, uncharted part of space. And while most five year olds knew very little of the universe they lived in, Michael had already had a taste of the harsh realities of life. Then there was little Ava. The baby girl had not even known her father, she had been bounced around from her grandmother's house, to her aunt's, to her uncle's, and finally back to her mother's so Janeway could keep up with her career. And the only home that the child was going to know was going to be a starship. She would have no recollection of her family in Indiana and California, or the places that she was taken care of while there. _No wonder Captain Janeway was crying._

"I'm all set Tom."

Tom stood up, brushed off his civilian tan pants and said, "Alright kid, let's go."

"Aren't you going to put your swim suit on?" Michael asked, holding tightly to his towel that had a picture of the original _Enterprise_ on it.

"I can swim in my pants," Tom replied. "I have plenty of clothes to change into later. Besides, do you want to wait around for me to change when we really could be enjoying that crystal clear lake down there?"

"Race ya!" Michael called out, taking off for the lake. Tom decided to give him a head start before running after him, vaguely aware that the winds were starting to pick up.

* * *

 

Captain Kathryn Janeway hardly looked like a captain, Chakotay realized, at least not that day. He had beamed down to Fyoth for a trip into the capital city and had come across his commanding officer in the busy market square. She was dressed in a simple blue sun dress that accented her slender features; her hair was not up in a bun, but rather down and flowing in unruly waves down her back. At the moment she was leaning down in front of Ava's stroller, looking like she was trying to negotiate with the baby.

It was a different side to her that he had yet to see. Even when the children had been on the bridge, before Tal had taken over to care for them during Janeway's duty shifts, she had been firm and at times cold with them. However, seeing her like this, leaning down to be at eye level with her toddler, made him aware that she did indeed have a softer, warmer side to her. Their circumstances just did not allow that side of her to shine through and the thought of that saddened him.

She was smiling at the baby now and he could faintly hear Ava giggling. Even her smile in this setting was different. It was loving, it was motherly. Her smile on the bridge was crafty, sometimes filled with mischief. Chakotay felt a smile of his own tug at the corners of his mouth as he saw it. He was finally seeing that there was more to Kathryn Janeway than met the eye and he wished that he could get her to come out of her shell a little. It would make things for her, and the crew, better in the long run.

Maybe she didn't know how to come out of that shell, more so now that she was, in fact on her own. _She must be incredibly lonely,_ the thought struck him as she straightened her form and began to move the stroller through the crowds again, looking at the various booths along the way.

"Here I got us something that looks like Italian Ice," B'Elanna Torres' voice said in his ear. He had been about to go and catch up to Janeway and ask her to join him when his old Maquis friend startled him. "I can't believe how hot it is here."

Chakotay turned slightly to glance at her over his shoulder as she handed him a pinkish concoction that did indeed look like Italian Ice. "Thanks," he said, turning about to see if he could find Janeway, but the small woman had managed to snake her way through the crowds and disappear in the short time that it took to be handed an ice cream. "Damn," he muttered out loud.

"Damn what?" B'Elanna said, between bites of her heat relief.

"Nothing," Chakotay replied, realizing that he had spoken out loud. "Just…lost someone in the crowd."

"Oh, someone that we know?" she said with a smirk.

He shrugged his shoulders. "I think so," he lied. "I'm not sure."

B'Elanna eyed him with her dark eyes, trying to peel back the many layers. "Chakotay, what's going on? You're melancholy all of a sudden."

Chakotay couldn't be sure why he was. He had been looking forward to the shore leave. After more than a month of no vacation time the whole crew was feeling the strain. Even Janeway had beamed down here to the peaceful planet of Fyoth with her daughter to take some much needed time off. It had been her appearance that he sent him into this mood and the realization that if B'Elanna was not with him he would have gone after Janeway. "Maybe it's the heat."

"It's more than the heat," B'Elanna said. "When I left you to go get this it was just as hot and you were in a good mood."

Again he shrugged his shoulders. He couldn't tell B'Elanna the real reason that he was down. She would laugh at him. She wasn't very fond of Janeway and would remark that the Captain had it coming to her for stranding them out here. Chakotay raised his eyes to his friend's. "Okay, real reason. I saw someone that I thought could use a little…company. And before I could ask…them if they wanted to join us…I lost them in the crowd."

"Well if that isn't cryptic I don't know what is," B'Elanna replied.

Chakotay ignored her and worked on his frozen treat. He wasn't in the mood to deal with her sarcastic remarks. "Speaking of people joining us," he spoke up after several seconds of silence. "I'm surprised that you didn't ask Harry Kim to join you."

Her cheeks pinked a little. "Why are you surprised that I didn't ask Harry?"

"Because you and he seem close," Chakotay pointed out. "And I think it would be good for you B'Elanna to make new friends."

B'Elanna threw her empty cup away in a nearby trash disposal. "Who's to say I didn't ask Harry to come with me?"

"So you did ask?"

"Yes I asked."

"And…."

"And he said he had other plans."

"Oh," Chakotay said. "Sarah Barrett?"

B'Elanna rolled her eyes. "How did you ever guess?"

Chakotay didn't answer because he knew the answer already as much as she did. There was definitely something going on between the two officers, however discrete they were trying to be. At least that was the rumor floating about the ship. Neither Sarah, nor Harry for the matter, had confirmed such rumors to be true. However, when the two went off to have a picnic on the holodeck, or for a stroll along the beaches of Fyoth, one had to wonder what was really going on. "Do I detect a hint of jealousy?"

"Please," B'Elanna scoffed. "Jealous of what?"

"I don't know," Chakotay offered, "perhaps Sarah? I know you B'Elanna, quite well in fact, and I know how you feel about…human women." They began to walk through the crowds again and he knew that she was doing her best not to comment on what he was saying. "Let's face it, the girl is breathtaking and has a fiery personality. Remind you of anyone that you know?"

She frowned. "I don't want to talk about this and yes she does remind me of someone I know, someone I'd rather not remember."

"So you don't like to think of yourself," Chakotay replied, with a grin.

"I may have a _fiery_ personality, but I am not breathtaking like Sarah Barrett," B'Elanna snapped, the winds picking up and blowing stray pieces of hair in her face. "In case you have forgotten that I was graced with Klingon genes as well as human. In my opinion they're not a pretty mix."

"That's your opinion," Chakotay said. "Maybe Ensign Kim will think differently."

A crash of thunder startled both of them before she could answer. The sky had suddenly become angry and Chakotay had never seen a thunder storm move so quickly in his life as he did at that moment. Lightening was flashing; the rain began to pour from the sky as it opened up above them. The winds were fierce and even for him it was hard to keep his balance. B'Elanna had to grip onto his arm just to keep hers. A thought accosted him then. Kathryn and Ava.

Pushing B'Elanna towards shelter he told her to request an emergency beam out.

"Where are you going?" she screamed over the roaring winds. "You shouldn't be out there!"

"That's an order Lieutenant! Get back to _Voyager!_ "

He was sure that she was cursing him in both Klingon and English but he didn't really care. He took of through the pouring rains and harsh winds. As he trudged along, he came to the realization that he had no idea how far Kathryn had walked with the baby. Maybe she had even beamed back to _Voyager._ Another flash of lightening and crash of violent thunder, this time a gust of wind pushed him at least five feet forward. It took him several seconds to regain his footing, but he didn't turn back and call for a beam out, not until he knew that the Captain and the baby were both safe.

Chakotay had been first aware of his intense desire to protect her two weeks ago when Neelix had been attacked by the Viidians and Kathryn had wanted to take an away team back down to the surface to look for the individual who was responsible. He had argued with her and eventually won out, using her children as the final punch.

But he had been in control of that situation. He had no control now.

Up a head he could see the stroller. Twisted and crumpled against a metal vending booth. He felt his heart drop as he struggled to get to it. Pulling back the twisted layers he found the baby not in the stroller. Maybe they had abandoned the stroller to find shelter faster. He could only hope that was the case.

Another gust of wind picked up him up, he literally felt his feet leaving the ground. He landed on his behind a few feet from the damaged stroller. Grumbling he picked himself up, and that's when he caught sight of Kathryn. She had her back to a column of a large building, a library of some sorts if Chakotay remembered correctly, and the baby was safely nestled inside her arms. He tried calling out her name, but he was sure that the sound of his voice was drowned in the wind. Stumbling forward underneath the protective confines of the building's covered front patio, he tried raising her again.

Kathryn didn't move. Ava lifted her little head from her mother's chest and peered up at him with frightened blue eyes.

"Captain!" he gasped again, falling to his knees. He then noticed the gash across her forehead. The force of the wind must have knocked her into something, the stroller, the ground, he wasn't sure, but it didn't surprise him that she had managed to get her baby to safety first before falling unconscious. Ava started to sob then, reaching her tiny arms out to him.

Chakotay took the child into his arms as he fumbled with his combadge. "Chakotay to _Voyager!_ "

" _Go ahead Commander,"_ Tuvok's even voice responded.

"I need an emergency beam out, directly to sickbay! Lock onto my combadge and beam three up!"

" _Aye sir. It may take us several seconds to get a lock on you; the storm is interfering with our targeting scanners._ "

"Fine! But do it as fast as you can! The Captain's injured!"

It felt like an eternity before he felt the familiar sensations of the transporter beam whisking them away, back to the safety of _Voyager._ This shore leave had gone from restful and peaceful to terrifying in a matter of moments. Chakotay prayed that no one else had been hurt in the storm that had ravished the city, but somewhere deep down he knew that that was not going to be the case.

* * *

 

She was aware of the baby crying even before her eyes opened. The memories pummeled her already groggy mind as the wails of her child accosted her ears. She had been conversing with a friendly Fyothan vendor, one hand gently resting on the handle bar of the stroller, when the skies above them had turned suddenly violent. Raging winds, angry thunder, and pouring rain had been upon them in moments. The vendor had packed his things up and told her to find shelter.

It was best to wait out the storm.

She had pushed the stroller, or tried to push the stroller. The wind was stronger than she was and deciding that it was probably a lost cause, had unbuckled the baby. The gust of wind caught her off guard and the baby had fallen to her knees when she stumbled and fell while getting out of the stroller. Panic had over taken her as she made sure the baby was unhurt. It was nothing but a couple of scraped knees.

Her face soaked with rain, she had protectively wrapped her baby in her arms and tried desperately to move through the winds to shelter. With her face cast downward she had not been aware of the piece of debris that had been caught up in the gusty winds and was heading straight for her. Someone must have yelped a warning for she twisted away just as the debris caught her in the side of the head.

The market square had blurred then and she had one thought, _get the baby to safety._

"Ava!" Kathryn Janeway shouted eyes wide with terror as she sat straight up on the biobed. Her vision was still clouded. She could make out the forms of two people standing around the bed, but they were the forms of two adult men, that she was sure of. Not her Ava, not her baby. She could hear the baby crying from somewhere in the room. It took her several moments to realize that she was in sickbay, on _Voyager,_ and not struggling to find a place to wait out the storm that had suddenly hit while she had been sightseeing with the baby down on the planet.

A pair of strong, yet gentle hands was pushing her back down onto the biobed. "Captain," a soft voice said, "you need to rest."

Kathryn shook her head, damp locks of hair falling into her eyes. "No, no, I need to see her!" She was painfully aware of how weak her voice sounded. She struggled to get up again, but the hands continued to hold her down. She just didn't have the strength to fight whoever was holding her down. "Please," she pleaded now, tears beginning to creep into the corners of her eyes, "I just need to make sure she's alright."

"Captain, really you should rest," another voice said, this one a bit more harsh. "Kes is taking care of the baby now. As soon as she's done taking care of her wounds, I'll have Kes bring her over so you can see her, but until then, Captain, you need to rest."

_Wounds? Oh, god was she more seriously hurt then I remember? Is that why she's screaming right now?_ This time she found the strength to push the hands away and sit up. "Wounds? You expect me to rest when my baby is injured!"

"I think the Doctor just chose he words…poorly, Captain," Chakotay's voice caught her attention and she realized that it had been him who had spoken to her first. He had been the one to be holding her back. "Ava's fine, scraped knees, cold, wet, and frightened, but will make a full recovery. I'm sure she'll be wandering around your quarters getting into things she shouldn't be in no time, Captain."

Kathryn tried to steady her breathing. "Commander, I want to see my daughter, now. That's an _order._ "

The Doctor opened his mouth to protest but a seething look from the first officer shut it. "Aye Captain," Chakotay said, softly, relenting, "Kes, bring Ava over here please."

Kathryn could see the young Ocampa come from around the wall that separated the surgical area from the rest of the sickbay carrying Ava. The last bit of resolve that she had melted away when she finally saw that her baby was indeed fine and she reached her arms out to the child.

Ava practically leapt into her mother's arms, burying her face against her mother's chest. Her tiny body was shaking with violent shivers and she was soaking wet from the rain. "Someone get me a blanket," Kathryn hissed out, "before she catches a cold!"

Kes looked mortified that she had not thought of getting a blanket for the baby and quickly disappeared from the room only to emerge with a Starfleet issued blanket a few moments later.

Kathryn took the blanket from her and gently, but tightly wrapped it around the toddler. The shivers immediately stopped and Ava began to stop crying, sticking her thumb in her mouth and snuggling up to her mother. Kathryn rocked her in her arms until her eyes began to sleepily close. She was aware that Chakotay, Kes, and the Doctor were standing near by, witnessing a side of her that they probably had never even imagined existed but at the moment in time she didn't care.

"Captain, maybe we should call Tal," Chakotay finally suggested, well after Ava had fallen asleep.

Kathryn shook her head. He was not about to take her baby away from her, not now, not when Kathryn still needed to hold her just to calm herself down. He could not possibly understand what it had felt like in those horrifying minutes of trying to protect her daughter and not having any control of their situation. Could he?

She peered up into his face. His handsome features were wrought with concern, for her? For the baby? He was in civilian attire and dripping wet too, his black hair plastered to his forehead. "Commander, you don't need to be here," she told him.

"I want to be here, Captain," the words were few, but they meant a lot to her. "If they need me on the bridge, they'll call for me."

Kathryn didn't want him to go, but felt the need to tell him otherwise, "I appreciate your concern for me…for Ava, but really Commander, you should go tend to yourself. You must be cold standing around in your wet clothes like this."

" _Tuvok to Chakotay._ "

Chakotay pressed his combadge. "Go ahead Tuvok."

" _You wanted me to inform you when we located Lieutenant Barrett and Ensign Kim; they should be transporting back to Voyager in the next ten minutes._ "

"Good, have them report to me the moment they arrive."

" _Understood Commander, Tuvok out._ "

Kathryn suddenly realized that she might not have been the only one of her crew caught up in that storm; Chakotay's appearance was a blaring reminder that shore leave had been granted. She was foolish to think that she had been the only one down on the planet when the storm hit. "Was anyone else hurt in the storm?"

The Doctor shook his head. "Minor cuts and bruises," he replied. "You, so far, have been the most serious."

"So far? What do you mean by so far?"

"We're having trouble locating our people on the northern continent, where the storms have hit; the electromagnetic activity is interfering with our targeting scanners. B'Elanna is working on it right now, but I'm sure it will go a lot faster when Ensign Kim beams back on board," Chakotay replied. "So far we haven't had any calls for emergency beam outs so we have to assume that everyone is alright."

Kathryn frowned. "I should get to the bridge."

"No," Chakotay said, forcefully. "You heard the Doctor, Captain, you need to rest. I can handle the beam outs. When everyone is safely back on board, I'll let you know."

She glared at him even though she knew he was right.

He cocked a grin. "Besides, Ava looks quite comfortable. I wouldn't want to wake her up."

_He's right again._ If there was anything worse than a cranky baby it was a cranky baby that had been woken up. And she had to admit she was quite comfortable where she was, holding her sleeping daughter. "Very well, Commander," she relented, suddenly feeling extremely tired. "Keep me updated regularly."

"Yes, ma'am."


End file.
